Nelee
Posts: 205
Joined: 11/15/2012
Status: offline
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(I have forgotten what FR means, can anyone give me a reminder?)
I don't understand it either. Especially when guys come and complain about women not giving them replies and, when women take the time to give them an explanation as to why they might not be getting a response, tend to ignore and rationalize away any reason a person might not want to interact with them. Like so,
quote:
ORIGINAL: igor2003
And I know you have just been SO traumatized that you could no longer show any class by at least saying "thanks but no thanks" to those that do make an effort, then hitting the "block" button just in case. You're doing nothing but making lame excuses.
These types of people value themselves and their entitlement over the comfort, emotional labor, and even safety of the women they seem to care enough about to message.
But I'm being a bit presumptuous in my assumption that this is a gendered issue. I wouldn't want to bring those same people in here to dismay us with their circular logic. Oh, wait, they're already here.
quote:
ORIGINAL: DocStrange
Bita,
Why do I say a person should respond? I say that because the person advertised they were looking for something in their profile. If a person takes the time to respond to your advertisement, then yes I do think you owe them a reply. Even if it is a simple "Thanks but I am not interested". Maybe I feel this way because it was how I was raised to be courteous to others? I honestly believe it is the right thing to do.
Treat others how you would want to be treated. To that case in point I often get emails from gays, bi's and trans who are heavily into rubber (one of my fetishes) who are looking for a sub. Even though my profile states I am straight and looking for a Domme, I still reply "thank you for the inquiry but I am only interested in finding a Domme".
Remember I put the caveat in there that if there was an honest request to what you were seeking, then I think you should reply.
I usually get harassed and called a whore, or fat (??), or ugly, or any other colorful words. I think our different circumstances might alter how people who have dealt with situations like mine react to those types of messages (which can very from you and I, as well). Maybe if you bother accepting other people's life experiences as evidence, you'd realize that your reality is not the perfect lens by which the laws of all other's abide by.
quote:
ORIGINAL: CaptR
I was taught to always be polite. Given a genuine, polite inquiry in response to a profile in search of someone whose criteria you meet I don't feel it's too much to receive a response. Even if it's an equally polite "No thank you." That's a common exchange. I feel if there's no answer there is a reason and nothing to do with me being the best I can be. Now I do realize women on these sites are bombarded daily and understand the ignore option. It's an easy fix to what could potentially be an unpleasant experience. Demanding a response is ridiculous, reacting adversely to a polite turn down equally so. If that's how an individual acts hit block and move on in the search. Remember though this behavior isn't exclusive to men.
Being raised in the throes of good ol' Bible belt "Southern Hospitality", I, too, tend to treat people with a basis of polite respect and social grace. But, as you acknowledged, women especially (subs and doms, alike) tend to get bombarded with messages, ranging from a polite inquiry to "ay gurl, u want sum dom fuk?" or "mistress pls perform all my fantasies under the guise of submission so i can get off pls respond and dispense my fetish plspls". And, although it's not exclusive to men, I can count the female encounters of a similar kind on one hand, while the male ones would be an exhausting en devour to undertake. While we don't want to general, we can't simply ignore the statistical proof behind the fact that yes, men tend to engage in these entitled actions more often.
quote:
ORIGINAL: DocStrange
I do not discount women get an ungodly amount of email. But my original statement was with the caveat that the email was an honest reply to what you were seeking and not the thousands of wanker emails.
My bias on this may be due to my age and how I was raised? The attitude of “I do not owe you a thing” I think is part of the digital revolution? I do not recall that type of attitude early on in my exposure to the BDSM world.
That's all fine and well, but I don't know the person behind that computer screen. You're implying that every person who sends me mail that isn't "u want sum fuk?" doesn't have a chance to react in the same way. Actually, the reason most women simply don't reply is because of the types who try and act like they want a genuine connection, only to devolve to the same type of wank. Our responses are inclusive of "honest repl[ies] to what [we are, or aren't] seeking and not the thousands of wanker emails", not in spite of it.
Your bias is not age-specific (sorry to say, you aren't special), it seems, but due to a fundamental misunderstanding of the social stressors that compound the frustration many (women) experience from these types of situations. While you may feel it's caused by the "I do not owe you a thing" mentality, a lot of it has to do with limits and boundaries (which I'm sure you're well aware of, being a part of this community as long as you have been) and respect of that. Once that social contract is breached, we have no requirement to put ourselves in a compromising position to please the curiosity of anyone. Because this "attitude" isn't specific to BDSM. If someone heckles you on the street, you're free to ignore them because they do not have the right to impede on your boundaries. It's much simpler when you begin to see it from a social standpoint rather than a strictly BDSM one.
The general lack of empathy most of these entitled, selfish people seem to have is absolutely incredible.
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RE: Feeling Entitled for a Reply - 
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