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Fear? - 7/25/2006 1:31:45 PM   
MIslostsoul


Posts: 43
Joined: 7/23/2006
Status: offline 		Sirs,

Do any of you use Your sub or slaves fears (phobias) to control them or for any other reason against them?
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RE: Fear? - 7/25/2006 1:51:29 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		There is a thread on fear at the bottom of this page. The answer is yes, although some do seem to think it's wrong (and some don't) - its use and meaning in play is quite well explained by Noah (a Dominant), on page 2. See the thread: "How Important Is Fear?" (below, in this forum).

Of course, others mayb well write here again. I would, but have nothing to add (yet).

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 7/25/2006 1:52:55 PM >

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RE: Fear? - 7/25/2006 2:13:13 PM   
MIslostsoul


Posts: 43
Joined: 7/23/2006
Status: offline 		That has nothing to do with the question that was asked? I understand what fear is. I am asking if it is used to control or shape i guess is a better word. I am sure there are sadist here who have done things to a slave or sub that one a mental level could have pushed them over the edge. I want to know why they would do it?

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RE: Fear? - 7/25/2006 2:28:22 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		No. We each allow our fears to control us enough.

Master Fire


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RE: Fear? - 7/25/2006 3:42:43 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		Because it (using or experiencing fear) either turns them on and-or turns the slave or submissive on. In either case, the key word is consensuality, as far as having their general realtionshp defined, I guess. If one has agreed they are "submissive" I take for granted they trust the one they are with, and for good (or not) reasons. If that trust proves (for some reason) to be unfounded, the offended person can leave, I spose.

- Susan

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

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RE: Fear? - 7/25/2006 4:30:07 PM   
RavenMuse


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quote:

ORIGINAL: MIslostsoul
Do any of you use Your sub or slaves fears (phobias) to control them or for any other reason against them?


I don't need to, she gave up the control to me because of who I am and how I would use it. If there is a problem with control all I need do is remind her of her place. She chooses to submit.

In the course of that I MAY require her to face certain fears. For example IF I decide to take her somewhere that requires getting on a plane, she will, dispite her fears.... She will probably be holding my hand the entire way and being reasured, but she WILL do it should I require it of her.

But use it 'against her' hell no.


_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

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RE: Fear? - 7/25/2006 6:18:07 PM   
Noah


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quote:

ORIGINAL: MIslostsoul


In your OP you said:

quote:

Do any of you use Your sub or slaves fears (phobias) to control them or for any other reason against them?


You seem to believe that to use something to control someone is to use that thing against a person. Do you feel that control in any form is necessarily "against" the person controlled? I'm speaking in terms of consenting adults in BDSM contexts.

In your latter post you said:


quote:

That has nothing to do with the question that was asked? I understand what fear is. I am asking if it is used to control or shape i guess is a better word. I am sure there are sadist here who have done things to a slave or sub that one a mental level could have pushed them over the edge. I want to know why they would do it?



Rather than begin with assumptions I would like to know why it is that you want to know the answers to this question you are asking.

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RE: Fear? - 7/25/2006 7:01:58 PM   
Kinkypupper


Posts: 713
Joined: 9/26/2004
From: Portland oregon
Status: offline 		No but I do use the to assist her in working threw them and creating an environment where they no longer fear her.

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RE: Fear? - 7/25/2006 7:12:38 PM   
Homestead


Posts: 1005
Status: offline 		I use them to make her realize why she fears.

And why fear often comes from not knowing.

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RE: Fear? - 7/25/2006 8:48:28 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I certainly engage in fearplay.

But I don't use someone's fears against them in terms of day to day life or relationship dynamics.

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RE: Fear? - 7/25/2006 9:01:06 PM   
TheShadows


Posts: 403
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From: Southern Illinois
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross
I certainly engage in fearplay.
But I don't use someone's fears against them in terms of day to day life or relationship dynamics.


Ditto.

As always, YMMV...
TheShadows 

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RE: Fear? - 7/25/2006 9:57:50 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		There are times when I will use fear of the unknown, created fear or a phobia to prevent some one from wandering into harm's way (Northern Australia is known for man eating salt water crocodiles and sea wasps both tend to have oft fatal results for those unwary and who don't read warning signs. The same can be said if there is a prevelence of red backed spiders or funnel web spiders or even the blue ringed octopus in warmer waters).

Generally I would hope that an errant slave would fear displeasing me not from any punishment but because of my disapointment in her actions.

I don't use fear techniques or even mine fucks, but then I dont play as far as BDSM goes (well just a little with a flogger)..



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RE: Fear? - 7/27/2006 3:06:12 AM   
Wolfie648


Posts: 600
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline 		Absolutely.

As a result she is now able to kill spiders on her own. Progress.

Ultimately she won't need to kill spider because they eat all the other little buggies.

D (owner of j)

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Possibly.

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RE: Fear? - 7/27/2006 3:14:04 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Wolfie648
Absolutely.

As a result she is now able to kill spiders on her own. Progress.

Ultimately she won't need to kill spider because they eat all the other little buggies.


Interesting, I wouldn't class helping her overcome her fears as "Using them AGAINST her". I read the OP as meaning using that fear to restrict or control in other areas.


_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to Wolfie648)
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RE: Fear? - 7/27/2006 3:33:34 AM   
Wolfie648


Posts: 600
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Wolfie648
Absolutely.

As a result she is now able to kill spiders on her own. Progress.

Ultimately she won't need to kill spider{s} because they eat all the other little buggies.


Interesting, I wouldn't class helping her overcome her fears as "Using them AGAINST her". I read the OP as meaning using that fear to restrict or control in other areas.



She doesn't like being within 4 feet of spiders. So me making her kill the spider (vs. me) is using her fear 'against' her for a positive result (in my eyes). I don't need to use her fears (although it's a perfectly vaild method) to control her.

D (owner of j)




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Possibly.

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RE: Fear? - 7/27/2006 4:21:26 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Wolfie648
She doesn't like being within 4 feet of spiders. So me making her kill the spider (vs. me) is using her fear 'against' her for a positive result (in my eyes). I don't need to use her fears (although it's a perfectly vaild method) to control her.


Yep, just a diffrence in definition.

My girl is afraid of flying... she has been told tough, at some point we SHALL be doing so. She knows and accepts it will happen, knows I will be there to support her and certainly the first time, where I not there with her for her to draw strength and reasurance from, she possibly wouldn't manage it.... but I will be. Once she has done it a few times I doubt she will think twice about hopping on a plane even alone.

No doubt the first time your girl was required to face her fear of spiders, you where there. A girl tends to feel more confident when her Master is there, finds it easier to face that fear, beat it, learn that the fear is bigger than the reality.... then once they have beaten it a few times, they can do so alone.

No real diffrence in how we work by the looks of it, only in how we view the phrase "Using it against her"


_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

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RE: Fear? - 7/27/2006 6:56:27 AM   
myst2


Posts: 44
Joined: 7/25/2006
Status: offline 		ummmmm, ummmmmmmmmmm, ummmmmmmmmmm..okay i need to post here.
 
If a Man needed to use my fears to control me, what kind of Dom would he be?
 
Helping me overcome my fears, that i can understand but finding what i fear and using it does not = mastering to me at all.  But what would i know..just a Daddy's girl here!!
 
*winks playfully*
 
myst

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RE: Fear? - 7/27/2006 7:10:14 AM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		Fear to control or use against me?  Been there, done that - it was called abuse. Took me years to recover from it.  No thanks.

I'm with others in saying Master has helped me get over fears, and I will actively face my fears....and we do engage in what is considered "edge play" but I believe that is different than your question.

All of this, however, was discussed in the thread Susan pointed you to.

(in reply to MIslostsoul)
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RE: Fear? - 7/27/2006 7:48:26 AM   
fyreredsub


Posts: 3403
Joined: 10/7/2005
Status: offline 		people can use your fear against you too and in a non-consentual way

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RE: Fear? - 7/27/2006 9:08:24 AM   
MrDiscipline44


Posts: 1776
Joined: 1/5/2005
Status: offline 		Fear is used all the time as a form of control and it's not always a type of abuse. And everyone is consenting to it. For most, it's a fear of disappointment. Nothing is worse to a submissive then being a disappointment to their Doms.

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Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach.

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