Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

Controlling one's thought


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Controlling one's thought Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
Controlling one's thought - 7/25/2006 7:32:18 AM   
dincubus


Posts: 231
Joined: 10/22/2005
From: South Dakota
Status: offline 		How does one control their thoughts about another? be it in the respect of friends or that there could be the potential for a real life meeting of two people. In this case there have been some thoughts of "meshing" very well with the person. Now keeping in mind that i am in a relationship t hat is very very solid and shows no signs of cracking apart and ending up as a pile of shards on the floor. It is not so much thoughts that could be associated with "love", but more of a meeting of kindred souls.

Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Controlling one's thought - 7/25/2006 8:16:34 AM   
Sunshine119


Posts: 611
Joined: 8/8/2005
Status: offline 		Why would you want to keep from engaging in fantasy?   It's amazing how many people I've had sex with....in my mind....lol!  I've daydreamed about others as well.  As long as you know where to draw the line, is there really any harm in flights of fancy?




_____________________________


Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

(in reply to dincubus)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Controlling one's thought - 7/25/2006 8:17:06 AM   
Mavis


Posts: 828
Joined: 2/8/2004
Status: offline 		The grass isn't always greener on the other side...
BUT.  the grass that is watered will always look better.

If you don't want the grass you have to start looking grey and withered in comparison to the other lawn you've been thinking about, better focus some time watering that first one.  

Honestly, even thinking about "how not to think about" him/ her/ it, is still thinking about him/ her/ it.   Only way to stop it is to just stop.  stop dinking with the idea this person could be a "kindred spirit", unless you want that line of thought to grow. 

Do you really need a kindred spirit if it will weaken the partner you already have?   You might decide that yes, it's worth the risk to what you have now, and that's your choice.  But just be aware you're making a consious decision to choose one way or another now, while you still have that ability. 

:)  understands i could have read more into your question than what it meant, and if i did, my apologies.  but it looks to me that you're right on the edge of a big gamble.  if i'm right, then you posted here looking for someone to remind you why you don't want to go there really, or you'd already have gone.

(in reply to dincubus)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Controlling one's thought - 7/25/2006 9:38:41 AM   
ClassAct2006


Posts: 318
Joined: 4/12/2006
Status: offline 		I thought this was going to be about programming and controlling submissives which is a very interesting and erotic issue. 

(in reply to dincubus)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Controlling one's thought - 7/25/2006 10:41:54 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: dincubus
How does one control their thoughts about another? be it in the respect of friends or that there could be the potential for a real life meeting of two people. In this case there have been some thoughts of "meshing" very well with the person. Now keeping in mind that i am in a relationship t hat is very very solid and shows no signs of cracking apart and ending up as a pile of shards on the floor. It is not so much thoughts that could be associated with "love", but more of a meeting of kindred souls.

I don't understand the question.

What thoughts do you want to control?  Why?  What does your solid partner say about this connection?

It's normal for people to have friends at the same time they have romantic relationships.  It's even normal for people to have insanely close friends.  Is the problem that this person is a woman?  That you feel a connection that's a bit more than deep friendship?

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to dincubus)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Controlling one's thought - 7/25/2006 10:44:06 AM   
Padriag


Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline 		Two bits of advice.

First, we all sometimes have feelings that we didn't expect.  I've been teaching this to a submissive lately who's been struggling with a few unexpected desires of her own.  Emotions aren't a bad thing in and of themselves.  That we find someone attractive, or another entirely unattractive, that one makes us weak in the knees while another makes us uneasy, is just part of being alive.  We don't really control this, but the trick is not to let it control you.  Which brings me to my second bit of advice.

Its not the feelings that matter so much as how you choose to act on them, or not act, as the case may be.  Just because you have feelings for a person does not mean you have to act on them.  Especially not if you already have obligations to someone else.  That's where honor and integrity come into it.  Lancelot's big mistake wasn't loving Guinevere, it was acting on that in a dishonorable way that was wrong.

I also find it helps not to dwell on those feelings to much, you only torment yourself with "what if's".

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to dincubus)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Controlling one's thought - 7/25/2006 12:20:14 PM   
Estring


Posts: 3314
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		 Not sure if this is what you are asking... If the meeting will cause problems, don't follow through on the thoughts with action. It is easier to control your actions. Your thoughts are just that, unless acted upon.

_____________________________

Boycott Whales!

(in reply to dincubus)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Controlling one's thought - 7/25/2006 1:33:14 PM   
truesub4u


Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline 		Not totally understanding the OP here. The title is controling one's thoughts. But i'm reading something in the OP. (Could be eyes are still slightly dilated from eeye exam this afternoon too...lol)

So i'll wait to see if the postings getting clearer before throwing my 2cents out there.


_____________________________

Wisdom is knowing what to do next, Skill is knowing how to do it, and Virtue is doing it.

(in reply to Estring)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Controlling one's thought - 7/25/2006 1:43:43 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline 		Padraig is right..you cannot control thoughts ...they just are..but you can always control your actions, and what sometimes stops us from going through with our thoughts is the consequences of said actions, so think about the consequences of those thoughts, it may negate them right quickly.....Tempting

(in reply to dincubus)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Controlling one's thought - 7/25/2006 3:11:17 PM   
WhiteRadiance


Posts: 247
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		I beg to differ.  You cannot control the thoughts of another-but you can certainly control your own thoughts.  Thoughts and emotions are difficult to get a handle on. Being able to control your OWN thought process can directly impact everyone around to you. 
Has your bad mood ever affected those around you?  Has someone's rudeness ever ruined your day?   This is the effect of not being in control of what you can control- your own attitude.


quote:

ORIGINAL: TemptingNviceSub

Padraig is right..you cannot control thoughts ...they just are..but you can always control your actions, and what sometimes stops us from going through with our thoughts is the consequences of said actions, so think about the consequences of those thoughts, it may negate them right quickly.....Tempting


< Message edited by WhiteRadiance -- 7/25/2006 3:12:52 PM >

(in reply to TemptingNviceSub)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Controlling one's thought - 7/25/2006 3:13:20 PM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline 		Hello dincubus,

I'm wondering what you're referring to exactly( ref. kindred souls) Having a relationship doesn't mean you can't relate to other people in different ways.

The fact that you're mentioning *controlling* your thoughts seems to imply that maybe you have some kind of guilt about it?

Is there anything wrong with actually *meeting* someone you get along extremely well with? 

What do you mean by *meshing*?

Does your *other half* not have similar *friendships*?

If not, why not?

It may answer your own questions.

agirl







(in reply to dincubus)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Controlling one's thought - 7/25/2006 3:17:06 PM   
Homestead


Posts: 1005
Status: offline 		You stop rationalizing disrespecting your current partner-for any "reason."

(in reply to dincubus)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Controlling one's thought - 7/25/2006 3:17:45 PM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WhiteRadiance

I beg to differ.  You cannot control the thoughts of another-but you can certainly control your own thoughts.  Thoughts and emotions are difficult to get a handle on. Being able to control your OWN thought process can directly impact everyone around to you. 
Has your bad mood ever affected those around you?  Has someone's rudeness ever ruined your day?   This is the effect of not being in control of what you can control- your own attitude.





Hmmm...being in a *bad mood* isn't really about controlling your thoughts but your behaviour.

You can feel VERY cross or bad tempered due to circumstances......but you can control the behaviour surrounding that. You don't have to  make others around you subject to your *bad mood*.

( Not that I'd describe a *bad mood* as a thought process, in any case)

(in reply to WhiteRadiance)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Controlling one's thought - 7/25/2006 3:20:46 PM   
TNstepsout


Posts: 1558
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Homestead

You stop rationalizing disrespecting your current partner-for any "reason."


No one said anything about disrespecting a partner. What are you talking about?

(in reply to Homestead)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Controlling one's thought - 7/25/2006 3:24:46 PM   
WhiteRadiance


Posts: 247
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		Moods are directly affected by thoughts.  One chooses behavior as one can choose thoughts. 
However, I am curious to know the real question here.  Does the OP want to control his own thougts, or someone else's?
 
I believe that having a fantasy is fine, but acting it out without your partner's knowledge may be stupid.  Just me, could be wrong, etc.
 
To the OP: Clarify the question.

(in reply to agirl)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Controlling one's thought - 7/25/2006 7:23:57 PM   
dincubus


Posts: 231
Joined: 10/22/2005
From: South Dakota
Status: offline 		ok in this case, while i talk with people, i know in my heart that my sub is whom i will always be with. while some of the thoughts could be considered fantasy. there are others that could not be considered fantasy, almost a desire to explore a bit deeper than strictly talking or fantasy thoughts.
now, there does exist a need for this to be said, there is a deeper connection to my sub. we were nilla first and grew into BDSM. There has been instances where i have played outside our D/s relationship. She is indeed aware of that and is cool with the idea.

(in reply to WhiteRadiance)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Controlling one's thought - 7/25/2006 7:40:46 PM   
Homestead


Posts: 1005
Status: offline 		If ones feels that an infatuation for another will interfere with a realtionship.....and one still does it, what does that say about your regard for your committed one?

(in reply to TNstepsout)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Controlling one's thought - 7/25/2006 7:42:47 PM   
Homestead


Posts: 1005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: dincubus

ok in this case, while i talk with people, i know in my heart that my sub is whom i will always be with. while some of the thoughts could be considered fantasy. there are others that could not be considered fantasy, almost a desire to explore a bit deeper than strictly talking or fantasy thoughts.
now, there does exist a need for this to be said, there is a deeper connection to my sub. we were nilla first and grew into BDSM. There has been instances where i have played outside our D/s relationship. She is indeed aware of that and is cool with the idea.


What really matters here, is if you feel these thoughts are honorable to your sub. If they are, then go with it-if not, try to modify them.

(in reply to dincubus)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Controlling one's thought - 7/25/2006 8:15:36 PM   
Noah


Posts: 1660
Joined: 7/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mavis

The grass isn't always greener on the other side...
BUT.  the grass that is watered will always look better.

If you don't want the grass you have to start looking grey and withered in comparison to the other lawn you've been thinking about, better focus some time watering that first one.  

Honestly, even thinking about "how not to think about" him/ her/ it, is still thinking about him/ her/ it.   Only way to stop it is to just stop.  stop dinking with the idea this person could be a "kindred spirit", unless you want that line of thought to grow. 

Do you really need a kindred spirit if it will weaken the partner you already have?   You might decide that yes, it's worth the risk to what you have now, and that's your choice.  But just be aware you're making a consious decision to choose one way or another now, while you still have that ability. 

:)  understands i could have read more into your question than what it meant, and if i did, my apologies.  but it looks to me that you're right on the edge of a big gamble.  if i'm right, then you posted here looking for someone to remind you why you don't want to go there really, or you'd already have gone.


What a wonderful extension of a tired old saying.

Thanks for sharing this picture and coloring it in enough to make it really useful,


(in reply to Mavis)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Controlling one's thought - 7/25/2006 9:18:48 PM   
SexyRed


Posts: 529
Joined: 8/19/2004
Status: offline 		I, for one, would kill to be able to stop thinking about a particular person. How do you stop thinking about a person who is bad for you?

_____________________________

A trucker will slow down for a blonde, stop for a brunette, but back up 500 yards for a redhead!


(in reply to Noah)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Controlling one's thought Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.107