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RE: Where has simple courtesy and respect gone? - 7/29/2006 6:40:09 PM

SirDarkside357

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Maybe you should re-think your people skills.....seems as if you are picking the wrong type of persons to have LTR's with.

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RE: Where has simple courtesy and respect gone? - 7/29/2006 6:43:36 PM

popeye1250

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Wow! Now those are pretty strange requests!
I've been getting requests from other men on here wanting me to "Dom them."
I have no trouble in e-mailing them back and just telling them I'm just not interested in guys.
Yep, it's just as important knowing what you don't want as in knowing what you do.

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RE: Where has simple courtesy and respect gone? - 7/29/2006 6:48:45 PM

Cloudz

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Wow velvetears,

You did seem to hit the "extreme fetish" jackpot. I will withhold my personal thoughts on the "offers" you had, and simply send you a much needed hug. It SUCKS when people vanish - but I expect you can agree it was actually for the best. There are some amazing people on these boards - It has been my privelege to spend time with some of them.

Some of the things you might want to check (and not all of these cautions mean they are bad...just proceed with caution) are people who have not been on for long, who come on very strong from the beginning, and who treat you with something less than respect - from the beginning.

Good luck to you dear

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~Cloudz

"Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain."

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RE: Where has simple courtesy and respect gone? - 7/29/2006 6:58:45 PM

MasterFireMaam

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Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
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quote:

ORIGINAL: velvetears

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

We are taught to lie, especially when it comes to these desires we have. So, no, it may not be easier to be honest for a lot of people. Congratulate yourself; you have found something you don't want, which is as important as finding what you do.

Master Fire

i don't think i agree with this. Who teaches us to lie?? Maybe we have to be discreet and not tell others about our proclivities because society judges us but we certainly do owe each other within this lifestyle honesty, without that how can you build anything??

Perhaps it's just late and I'm not able to better articulate what I'm trying to say. You asked why we lie. In my opinion, we lie because we are taught to, through different events in our lives. For me, lying came about in order to escape my mother's wrath. For others, it was as simple as saying we ate some broccoli when we really didn't. For others, it's done to hide the truth (which is lying to me) if our truths are different from the norm. This doesn't make any statements about whether or not we should lie, only opinions about WHY.

I'm not saying that we SHOULD lie, only that we are taught to hide the truth (which is lying to me) if our truths/wants/desires are different from the norm. And, of course, we can't build anything meaningful without openness and honesty...but that wasn't the question, as I read it. But again, it's late and I'm getting old. LOL

Master Fire

< Message edited by MasterFireMaam -- 7/29/2006 7:01:48 PM >

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RE: Where has simple courtesy and respect gone? - 7/29/2006 6:59:51 PM

velvetears

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SirDarkside357

Maybe you should re-think your people skills.....seems as if you are picking the wrong type of persons to have LTR's with.

Appreciate the advice SirDarkside357 :-) i haven't as of yet picked anyone to have a ltr with - it's the process getting there thats giving me the problem. Like others have said - weed out the ones who wave that red flag and know what you don't want as much as what you do want. Thanks all :-)

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RE: Where has simple courtesy and respect gone? - 7/29/2006 7:01:53 PM

velvetears

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Cloudz

You did seem to hit the "extreme fetish" jackpot. I will withhold my personal thoughts on the "offers" you had, and simply send you a much needed hug.

Thanks Cloudz, it's nice to "feel" your compassion and understanding :-)

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RE: Where has simple courtesy and respect gone? - 7/29/2006 7:03:33 PM

SirDarkside357

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Yes, the weeding out process is a bother... but it has to be done.... don't let the bad ones taint you to the point that you settle for less than what you truly want and need.

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RE: Where has simple courtesy and respect gone? - 7/29/2006 7:05:47 PM

velvetears

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quote:

ORIGINAL: popeye1250

Wow! Now those are pretty strange requests!
I've been getting requests from other men on here wanting me to "Dom them."
I have no trouble in e-mailing them back and just telling them I'm just not interested in guys.
Yep, it's just as important knowing what you don't want as in knowing what you do.

Absolutely Popeye1250! It's good you can simply understand them and relate to them you have no interest, it seems a shame though that people wouldn't read a profile first before making such a request - i do believe there is a box we check saying we are het, bi, gay etc??

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RE: Where has simple courtesy and respect gone? - 7/29/2006 7:11:34 PM

TemptingNviceSub

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

quote:

ORIGINAL: TemptingNviceSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

I wouldn't neccesarily see someone making those requests as "wankers, losers, wannabees", etc, but they would certainly seem to fall into the fetish chasing category as opposed someone looking for a more rounded relationship, which the OP seems to want.

She feels they're rude for cutting off contact once they knew she didn't have an interest in those specific acts; maybe so. I'd look at it as just a quick way of letting the "weeding" begin, as you say, Morpheus.

Sighs...I wish Level would quit reading my mind and then posting before I can..darn it....Level, dear man, are you sure you are not some long lost sibling of mine?..Tooooo many times you have written my thoughts and thus rendered me speechless...GRR....ach well! to the OP...what Level said feels to me to be the most logical answer to your question...be well..Tempting

*points at crystal ball, ouija board, and magic 8-ball*

Tempting, it may be a case of great minds thinking alike!

LOL...orr it could be we are just simply sharing a brain and you are hogging it!//Tempting

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RE: Where has simple courtesy and respect gone? - 7/29/2006 7:12:40 PM

velvetears

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

Perhaps it's just late and I'm not able to better articulate what I'm trying to say. You asked why we lie. In my opinion, we lie because we are taught to, through different events in our lives. For me, lying came about in order to escape my mother's wrath. For others, it was as simple as saying we ate some broccoli when we really didn't. For others, it's done to hide the truth (which is lying to me) if our truths are different from the norm. This doesn't make any statements about whether or not we should lie, only opinions about WHY.

I'm not saying that we SHOULD lie, only that we are taught to hide the truth (which is lying to me) if our truths/wants/desires are different from the norm. And, of course, we can't build anything meaningful without openness and honesty...but that wasn't the question, as I read it. But again, it's late and I'm getting old. LOL

Master Fire

Thanks for clarifying, when people hide the truth it is lying i suppose. But we all need to survive and make a living and i would venture to say 99%, if they came out, would loose their jobs. It sucks we have to live in a society that judges, us but we do

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RE: Where has simple courtesy and respect gone? - 7/29/2006 7:13:55 PM

SavageEu

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Thats a good question, why should we lie amoung 'ourselves'? I think part of it is because in general we are more honest about what we want at times because we know that a lot of what we want is rejected by society at large. We like to assume that if you are on a site like this you are much more likely to be into something extreme and so fetishes that we have have a better chance of finding an outlet.

I think some start to assume that people here, especially subs, have no real limits. In general, the fact that we push a lot of the conventional limits just by being here, I think gives certain people the impression that 'well sure she says she doesn't like necrophilia, but when she sees this preserved penis I have no doubt she'll just melt with delight'. But to get to that point some feel that its better to trick the sub into it, because they know in thier heart of hearts that the sub will be won over with some convincing.

I have a fairly strong blood fetish, but someone I am talking with right now told me it would be a hard limit for her. Which is a bit disappointing, but still, I am not defined by this fetish so I just accept that would not be part of any relationship. I have felt the urge, not to lie, but to not bring things up because I am really starting to like this person and basically don't want to rock the boat. I fought that urge though because I know that if I did not bring things up that bother me it would just hurt any sort of bond that we formed later on.

So I can understand the urge to lie, even when admiting wants that you might not admit to in other situations. But when faced with this it is as marieToo said, a lack of courage to face the truth and start looking again rather than just trying to play people to get what you want instead of finding someone who actually does want to share in whatever you want.

That is a lot of wants there. Maybe I need to add in arrows to show who's wanting what there.

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RE: Where has simple courtesy and respect gone? - 7/29/2006 7:17:26 PM

TemptingNviceSub

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Oh yes I also forgot to the OP..when someone cums into your eyes which I have experience..(by accident..poor aim on his part..lol)..it stings like the dickens turns eyes red and then vision is a wee bit blurred for awhile. Of course this was after I washed eyes out with running water...be well..Tempting

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RE: Where has simple courtesy and respect gone? - 7/29/2006 7:18:13 PM

deltadawn

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Courtesy on the web is not always the easiest thing to find so don't expect to find it and you will be much happier. Consider yourself lucky to have them not reply if their kink is something you rather not do.

There are all kinds of kinks and all kinds of people who enjoy something another will find sick or to extreme. I agree with others who have said this is the weeding time. Try not to judge as you weed out though.

I am at somewhat of a disadvantage in regards to finding someone via the internet, my Master and I have been together for some time and met in our local community. However, if He had begun conversing with me about sexual kinks before even knowing we were suited for each other in other interests, I would have kicked him to the curb fast.

Is it that much different when searching for our partners here online?

dawn

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RE: Where has simple courtesy and respect gone? - 7/29/2006 7:18:26 PM

Level

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quote:

ORIGINAL: TemptingNviceSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

quote:

ORIGINAL: TemptingNviceSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

I wouldn't neccesarily see someone making those requests as "wankers, losers, wannabees", etc, but they would certainly seem to fall into the fetish chasing category as opposed someone looking for a more rounded relationship, which the OP seems to want.

She feels they're rude for cutting off contact once they knew she didn't have an interest in those specific acts; maybe so. I'd look at it as just a quick way of letting the "weeding" begin, as you say, Morpheus.

Sighs...I wish Level would quit reading my mind and then posting before I can..darn it....Level, dear man, are you sure you are not some long lost sibling of mine?..Tooooo many times you have written my thoughts and thus rendered me speechless...GRR....ach well! to the OP...what Level said feels to me to be the most logical answer to your question...be well..Tempting

*points at crystal ball, ouija board, and magic 8-ball*

Tempting, it may be a case of great minds thinking alike!

LOL...orr it could be we are just simply sharing a brain and you are hogging it!//Tempting

What, that's like a conjoined dominant and submissive?

*uses my half of the brain to figure out how the flogging would work*

Well.... at least I'd always know where you're at.....

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RE: Where has simple courtesy and respect gone? - 7/29/2006 7:34:51 PM

velvetears

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Thank you SavageEu for a very thought provoking post - you gave me a lot to contemplate. i think you are right on when you say that

quote:

I think some start to assume that people here, especially subs, have no real limits........some feel that its better to trick the sub into it, because they know in thier heart of hearts that the sub will be won over with some convincing.

i think this happens a lot when two people meet, have an initial attration but hold back that "kink" they are not too sure will be inside or outside of that subs limits. It's not fair though because it takes away the other persons choice to make an informed decision and it's part "emotional blackmail" - getting soemone hooked on you so its harder to walk away. The scat dom i was cooresponding with took 4 months to tell me, it was only just before i was going to go out to the island to meet him that he mentioned it to me. It was such a let down. For him it was something he really wanted and needed in a relationship, and i am sure he considered that if i knew in that first week i would have not wanted to proceed further - and he's right i wouldn't, but in reality did he expect to spend time with me, eventually, fulfilling this desire when it was my very hard limit?? i almost felt bad for him, he's got a real cross to bear i would imagine.

i suppose when you say "I am not defined by this fetish" that says it all. These guys must be, the relationship to the sub must be secondary?? i commend you for your courage in being honest and upfront with those submissives. It's not always easy to say things we know will put off those we have an interest in, but in the long run, like you said - it will hurt more then help forming any kind of lasting bond. People interested in other people realize theres never going to be a perfect fit and are willing to compromise. Good luck with this sub!!

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RE: Where has simple courtesy and respect gone? - 7/29/2006 7:34:55 PM

TemptingNviceSub

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PLease!!! dear Level..use the whole brain if you intend to flog this particular submissive...half a brain ensures only half a good aim!...Tempting

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RE: Where has simple courtesy and respect gone? - 7/29/2006 7:39:16 PM

velvetears

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quote:

ORIGINAL: TemptingNviceSub

Oh yes I also forgot to the OP..when someone cums into your eyes which I have experience..(by accident..poor aim on his part..lol)..it stings like the dickens turns eyes red and then vision is a wee bit blurred for awhile. Of course this was after I washed eyes out with running water...be well..Tempting

Thanks for the heads up on this one lol.... i would imagine it would sting like crazy. i also wondered about the safety of such a thing. Yours was an accident - imagine having a device placed on the eyes to force them to stay open (is there such a thing?) and have a full force ejaculation into them - and you couldn't even blink!?!?!?! Yuk

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RE: Where has simple courtesy and respect gone? - 7/29/2006 7:46:45 PM

velvetears

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quote:

ORIGINAL: deltadawn

Courtesy on the web is not always the easiest thing to find so don't expect to find it and you will be much happier. Consider yourself lucky to have them not reply if their kink is something you rather not do.

There are all kinds of kinks and all kinds of people who enjoy something another will find sick or to extreme. I agree with others who have said this is the weeding time. Try not to judge as you weed out though.

I am at somewhat of a disadvantage in regards to finding someone via the internet, my Master and I have been together for some time and met in our local community. However, if He had begun conversing with me about sexual kinks before even knowing we were suited for each other in other interests, I would have kicked him to the curb fast.

Is it that much different when searching for our partners here online?

dawn

Excellent question dawn and one i am wondering about myself! i am sure its a lot harder to tell a sub over coffee at a munch "hey, if we get together i'd want you to wear a crap filled diaper and then let me smear poo all over you" then it is to tell someone that in an email. So i would ask - do you get to know that person first and then get to the kinks or do you cut to the chase, put all the kinks on the table and then proceed from there? i guess it depends on whats important to you? Finding a suitable partner for a possible relationship or getting your kink satisfied.

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RE: Where has simple courtesy and respect gone? - 7/29/2006 9:19:09 PM

SavageEu

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For me its finding a suitable partner, I try to tell them upfront if there is anything that even sounds like it might be a problem for them. I think in that way the anonymous nature of the internet makes it easier if you are really trying get a stable footing. You feel a bit safer when you don't have to look them right in the eye and divulge things that might be embarrasing at first until you know how they will react. It can add that buffer at first, and if the other person can accept what you tell them and are still comfortable with you, when you meet its not quite as nerve wracking.

And likewise it can make it all the easier to scam someone. It sucks a bit for those of us actually trying to find someone compatible, as the others have ruined a lot of the attitude of 'Trust someone until they give you reason not to'.

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RE: Where has simple courtesy and respect gone? - 7/30/2006 7:25:36 AM

Corpuscle2

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SavageEu

And likewise it can make it all the easier to scam someone. It sucks a bit for those of us actually trying to find someone compatible, as the others have ruined a lot of the attitude of 'Trust someone until they give you reason not to'.

I agree with the post in the vanilla world, Savage, but (and I'm just throwing this out there) don't you think that if you're going to let someone put you in a helpless position, it should be just the opposite? I wouldn't dream of putting someone in bondage unless I knew that I had earned their trust.

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