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Romance is Dead - 1/2/2017 8:44:25 AM   
Real0ne


Posts: 21189
Joined: 10/25/2004
Status: offline 		In the bdsm world, romance has been replaced with 'fetish connection', and LTR is just a buzzword for 'till new fetish do we part'. I am convinced that this so called 'lifestyle' is not much more than a shallow ruse for fetish swingers, that for appearance sake looks like and sounds like a relationship but is merely a temporary relief to scratch an itch. Anyone else get that impression?




_____________________________

"We the Borg" of the us imperialists....resistance is futile

Democracy; The 'People' voted on 'which' amendment?

Yesterdays tinfoil is today's reality!

"No man's life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Romance is Dead - 1/2/2017 8:53:44 AM   
WickedsDesire


Posts: 9362
Joined: 11/4/2015
Status: offline 		I concur but a more accurate term re fetish swingers = poly as long as you not tell their partner = cheat same thing.
What about the cavity stretchers, those hypno nutters, and the ones who preach brutality and shag all else, and prey on the weak, those who know no better, stupid, fractured, broken and vulnerable. I have always rejected that world and yet it is the prolific bdsm/fetish/online world.

(in reply to Real0ne)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Romance is Dead - 1/2/2017 9:41:37 AM   
CaptR


Posts: 425
Joined: 4/25/2012
Status: offline 		I don't think we've any higher failure rate in the fetish world than the vanilla but I have no stats to support that opinion. Maybe because we open up on a very deep, private level exposing a more vulnerable emotional underbelly we feel the loss of a partner more crippling? Many times relationship implosion has nothing to do with kink at all. I'll grant there are high turnover rates and for some the leather will forever be more supple in a different dungeon but there are serial daters/ lovers everywhere. Also, we are a community that has our share of emotional scars/ walls, etc that are sometimes hard to lower/penetrate. As a result I believe some are reluctant to connect romantically long term.
Romance is alive and well it's just finding the right well to draw from is tough at times. Your arms get sore from hauling up empty buckets.


< Message edited by CaptR -- 1/2/2017 10:02:01 AM >

(in reply to Real0ne)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Romance is Dead - 1/2/2017 9:54:29 AM   
Twickerman


Posts: 1
Joined: 9/26/2015
Status: offline 		I think the immediacy of the modern world has made everybody act in haste generally but specifically in terms of publicly emoting.

People are collared and in relationships then out the other side, bitter and twisted in the blink of an eye today. Slower and more face to face communication led to a greater level of consideration before action. The decreasing length of the average vanilla marriage would seem to indicate this is a general social trend not just one associated with BDSM.

(in reply to Real0ne)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Romance is Dead - 1/2/2017 9:58:18 AM   
WickedsDesire


Posts: 9362
Joined: 11/4/2015
Status: offline 		here is a profile I have just read - they come up on my main page I dont ask for them/search for them.

12/24/2016 5:00:36 AM: daddy just raped me and 12/12/2016 8:35:59 AM: im just an anal rape whore just cum without permission so master evan has been punishing me.had to force my largest butt plug in and out of my arsehole for 30 min. didnt quite manage 30min but i am soo sore right now

many things are sad - that is a man using a women's stolen picture and pretending to be that women
These profiles are endemic

No wonder people have the wrong idea about BDSM.

(in reply to CaptR)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Romance is Dead - 1/2/2017 9:58:29 AM   
peppermint


Posts: 5169
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline 		My "til new fetish do we part" relationship is now 11 1/2 years. I know others who have been together that long or even longer. Some have broken up, however, people do break up whether in a vanilla or kink relationship. Everyone goes through short relationships while searching for someone compatible. It's call dating. It's normal.

_____________________________

We are stardust, we are golden, and we got to get ourselves back to the garden.

Yes, I am crazy about feathered creatures. I have a dozen chickens, 3 ducks, 5 geese, and 2 parakeets.

Revise that number. Just got 14 new chicks and 5 turkeys.

(in reply to Real0ne)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Romance is Dead - 1/2/2017 10:29:08 AM   
freedomdwarf1


Posts: 6845
Joined: 10/23/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Real0ne
Anyone else get that impression?

In a word: Nope.


_____________________________

“If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear.”
George Orwell, 1903-1950


(in reply to Real0ne)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Romance is Dead - 1/2/2017 10:37:27 AM   
WickedsDesire


Posts: 9362
Joined: 11/4/2015
Status: offline 		Relationships generally fail peppermint…no matter the site/real life situation they meet. But that is a lovely story and >10 years is wonderful thanks for sharing


(in reply to freedomdwarf1)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Romance is Dead - 1/2/2017 10:43:32 AM   
needlesandpins


Posts: 3901
Status: offline 		Some people are just train wrecks in theirs lives, and really shit at being good people. It makes no difference whether they are vanilla, kink, fetish, BDSM, or whatever combination of labels they slap on themselves to convince others they are different to the herd.

Besides, who ever said romance had to be a part of anything. I spent 16 years with a man that wouldn't have a first clue of what I consider a romantic gesture, but the guy that was my playmate for 6, professed to never do anything with any romantic intention, actually did more that could be considered so if I'd chosen to take it that way.

When you've got these guys on every swingers and fetish site going, trying to fuck anything with a pulse that will have them, why would you expect any kind of romance?

If I really wanted romance I'd consider it a complete fluke to find it in one of these sites. Personally I'd be looking for it in real life.

Needles

_____________________________

I deserved better. Not than you, but from you.

(in reply to peppermint)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Romance is Dead - 1/2/2017 10:53:37 AM   
CaptR


Posts: 425
Joined: 4/25/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: needlesandpins

Some people are just train wrecks in theirs lives, and really shit at being good people. It makes no difference whether they are vanilla, kink, fetish, BDSM, or whatever combination of labels they slap on themselves to convince others they are different to the herd.
quote:


Very true


quote:


When you've got these guys on every swingers and fetish site going, trying to fuck anything with a pulse that will have them, why would you expect any kind of romance?

Women can be just as culpable

(in reply to needlesandpins)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Romance is Dead - 1/2/2017 11:11:56 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Real0ne
Anyone else get that impression?





I've always had that impression. People tend to confuse tingly genitals for love. The Velcro collar comes out. Then after 3 months, the tingle has calmed down and they realize they don't even like the person. That's why I advocate not having sex/playing on the first meeting and actually dating.

That said, I don't think it's ALL like that.


_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Real0ne)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Romance is Dead - 1/2/2017 12:34:16 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		We're on our fourteenth year together.
But to be fair, the same can be said of most vanilla relationships. Most are short term as people fall in lust and slowly determine incompatibility.

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Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Romance is Dead - 1/2/2017 12:34:28 PM   
CaptR


Posts: 425
Joined: 4/25/2012
Status: offline 		Regarding your feathered menagerie, I have Vizsla puppies who would remain in a perpetual point at your house or.... with a mouth full of feathers, unsuccessfully hiding their guilt, they'd collectively ~> point at the cat.

(in reply to peppermint)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Romance is Dead - 1/2/2017 12:42:38 PM   
peppermint


Posts: 5169
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CaptR

Regarding your feathered menagerie, I have Vizsla puppies who would remain in a perpetual point at your house or.... with a mouth full of feathers, unsuccessfully hiding their guilt, they'd collectively ~> point at the cat.


My cats and geese tried to take on a hen with 10 chicks. She won. They learned to stay away from hens in mommy mode.

_____________________________

We are stardust, we are golden, and we got to get ourselves back to the garden.

Yes, I am crazy about feathered creatures. I have a dozen chickens, 3 ducks, 5 geese, and 2 parakeets.

Revise that number. Just got 14 new chicks and 5 turkeys.

(in reply to CaptR)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Romance is Dead - 1/2/2017 1:33:20 PM   
ThatDizzyChick


Posts: 5490
Status: offline
quote:

Anyone else get that impression?

generally yes, which is why the "lifestyle" holds little interest to me. In my current relationship we did it the other way round, we started out vanilla, established an actual relationship, then introduced kink (it was all haphazard, not as planned or methodical as that sounds), and that seems to have worked well for us.

_____________________________

Not your average bimbo.

(in reply to Real0ne)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Romance is Dead - 1/2/2017 1:33:46 PM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Real0ne

In the bdsm world, romance has been replaced with 'fetish connection', and LTR is just a buzzword for 'till new fetish do we part'. I am convinced that this so called 'lifestyle' is not much more than a shallow ruse for fetish swingers, that for appearance sake looks like and sounds like a relationship but is merely a temporary relief to scratch an itch. Anyone else get that impression?





Yes, hmm. I know what you mean. All I really know is that I *cannot* go in that direction. I've tried 'kink-without-connection' many times ... and it just doesn't damned well do it for me. If anything, it actually helps kill what kink I have, to be honest. I've actually come to envy those blokes who can go to a BDSM venue and go home sated after having their hides ripped into spaghetti by a woman they don't know and don't care about. I know one or two - their lives are so straightforward. Grrr.

But I'm less enamoured of the idea of romance than I used to be. The best relationships I've had have been more 'When Harry met Sally' than 'Romeo and Juliet'. That is - a friendship first; albeit one where you fancy the others body. Kink comes second. Well, actually, for me - it might not come at all. I've come to realise it's really just ten percent of the whole package, at most. I do *not* want to go 'Dom' again - been there, done it too many times. (Hah - I know a *lot* about very pushy femsubs who are determined that I should 'know my place' as Master.)

But I don't think I really need to be a sub. Not any more. Nice, but not mandatory.




_____________________________

http://www.domme-chronicles.com


(in reply to Real0ne)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Romance is Dead - 1/2/2017 1:40:13 PM   
SexyBlackMan2


Posts: 108
Status: offline 		I actually disagree with that. It's no different that in the vanilla world when you look at someone and say "how could this person end up with that person?". I find that in true BDSM, there is romance. A good Master or Dominant has to take care of his slave or submissive. Otherwise, it's abuse. Similar to the vanilla world when you ask why can't this person get out of a toxic situation, some use BDSM to cover for all sorts of issues and aberrations there could be.

(in reply to Real0ne)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Romance is Dead - 1/2/2017 1:50:33 PM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

People tend to confuse tingly genitals for love.


Oside, you need to set that as your tagline. And it should be foremost in your profile, in my ever so humble opinion. ;)

_____________________________

http://www.domme-chronicles.com


(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Romance is Dead - 1/2/2017 2:23:48 PM   
kiwisub22


Posts: 450
Joined: 7/16/2016
Status: offline 		Romance is NOT dead - at least for me. My sweetie bought a kettle and my brand of tea for his apartment when he was romancing me. If that isn't romance, I don't know what is.
Made me all gooshy inside - because it showed he was paying attention to ME, not the "fetish delivery system".
And that was about 7 years ago. Since then we have married and moved in together. Love is lovely - and kink makes it more lovely. :)

(in reply to PeonForHer)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Romance is Dead - 1/2/2017 3:28:49 PM   
Real0ne


Posts: 21189
Joined: 10/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WickedsDesire

here is a profile I have just read - they come up on my main page I dont ask for them/search for them.

12/24/2016 5:00:36 AM: daddy just raped me and 12/12/2016 8:35:59 AM: im just an anal rape whore just cum without permission so master evan has been punishing me.had to force my largest butt plug in and out of my arsehole for 30 min. didnt quite manage 30min but i am soo sore right now

many things are sad - that is a man using a women's stolen picture and pretending to be that women
These profiles are endemic

No wonder people have the wrong idea about BDSM.



You mean negative idea maybe?

_____________________________

"We the Borg" of the us imperialists....resistance is futile

Democracy; The 'People' voted on 'which' amendment?

Yesterdays tinfoil is today's reality!

"No man's life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session

(in reply to WickedsDesire)
Profile   Post #: 20
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