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If I were yours? - 7/24/2006 10:59:00 PM   
TeeGO


Posts: 451
Joined: 12/11/2005
Status: offline 		Hello Ladies

I have often wondered what would be involved in training were I to be collared to somebody. So I'm asking that question.

Let's assume we made a connection and that you have collared me and I move into your home to serve as a 24/7 slave. I have never been collared or formally trained. I have the desire and willingness, but I also know ridding myself of my old ways is not going to be an easy thing.

What would the first few weeks of my new life be about? What specifically would you be having me do in an effort to mold me into the slave you desire?

Thanks in advance.

TeeGO

_____________________________

Life is a mystery to be explored. An open mind is a portal to wondrous experiences!
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RE: If I were yours? - 7/25/2006 2:13:15 AM   
MzMinx


Posts: 277
Joined: 12/26/2005
Status: offline 		As  you know... everyone is different and has  differences in styles and desires

But  it would start long before you moved into my space *smiles* ....
expectations, ways of  basic interaction .. lines of communication would already be well established by then ... we would understand enough of each other to feel comfortable in taking next steps

all people have unigue needs, desires and skills ...they learn and react in different ways..... I dont think haveing a  power exchange based relationship makes any difference to this


I dont have many set rules ...such as always naked at home.. or always kneel and kiss my feet   etc .. I would treat a service orientated boy slightly different than say a puppy boy *smiles* ... my expectation of their behaviour would be slightly different as well ,..I have my prefernces  and  enjoyments ... and help a boy learn those
always ... its  set clear  defined expectations .... both for what I want and  what it means to a submissive to acheive or fail ...  

comunicate  comunicate  comunicate .as  always .. as well as patience, and many other skills involved in getting people to acheive ..

It would depend on the person  how I would ensure they learned all this .. some I would take the lessons  slow  and allow them to learn each layer ...

Others I would have some of it already in lists ... list of chores ..  some basics  rules  etc

Different people learn best in different ways,  I  think it takes time to build a good 'house'  dynamic and indeed I  have whole areas where I give the boy  free reign in how he gets things done .... I define only the success measures and judge only the results ...  where as other things are to be done exactly how I  say .... 

but these  house  aspects   are very different than  building  the trust and respect .. the D/s dynamic  should already be there ... the relationship should be well developed

any boy who would be considered to move into my space , would already know my style of interaction, he would already know how it feels to be at my mercy .. within my control.. would already know  much about  how I train him .. how I teach what I enjoy ... and  how to please me ... how I use rewards  and such, more than punishments   etc

I would already know how he best works .. how he learns .. what he is already skilled at .. what I might want external training for him and what is a matter of teaching him my ways and desires

*smiles*

hve no idea if this helps  you  or even answers your question

(in reply to TeeGO)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: If I were yours? - 7/25/2006 3:12:34 AM   
nick2020


Posts: 42
Joined: 5/12/2005
Status: offline 		Thank you for the 'thread' TeeGO.  Thank You MzMinx for Your expectations in a servant.  Both of Y/your efforts have been a big help in understanding what is being sought by a Mistress.   Thank Y/you both again.    nick.

(in reply to MzMinx)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: If I were yours? - 7/25/2006 4:31:13 AM   
TeeGO


Posts: 451
Joined: 12/11/2005
Status: offline 		Yes MzMinx, thanks a lot.

_____________________________

Life is a mystery to be explored. An open mind is a portal to wondrous experiences!

(in reply to MzMinx)
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RE: If I were yours? - 7/25/2006 6:00:33 AM   
ShiftedJewel


Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TeeGO

Let's assume we made a connection and that you have collared me and I move into your home to serve as a 24/7 slave.


Ok, first, let me quit fanning myself....
 
quote:

I have never been collared or formally trained. I have the desire and willingness, but I also know ridding myself of my old ways is not going to be an easy thing.


I would be curious about the "old ways" you are concerned about? I think that depending on what they are there may be no reason to "rid yourself" of any or all of them.
 
quote:

What would the first few weeks of my new life be about? What specifically would you be having me do in an effort to mold me into the slave you desire?


I would have to say that in the first place, you wouldn't be coming here if we didn't first have a lot of communication about expectations, needs, desires and goals. If you had some bad habits that you truly wanted to stop, I would be more then willing to help there... But to "mold" you into the slave I desire? I think if you don't come equipped with a lot of what I am looking for then I'm not the one for you. As far as I'm concerned, the largest part of training is getting used to each other, understanding the gestures, the looks, anticipating the needs or wants and all of that just takes time and interaction. I don't look for someone I can mold, I'm looking for someone that fits. Ok, I know how that sounds.. and I know that no one fits perfectly right out of the box... but look at it this way... I would never buy a pair of shoes that absolutely didn't fit and hope I could make it work... they have to at least fit well enough that I know in time they would be perfect for me.
 
I wouldn't invite someone to come to my home in the capacity of a 24/7 slave until I knew for sure, and was positive that they also knew for sure that this is what we both want. My rules are really very simple... respect where you are and the people you are with.
 
Jewel



_____________________________

Don't ask, trust me, you won't like the answer... no one ever does.

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RE: If I were yours? - 7/25/2006 7:04:18 AM   
WhiteRadiance


Posts: 247
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		To me, communication and chemistry is everything. 
 
I also agree with Jewel, that you would HAVE to be compatible with me, because I do not want to "re-make" you! 
If you moved into my life, it would be after a LONG getting- to- know-you period.  We would know one another's ideas, expectations, strengths and weaknesses.  I would never consider moving you in unless we were compatible. 
I do not like to be bothered with subs who need constant instruction, or who need to be molded and pruned like a bonsai. 
On the other hand, I realize that slaves have an innate need to be directed.  They want to be guided properly and know their place, and what is expected of them.  I would not expect you to read my mind but you would have certain chores to do, and a set of rules to comply with under certain circumstances. 
One must realize that in a 24/7, it is extremely difficult to assume a role, beit slave or Mistress, with no break.  So I would set aside certain times for training, and those times we would be in a TPE. 
I am not of the mind that a slave should be handcuffed, naked and subdued all the time.  He should be intelligent, have hobbies and friends, and be able to indulge my mind.

I am sure I forgot something but I hope this helps.
 
Ms.Staci

(in reply to TeeGO)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: If I were yours? - 7/25/2006 7:11:00 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		I certainly cannot add much, except that no one will move into my home until I already know them very very well. I have trust issues. I have alot of people in my life I do not want to hurt with my life choices. I have to spend alot of time getting to know the person and finding out if there is something to build on before I bring D/s into it.


_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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Profile   Post #: 7
RE: If I were yours? - 7/25/2006 7:32:39 AM   
LadyHugs


Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Dear TeeGO, Ladies and Gentlemen;
 
I don't collar people before they are established in the household.  I do give consideration though, giving the slave the ability to come inside the home structure as to get use to the enviorment.
 
No matter how good the communications are, each person has a different association to words and or descriptions used, to which in most cases do not match.  So, until the slave has an opportunity to see me at my worst, such as being sick, without make up and the reality of life inside the home; will they understand the music of the house or it's individualized system of the house/family.
 
I personally feel, that three months a slave will get the best picture of how things are, the 'packaged for public consumption' is unwrapped and all for you to see and decide if you wish to be a part of it or not.
People often put their best foot forward as to create an image and or standard.  Inside standards of the house may be very different.
 
People's versions of the "Old Ways" are similiar and not always exact.  However, there really is a fact that "Old Ways" were the style of that time and or period, to which certain manners, behavior and protocols were executed.  I would then use what we have in common as protocols to operate by before introductions of different ones that suit my tastes and situation.
 
The main thing is having everything out in the open, as to make the best choice for your individual welfare for the present and future.
 
Respectfully submitted,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to TeeGO)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: If I were yours? - 7/25/2006 7:44:54 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TeeGO

Hello Ladies

I have often wondered what would be involved in training were I to be collared to somebody. So I'm asking that question.

Let's assume we made a connection and that you have collared me and I move into your home to serve as a 24/7 slave. I have never been collared or formally trained. I have the desire and willingness, but I also know ridding myself of my old ways is not going to be an easy thing.

What would the first few weeks of my new life be about? What specifically would you be having me do in an effort to mold me into the slave you desire?

Thanks in advance.

TeeGO


See that scenario is rather backwards to how I do things.

I talk to someone, we meet, we have a session to see if anything clicks and then I do a formal training. The person is not my slave and not my submissive only my trainee; I'm not his/her mistress I'm just the trainer. This lets us experience each other in a way that allows me to teach and the trainee to learn so that we can see if a collar is a good idea.

I consider a collar a very strong commitment so I want to know it has a good chance of working out.

My training is formal and for the most part the same for each person with adjustments for particular needs or skills that we discover along the way. It drills in my personal rituals and positions, it offers the opportunity to experience many types of SM and bondage interactions, and it focuses on concepts of self-growth, service and communication.

I've trained about 2 dozen now and have gone on to only own five of them -- most of the rest learned a good deal from me but also we learned that we didn't want a personal relationship other than being friends. Some even learned that they are more suited to a service top or a casual sub/bottom than they fantasized about. I have a little certificate I give out and a few of my former trainees said that got them respect when they mentioned it at clubs or play parties.

(One told me that she went to a general sex positive club where they had a SM section but to get in you had to convince the DM at the gate that you were experienced enough; she just told him that she "trained with TammyJo Eckhart" for four months and he smiled, knew who I was and let her in without further questions. By the way, this was our state-wide community and thus this was way he knew me.)

Anyway not that I'm done being all egotistical lets just say that training for me is something that primarily happens before a collar. However since we change and grow, training and learning and teaching never truly ends.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to TeeGO)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: If I were yours? - 7/25/2006 7:54:15 AM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		Well if you were mine first thing I'd do is suspend ya from the cieling and take a knife and slowly cut off those clothes..No wait thats not what you meant.

We would have to take time and get to know each other VERY well, this would include a background check. I don't just move anyone into my home as I have a teenaged unmentionable running about.

Also I have a male sub already and it would have to be agreed he was the alpha. Also you would work outside of the home to contribute to the household finances. If everything was negotiated and a go, then you would move in and begin your training. As for your *old ways*, I am not sure what you mean by that, but if they proved a problem either they are fixed or you wouldn't be moving in.

This is my idea of training. You would be given a collar of consideration to wear for a year, in that year if either of us feels that the situation isn't working you are free to go. I would expect you to help with household/yard chores, to contribute part of your pay to the household budget, to run errands. You would also have your own free time for any hobbies you might have or to visit friends/family. I do expect you to keep doing the things that you enjoy on your free time.

I would expect you to bathe me, wash my hair, give pedicures/manicures (you'd have to take turns with or assist my other sub with these). When the unmentionable isn't home all you need to wear is your collar, which I like to be worn all the time in rememberance of me.

As for play time I fully expect you to serve me (within the limits we negotiated) in the way I tell you too. I do tend to like painsluts so flogging, caning, CBT are just some of the things we would engage in. Also I'm a nympo so I require sex everyday at least once a day, so you'd have to be up for that.

But another thing I expect from my subs is they are not *just* subs, they are friends and lovers as well. We should all strive to help one another and work toward common goals for the good of the household.

Just my thoughts,

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”






(in reply to TeeGO)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: If I were yours? - 7/25/2006 8:00:23 AM   
MistressLorelei


Posts: 997
Joined: 11/7/2005
Status: offline 		TeeGO,

What a great question.  I am surprised someone hasn't snapped you up by now.

If you were to into my house, you would already have a rather good  idea of what I expected of you, as we would already have built a strong connection, but you wouldn't have a collar at that point.  That would come with time.  Also, each male comes with his own distinct personality,  and the dynamics nd chemistry between two people are unique, so the 'rules' would depend on my feelings about the individual.  Also 'rules' in this scenario, are meant to be manipulated and twisted as situations arise, and with the passing of time.

Your question seems to ask in theory, and you are looking for specifics, so....

I am not going to allow anyone who is in need of total re-building, to come live with we me.  However, I realize that any male is going to need some 'molding'.  I would want you to know what is expected of you at that point in the relationship.  I wouldn't throw everything I would expect of you in the long-run at you, but I would present things a bit at a time, allowing you to get comfortable and build confidence each step of the way.

I would have you get into a routine of doing chores, writing in a journal, and providing personal service (oral, grooming, etc.).... things you will be doing each day.  I enjoy bdsm activities.... and I would want you to feel the extent of how you are mine.  So I would begin with what felt 'right' for me. Likely, I would introduce humiliation, because I think it's fun, and very bonding.  Orgasm control training would begin immediately, and rules would be set regarding this area.  I would want you to feel like you belong in your new situation, I would encourage open communication, I would not only let you know what was expected, but how it was expected.  I know you would want to do things the way that would please me the most, and that is what I would expect.

I would lay a foundation from which to build on.;  establish trust, comfort,  let you feel my expectations, maintain open communication, let you be aware of consequences, establish routines, provide structure, affection, challenge, discipline, and reward.  I would include the activities that I feel will set the tone of the relationship I desire.

I would want you to feel like yourself, but I would want you to feel like you had new direction.  I would be sure to include some 'vanilla' down-time (going out), but would want to make clear, that our roles remain intact emotionally, even if not seen by the vanilla eye.  Same thing at home... I want long-term,  so fun, laughter, friendship, and play is necessary for both of us..... maybe we could play chess while you are chained to your chair?

Oh, and leather handcuffs.... those would so be used!

< Message edited by MistressLorelei -- 7/25/2006 8:42:45 AM >

(in reply to thetammyjo)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: If I were yours? - 7/25/2006 8:08:17 AM   
ducky


Posts: 42
Joined: 12/17/2004
Status: offline 		shifted, why in the world were you fanning yourself? is there no one in the house to do that for you? hmmmmm

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Profile   Post #: 12
RE: If I were yours? - 7/25/2006 8:36:18 AM   
MisPandora


Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline 		I'm with ShiftedJewel.  No one becomes a part of my family and moves in without already being extremely compatible and without knowing my expectations and their goals for change.

That being said, some of those expectations include:
-- being mindful of my schedule and being available to assist me in my daily plans
-- household chores
-- daily meditation/ritual
-- upholding your commitments to work, school or goals that we've set

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to ShiftedJewel)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: If I were yours? - 7/25/2006 9:01:10 AM   
ShiftedJewel


Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ducky

shifted, why in the world were you fanning yourself? is there no one in the house to do that for you? hmmmmm


Nope, but I'm trying!!! lol

_____________________________

Don't ask, trust me, you won't like the answer... no one ever does.

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Profile   Post #: 14
RE: If I were yours? - 7/25/2006 10:46:15 AM   
MistressSassy66


Posts: 1675
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MzMinx

As  you know... everyone is different and has  differences in styles and desires

But  it would start long before you moved into my space *smiles* ....
expectations, ways of  basic interaction .. lines of communication would already be well established by then ... we would understand enough of each other to feel comfortable in taking next steps

all people have unigue needs, desires and skills ...they learn and react in different ways..... I dont think haveing a  power exchange based relationship makes any difference to this


I dont have many set rules ...such as always naked at home.. or always kneel and kiss my feet   etc .. I would treat a service orientated boy slightly different than say a puppy boy *smiles* ... my expectation of their behaviour would be slightly different as well ,..I have my prefernces  and  enjoyments ... and help a boy learn those
always ... its  set clear  defined expectations .... both for what I want and  what it means to a submissive to acheive or fail ...  

comunicate  comunicate  comunicate .as  always .. as well as patience, and many other skills involved in getting people to acheive ..

It would depend on the person  how I would ensure they learned all this .. some I would take the lessons  slow  and allow them to learn each layer ...

Others I would have some of it already in lists ... list of chores ..  some basics  rules  etc

Different people learn best in different ways,  I  think it takes time to build a good 'house'  dynamic and indeed I  have whole areas where I give the boy  free reign in how he gets things done .... I define only the success measures and judge only the results ...  where as other things are to be done exactly how I  say .... 

but these  house  aspects   are very different than  building  the trust and respect .. the D/s dynamic  should already be there ... the relationship should be well developed

any boy who would be considered to move into my space , would already know my style of interaction, he would already know how it feels to be at my mercy .. within my control.. would already know  much about  how I train him .. how I teach what I enjoy ... and  how to please me ... how I use rewards  and such, more than punishments   etc

I would already know how he best works .. how he learns .. what he is already skilled at .. what I might want external training for him and what is a matter of teaching him my ways and desires

*smiles*

hve no idea if this helps  you  or even answers your question





Well it echoes how I feel on the subject.
It takes time before you even move in.
Each Person is different so its hard telling without chatting about what is expected first.

_____________________________

Mistress Sassy

http://www.mistresssassy.com

In the Immortal Words of Bob....Fuck the dumb shit.

"I love you not only for what you are,But for what I am when I'm with you."- Opening line from a poem by Roy Croft

(in reply to MzMinx)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: If I were yours? - 7/25/2006 11:15:16 AM   
MistressLorelei


Posts: 997
Joined: 11/7/2005
Status: offline 		Oops for the dang typos in my earlier post.  I ran it through spell check, then decided to "touch it up".  So another job would be for you to proof-read my stuff.  There.

(in reply to MistressSassy66)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: If I were yours? - 7/25/2006 11:31:24 AM   
IndigoDadesi


Posts: 185
Status: offline 		Well, before I get into training. Do you have any health problems? Any limitations as to what you can do? Do you have a fulltime job? What do you do in your freetime? What kind of slave do you fantasize about being? Do you like pain? Do you enjoy housework? Do you enjoy corporal punishment? etc.

These are only some of the questions I would need answered before I would even know where to begin training.

Certain protocols usually come before others and basic communication needs to be established right away. Then tasks are set out slowly. Youd be given more and more as you adjust to your new routine.

I absolutely adore administering pain so I would never consider a slave that didnt enjoy it also.

I guess its a long process, but that is the basic firsts to consider anyway. Im probably forgetting something though.


_____________________________

'"Where do we go when we die?" asks Billy. "I don't know. Where are we now?" is the gypsy's reply.'

(in reply to TeeGO)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: If I were yours? - 7/25/2006 2:20:18 PM   
TeeGO


Posts: 451
Joined: 12/11/2005
Status: offline
First let me say thanks to all that have answered. The points made have been very educational. The funny thing is, I did not make myself clear in a couple of aspects yet some of the answers came through anyway.

Let me clarify a few of my initial points. The "old way." By that I mean; I’m not young, I’ve lived many years without understanding this aspect of who I am. For over 30 years I had a secret kinky desire that was ever present in my life. Yet I buried it and lived a vanilla life in control of my own destiny. I crave the D/s relationship now, but I also understand changing will not always be an easy process. Some of my old habit, ways of thinking, etc., will probably not go away as easily as I hope. Nothing in life is accomplished without work, without persistence and dedication.

The other point is when I said "Let's assume we made a connection." To clarify when I said that it meant we had spent considerable time getting to know one another and that we had come to the conclusion that we wanted to be in a D/s relationship. We are just taking a leap here simply for educational purposes. I was wanting to know once that had happened, what processes would be involved in training/teaching me to be what you desire in a slave. And as I said many had answered that question already without me being clear in what I meant.

Thanks again.

_____________________________

Life is a mystery to be explored. An open mind is a portal to wondrous experiences!

(in reply to IndigoDadesi)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: If I were yours? - 7/25/2006 5:05:25 PM   
MisPandora


Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TeeGO
...but I also know ridding myself of my old ways is not going to be an easy thing.

This sounds really nitpicky, but one of the first simple things I'd have you change is to take a photo of you in a far more humble, servile, attentive posture for your avatar.  Hands on hips, looking stern is not the posture I prefer in a slave, even if he is the alpha boy in the household.  I think a fresh reminder of your evolution would be helpful.

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to TeeGO)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: If I were yours? - 7/25/2006 5:20:31 PM   
MistressLorelei


Posts: 997
Joined: 11/7/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MisPandora

quote:

ORIGINAL: TeeGO
...but I also know ridding myself of my old ways is not going to be an easy thing.

This sounds really nitpicky, but one of the first simple things I'd have you change is to take a photo of you in a far more humble, servile, attentive posture for your avatar.  Hands on hips, looking stern is not the posture I prefer in a slave, even if he is the alpha boy in the household.  I think a fresh reminder of your evolution would be helpful.


The photo stands out though.  I love to look down and see a  male at my feet who has the capacity to look and be strong and forceful, but at my command... no longer does.  There is something so powerful about bringing a strong male to his knees in worship. 

Just my thoughts....

(in reply to MisPandora)
Profile   Post #: 20
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