RE: Don't fall in love with your Dom

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RE: Don't fall in love with your Dom - 7/29/2006 10:45:11 PM

addisonclarkgirl

Posts: 346
Joined: 7/16/2006
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i was with a Dom for almost four years. He was also married, and i'm not, but He told me from the beginning that He would not leave His wife and family. i respected that. He never ONCE told me not to love Him though. Honestly, i don't see how a person can be in this type of relationship without the love. There is trust involved, there is intimacy, there is openness and freedom. How can you have these things and say "Oh, by the way, don't love me?" All of those things lead to love, are part of love.

Maybe this man is just saying this to avoid the hurt. You're both married, and when people fall in love, that love, in that situation, begins to hurt. Believe me, i do know this. i also know that i could not NOT fall in love with my Dom. Plus, i don't think, even with the hurt it caused down the road, i would have changed it. To me, being in this kind of relationship, requires and demands love. That's just me though...

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RE: Don't fall in love with your Dom - 7/30/2006 8:43:26 AM

taliaTW

Posts: 27
Joined: 10/20/2005
Status: offline

Greetings Everyone,

The beauty of BDSM is... that it is what you make it.

If you both are married and for the most part happy, which is not blatantly stated in the OP, and you both are just lacking something in the D/s arena, you might both be meeting each others needs by what you get from your relationship with each other. This dominant may not have explained himself succintly to you, but it seems his intent was to be honest. He is looking for a submissive, not a new wife. One would think, that if you love your husband too, that wouldn't change because of the addition of feelings for your Master. Love is not like a jug of milk. It doesn't get drank and just run out. We are capable of loving more than one person, as humans. Not that this thinking is for everyone. But it is possible.

I know for myself, that there are many different types of love. I love my Master almost unconditionally. Anyone else that I bottom to, depending on the intensity of the relationship, will be blessed with some form of love from me. I can't play hard without my emotions getting involved. Does this mean my partner has to love me back in the same way? No, not at all. Do I doubt they feel something for me? No. Does it have to interfere with the love they have for a spouse or s/o? Not at all. Especially, when it is talked about prior to the relationship. You both are going in with your eyes open.

I am married and in a poly relationship. Our spouses know. We both love our spouses. I don't condone the dishonesty you've chosen, but I am not here to make your moral decisions for you.

Just my thoughts,

taliaTW

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Post #: 82

RE: Don't fall in love with your Dom - 7/30/2006 9:32:21 AM

MmakeMme

Posts: 682
Joined: 7/29/2006
From: NC
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It seems best that he was straightforward ... although it still makes me sad. I had a Dom who drew me to him, made me feel safe and cared about, encouraged me in word and deed to love him (I'm leaving out a ton of "for examples" for the sake of brevity) but in the end he decided that the love he coaxed and cultivated was improper and unacceptable and told me that he couldn't see me any more. I wound up heartbroken (still am).

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RE: Don't fall in love with your Dom - 7/30/2006 9:44:14 AM

velvetears

Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MmakeMme

It seems best that he was straightforward ... although it still makes me sad. I had a Dom who drew me to him, made me feel safe and cared about, encouraged me in word and deed to love him (I'm leaving out a ton of "for examples" for the sake of brevity) but in the end he decided that the love he coaxed and cultivated was improper and unacceptable and told me that he couldn't see me any more. I wound up heartbroken (still am).

His loss MmakeMme *hugs if you need and want them* He sounds like a very confused individual who doesn't deserve the love he recieved from you. It's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel when our hearts are hurting but try to think of it as a stepping stone, an experience that has readied you more for the one you will eventually find and revel in his love for you!

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RE: Don't fall in love with your Dom - 7/30/2006 2:45:53 PM

MmakeMme

Posts: 682
Joined: 7/29/2006
From: NC
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~ smiling ~ Thank you, velvetears. This is a wonderful place.

~ hugs in return ~

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Post #: 85