RE: Where has simple courtesy and respect gone?

RE: Where has simple courtesy and respect gone? (Full Version)

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velvetears -> RE: Where has simple courtesy and respect gone? (7/30/2006 7:36:51 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SavageEu For me its finding a suitable partner, I try to tell them upfront if there is anything that even sounds like it might be a problem for them. I think in that way the anonymous nature of the internet makes it easier if you are really trying get a stable footing. You feel a bit safer when you don't have to look them right in the eye and divulge things that might be embarrasing at first until you know how they will react. It can add that buffer at first, and if the other person can accept what you tell them and are still comfortable with you, when you meet its not quite as nerve wracking. And likewise it can make it all the easier to scam someone. It sucks a bit for those of us actually trying to find someone compatible, as the others have ruined a lot of the attitude of 'Trust someone until they give you reason not to'. The internet has made it easier to be open with as well as "scam" others because its easier to do both when you do not have to confront others face to face. Unfortunately you are right, because of this many don't trust anyone until they prove themselves trustworthy. It's necessary though if you don't want to be decieved or hurt.

velvetears -> RE: Where has simple courtesy and respect gone? (7/30/2006 7:57:43 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Corpuscle2 quote: ORIGINAL: SavageEu And likewise it can make it all the easier to scam someone. It sucks a bit for those of us actually trying to find someone compatible, as the others have ruined a lot of the attitude of 'Trust someone until they give you reason not to'. I agree with the post in the vanilla world, Savage, but (and I'm just throwing this out there) don't you think that if you're going to let someone put you in a helpless position, it should be just the opposite? I wouldn't dream of putting someone in bondage unless I knew that I had earned their trust. Thats a good point you are making and i wish more doms felt that way Corpuscle2. i can't tell you how many times i have met someone in a public place and they have suggested "playing" telling me they brought all kinds of things with them like rope... i'm like are you serious!?!?!?! What sub in her right mind would allow anyone to tie her up on a first meeting, and if she did wouldn't a dom have to think twice about who he's g etting involved with. i mean don't we all want rational, sane, levelheaded people?? i sure do. i do think that SavageEu meant the trust thing strictly for getting to know others online - i doubt he meant for instances in real life - but then again i don't really want to answer for him :-)

velvetears -> RE: Where has simple courtesy and respect gone? (7/30/2006 8:00:12 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: WildBilly Why not inquire of Level and Bebnji,they appear to know where simple courtesy and respect have gone. Hello WildBilly :-) i am not sure what your post is suppossed to mean, but why would i ask only two people who i don't even know well?? That would seem very counter productive to me. Why not simply give your own input on the matter - i am sure you have some [;)]

truesub4u -> RE: Where has simple courtesy and respect gone? (7/30/2006 8:24:57 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TemptingNviceSub quote: ORIGINAL: Level I wouldn't neccesarily see someone making those requests as "wankers, losers, wannabees", etc, but they would certainly seem to fall into the fetish chasing category as opposed someone looking for a more rounded relationship, which the OP seems to want. She feels they're rude for cutting off contact once they knew she didn't have an interest in those specific acts; maybe so. I'd look at it as just a quick way of letting the "weeding" begin, as you say, Morpheus. Sighs...I wish Level would quit reading my mind and then posting before I can..darn it....Level, dear man, are you sure you are not some long lost sibling of mine?..Tooooo many times you have written my thoughts and thus rendered me speechless...GRR....ach well! to the OP...what Level said feels to me to be the most logical answer to your question...be well..Tempting LOL Temp..... I don't post as much behind you either.. because by the time I gt to it.. you've beat me to it as well... so I just smile and go on.... (huuuggsss) OP.... Level about says it.. (darn him too...lol) Good luck to it...

velvetears -> RE: Where has simple courtesy and respect gone? (7/30/2006 8:29:52 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: truesub4u OP.... Level about says it.. (darn him too...lol) Good luck to it... Thanks truesub4u and everyone for your posts :-)

SexyRed -> RE: Where has simple courtesy and respect gone? (7/30/2006 9:16:54 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mstrjx I used to believe that I was a fairly well-rounded open-minded dom/Master. This post is going to make me rethink the last 15 years. Clearly, I have some studying to do, because even my nastiest fantasies do not compare. Then again, I've had real partners. You are right, what you describe does not exemplify courtesy nor respect. It is a shame that you have had to experience the extremes in bad behavior. It is definitely true that, in the initial stages, it is probably better to 'cut bait' quickly rather than waste a lot of time and energy on someone who does not seem to be a good fit. You meet, things don't quite click, one person wants out. Either can make the call, and it doesn't matter whether we're speaking of vanilla people or doms/subs/tops/bottoms, that call should be respected. Having said that, because we kinky people have our own 'funny ideas' on what we like and how we want to be approached, it is not always easy for a dominant male to connect with a submissive female. In essence, there is a lot of competition and the anonymous nature of the beast really doesn't help. There are submissives who want the slow and patient way, and others seem to get caught in being swept off their feet. What's a dom to do? My particular bent is to be extremely (read: nearly TOO) polite in the beginning emails. Even if/when it moves to chat or phone calls prior to a meeting, I don't really show what skills I have. I do this to protect both of us. I don't want to play on a first meeting. I want to be certain that I would like to develop something further before the intensity rises. I will give a polite 'thanks but no thanks' and I know how to take one, as well. Unfortunately I seem to be in the minority here. Then again, aren't we all looking for something or someone 'very' special? It takes patience. Jeff If only more followed your example, life would be much easier here and elsewhere online in attempting to get to know people. Politeness and going slowly would really take everyone much farther in the process than the quick demands and questions. You are also correct in stating that it is best to know how something will develop before the "intensity" starts. That seems to be a huge issue because so many want to get to the "hot stuff" before even knowing if you are compatible on any level. It is fairly easy to spot those who are auditioning those to star in their fantasies, as opposed to meeting the entire person.

TemptingNviceSub -> RE: Where has simple courtesy and respect gone? (7/30/2006 10:25:50 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: truesub4u quote: ORIGINAL: TemptingNviceSub quote: ORIGINAL: Level I wouldn't neccesarily see someone making those requests as "wankers, losers, wannabees", etc, but they would certainly seem to fall into the fetish chasing category as opposed someone looking for a more rounded relationship, which the OP seems to want. She feels they're rude for cutting off contact once they knew she didn't have an interest in those specific acts; maybe so. I'd look at it as just a quick way of letting the "weeding" begin, as you say, Morpheus. Sighs...I wish Level would quit reading my mind and then posting before I can..darn it....Level, dear man, are you sure you are not some long lost sibling of mine?..Tooooo many times you have written my thoughts and thus rendered me speechless...GRR....ach well! to the OP...what Level said feels to me to be the most logical answer to your question...be well..Tempting LOL Temp..... I don't post as much behind you either.. because by the time I gt to it.. you've beat me to it as well... so I just smile and go on.... (huuuggsss) OP.... Level about says it.. (darn him too...lol) Good luck to it... Egads!! You mean to say we 3 think alike!..My oh my what is the world coming too!...hugs True...........Tempting

SavageEu -> RE: Where has simple courtesy and respect gone? (7/30/2006 11:52:10 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: velvetears quote: ORIGINAL: Corpuscle2 quote: ORIGINAL: SavageEu And likewise it can make it all the easier to scam someone. It sucks a bit for those of us actually trying to find someone compatible, as the others have ruined a lot of the attitude of 'Trust someone until they give you reason not to'. I agree with the post in the vanilla world, Savage, but (and I'm just throwing this out there) don't you think that if you're going to let someone put you in a helpless position, it should be just the opposite? I wouldn't dream of putting someone in bondage unless I knew that I had earned their trust. Thats a good point you are making and i wish more doms felt that way Corpuscle2. i can't tell you how many times i have met someone in a public place and they have suggested "playing" telling me they brought all kinds of things with them like rope... i'm like are you serious!?!?!?! What sub in her right mind would allow anyone to tie her up on a first meeting, and if she did wouldn't a dom have to think twice about who he's g etting involved with. i mean don't we all want rational, sane, levelheaded people?? i sure do. i do think that SavageEu meant the trust thing strictly for getting to know others online - i doubt he meant for instances in real life - but then again i don't really want to answer for him :-) This is correct, I just meant in terms of believing what someone is telling them when you first start to get to know someone instead of having to put the 'Oh yea, well you are going to have to prove that in some undefinable way' attitude. Heh, actually I would be a bit worried if I just met someone, not matter how well we got along online, and they either expected or suggested that we 'play'. I can only imagine how just plain scary it would be if I were a sub and someone I just met tells me "Stay right here, let me get my rope". Now if I had been talking with them for months on the phone and through email and felt I really knew them I might not stop myself if we really hit it off when we met and we both felt like having some fun but I would still would be a bit warry until I had spent some real time with them first. As most know, online can differ from real life by quite a bit.

velvetears -> RE: Where has simple courtesy and respect gone? (7/30/2006 1:22:33 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SavageEu This is correct, I just meant in terms of believing what someone is telling them when you first start to get to know someone instead of having to put the 'Oh yea, well you are going to have to prove that in some undefinable way' attitude. Heh, actually I would be a bit worried if I just met someone, not matter how well we got along online, and they either expected or suggested that we 'play'. I can only imagine how just plain scary it would be if I were a sub and someone I just met tells me "Stay right here, let me get my rope". Now if I had been talking with them for months on the phone and through email and felt I really knew them I might not stop myself if we really hit it off when we met and we both felt like having some fun but I would still would be a bit warry until I had spent some real time with them first. As most know, online can differ from real life by quite a bit. That is exactly how i felt with those requests, like i was being asked to somehow "prove" myself. Men have a very different experience meeting because they have the "physical" advantage over women. i am sure they have their own concerns but i doubt many men worry they will be harmed physically, raped, killed etc... i suppose one risk men take is the women turning around and screaming abuse and calling the cops, that sure would put a damper on things!

marksl -> RE: Where has simple courtesy and respect gone? (7/30/2006 1:30:24 PM)
When did honour start to become a quality in bdsm?

Homestead -> RE: Where has simple courtesy and respect gone? (7/30/2006 1:40:41 PM)
It's possible to have extreme fetishes, and still want a well rounded relationship. But let's face it, a paraphillia is difficult to overcome, most people are stuck wih them as an irrational impulse. What they are trying to get you to "prove" is that thier honesty in expressing thier desires to you have a chance of acceptance. Or would you rather get atttached to such a person, and THEN find out?

deltadawn -> RE: Where has simple courtesy and respect gone? (7/30/2006 1:48:23 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Homestead It's possible to have extreme fetishes, and still want a well rounded relationship. But let's face it, a paraphillia is difficult to overcome, most people are stuck wih them as an irrational impulse. What they are trying to get you to "prove" is that thier honesty in expressing thier desires to you have a chance of acceptance. Or would you rather get atttached to such a person, and THEN find out? The above may be true if they were hanging around after hearing that it was something she had no interest in doing.......at least to tell her they were not interested in her without it. If i remember correctly, the first post was about them disappearing after hearing she held no interest in that "kink". dawn

deltadawn -> RE: Where has simple courtesy and respect gone? (7/30/2006 1:53:32 PM)
velvetears..in response to.. Excellent question dawn and one i am wondering about myself! i am sure its a lot harder to tell a sub over coffee at a munch "hey, if we get together i'd want you to wear a crap filled diaper and then let me smear poo all over you" then it is to tell someone that in an email. So i would ask - do you get to know that person first and then get to the kinks or do you cut to the chase, put all the kinks on the table and then proceed from there? i guess it depends on whats important to you? Finding a suitable partner for a possible relationship or getting your kink satisfied. I would get to know the person first. Even through an email it is possible to learn about each other, I would ask that they begin with more of the vanilla interests that the 2 (or more) may share. Afterall, even those of us who live as Master and slave on a 24/7 basis need to have the day to day interests match to make things work. At least match for the most part. I think that it is sometimes forgotten that we are first Men and Women who NEED even if some may not wish to.....live in the vanilla world. If the ingredients are not there to be friends, how could they possibly be there for a long term relationship. Then again, I also believe M/s is a loving relationship. dawn

Homestead -> RE: Where has simple courtesy and respect gone? (7/30/2006 1:54:26 PM)
Exactly and if they really needed that kink, there was no reason to beat a dead horse. They respected her limits enough to leave her be.

Homestead -> RE: Where has simple courtesy and respect gone? (7/30/2006 2:01:28 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: deltadawn velvetears..in response to.. Excellent question dawn and one i am wondering about myself! i am sure its a lot harder to tell a sub over coffee at a munch "hey, if we get together i'd want you to wear a crap filled diaper and then let me smear poo all over you" then it is to tell someone that in an email. So i would ask - do you get to know that person first and then get to the kinks or do you cut to the chase, put all the kinks on the table and then proceed from there? i guess it depends on whats important to you? Finding a suitable partner for a possible relationship or getting your kink satisfied. I would get to know the person first. Even through an email it is possible to learn about each other, I would ask that they begin with more of the vanilla interests that the 2 (or more) may share. Afterall, even those of us who live as Master and slave on a 24/7 basis need to have the day to day interests match to make things work. At least match for the most part. I think that it is sometimes forgotten that we are first Men and Women who NEED even if some may not wish to.....live in the vanilla world. If the ingredients are not there to be friends, how could they possibly be there for a long term relationship. Then again, I also believe M/s is a loving relationship. dawn Have you ever considered that these men had tried this in relationships before? And then had seen it come crashing down when they dared to mention wanting a certain desire met? It's usually KINDER to just put the cards on the table face up. Rather than seeing a mismatch hurt you both later on. It's much more respectful than beating around the bush,and dropping a bombshell years after the fact.

deltadawn -> RE: Where has simple courtesy and respect gone? (7/30/2006 2:09:54 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Homestead Exactly and if they really needed that kink, there was no reason to beat a dead horse. They respected her limits enough to leave her be. I agree to disagree. Just leaving without a goodbye did not show her respect of any kind at all. If 2 people went out to lunch, would one just up and leave without a word or would they finish their meal and say their goodbyes? dawn

Homestead -> RE: Where has simple courtesy and respect gone? (7/30/2006 2:18:45 PM)
I would at least say goodbye and good luck.

deltadawn -> RE: Where has simple courtesy and respect gone? (7/30/2006 2:28:24 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Homestead I would at least say goodbye and good luck. Yes, my thoughts also. thank you. dawn

krista -> RE: Where has simple courtesy and respect gone? (7/30/2006 2:36:54 PM)
Greetings...... i have no idea where simple courtesy and respect have gone...but if anyone happens to find it.......please do let me know....for....hope springs eternal here... regards krista joy through service

velvetears -> RE: Where has simple courtesy and respect gone? (7/30/2006 4:28:05 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: marksl When did honour start to become a quality in bdsm? It's a quality in a person i would find necessary before i would involve myself with them in any bdsm activity. He could be an expert with a whip, make a sub cum with just a command, meet all my "fantasies' but if he had no honor, i'd have no interest. i am sure not all find it necessary, but i sure do.

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