RE: no more D/s?

RE: no more D/s? (Full Version)

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popeye1250 -> RE: no more D/s? (7/28/2006 7:18:39 PM)
Creative Dominant, LOL, "My subbmission must be earned." You know what I say to that? "NEXT!"

Noah -> RE: no more D/s? (7/28/2006 8:43:50 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: songofeire Reading these forums makes me wonder... Are there no submissive hearts out there that beat a bit faster at the thought of someone actually being in control? And using that control to please himself, and not you? For your desires to be incidental? Doesn't anyone really want to freakin' submit any more? And are there no more Dominants out there who have a clue at all as to what it means to be Dominant? So many I have spoken with, speak impassionedly of their desire to please the woman... WHAT???? I finally asked one of them, "What if what she wants is for you not to ask what she wants, and just to use her to please yourself? Would you have a clue what to do then?" Rosemary (who, until very recently, was really gettin' discouraged) WHAT???? Let me re-phrase that... Are there no submissive brains out there who realize that the seven people you talked to at your local munch don't represent the depth and breadth of the vast population of people interested in power exchange all around the world--a very large proportion of whom simply go about their affairs very well without attending "Fet" conventions, Kink cruises or stooping to being baited in conversation by tiresome know-it-alls? Yes, thank God. The answer to my silly question is yes, there are scads of marvelous submisive brains out there, and scads of dominant brains too, and hearts, and kidneys .... not that my question was any more worth answering than your little rhetorical pose-striking costumed as interrogative sentences. So you've decided to introduce yourself to this community with an "I know the twue way and I sooo tire (poor me) of all the pretenders and buffoons" post. That's great honey. You know the Twue Way and the rest of us are piffle. Super. Why don't you take a seat on the bench over there with all the other twue subbies and dominates. Kindly place a large scarlet "T" at the top of all future threads wherein you legendary folk lean on your walkers and bitch about how "the community" isn't TWUE enough anymore, not like the good old days. That way the rest of us won't stumble in and piss on your illusions with posts like this one. Instead we'll just busy ourselves with the fun, formidable and stimulating people we have somehow miraculously managed to surround ourselves with while you Twuesters slump atop the parapets moaning out your same old news. In a wonderful book all about power exchange which was published long before the "old guard" did their first diaper play, it says: We see the world not at it is, but as we are. If things are really looking so shitty to you, Rosemary, it seems to me that your task is clear.

swtnsparkling -> RE: no more D/s? (7/29/2006 5:56:09 AM)
WOW!

DoctorDubious -> RE: no more D/s? (7/29/2006 2:09:42 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: EvilGeoff *You are absolutely right, there are people out there claiming to be submissive, who have no clue what the word means.* If it is MY desire as a dominant to give my partner joy and pleasure, that's MY freaking decision. As a submissive, she needs to shut up, lay back and enjoy it if that's what _I_ want to do. If she can't follow directions and needs to be forced, she ain't a submissive, she's playing games. And that, as Paul Harvey likes to say, "is the rest of the story". YIK, - Geoff Hey Evil Geoff... and all..... Another great post, and that essay of yours right on... ........for some. Certainly for me. But, nobody appointed me (or you for that matter) as the final arbitrator in the "correct submission-style sweepstakes". >>*You are absolutely right, there are people out there claiming to be submissive, who have no clue what the word means.* But... surely these dears get to *decide for themselves* and their lives what form shape smell and color their own submission takes? ************************* Here's Yeats, giving a really beautiful version of "vanilla submission" styles 'dat you 'dis as having no clue. Basically, this poem speaks of submission with limits.. HAD I the heavens’ embroidered cloths, Enwrought with golden and silver light, The blue and the dim and the dark cloths Of night and light and the half light, I would spread the cloths under your feet: But I, being poor, have only my dreams; I have spread my dreams under your feet; Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.** W. B Yeats Here is my version, written to reflect the submission style that works for me.... and it will be appealing to far fewer women... .... but it will appeal to the right one, I know that ... She Longs for the Tread of her Man Had I the heavens' embroidered cloths, Enwrought with golden and silver light, The blue and the dim and the dark cloths Of night and light and the half-light, I would spread the cloths under your feet: But I, surrendered woman, have only my dreams; I have spread my dreams under your feet; Tread boldly because you tread on my dreams. Tread strongly for you tread on my life. Tread absolutely as you trample my very soul. DD, a frisky old goat with sharp hooves

velvetears -> RE: no more D/s? (7/29/2006 6:08:48 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: songofeire Are there no submissive hearts out there that beat a bit faster at the thought of someone actually being in control? And using that control to please himself, and not you? For your desires to be incidental? Doesn't anyone really want to freakin' submit any more? Do you claim to know what it is that makes all "submissive hearts" beat faster? You can say what makes YOUR "submissive heart" beat faster, but you cannot speak for mine, nor anyone elses. If you are comfrtable and thrilled with allowing a dominant you have not negotiated with to have total control of you great, if thats what floats your boat - just don't complain when you come out of it with possible cigarette burns or missing teeth, because doing "anything he wants with you" might just add up to more then you bargained for. And are there no more Dominants out there who have a clue at all as to what it means to be Dominant? So many I have spoken with, speak impassionedly of their desire to please the woman... If you are a submissive, and correct me here if i am wrong you may be a switch i have no clue really - then why do you claim to know what it means to be a dominant? If he or she chooses to pleasure the sub why does that make them less dominant in your eyes? That is what they want to do - who are you to say they are wrong?? WHAT???? I finally asked one of them, "What if what she wants is for you not to ask what she wants, and just to use her to please yourself? Would you have a clue what to do then?" Why do you feel it necessary to be mean and condescending to a dominant that doesn't fit your paradigm of dominance? Seek whatever it is you need to feel fulfilled, but i would say that handing yourself over to someone and allowing them free reign is a dangerous proposition. Of course control is the issue in a D/s relationship, but it something that develops over time AFTER trust is established and you feel confident you are safe in their care. i have heard too many horror stories to last me a lifetime. Noah - i have read many of your threads and always enjoy your cutting right to the chase - you don't mince words and i like that - you hit the nail right on the head with this one!!

marieToo -> RE: no more D/s? (7/29/2006 10:00:17 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Noah quote: ORIGINAL: songofeire Reading these forums makes me wonder... Are there no submissive hearts out there that beat a bit faster at the thought of someone actually being in control? And using that control to please himself, and not you? For your desires to be incidental? Doesn't anyone really want to freakin' submit any more? And are there no more Dominants out there who have a clue at all as to what it means to be Dominant? So many I have spoken with, speak impassionedly of their desire to please the woman... WHAT???? I finally asked one of them, "What if what she wants is for you not to ask what she wants, and just to use her to please yourself? Would you have a clue what to do then?" Rosemary (who, until very recently, was really gettin' discouraged) WHAT???? Let me re-phrase that... Are there no submissive brains out there who realize that the seven people you talked to at your local munch don't represent the depth and breadth of the vast population of people interested in power exchange all around the world--a very large proportion of whom simply go about their affairs very well without attending "Fet" conventions, Kink cruises or stooping to being baited in conversation by tiresome know-it-alls? Yes, thank God. The answer to my silly question is yes, there are scads of marvelous submisive brains out there, and scads of dominant brains too, and hearts, and kidneys .... not that my question was any more worth answering than your little rhetorical pose-striking costumed as interrogative sentences. So you've decided to introduce yourself to this community with an "I know the twue way and I sooo tire (poor me) of all the pretenders and buffoons" post. That's great honey. You know the Twue Way and the rest of us are piffle. Super. Why don't you take a seat on the bench over there with all the other twue subbies and dominates. Kindly place a large scarlet "T" at the top of all future threads wherein you legendary folk lean on your walkers and bitch about how "the community" isn't TWUE enough anymore, not like the good old days. That way the rest of us won't stumble in and piss on your illusions with posts like this one. Instead we'll just busy ourselves with the fun, formidable and stimulating people we have somehow miraculously managed to surround ourselves with while you Twuesters slump atop the parapets moaning out your same old news. In a wonderful book all about power exchange which was published long before the "old guard" did their first diaper play, it says: We see the world not at it is, but as we are. If things are really looking so shitty to you, Rosemary, it seems to me that your task is clear. Good God, I think Rosemary deserves aftercare!

nefertari -> RE: no more D/s? (7/29/2006 11:40:12 PM)
Well, hell. Now I'm confused. Where do I fit in then? Outside of the sexual arena, I'm not submissive at all. If a man ever tried to "discipline" me, he'd draw back a bloody stump. [:D] I have no desire to submit or serve 24/7. That doesn't work for me, although it works very well for some close friends of mine. Within the sexual arena, however, I'm completely and totally submissive. By the way, that is more than just kinky sex as for a man to have that kind of control in the bedroom, it is going to carry over elsewhere...what I call a Leader rather than a Dom (but that's a different thread). So I guess I don't fit your definition of a "true submissive", but I'm being true to me and that's all I care about. Why do we spend so much time on who's doing it right and who's doing it wrong? Such a waste of time.

Wolfie648 -> RE: no more D/s? (7/30/2006 1:18:51 AM)
quote: Are there no submissive hearts out there that beat a bit faster at the thought of someone actually being in control? And using that control to please himself, and not you? For your desires to be incidental? Doesn't anyone really want to freakin' submit any more? And are there no more Dominants out there who have a clue at all as to what it means to be Dominant? So many I have spoken with, speak impassionedly of their desire to please the woman... Amen! But then I'm a D/s guy not a s/m guy. Well D/s 93% s/m 7%. But the s/m comes after the D/s ;-) It's why I require a slave not a sub. Subs have the power. YAWN. D (owner of j)

Fawne -> RE: no more D/s? (7/30/2006 2:45:15 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: popeye1250 Song, sure, sometimes I like to tie a sub down and greedily ravish her for my own selfish wants and I really couldn't care less what she "wants" or "needs." It's all about what (I) want to do to her. If she starts to complain the gag goes right into her mouth! You know, use her like a FUCK TOY. If she didn't really care for nipple clamps, use them on her for a while. Maybe slap her tits around a bit and just fuckin' TAKE her. Be real rough with her, pull her hair and pin her head down to the bed while I'm ramming her pussy and biting her ear and pinching her nipple with my other hand. Sticking a finger up her ass while I continue to pound away at her pussy telling her how sore she's going to be tommorrow. Telling her what a little cock tease she is and now she's going to regret it. What's she going to do about it if she's tied securly? Nothing. At that point she is totally mine! And I'll make her know it! But, I also like orgasm denial and for them to beg me for an orgasm which I may or may not do for them for a while. It all depends, I like doing a lot of different things! You can't do the same things all the time, that'd be boring! Yes, please..... but not on the first date ;)

enigmabrat -> RE: no more D/s? (7/30/2006 2:55:21 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: songofeire Reading these forums makes me wonder... Are there no submissive hearts out there that beat a bit faster at the thought of someone actually being in control? And using that control to please himself, and not you? For your desires to be incidental? Doesn't anyone really want to freakin' submit any more? And are there no more Dominants out there who have a clue at all as to what it means to be Dominant? So many I have spoken with, speak impassionedly of their desire to please the woman... WHAT???? I finally asked one of them, "What if what she wants is for you not to ask what she wants, and just to use her to please yourself? Would you have a clue what to do then?" Rosemary (who, until very recently, was really gettin' discouraged) You talk as if there is only one way to submit and only one way to Dominate and that way is YOUR way and if it isnt your way then it isnt really D/s... take the fucking blinders off and get rid of that holier then though attitude and youll be a lot happier and piss a lot less people off!!

losttreasure -> RE: no more D/s? (7/30/2006 4:59:18 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant One of my pet peeves is the type of profile that says "my submission must be earned". Though I try to think good thoughts about the statement and not pre-judge it, it bugs me every time I see it because the first thought in my head is "And just how do I do that?" The second thought is "Are you going to be one of those who tells me how I must dominate in order for you to submit? Could that not be construed as topping from the bottom?" Maybe in many cases, it isn't...but I've talked to quite a few where that is exactly the case. I don't know, CD... perhaps you need to look at it from a different direction. If you will, allow me to answer your questions and maybe next time, you'll be able to hang on to those good thoughts a little longer. "And just how do I do that?" Easy. Just be yourself and be open. What is really being earned is my trust. In order to be comfortable turning over control of my well-being to you, I have to know you. I need to feel assured that you are mature and stable, and have the ability to make sound decisions with not only your own, but my best interest in mind. "Are you going to be one of those who tells me how I must dominate in order for you to submit?" Well... yes. In order to know if we will mesh in the best possible way, I need to know that your style of dominance matches my style of submission. By presenting my expectations for a dominant, I'm giving you the opportunity to dip your toes into the water without having to dive right in. In the same respect, I would hope that you would reciprocate by letting me know your expectations for a submissive. This way, if either of us feels that we can't measure up to the other's expectations, we can bow out gracefully and no feelings hurt. "Could that not be construed as topping from the bottom?" I don't think so, but you tell me, please. Are you requiring submission from the outset, without reasonable care to determine if even our ideas of D/s are compatible? How responsible is that? Would you really trust a submissive who will make such life altering decisions with no thought or consideration? Then again, maybe I'm not understanding the types of issues you've run into.

Homestead -> RE: no more D/s? (7/30/2006 5:06:59 PM)
I'm terribly old fashioned. I work hard, and I expect to have to earn everything. No free lunches in this house! So when I see a girl state that her submission has to be earned, I just smile. Because it shows me that she realizes she has value. And value is a good thing. Now if she just gave it away to any tom with a capped nick who wandered along-I'd be wondering......... Do I have any value then? I HOPE I do! But that's sort of for the person over THERE---------> To decide,isn't it?[;)]

earthylaughter -> RE: no more D/s? (7/30/2006 5:48:46 PM)
This is a thought provoking thread, and at this point it is .....somewhat difficult to form a logical answer as this deals with feelings, thoughts and bents....not rules that pertain to all. Some people are submissive in nature, quiet, meek and biddable. They by their very nature crave a man/woman that can dominate them in all ways and be very strong from the outset. Others of us are submissive in a different way.....strong willed, opinionated, passionate, and yet..we honor and respect those that are stronger than us. I wish i were the former, yet i am not. I am the second of the two. And i'm sure there are other descriptions ...that i have not begun to understand all the "flavors" of personality types that have a bent toward submission. I do not respect someone weaker than i. I also do not respect bullys. There is plenty of room for Dominant people to fit between the two extremes. For me, and only for me, i do not consider it "topping from the bottom" to meet and get to know one another (my prospective dominant and i) in an intellectual way....prior to developing a basis for submission to him..... even in cultures where men are very much the dominant partner at all times....they still woo the woman to them with courtship..... i see only strength and honor in a man that opens doors for a woman, sheilds her from danger, protects her from harm, treats her as a respected and valued weaker vessel. Is this sort of honor to be considered.....weakness? Or if a woman likes it is she less submissive? in my particular frame of reference....wooing is a good thing. Once my trust is given, then my submission within a framework of trust can blossom..... i can't imagine being able to submit to a stranger.....to open my self to that level of emotional vulnerability without knowledge of his inner person.. if i wanted to be dominated in a purely sexual way with no emotional bond...then i would simply be a prostitute and get paid for sex, beaten frequently and used hard with no regard to my own feelings. That is not my desire. i desire something different than that...more intense, but no less submissive is the one that gives over her entire trust and being into the care of another. then the sexual domination that occurs in the bedroom would be welcome and part of a greater relationship where each knows that he can use her roughly because she trusts him to not take it too far.......and they know each other well enough that if he gets carried away she can safe word and bring him back to reality if he sinks too deep into the trance... hmmmm i'm rambling...... i'll stop now and return you to the regularly scheduled programing laughing earthylaughter

siobionsidh -> RE: no more D/s? (7/30/2006 6:01:33 PM)
I just had to reply to the "next" comment. If a submissive says to you that their submission has to be earned then in effect thaey have just said "next" to you.

enigmabrat -> RE: no more D/s? (7/30/2006 6:05:26 PM)
No..... I dont think a person that just automatically subs is nessaseraly a sub and more of a doormat and someone that is gunna get hurt any self respecting sub wont sub to the entire earth they should feel they have more value then that

Sub03 -> RE: no more D/s? (7/30/2006 8:48:35 PM)
deleted

Homestead -> RE: no more D/s? (7/30/2006 9:16:31 PM)
I've done these dynamics in any number of ways. From the romantic, to objective so spartan that it almost made my teeth ache. They all had thier merits. And as such, I can understand and appreciate almost all of the variants. Still, none of them would have worked, if the bottoms had not seen something of value in what I offered. Some girls liked nights out on the town, dinner and a movie. Others got off on being beaten black and blue, and locked in a cage with a litter box. Was any of it better or worse than the others? Not really-needs were being met.

nefertari -> RE: no more D/s? (7/30/2006 9:20:54 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: earthylaughter This is a thought provoking thread, and at this point it is .....somewhat difficult to form a logical answer as this deals with feelings, thoughts and bents....not rules that pertain to all. Some people are submissive in nature, quiet, meek and biddable. They by their very nature crave a man/woman that can dominate them in all ways and be very strong from the outset. Others of us are submissive in a different way.....strong willed, opinionated, passionate, and yet..we honor and respect those that are stronger than us. I wish i were the former, yet i am not. I am the second of the two. And i'm sure there are other descriptions ...that i have not begun to understand all the "flavors" of personality types that have a bent toward submission. I do not respect someone weaker than i. I also do not respect bullys. There is plenty of room for Dominant people to fit between the two extremes. For me, and only for me, i do not consider it "topping from the bottom" to meet and get to know one another (my prospective dominant and i) in an intellectual way....prior to developing a basis for submission to him..... even in cultures where men are very much the dominant partner at all times....they still woo the woman to them with courtship..... i see only strength and honor in a man that opens doors for a woman, sheilds her from danger, protects her from harm, treats her as a respected and valued weaker vessel. Is this sort of honor to be considered.....weakness? Or if a woman likes it is she less submissive? in my particular frame of reference....wooing is a good thing. Once my trust is given, then my submission within a framework of trust can blossom..... i can't imagine being able to submit to a stranger.....to open my self to that level of emotional vulnerability without knowledge of his inner person.. if i wanted to be dominated in a purely sexual way with no emotional bond...then i would simply be a prostitute and get paid for sex, beaten frequently and used hard with no regard to my own feelings. That is not my desire. i desire something different than that...more intense, but no less submissive is the one that gives over her entire trust and being into the care of another. then the sexual domination that occurs in the bedroom would be welcome and part of a greater relationship where each knows that he can use her roughly because she trusts him to not take it too far.......and they know each other well enough that if he gets carried away she can safe word and bring him back to reality if he sinks too deep into the trance... hmmmm i'm rambling...... i'll stop now and return you to the regularly scheduled programing laughing earthylaughter These are the words I've been looking for in my struggle to define my place in this lifestyle. A kindred spirit...

Kashan -> RE: no more D/s? (7/30/2006 9:26:29 PM)
I think there are many levels of submission. I certainly would not subscribe to being used as Popeye so eloquently described (that you for the fantasy) by anyone I have just met, and I don't think a Dom should expect such a thing. there are instances where it is perfectly acceptable, even in vanilla world. I find many women like being taken, used and told to do things they never would have thought possible, but that's what we like about men, their sick perverted minds. Of course, this holds true for submissive men and their perverted Dommes. Now personally, I raise and teach children, if I'm not dominant with them, they will walk right over me and never learn a thing...highly ineffective. I have to be dominant over them, but I can do it with a look or a tone. Becasue I am so "in control" of others in my regular life, I enjoy submittting to someone that much more. And let's be honest, I have submitted to jerkoffs not worthy. I try to figure out if they can really appreciate the gift ahead of time, but it's really a crapshoot. (Thanks to CrappyDom I'm having better luck nowadays!) I am submissive by nature, I love to please others.I always have. It's in my nature and I can't be "made" to do it. I had journaled once that the Dom's job is to open the door, it's the sub's choice to walk through or not. If she trusts you, she will walk through every time, regardless of what you want. And belive me, many subs and nilla wives, want desperately to be taken and used, we are often just too shy to say it.

RavenMuse -> RE: no more D/s? (7/31/2006 7:30:31 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: songofeire And are there no more Dominants out there who have a clue at all as to what it means to be Dominant? Do you have the first clue what it means to be submissive? Sure there are times I know exactly what I want and am in no mood to compromise... I take what I want, or I tell her and she gives what I want. Thats part of our dynamic. However I want to control a PERSON not just a freaking body, not an empty shell, not a puppet but a PERSON. Guess what, they come with needs and wants too.... Mine come first but it pleases ME to indulge them also... I am the one in control, if I decide to accomidate her that is MY choise, that is what I am in the mood to do right there and then. So that is what we do right there and then. Just because some want to be boring little lumps of meat and give nothing of themself except their body, don't assume thats what everyone wants... certainly not what all Doms want. I am not content with just having her body at my disposal, I want her heart and mind too! Ooh gosh, lucky me, thats what I HAVE got [:D]

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