Elorin
Posts: 970
Joined: 8/22/2004 From: San Antonio, TX Status: offline
|
News for a new Dom: Don't act a certain way. So many stereotypical attitudes and "ways to behave" that you see around the net are nothing more than stereotypes and assumptions. I know very vew Doms that are respected in the local scene who behave this way. So how do you act? Behave as you would around your friends. The only person you have a right to tell what to do is a sub who has agreed to give you control. Being overbearing or controlling towards all subs, or worse, towards other Doms, is inappropriate and obnoxious. Use manners. When you tell a sub to do something, and they do it, say thank you. Say excuse me when you interrupt someone. When asking someone to look at their toys, say please. Manners are grease that helps the world function smoothly, and there is nothing that is incompatiible with dominance and manners. By all means, be a gentleman. My dom insists on opening doors for me and walking closest to traffic when we are in a parking lot or on the street. Insisting that I wait for him to open the door was a control measure that took me months to learn to obey, as I'm so used to opening my own doors. Walking closest to traffic is an expression of his protective nature, protecting his property (me). Anything that you do with a submissive, if you insist upon it, becomes a control measure. If you insist upon being a gentleman, then it is part of your dominance. And, in my opinion, something to be admired. The best dominants, the one I respect the most both as owned property and as a Domme in my own right, are those who know how to listen to others with more experience, and learn from them; those who are not afraid to admit mistakes, and learn from them; those who are aware of their own flaws, and not ashamed to admit them to their subs; those who accept responsibility for all of their actions, which means taking the blame if they had a bad idea and wallowing in the praise when they had a good idea; those who can relax and hang out w/out having their dominant personality conflict with a good conversation; those who are willing to show others their skills, yet know whether they have enough skill to teach others; those who aren't afraid to say "back off, I'm busy" if they are interrupted at an appropriate time; those who do not act superior and talk down to others because they are new, or young, even though they may see that youth or newness might end up being a downfall. Don't be afraid to be yourself. Don't pretend to be something you are not. Don't be afraid to learn from someone more experienced, whether Dom/me or sub. Realize that there IS a lot for you to learn, about the lifestyle, and the younger that you are, about life. Take people who make assumptions about what you can possibly know, or your motivations, in stride. Time will tell with everything. Rather than defend yourself against those who cry "you are so young!" admit "yes, I am young, and I want to learn, I know I will make mistakes along the way, but I want to be good at what I do, and this is something I want to do." Good luck. Learning to whip someone, flog someone, spank, pierce, tie someone - you can pick up those skills. Learning how to be a dominant is the art of learning to be comfortable with who and what you are, learning to want to improve yourself so that you will be a better dominant for your submissive, and learning to take control gracefully from those who offer it, rather than demanding it from those who have not.
|