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RE: New to the scene - 8/5/2006 5:51:14 AM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

Crikey, there's a touchy element in this thread! lol

Arrogant bullshit?? You have total recall of how it was then that you can still measure yourself off today's standards? You haven't evolved, matured, refined, grown, even mellowed from when you were 15? You've only aged, nothing more? Otherwise, how else can my comments be "arrogant bullshit"??

Or is it nothing more than "rose coloured glasses" being a hot button in this instance?

Focus.

(in reply to RavenMuse)

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Post #: 41

RE: New to the scene - 8/5/2006 6:04:15 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

Quite frankly Focus, the arrogant bullshit is refering to the fact that you have retreated so far into your defensive position that you are blindly refusing to acknoweldge any point which contradicts your PoV. Too much investment, too much ego to back down sunshine.

Word to the wise, your underware goes on the inside of your trousers, you ain't superman, you are just as human as the rest of us and you ARE just as capable of being wrong.

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to Focus50)

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Post #: 42

RE: New to the scene - 8/5/2006 6:06:32 AM

sharainks

Posts: 499
Joined: 12/13/2004
Status: offline

A probably unwanted response from a sub. One of the most innately dominant men I ever met was 27. He got into this at 21. One of the most stunningly unaware and unsafe men I ever met was 46 and claimed 20 years in WIITWD.

What I learned from knowing both of them was that years of experience don't matter nearly as much as an open mind, a willingness to learn, and being aware of your own limitations. Sometimes all 20 years experience means is 20 years of not being willing to look outside your own little box, and of being unwilling to learn how to be safe with what you do.

Not directed at anyone just an observation from my personal experience.

(in reply to Focus50)

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Post #: 43

RE: New to the scene - 8/5/2006 6:19:33 AM

SirJoe1211

Posts: 12
Joined: 9/28/2005
From: Indianapolis
Status: offline

Greetings,

First off I agree that when you are new, you must find it within yourself to research and read everything you can find on the subject. I find that most true Dominants in this lifestyle are are verocous (sp?) readers. Additionally, you can turn to the local community for assistance in your growth. whether your 19 or 40, you are never beyond personal growth. Case in point, I have nearly a decade in this lifestyle have grown in skill, knowledge and committment to the community, however in April of this year I took on a Mentor of my own, and have embraced a new journey to "earn my leathers". I am a heterosexual Master in the community and this is a mostly Gay BDSM - Old Guard way of learning the lifestyle and is a journey that will take 3 - 5 years of my life to complete, and will offer a level of credibility in the community that few (if any) Heterosexual masters have achieved. Thus I suggest you find a Mentor, that you can discuss your desires with and who can give you legitimate response and feed back.

Although I have not written this next part in person, and not too sure where it cam from, I can tell you that it does ring true. The following are the Seven traits of a Master. These are subjective traits, virtually impossible to judge objectively. These are qualities and traits one should aspire to be, and aspitration is only the first step, you must actively pursue them. Besides, the possession of all these qualities alone would not a Master make. A person with all these fine virtues might make a great President - but not necessarily a BDSM Master.

Number One
Knowledge is the lifeblood of all mastery. You cannot be a BDSM Master without being well read in this area. You must have read at least two non-fiction BDSM books and have completely digested at least one extensive BDSM informational/educational website.

Number Two
You cannot be a BDSM Master unless you have mastered at least one other non-BDSM discipline. This could include being a computer gamer, a fireman, a carpenter, a pool player, a chef, a martial artist, a chess player, but you must understand the dynamics of "mastering" something, anything -- no matter how obscure -- before you can Master another human being

Number Three
Being a "Lone Ranger" Master is no Master at all. You must be part of a D/s community. If one cannot exchange ideas with other Masters, Doms, Dommes, switches, subs and slaves, how can one gather the information necessary to become -- and remain -- a Master? Joining and participating in an Internet BDSM posting group, a local real-time BDSM club or even being member of the bondage.com community would qualify.

Number Four
You must have attended at least three BDSM play parties. At first glance, this might seem a frivolous requirement. Not! Being disinterested in what other lifestylers do demonstrates a cavalier lack of interest in BDSM. You do not have to play; observing is sufficient. But you must see what your peers are up to.

Number Five
You must master at least three areas of BDSM play. For example, crops, floggers and canes would count as three. Whips, CBT and mummification would count as three. Wax, hand-spanking and the paddle would count as three. Mix and match.

Number Six
In all BDSM dealings you must have Honor, Integrity, Honest and Humility. The community is not a large one, and if you cannot own your words or be verifyable in your past or your present, then your reputation will suffer. It is only your reputation that sets you apart from the fakes/bullshitters and wannabe's. Simply put... Be Real!

Number Seven
A captain without a ship is not a captain. A Master without a submissive is not a Master. To be a real-time Master, you must have had a real-time D/s relationship with a submissive for at least one year in duration. Without the three dimensional experience of owning a submissive for a year in the real world, one can never become a real-time Master.

If one can meet five or six of these criteria, he/she would be a fine Dominant and would be well on the way towards being a "Master." When all seven fundamentals are met -- which is not an easy task -- then that Dominant can reasonably expect to be called "Master."

_____________________
Next - none of the above is of any value without practical application. In your mind's eye, the movies you have seen and the very best traights of the Knights of the round table, the US Marines, the Heros we all looked up to as children give us the basic outline for what a Dom should have as his foundation. A Dominant is a protector of the weak, a defender of the commuinty and have the strength of his/her convictions to alway be a leader.

I am an educator of the community to both the vanilla world and the lifestle world. As a Master, I offer any advice I can to any of those seeking growth. If I can offer guidence, I am here, if I cannot be of help, I will direct you to someone who can. Ultimately beng a Dom is more than taking a person over your knee and spanking them. Some may disagree with me, but this lifestyle is founded on Trust and communication with whomever you have a relationship. It is also very much an "Advanced Degree in Foreplay" this is for most of us a sexual experience and if you are to fully understand this, you also need to read everything you can on relationships/romance/love/women & men.

And now - the journey begins...

In Dominance
Sir Joe

(in reply to OsideGirl)

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Post #: 44

RE: New to the scene - 8/5/2006 7:35:14 AM

BillsGalSusan

Posts: 69
Joined: 7/18/2006
Status: offline

When reading Joe's response, you might want to keep in mind that he is talking about becoming what he calls a BDSM Master, which is quite a bit different (IMO) from being a dom (which is what the OP asked about) or being a Master in an M/s relationship.

Another Susan

(in reply to SirJoe1211)

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RE: New to the scene - 8/5/2006 8:31:15 AM

Mavis

Posts: 828
Joined: 2/8/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SirJoe1211

Greetings,
and have embraced a new journey to "earn my leathers". I am a heterosexual Master in the community and this is a mostly Gay BDSM - Old Guard way of learning the lifestyle and is a journey that will take 3 - 5 years of my life to complete, and will offer a level of credibility in the community that few (if any) Heterosexual masters have achieved.

If the "earning leathers" means getting the leathermen's cap, i know of many heteros that have earned them..

quote:

Number One
Knowledge is the lifeblood of all mastery. You cannot be a BDSM Master without being well read in this area. You must have read at least two non-fiction BDSM books and have completely digested at least one extensive BDSM informational/educational website.

Most people interested in ANY discipline do embrace continuous learning. i guess i just react to the word "MUST" as if some arbitrary standard of "at least two" is sufficient to display ongoing learning.

quote:

Number Two
You cannot be a BDSM Master unless you have mastered at least one other non-BDSM discipline. This could include being a computer gamer, a fireman, a carpenter, a pool player, a chef, a martial artist, a chess player, but you must understand the dynamics of "mastering" something, anything -- no matter how obscure -- before you can Master another human being

i might suggest self-Mastery should count, irrelevant disciplines might not help much, and prove little.

quote:

Number Four
You must have attended at least three BDSM play parties. At first glance, this might seem a frivolous requirement. Not! Being disinterested in what other lifestylers do demonstrates a cavalier lack of interest in BDSM. You do not have to play; observing is sufficient. But you must see what your peers are up to.

IF play is to be part of Your dynamic, but this precludes the idea that a Master cannot be a Master unless BDSM play is part of choice, and in my experience, that's not always the case. And i'm not exactly sure WHY a Master has to know what His peers are up to.

quote:

Number Five
You must master at least three areas of BDSM play. For example, crops, floggers and canes would count as three. Whips, CBT and mummification would count as three. Wax, hand-spanking and the paddle would count as three. Mix and match.

Again, Play is a requirement for being a Master?

quote:

Number Six
In all BDSM dealings you must have Honor, Integrity, Honest and Humility. The community is not a large one, and if you cannot own your words or be verifyable in your past or your present, then your reputation will suffer. It is only your reputation that sets you apart from the fakes/bullshitters and wannabe's. Simply put... Be Real!

This is valid, it almost makes the whole deal right here, i'm thinking if One can do this alone, they might be well on their way to being a Master.

quote:

Number Seven
A captain without a ship is not a captain. A Master without a submissive is not a Master. To be a real-time Master, you must have had a real-time D/s relationship with a submissive for at least one year in duration. Without the three dimensional experience of owning a submissive for a year in the real world, one can never become a real-time Master.

He better be a GOOD defender of the weak, because if she dies in 11 months and 8 days, His cap is gone, and He goes back to square one? <grins>

i know this seems a concerted effort to tear apart the standards You have chosen to embrace, and Sir, it isn't intended that way. i'm just trying to make the point that there are several standards for "Masteriness" in the lifestyle, and often, the only person deciding One is a Master is the one serving Him.

Any list of "Must Have" and "Must Do" is over-reaching it's authority, IMHO because it forgets to start off with "Masters do not submit to the authority of anothers list."

(in reply to SirJoe1211)

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Post #: 46

RE: New to the scene - 8/5/2006 4:25:00 PM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

Quite frankly Focus, the arrogant bullshit is refering to the fact that you have retreated so far into your defensive position that you are blindly refusing to acknoweldge any point which contradicts your PoV. Too much investment, too much ego to back down sunshine.

Word to the wise, your underware goes on the inside of your trousers, you ain't superman, you are just as human as the rest of us and you ARE just as capable of being wrong.

Retreated? Defensive? And how about that underwear comment? Lmao, *NOW* I'm seeing the 15yo dom...!

Focus.

(in reply to RavenMuse)

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Post #: 47

RE: New to the scene - 8/5/2006 4:47:04 PM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SirJoe1211

Although I have not written this next part in person, and not too sure where it cam from, I can tell you that it does ring true. The following are the Seven traits of a Master. These are subjective traits, virtually impossible to judge objectively. These are qualities and traits one should aspire to be, and aspitration is only the first step, you must actively pursue them. Besides, the possession of all these qualities alone would not a Master make. A person with all these fine virtues might make a great President - but not necessarily a BDSM Master.

I'm not gonna quote such a long post in its entirity but, personally, I think these seven traits ring truest for those who embrace BDSM as though it were a contest or "career choice". I'm certain I'm not the only one who isn't in the lifestyle to prove myself to strangers; that the Ds and/or Ms is the foundation dynamic of my personal relationships and not a social club for prancing and strutting....

Fine if it is for others, even most, but I think it sends the wrong message to the young and/or inexperienced lifestylers. Water always finds its own level and, to that end, these traits should be an informed personal choice and NOT presented as "basic training" for all masters.

Focus.

(in reply to SirJoe1211)

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Post #: 48

RE: New to the scene - 8/6/2006 7:01:31 AM

WillowRain

Posts: 191
Joined: 6/18/2006
Status: offline

Dear SirJoe,
Congradulations on your decision to pursue your leathers. I wish you luck and joy on that life altering journey.

I am unable to resist altering your list a bit, and changing the title. To me I think it gets kinda wonky when people try and define Master/Dominant. They ARE differant, but the way people split them gets all confusing. Someone who is all the things on the list, be it Master or Dominant, or heck even Top, would get a more thoughtful serious attitude from me in speaking to them. And I would be more likely to display respect, even with casual knowledge, connection to them.

A Dominant or Master who might be safe to play with. Seven things to ease the soul of a spastic and woogy cautious submissive.

Number One
Knowledge is the lifeblood of all mastery. Be well read. Be aware that a lot of online BDSM information is utter crap. A Dominant/Master must have real life experiance and training with the tools of play that they utalize. You don't want Master Headuphisbutt who read one book on how to use a single tail to hit your carcass with it. Or worse someone who counts their years of rp'ing singletail in online chatrooms years of experiance. You want Master Safesoul who worked with someone who was impassioned about single tail and who practiced on the bushes in his yard an hour a day for a year until he was sure that he had complete control of where the tip struck and how hard. Him/Her having experiance on other bodies is also highly reasuring. Education is not just reading, it is experiancing, practice, gaining mastery of a skill set. IN anything.

Number Two
If someone is not in control of themselves and their life, then it is unreasonable to expect them to have any ability to control a submissive/slave with any success. If they do not have a history of sticking through things and acomplishing the goals that they set, they are not a good choice. Acoomplishment in some other area is a very good sign.

Number Three
Being a "Lone Ranger" Master is no Master at all. You must be part of a D/s community. If one cannot exchange ideas with other Masters, Doms, Dommes, switches, subs and slaves, how can one gather the information necessary to become -- and remain -- a Master? This means face to face with others. No excuses about having to be private to protect themselves/ their jobs. (Many in the lifestyle are out at lifestyle events and protect themselves and their privacy too.) No wife or significant other that is being lied to, or activity is being hidden from. (I realize this one will make some people bristle, but for me it is about honesty and integrety. IF they will lie to someone else who cares for them, they will absolutely lie to me. )

Number Four
You must have attended at least three BDSM play parties. At first glance, this might seem a frivolous requirement. Not! Being disinterested in what other lifestylers do demonstrates a cavalier lack of interest in BDSM. You do not have to play; observing is sufficient. But you must see what your peers are up to.

Number Five
You must master at least three areas of BDSM play. For example, crops, floggers and canes would count as three. Whips, CBT and mummification would count as three. Wax, hand-spanking and the paddle would count as three. Mix and match.

Number Six
In all BDSM dealings you must have Honor, Integrity, Honest and Humility. The community is not a large one, and if you cannot own your words or be verifyable in your past or your present, then your reputation will suffer. It is only your reputation that sets you apart from the fakes/bullshitters and wannabe's. Simply put... Be Real!

Number Seven
A captain without a ship is not a captain. A Dominant/Master without a submissive is not a Master. To be a real-time Master, you must have had a real-time D/s relationship with a submissive for at least one year in duration. Without the three dimensional experience of owning a submissive for a year in the real world, one can never become a real-time Master. A happy one, whos behavior shows their devotion and your training speaks volumes.

(in reply to SirJoe1211)

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Post #: 49