quote:

ORIGINAL: SavageEu

For me its finding a suitable partner, I try to tell them upfront if there is anything that even sounds like it might be a problem for them. I think in that way the anonymous nature of the internet makes it easier if you are really trying get a stable footing. You feel a bit safer when you don't have to look them right in the eye and divulge things that might be embarrasing at first until you know how they will react. It can add that buffer at first, and if the other person can accept what you tell them and are still comfortable with you, when you meet its not quite as nerve wracking.

And likewise it can make it all the easier to scam someone. It sucks a bit for those of us actually trying to find someone compatible, as the others have ruined a lot of the attitude of 'Trust someone until they give you reason not to'.

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ORIGINAL: Corpuscle2

quote:

ORIGINAL: SavageEu

And likewise it can make it all the easier to scam someone. It sucks a bit for those of us actually trying to find someone compatible, as the others have ruined a lot of the attitude of 'Trust someone until they give you reason not to'.

I agree with the post in the vanilla world, Savage, but (and I'm just throwing this out there) don't you think that if you're going to let someone put you in a helpless position, it should be just the opposite?  I wouldn't dream of putting someone in bondage unless I knew that I had earned their trust. 

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ORIGINAL: WildBilly

Why not inquire of Level and Bebnji,they appear to know where simple courtesy and respect have gone.

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ORIGINAL: TemptingNviceSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

I wouldn't neccesarily see someone making those requests as "wankers, losers, wannabees", etc, but they would certainly seem to fall into the fetish chasing category as opposed someone looking for a more rounded relationship, which the OP seems to want.
 
She feels they're rude for cutting off contact once they knew she didn't have an interest in those specific acts; maybe so. I'd look at it as just a quick way of letting the "weeding" begin, as you say, Morpheus.

Sighs...I wish Level would quit reading my mind and then posting before I can..darn it....Level, dear man, are you sure you are not some long lost sibling of mine?..Tooooo many times you have written my thoughts and thus rendered me speechless...GRR....ach well! to the OP...what Level said feels to me to be the most logical answer to your question...be well..Tempting

quote:

ORIGINAL: truesub4u

OP.... Level about says it.. (darn him too...lol)

Good luck to it...

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ORIGINAL: mstrjx

I used to believe that I was a fairly well-rounded open-minded dom/Master.  This post is going to make me rethink the last 15 years.  Clearly, I have some studying to do, because even my nastiest fantasies do not compare.  Then again, I've had real partners.

You are right, what you describe does not exemplify courtesy nor respect.  It is a shame that you have had to experience the extremes in bad behavior.  It is definitely true that, in the initial stages, it is probably better to 'cut bait' quickly rather than waste a lot of time and energy on someone who does not seem to be a good fit.  You meet, things don't quite click, one person wants out.  Either can make the call, and it doesn't matter whether we're speaking of vanilla people or doms/subs/tops/bottoms, that call should be respected.

Having said that, because we kinky people have our own 'funny ideas' on what we like and how we want to be approached, it is not always easy for a dominant male to connect with a submissive female.  In essence, there is a lot of competition and the anonymous nature of the beast really doesn't help.  There are submissives who want the slow and patient way, and others seem to get caught in being swept off their feet.  What's a dom to do?

My particular bent is to be extremely (read: nearly TOO) polite in the beginning emails.  Even if/when it moves to chat or phone calls prior to a meeting, I don't really show what skills I have.  I do this to protect both of us.  I don't want to play on a first meeting.  I want to be certain that I would like to develop something further before the intensity rises.  I will give a polite 'thanks but no thanks' and I know how to take one, as well.  Unfortunately I seem to be in the minority here.

Then again, aren't we all looking for something or someone 'very' special?  It takes patience.

Jeff

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ORIGINAL: truesub4u

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ORIGINAL: TemptingNviceSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

I wouldn't neccesarily see someone making those requests as "wankers, losers, wannabees", etc, but they would certainly seem to fall into the fetish chasing category as opposed someone looking for a more rounded relationship, which the OP seems to want.
 
She feels they're rude for cutting off contact once they knew she didn't have an interest in those specific acts; maybe so. I'd look at it as just a quick way of letting the "weeding" begin, as you say, Morpheus.

Sighs...I wish Level would quit reading my mind and then posting before I can..darn it....Level, dear man, are you sure you are not some long lost sibling of mine?..Tooooo many times you have written my thoughts and thus rendered me speechless...GRR....ach well! to the OP...what Level said feels to me to be the most logical answer to your question...be well..Tempting

LOL Temp..... I don't post as much behind you either.. because by the time I gt to it.. you've beat me to it as well... so I just smile and go on.... (huuuggsss)

OP.... Level about says it.. (darn him too...lol)

Good luck to it...

quote:

ORIGINAL: velvetears

quote:

ORIGINAL: Corpuscle2

quote:

ORIGINAL: SavageEu

And likewise it can make it all the easier to scam someone. It sucks a bit for those of us actually trying to find someone compatible, as the others have ruined a lot of the attitude of 'Trust someone until they give you reason not to'.

I agree with the post in the vanilla world, Savage, but (and I'm just throwing this out there) don't you think that if you're going to let someone put you in a helpless position, it should be just the opposite?  I wouldn't dream of putting someone in bondage unless I knew that I had earned their trust. 

Thats a good point you are making and i wish more doms felt that way Corpuscle2.  i can't tell you how many times i have met someone in a public place and they have suggested "playing" telling me they brought all kinds of things with them like rope... i'm like are you serious!?!?!?! What sub in her right mind would allow anyone to tie her up on a first meeting, and if she did wouldn't a dom have to think twice about who he's g etting involved with. i mean don't we all want rational, sane, levelheaded people??  i sure do. 

i do think that SavageEu meant the trust thing strictly for getting to know others online - i doubt he meant for instances in real life - but then again i don't really want to answer for him :-) 

quote:

ORIGINAL: SavageEu

This is correct, I just meant in terms of believing what someone is telling them when you first start to get to know someone instead of having to put the 'Oh yea, well you are going to have to prove that in some undefinable way' attitude. Heh, actually I would be a bit worried if I just met someone, not matter how well we got along online, and they either expected or suggested that we 'play'. I can only imagine how just plain scary it would be if I were a sub and someone I just met tells me "Stay right here, let me get my rope".

Now if I had been talking with them for months on the phone and through email and felt I really knew them I might not stop myself if we really hit it off when we met and we both felt like having some fun but I would still would be a bit warry until I had spent some real time with them first. As most know, online can differ from real life by quite a bit.

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ORIGINAL: Homestead

It's possible to have extreme fetishes, and still want a well rounded relationship.

But let's face it, a paraphillia is difficult to overcome, most people are stuck wih them as an irrational impulse. What they are trying to get you to "prove" is that thier honesty in expressing thier desires to you have a chance of acceptance.

Or would you rather get atttached to such a person, and THEN find out?

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ORIGINAL: deltadawn

velvetears..in response to..
Excellent question dawn and one i am wondering about myself! i am sure its a lot harder to tell a sub over coffee at a munch "hey, if we get together i'd want you to wear a crap filled diaper and then let me smear poo all over you" then it is to tell someone that in an email. So i would ask - do you get to know that person first and then get to the kinks or do you cut to the chase, put all the kinks on the table and then proceed from there? i guess it depends on whats important to you? Finding a suitable partner for a possible relationship or getting your kink satisfied.

I would get to know the person first.  Even through an email it is possible to learn about each other, I would ask that they begin with more of the vanilla interests that the 2 (or more) may share.  Afterall, even those of us who live as Master and slave on a 24/7 basis need to have the day to day interests match to make things work.  At least match for the most part.

I think that it is sometimes forgotten that we are first Men and Women who NEED even if some may not wish to.....live in the vanilla world.  If the ingredients are not there to be friends, how could they possibly be there for a long term relationship.

Then again, I also believe M/s is a loving relationship.

dawn

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ORIGINAL: Homestead

Exactly and if they really needed that kink, there was no reason to beat a dead horse. They respected her limits enough to leave her be.

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ORIGINAL: Homestead

I would at least say goodbye and good luck.

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ORIGINAL: marksl

When did honour start to become a quality in bdsm?