Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

When you just can't stop


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> When you just can't stop Page: [1]
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
When you just can't stop - 7/28/2006 5:07:13 AM   
foxglove716


Posts: 648
Joined: 7/4/2005
Status: offline 		Do you feel as if kink is addictive, physically or mentally? Do you build a tolerance, and if so, where do you draw the line? Has this sort of dependancy impacted your day to day vanilla life?

_____________________________

Illusion is the first of all pleasures. -Oscar Wilde
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: When you just can't stop - 7/28/2006 5:34:25 AM   
SexyRed


Posts: 529
Joined: 8/19/2004
Status: offline 		Sure, kink can be addictive.  It can be addictive in that you may become addicted to a specific person. I stayed too long in my last relationship which was not a healthy one, simply because we were addicted to what we did with each other.

In that context, being addicted to kink impacted my life in a negative way,since my emotional and intellectual needs were not being met and I allowed it to happen.

_____________________________

A trucker will slow down for a blonde, stop for a brunette, but back up 500 yards for a redhead!


(in reply to foxglove716)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: When you just can't stop - 7/28/2006 5:40:03 AM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		I can become sort of addicted to thinking about it. But I don't have to have it in my life to be able to function - having spent 15 years in a near sexless marriage has convinced me I can live without sex of any kind, if I have to do it. I can imagine the same would  hold true for bdsm. I do love thinking about it, though - and there are days when it's on my mind almost constantly. So far, that's proven harmless to me, or anybody else, though.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 7/28/2006 5:57:59 AM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to SexyRed)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: When you just can't stop - 7/28/2006 6:42:15 AM   
shivvy


Posts: 746
Joined: 3/25/2006
From: Ireland, living in Kent, England.
Status: offline 		Do you feel as if kink is addictive, physically or mentally?
yes. when i first got into D/s and bdsm, it all just felt so right and perfectly wonderful to me. i have been told by several people that i am a natural submissive, but i just think that most subs/slaves were prolly born the way we are. but i just kinda took to it like a duck to water, and the more i done, the more i wanted to do..

Do you build a tolerance, and if so, where do you draw the line?
yes, i think you do build up a tolerance, coz everytime i did something nes, i wanted to do it again, but next time twice as hard or twice as rough, or twice as nasty... it became like an insatable hunger.. i need it, i crave it... and without getting into the whole argurement abour limits and safewords, i have neither with my Master, coz i trust Him to not do anything too dumb. He is the one who decides where and when to stop. not me.

Has this sort of dependancy impacted your day to day vanilla life?
oh yes, most definately. apart from somedays, not being able to think about anything else, so you end up doing dumb stuff coz you're not concerntrating, it can effect your relationships with different people, and the clothes you wear (i wear Masters collar all the time), and sometimes i have to wear long skirts and jeans, or long sleaved tops to cover marks and brusing, and sometimes it effects wot you do and like your daily/weekly routines (like going swimming and stuff)
 
luv,
 
shiv
xx

_____________________________


(¯`v´¯)
`*.¸.*´
¸.•´¸.•*¨) ¸.•*¨)
(¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´ ¸¸.•¨¯`•.εΐз¸¸.·*´¯`v´¯`*·.¸¸ـ εΐз ~*luv shivvy*~ ـ εΐз

xxx
Owned and collared by SavageFaerie and Master P

(in reply to foxglove716)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: When you just can't stop - 7/28/2006 6:43:37 AM   
pqwinny


Posts: 117
Joined: 6/23/2006
Status: offline 		Good question foxglove.  i was wondering the same thing myself last week.  my head was swimming with swirling emotions and muddled thinking and then i got some very helpful input from a fellow sub here on sub-frenzy (a term i had not yet encountered in all my reading).  i found it very helpful and didn't feel panicy about the question of addiction anymore or wondering if i was somehow completely losing touch with my greater self.

Here's the link http://www.steel-door.com/Frenzies.html in case it may help others.

_____________________________

I have no special talent. I am only passionately curious.
-Albert Einstein

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: When you just can't stop - 7/28/2006 7:08:54 AM   
mstrjx


Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline 		I am addicted to kink in the sense that, once I realized the immensity and 'specialness' of WIITWD, I knew that I would not go back to vanilla relationships again.

Within kink, it is possible to build up a tolerance, in that you have taboos and soft limits and barriers that slowly (or not), gently (or not) get broken.  These you might desire more and more.  Your ideas become stretched, old fantasies become realities and new fantasies take up their place.

None of this is bad.  Where does one draw the line?  When you believe that one party or another is going to be phsyically or psychologically 'damaged'.  When it's no longer fun (back to vanilla?  ::shudder::)  Does one need to draw the line?  As far as I'm concerned, as long as the mundane responsibilities get handled (go to work, pay the bills) the vanilla world is just someplace I visit every day.

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to foxglove716)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: When you just can't stop - 7/28/2006 7:18:41 AM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: foxglove716

Do you feel as if kink is addictive, physically or mentally? Do you build a tolerance, and if so, where do you draw the line? Has this sort of dependancy impacted your day to day vanilla life?


I admit to being leery of the 'addictive' label.  I am one of those people whose career is healthcare and yet, unlike many in the field of healthcare, I disagree with the way the label is attached to every type of health problem. You're overweight?  It's not because you eat too much and have no self control and are too lazy to exercise...it's because you have a genetic tendency to addiction; in your case expressed through food.
You can't quit smoking?  It's not because you have no willpower or because you like the way it makes you feel...it's because you have a genetic tendency to addiction, this time expressed through food. 
That is not saying that there aren't people who have honest-to-God addictions but everyone with a 'problem'? Sorry...don't buy it.  You get my drift, I hope.  The word addiction is used too readily these days, in MOO.

That said, I do believe that kink...especially when your experiences with it have been mainly positive...can become a much more desirable thing to have than the so-called 'vanilla' life which, let's face it, seems sort of bland to those of us who enjoy kink.

Like Susan, I love to think about kink...not just the SM aspects but the whole D/s dynamic and the interactions that take place there.  In good D/s relationships, there is a distinctively different romantic aspect that, in MOO, is lacking in most vanilla relationships. (Can't go to the 'bad place' though Susan...no more sex in my life or no more BDSM?  ARrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh)
When I am engaged in SM play and afterwards, the feelings are intense and wonderful and thrilling and heady and yes, I want to experience them again.  Crave them again.  Need them to live?  No.  Become dysfunctional without those feelings or what brings them on?  No.  Perhaps...and this is purely speculative...part of that is due to the 'controlling' aspect of domination...my domination at least....of myself.


< Message edited by CreativeDominant -- 7/28/2006 7:30:53 AM >

(in reply to foxglove716)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: When you just can't stop - 7/28/2006 7:21:07 AM   
popeye1250


Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline 		I don't see it as "addictive" just "more evolved" maybe.
I see it as a more "intense" form of sexual play than the "wam, bam, thankyou M'am" boring ,routine, vanilla sex, not that there's anything wrong with that either once in a while.
A B&D, M/s relationship just has a lot more dynamics and variety going for it in my humble opinion.
And if both people in the relationship derive more pleasure by doing those things there's certainly nothing "wrong" with it!
That's the thing about "addictions, they actually "hurt" people! Drugs, alchohol, bona fide addictions like that are "negative."
I don't see anything "negative" in a man and a woman giving each other pleasure!
I think about it a lot too obviously but that doesn't affect the other parts of my life or finances. Like if I'm looking at houses or something like that I'll be thinking to myself; "Now, this garage would make a GREAT playroom, I could put large hooks into that beam above for suspension bondage" that kind of thing.
Or if I'm walking through a furniture store I might be thinking how bondage could be applied to a certain piece of furniture.
My bills are always paid, I have a nice roof over my head and I or no-one else is being affected in an adverse way by it.

(in reply to pqwinny)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: When you just can't stop - 7/28/2006 7:57:29 AM   
raiken


Posts: 868
Joined: 10/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: foxglove716

Do you feel as if kink is addictive, physically or mentally? Do you build a tolerance, and if so, where do you draw the line? Has this sort of dependancy impacted your day to day vanilla life?

 
i don't believe i have an addictive personality for the most part. Being alone by choice, for quite a while after waking up to realize i was in a mentally/emotionally abusive relationship for over 15 years, (ex was also my Dom and the father of our children) has shown me many things about myself.  As i healed and re-learned to love and value myself again, i realized that the things i thought i craved, and couldn't live without, were only because other areas (both in my relationship and in myself) were lacking and severely out of balance. So the temporary "kink high", was all i had to look forward to at one point.  It was the only thing left that was good between us.  i was using certain preferences/desires for a temporary relief and fulfillment to counter balance my other stresses/pains and neglected areas that were far too overwhelming at the time.
 
i know that for myself, too much of anything throws a wrench in the balance.  Now, if i find myself craving and longing for anything, from kink to chocolate *grinz* to the point where it begins to affect other areas, i am quick to give myself a reality check.  i believe it is just a matter of being in control of myself and having enough understanding and nurture to follow my own set of disciplines and rules to live by, with everything in moderation, keeping a healthy balance and perspective.
 
i really enjoy the power exchange and the whole psychological dynamic, which goes far beyond the physical for me.  i was never one to form a relationship that was largely based upon the lust or the short lived wave of the physical anyway.  *winks  If i really need to get off on the kink, i must say that i know how to give myself a terrific orgasm when necessary, been doing that since i was a youngin. *blush
 
Good question; made me think!
 
~raiken




(in reply to foxglove716)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: When you just can't stop - 7/28/2006 8:05:24 AM   
popeye1250


Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline 		Creative Dominant, I agree with you on the "Addiction" thing!
It's bandied about way too much these days! And, it's used as an excuse by a lot of people!
"It's not your fault, you're "ADDICTED!"

(in reply to raiken)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: When you just can't stop - 7/28/2006 8:14:39 AM   
Sasy


Posts: 1387
Joined: 7/5/2004
From: Texas
Status: offline 		I am not so sure this is an addiction for me ... It ( when owned) changes things and my  thinking perhaps... I have known some addicted to play side but I  dont have those issues as I am not  much into  play  but more the daily life that comes within the master slave relationship. The daily grind so to  speak, I  think my  worst addiction so to  speak is when I am serving that I try to make everything as close to perfect as possible which at times can cause me to  focus to much on one thing letting others slide.

I  had a friend who was addicted to the SM activities so much  so it took her into  many  unsafe situations... sometimes I wonder if it is just dumb luck she is still alive ( well I  broke ties with her a couple years ago so I dont know she is) She would  play with some one after talking to them for less than a few hours. Yes real time and in her home. It still bothers me to  think about it  but I just  had to  remove myself from the relationship because I worried to much  about her.

I think I am glad I have come to the point in my  life where I am more aware it is service for me not play... I  think it makes me a little more laid back in finding my  one .. I dont rush

_____________________________

"In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit." ~ Albert Schweitzer

(in reply to raiken)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: When you just can't stop - 7/28/2006 8:53:05 AM   
raiken


Posts: 868
Joined: 10/18/2005
Status: offline 		Just some food for thought about addictions, my thoughts only of course. *smile  There is a huge debate going on in the neuropsychological and medical community regarding addiction, and if there is such a thing as the addictive personality, and the causes of certain addictions (and if they should even be called addictions or rather predispositions) be they chemical or behavioral in nature, spanning from drugs to sex, food to nicotine, and all in between.  Not one person to date, has succeeded in proving the existence of a true addictive personality, and no one has succeeded in proving otherwise.  Many professionals are now beginning to believe that the predisposition to addiction is more accurately a combination of biological (nutrition and health), psychological (chemical patterns in the brain) and environmental (living conditions and emotional support/nurture or lack of, leading to abuse) factors.
 
Of course, as with all issues of psychology and human behavior, the unique combinations of genetics and inheritance must be balanced with an acknowledgment of environmental factors.  The biology or variables of addiction is no exception. There are many chemicals in our brains that are under or over stimulated by various substances and activities, environments and nutrition.  Of course, the main being seratonin, dopamine, norepinephrine and adrenaline, but these are only a tiny fraction of chemical interplay involved.  Each individual's neurochemical structure is unique, so even when we are all placed in the same setting and environment and given the same stimulus, we will all react differently according to our genetic structures. 
 
i personally do not believe in the label of addiction, but merely use the word for general clarity in discussion.  i do however believe that some folks are genetically predisposed to certain stimulus according to their nuerochemical design and the environment in which they live.  i do not blame people, judge people or label a person as weak because they are drawn to or crave a certain stimulus, chemical or activity. i have learned to consider all the other factors involved since before birth that led them to their current state, such as nutrition, emotional well being or abuse, cultural aspects, etc.  i personally view an addiction as merely the result of such life-long exposures and combinations of the previously stated.  i believe that many behaviors that are labeled as an addiction can be reversed once healthy changes and balance are restored in the other areas, especially in the area of nutrition for that individual. Okay...end of mini lecture! *grin  Just some things to ponder...*smile
 
~raiken

(in reply to popeye1250)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: When you just can't stop - 7/28/2006 10:05:31 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: foxglove716
Do you feel as if kink is addictive, physically or mentally?

I think any hobby can be taken to extremes where it can take over a persons life, for better or worse.

quote:

Do you build a tolerance, and if so, where do you draw the line?

In some ways, the shineness of "the new" wears off.  It's fun seeing a novice get their first flogging and, while for you it might be a very mild thing, for them, as it is new, it is one of the most intense things for them.  The newness fades, and sometimes people need to increase the activity in order to get the same intensity level.

I've found that, over time, what one really needs to do is increase the connectivity level and learn more about what's going on in the scene itself.

quote:

Has this sort of dependancy impacted your day to day vanilla life?

Only in the same way that vanillas who are huge sports fans have that impact their day to day life. 

If you are talking about endorphin junkies who need their pain high- I've heard it can become a regular difficult distraction. 

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to foxglove716)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: When you just can't stop - 7/29/2006 6:57:04 AM   
KennelDeSade2


Posts: 210
Joined: 9/19/2004
Status: offline 		I'm not sure.  Is breathing an addiction?  

_____________________________

Rules? Just one: I say, she does.
Everything else, is just details.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: When you just can't stop - 7/29/2006 11:43:06 AM   
EvilGeoff


Posts: 523
Joined: 8/24/2005
Status: offline 		It isn't a dependency, it's who I am.

Impacted my life?  Surely.  Has it made me unable to work, function in society, created problems with my ability to cope with life?  Not at all.

Any focus, if taken to an extreme, can reach the point of becoming pathological, of becoming a clinically diagnosable mental or emotional illness.

*grins and shrugs*  It may come down to "It depends on which psychiatrist or psychologist you work with as to whether your kink is pathological or not."... 

YIK,
- Geoff

(in reply to foxglove716)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: When you just can't stop - 7/29/2006 1:58:57 PM   
popeye1250


Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline 		Geoff, correct and well said!  
I'm "In this Lifestyle" because I love it. I chose, by my own volition to be "in" it. I'm in it because it makes me very happy and I'd like to find a sub who's happy in it and we can make each other even happier!

(in reply to EvilGeoff)
Profile   Post #: 16
Page:   [1]
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> When you just can't stop Page: [1]
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.078