BitaTruble
Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
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I have all three of those. Some of them ..are mmmmmm good and I would never think of discarding them. Some of them - I use a crutch to deal with them simply to help maintain a balance. Those are crutches which are less important to break one day as the stuff that is immobilizing is the more immediate need IF I want to walk forward.
So, I think I want to try to take a step forward and I figure one foot in front of the other worked the first time I learned to walk so why not stick with what works.
Well, I want tell you I don't actually have any memory at all of learning to physically walk and I bet I fell down a lot but eventually I did get to yell Qapla'! (The Temporal Prime Directive will be strictly enforced in this thread)*
Whether I was in Texas during the summer or wore CaliBaby the rest of the year..the weather was usually good and I spent most of my youth tomboy barefoot. That makes your feet pretty fucking stuff so what's my problem?
Learning to walk a second time is magnitudes more difficult, taking much longer than the first time and chipping away at the roots holding my foot in a past over three years gone is wearying. Am I futility chopping at kudzu? (Hmm..I seem to be hung up on rhizomes..was the probably the figging threads fault).
What i am doing is not working so I need a new plan that won't wear me out. I need to get rid of a hold that was in place for a very long time and was watered with passion, obsession and addition, fed with power and tied up in Gordian knot of kink and laughter then cemeted in place by omg-crazy love, affection and friendship. This root might be too tough for me. What do I use?
Lye? Bad for the Earth, bad for my soul. Acid..been there, done that, don't need flashbacks.
Bombs? Nukes? Danger of fall out and hurting innocent bystanders. That would feel icky. At the moment a clear solution doesn't appear to be forth coming.
So, mask..out.
Drugs..out.
Being a person I don't want to be..out.
I had the word 'journey' tattooed on my right wrist a few years ago so I wouldn't forget its importance to my growth. I am working on executing the thought but think a secondary fear of too many choices is also coming in to play should I ever get to shout success this time around. Oh, then there's this insecure thing going on because, well I am an older woman with peculiar tastes. In an odd way my insecurities are helpful because they do make me aware of the fact that I actually do still care.
I guess I'll get there.
Scotty, one to beam up.
::whispers:: "The Temporal Prime Directive sucks," as the dematerialization process takes place.
Don't ask my purpose. I don't know. I just did..because.
*Blame the references on Bounty. He threw a ball of Star Trek yarn at me.
_____________________________
"Oh, so it's just like Rock, paper, scissors." He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."
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