RE: What it takes to submit ! A personal note!

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tamaka -> RE: What it takes to submit ! A personal note! (5/5/2017 8:02:49 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Greta75 FR And another thing. To me. D/S isn't about kink. If ya take out all your fetishes and the sexual bits. You can find Dominants and Submissive in the vanilla world quite easily. You can find a dominant who may not want to play bondage or do orgasm control not because he is less of a dominant but simply because those aren't his area of kinks. Maybe he just likes vanilla sex. But there the dominance lies to me, as I said, it's all psychological. I never see it as part of kink. It is a very natural and innate energy a person with the natural ability to lead others have. Which is why also in another thread, I can be with a man who can lead me, who is vanilla too. BDSM is not important. But he must be capable of leading. Sure... until it's time for sex. You need to get honest with yourself Greta.

NoirMetal -> RE: What it takes to submit ! A personal note! (5/5/2017 8:03:57 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Greta75 FR And another thing. To me. D/S isn't about kink. If ya take out all your fetishes and the sexual bits. You can find Dominants and Submissive in the vanilla world quite easily. You can find a dominant who may not want to play bondage or do orgasm control not because he is less of a dominant but simply because those aren't his area of kinks. Maybe he just likes vanilla sex. But there the dominance lies to me, as I said, it's all psychological. I never see it as part of kink. It is a very natural and innate energy a person with the natural ability to lead others have. Doms never like to be told how they should think by a sub. That's called being a pussy Greta. The idea is usually that you like who they are, or just move on. The majority of people I know into D/s used the sex and play as a bonding agent. When a woman wanders along and then starts laying out a script of how she expects every detail to be-that's a control freak. And that is MY job as a Dom,not hers.

tamaka -> RE: What it takes to submit ! A personal note! (5/5/2017 8:05:32 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NoirMetal "Teaching doms" who never settle down are the Peter Pans of the kink world. A session is about all you will get from them-shallow men afraid to commit. But once one gets past the thrill of doing basic bdsm things.....You recall those times when a girl who cared for you was loyal, and fun to be around. The one who made home a warm place to go home to, and you thought of her all the time when you were apart. Not some awful,insecure twat who always had to test you...And basically piss you off. I like harmony, creativity, and above all else-potential. And when I take my girl in my arms. I want to feel a compatible energy that rises up from the deep places in her soul, and intertwines with mine. That is what makes life the most special thing. : )

Greta75 -> RE: What it takes to submit ! A personal note! (5/5/2017 8:05:45 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: tamaka Sure Greta, but you are very specific in exactly what you want/need in every way. That really doesn't give the other person much if any room at all to put their stamp on the relationship. I don't see it that way. That's where kink compatibility comes in. If everything I love is the same things as what the dominant enjoy as well. We're a match. No conflict. If this is a dominant who feels the need to constantly make me do things I don't enjoy, just to feel like he is powerful and in control of me. Then well.., he is the type of dominant who is unsuitable for me. I mean, think about it? I enjoy sex. So if he really wanted to test my submission. All he gotta do is deny me sex for the rest of my life! And nope, I will not be happy! So I NEED to have a dominant who loves sex as much as I do.

NoirMetal -> RE: What it takes to submit ! A personal note! (5/5/2017 8:10:00 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Greta75 quote: ORIGINAL: tamaka Sure Greta, but you are very specific in exactly what you want/need in every way. That really doesn't give the other person much if any room at all to put their stamp on the relationship. I don't see it that way. That's where kink compatibility comes in. If everything I love is the same things as what the dominant enjoy as well. We're a match. No conflict. If this is a dominant who feels the need to constantly make me do things I don't enjoy, just to feel like he is powerful and in control of me. Then well.., he is the type of dominant who is unsuitable for me. I mean, think about it? I enjoy sex. So if he really wanted to test my submission. All he gotta do is deny me sex for the rest of my life! And nope, I will not be happy! The test of submission is in doing things because HE enjoys them Greta.

tamaka -> RE: What it takes to submit ! A personal note! (5/5/2017 8:13:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NoirMetal quote: ORIGINAL: Greta75 quote: ORIGINAL: tamaka Sure Greta, but you are very specific in exactly what you want/need in every way. That really doesn't give the other person much if any room at all to put their stamp on the relationship. I don't see it that way. That's where kink compatibility comes in. If everything I love is the same things as what the dominant enjoy as well. We're a match. No conflict. If this is a dominant who feels the need to constantly make me do things I don't enjoy, just to feel like he is powerful and in control of me. Then well.., he is the type of dominant who is unsuitable for me. I mean, think about it? I enjoy sex. So if he really wanted to test my submission. All he gotta do is deny me sex for the rest of my life! And nope, I will not be happy! The test of submission is in doing things because HE enjoys them Greta. It is not only the test of submission, but also the joy of submission... doing things because HE enjoys them. Sometimes there is extra joy because HE enjoys them and you don't necessarily.

Greta75 -> RE: What it takes to submit ! A personal note! (5/5/2017 8:22:16 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NoirMetal The test of submission is in doing things because HE enjoys them Greta. I disagree with this. That is slavery. Difference between slavery and a sub. A slave = no limits, just do WHATEVER he wants A Sub = pre-negotiate what is okay and what is not okay, then the dominant works around those parameters. So the compatibility comes from, what he wants is what she wants, because they are compatible.

Greta75 -> RE: What it takes to submit ! A personal note! (5/5/2017 8:29:38 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: tamaka Sometimes there is extra joy because HE enjoys them and you don't necessarily. But as you said, you are a slave. Not a sub. I think there are distinction. We are talking about subs. To me, if submission is simply doing whatever pleases him, then all submission should be limitless. Because just because you don't like it, or it is too scary, but if it pleases him, just do it right? But reality is, D/S are often based on pre-negotiated parameters. And you have to choose the dominant who can stay within your parameters. Of course the smaller those parameters, it's just like finding a vanilla man too, the more specific your requirements, the smaller the pool of availability of such a person is. Same with dominants, same with subs. IF a dominant wants a no-limit submissive, his find gets harder. And on my end, the way I see it, I simply find a dominant who enjoys all that I enjoy. So when he is doing what he enjoys, I enjoy everything. No conflict. Whatever he wants, I want it too. And on the non-sexual side of things, he has to be capable of making good decisions. Because he is leading me and making decisions on my behalf, and I am gonna be playing a total passive role and blind faith in him to do what is best for me.

tamaka -> RE: What it takes to submit ! A personal note! (5/5/2017 8:33:55 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Greta75 quote: ORIGINAL: NoirMetal The test of submission is in doing things because HE enjoys them Greta. I disagree with this. That is slavery. Difference between slavery and a sub. A slave = no limits, just do WHATEVER he wants A Sub = pre-negotiate what is okay and what is not okay, then the dominant works around those parameters. So the compatibility comes from, what he wants is what she wants, because they are compatible. Yes well there is a big difference between, "i want to orgasm and i don't want to wear a hood" vs. First you do this, then you do that ... do it exactly this way... no no no... not with that. With this! Etc. Greta you've described your sexual requirements here enough to know that you only submit to a man doing exactly what you want him to do exactly the way you want him to do it. That is not a submissive. That is a bottom. At best.

Greta75 -> RE: What it takes to submit ! A personal note! (5/5/2017 8:37:17 PM)
quote: The test of submission is in doing things because HE enjoys them Greta. IF the definition of a submissive IS "doing things because HE enjoys them". Then what is the criteria to choosing which "male" you should cater to all the things he enjoy? What criteria do you think she should choose? I mean if her whole point is just to "do things because HE enjoys", then this could be easily fulfilled by ANY Male. ALL Male Species are Dominants now. This woman can just be with any man and just keep doing anything and everything that pleases him. She can also cater to submissive males who "identify" as submissives. Because she just gotta do what pleases that male submissive too! And that could be to dominate him! Ironically, male submissive actually do contact me and tell me that. As in, they simply want to do what pleasures me, so if it pleasures me to "dominate" me, they can do that too! But I decline all Male Submissive Requests. As I don't want a man to do anything for me. I just want to feel like I fit him perfectly. This means that. He does not compromise for me. I don't compromise for him. He thinks I am his best. And I think he is my best. Because we fit.

tamaka -> RE: What it takes to submit ! A personal note! (5/5/2017 8:39:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Greta75 quote: The test of submission is in doing things because HE enjoys them Greta. IF the definition of a submissive IS "doing things because HE enjoys them". Then what is the criteria to choosing which "male" you should cater to all the things he enjoy? What criteria do you think she should choose? I mean if her whole point is just to "do things because HE enjoys", then this could be easily fulfilled by ANY Male. He didn't say it was the definition of submission. He said it was the TEST of submission.

Greta75 -> RE: What it takes to submit ! A personal note! (5/5/2017 8:41:32 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: tamaka He didn't say it was the definition of submission. He said it was the TEST of submission. What's the difference between the definition of submission and Test of submission? For there to Test whether a person is submissive. There has to be definition to test for right? It's the same thing.

DesFIP -> RE: What it takes to submit ! A personal note! (5/5/2017 8:43:44 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NoirMetal The test of submission is in doing things because HE enjoys them Greta. Actually, I'd call that the definition of emotional masochism, doing stuff you dislike because you get off on suffering for another. If your partner gets off on seeing that the sub is happy also, I'd just say these are people who aren't into emotional sadism/masochism. Nowhere is it written that all true subs are miserable. He decided we needed new tires last month. By myself, I'd have tried too make it to late fall, just before snow season. But he's more knowledgeable so we got them last month as it was unsafe not to. If he needed me to be miserable during this, he would have picked the place out of the way, with nowhere to stop for lunch afterwards. Since he wants me to be happy also, he looked at the tire places on the list I gave him, and picked the one next door to a restaurant.

NoirMetal -> RE: What it takes to submit ! A personal note! (5/5/2017 9:06:08 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP quote: ORIGINAL: NoirMetal The test of submission is in doing things because HE enjoys them Greta. Actually, I'd call that the definition of emotional masochism, doing stuff you dislike because you get off on suffering for another. If your partner gets off on seeing that the sub is happy also, I'd just say these are people who aren't into emotional sadism/masochism. Nowhere is it written that all true subs are miserable. He decided we needed new tires last month. By myself, I'd have tried too make it to late fall, just before snow season. But he's more knowledgeable so we got them last month as it was unsafe not to. If he needed me to be miserable during this, he would have picked the place out of the way, with nowhere to stop for lunch afterwards. Since he wants me to be happy also, he looked at the tire places on the list I gave him, and picked the one next door to a restaurant. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Having to do a thing he likes is always "emotional masochism?" Like watching the football game with him?

tamaka -> RE: What it takes to submit ! A personal note! (5/5/2017 9:13:55 PM)
Yeah... that's quite a big jump from doing things he likes to being miserable...lol. .

NoirMetal -> RE: What it takes to submit ! A personal note! (5/5/2017 9:16:17 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: tamaka Yeah... that's quiteva big jump from doing things he likes to being miserable...lol. I get the feeling that Desi dated Gollum at one time.

tamaka -> RE: What it takes to submit ! A personal note! (5/5/2017 9:24:01 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NoirMetal quote: ORIGINAL: tamaka Yeah... that's quiteva big jump from doing things he likes to being miserable...lol. I get the feeling that Desi dated Gollum at one time. I think it is more about the degree to which the sub is moldable/pliable. Is she impressionable and can she learn to morph into more /different self-perceptions than she started with. Is she open-minded enough that He can create her into His masterpiece... which may be far different than what she envisioned.

NoirMetal -> RE: What it takes to submit ! A personal note! (5/5/2017 9:33:40 PM)
A dom has to figure out a basic personality he is dealing with,and most subs are a bit coy about opening up at first. I use examples and stories to paint the image in another mind. Then I look for the response. Passion answers passion with people of our sort. A dom is generally emphatic to an intense degree if he is interested in a woman. Not the smallest nuance will go unnoticed. Putting together the puzzle pieces, to see if the picture enchants or repels. It is a careful process of discovery. Clearing away the brush, to find the bedrock level to build up a foundation. Sex is a strong primal bond. How the bodies work together,the scent of the partner. The dance of orgasm,and the place of serenity in the aftermath............... His worn shirt on her pillow, when they must be apart.

tamaka -> RE: What it takes to submit ! A personal note! (5/5/2017 9:43:05 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NoirMetal A dom has to figure out a basic personality he is dealing with,and most subs are a bit coy about opening up at first. I use examples and stories to paint the image in another mind. Then I look for the response. Passion answers passion with people of our sort. A dom is generally emphatic to an intense degree if he is interested in a woman. Not the smallest nuance will go unnoticed. Putting together the puzzle pieces, to see if the picture enchants or repels. It is a careful process of discovery. Clearing away the brush, to find the bedrock level to build up a foundation. Sex is a strong primal bond. How the bodies work together,the scent of the partner. The dance of orgasm,and the place of serenity in the aftermath............... His worn shirt on her pillow, when they must be apart. Yes it is amazing what great Doms can do. Amazing. Passion answers passion.... that's probably the most concise, exquisite way to summarize it. It certainly does.

NoirMetal -> RE: What it takes to submit ! A personal note! (5/5/2017 9:44:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: tamaka quote: ORIGINAL: NoirMetal quote: ORIGINAL: Greta75 quote: ORIGINAL: tamaka Sure Greta, but you are very specific in exactly what you want/need in every way. That really doesn't give the other person much if any room at all to put their stamp on the relationship. I don't see it that way. That's where kink compatibility comes in. If everything I love is the same things as what the dominant enjoy as well. We're a match. No conflict. If this is a dominant who feels the need to constantly make me do things I don't enjoy, just to feel like he is powerful and in control of me. Then well.., he is the type of dominant who is unsuitable for me. I mean, think about it? I enjoy sex. So if he really wanted to test my submission. All he gotta do is deny me sex for the rest of my life! And nope, I will not be happy! The test of submission is in doing things because HE enjoys them Greta. It is not only the test of submission, but also the joy of submission... doing things because HE enjoys them. Sometimes there is extra joy because HE enjoys them and you don't necessarily. A girl struggles with doing a thing she finds to be a trial. But accomplishes. What is the reward for such suffering? An expansive acceptance of her love-and this is the real gift. To both.

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