RE: Where has simple courtesy and respect gone?

RE: Where has simple courtesy and respect gone? (Full Version)

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velvetears -> RE: Where has simple courtesy and respect gone? (7/30/2006 4:31:46 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Homestead It's possible to have extreme fetishes, and still want a well rounded relationship. But let's face it, a paraphillia is difficult to overcome, most people are stuck wih them as an irrational impulse. What they are trying to get you to "prove" is that thier honesty in expressing thier desires to you have a chance of acceptance. Or would you rather get atttached to such a person, and THEN find out? Absolutely Homestead i would not want to find out later then sooner (as was the case with the scat dom - 4 months, partially my own fault as i never considered inquiring), all i ask is show some manners - i took my time to answer questions, chat, etc - at least have the decency to say, sorry but it's not going to work out between us. It would make a world of difference in the impression you leave behind.

LotusSong -> RE: Where has simple courtesy and respect gone? (7/30/2006 4:39:11 PM)
Dear Velvetears, I looked at your profile and see you have "humiliation" listed - biginner. If I was getting men who want to do what you have stated here..they may have seen that and interpreted that as a form of humilaiton (it is) that you wanted.. I would actually make a list of your limits and present that to them. Right there in black and white. I do not envy the singles in the dating field these days.. it is so different from when I was in it.. 34 years ago! Good luck to you,

velvetears -> RE: Where has simple courtesy and respect gone? (7/30/2006 4:43:21 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: deltadawn velvetears..in response to.. Excellent question dawn and one i am wondering about myself! i am sure its a lot harder to tell a sub over coffee at a munch "hey, if we get together i'd want you to wear a crap filled diaper and then let me smear poo all over you" then it is to tell someone that in an email. So i would ask - do you get to know that person first and then get to the kinks or do you cut to the chase, put all the kinks on the table and then proceed from there? i guess it depends on whats important to you? Finding a suitable partner for a possible relationship or getting your kink satisfied. I would get to know the person first. Even through an email it is possible to learn about each other, I would ask that they begin with more of the vanilla interests that the 2 (or more) may share. Afterall, even those of us who live as Master and slave on a 24/7 basis need to have the day to day interests match to make things work. At least match for the most part. I think that it is sometimes forgotten that we are first Men and Women who NEED even if some may not wish to.....live in the vanilla world. If the ingredients are not there to be friends, how could they possibly be there for a long term relationship. Then again, I also believe M/s is a loving relationship. dawn i too think its important to get to know someone on many different levels before you can decide if they would be compatible with you. These three examples i gave were doms i spent a fair amount of time with through emails and chat. There were many shared interests, lots of good times spent, emotions i believe felt at some level. Perhaps with any one of them i might have been "a good match", in some significant way - but if you are so fixated on a fetish, and i know Homestead said, and i think its true, they can be damn compelling to have satisfied - but aren't they missing out on finding someone that can satisfy them the other 90% of the time that fetish isn't being indulged? Suppose they find a sub who will tolerate such requests - but outside of that activity shes a total bore, or has no other interest to share with him - how happy is he truly going to be?

velvetears -> RE: Where has simple courtesy and respect gone? (7/30/2006 4:47:45 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LotusSong Dear Velvetears, I looked at your profile and see you have "humiliation" listed - biginner. If I was getting men who want to do what you have stated here..they may have seen that and interpreted that as a form of humilaiton (it is) that you wanted.. I would actually make a list of your limits and present that to them. Right there in black and white. I do not envy the singles in the dating field these days.. it is so different from when I was in it.. 34 years ago! Good luck to you, Not quite sure i see the connection between enjoying humiliation (which is vastly variable to each individual) and being treated in a rude manner. Their fetish is their fetish, and i had no problem telling them i could not abide by it, give me the same courtesy is all i would ask.

Homestead -> RE: Where has simple courtesy and respect gone? (7/30/2006 4:55:16 PM)
I don't think you fully understand the nature of the compulsion of some fetishes velvet. If the fetishist feels he or she will not have a chance of doing them at least a few times with a partner, the deals are going to be off. No matter what else someone may have to offer. It is not just something that can be walked away from, and they realize they will resent being with someone who hard limits them. You need to be able to look beyond the superficial, to see what the actual motivations are. Disgusting though it is, the scat Dom may well have seen you filling a diaper as the ultimate form of intimacy and surrender to him. And I think that when he finds one who will submit to it-he will feel a deep love for her. And in many, many, ways beyond just that act. I learned long ago that there is one real reason that we do these sorts of odd things. We do it because we desire the intimacy of total acceptance from our partners. That no matter what we hold within, at least one person in the world will love and cherish us for being who we are.

velvetears -> RE: Where has simple courtesy and respect gone? (7/30/2006 5:07:46 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Homestead I don't think you fully understand the nature of the compulsion of some fetishes velvet. If the fetishist feels he or she will not have a chance of doing them at least a few times with a partner, the deals are going to be off. No matter what else someone may have to offer. It is not just something that can be walked away from, and they realize they will resent being with someone who hard limits them. You need to be able to look beyond the superficial, to see what the actual motivations are. Disgusting though it is, the scat Dom may well have seen you filling a diaper as the ultimate form of intimacy and surrender to him. And I think that when he finds one who will submit to it-he will feel a deep love for her. And in many, many, ways beyond just that act. I learned long ago that there is one real reason that we do these sorts of odd things. We do it because we desire the intimacy of total acceptance from our partners. That no matter what we hold within, at least one person in the world will love and cherish us for being who we are. Point well taken Homestead, and i wish them well on their journey - they may be seeking acceptance yet they will not even give courtesy.... a bit of an imbalance there don't you think??

Homestead -> RE: Where has simple courtesy and respect gone? (7/30/2006 5:09:17 PM)
Have you considered that he may have felt crushed by your rejection-and too shamed by it to say goodbye?

velvetears -> RE: Where has simple courtesy and respect gone? (7/30/2006 5:24:57 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Homestead Have you considered that he may have felt crushed by your rejection-and too shamed by it to say goodbye? i don't think that was the case, i am not an insensitive person and i would never insult or demean a person for their fetish, i just told them it wasn't something i would be able to do. i suppose those feelings could have been felt, despite my best intentions. If they feel any shame they need to work on that as it's not a good emotion to harbor and carry around, if it was there, it existed before i entered the picture.

Homestead -> RE: Where has simple courtesy and respect gone? (7/30/2006 5:43:43 PM)
Then you might consider that his reasons for not saying goodbye are as valid to him as your desiring him to. And cease being so petulant about it.[&:]

velvetears -> RE: Where has simple courtesy and respect gone? (7/30/2006 6:01:43 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Homestead Then you might consider that his reasons for not saying goodbye are as valid to him as your desiring him to. And cease being so petulant about it.[&:] You certainly have an interesting point of view, might be construed as rationalization ;-) And i don't think i have been unreasonably irritable or ill tempered, or contemptuous in my words or behavior.... since it is my thread i am trying to be polite and answer all posts, seems perhaps you have the need to have the last word...by all means have it... post again and i shall not utter another word [:D]

MasterKalif -> RE: Where has simple courtesy and respect gone? (7/30/2006 6:53:23 PM)
velvetears, interesting things I read, cumming on eyes open...plain strange by my personal standards, but each to their own, I guess. But you are right, they were wrong in just cutting off with you just like that without explanation or at least a thanks for those months they themselves spent chatting with you. In any case, do not be so surprised, I have met way to many submissives that do just the same, or better yet, lead me on to communicate on yahoo and then dissappear, wasting my time. Then there are those that are in an emotional turmoil and act like a child, but will not give details of those experiences, not worth it. Anyways just keep on going, "weeding" as some here have called it, and knowing that in humanity lies imperfection and that even those who call themselves Doms have problems or lack of honor as you state. Likewise I almost come to expect the lack of those traits on submissives, and I am pleaseantly surprised when it is not like that. Dont give up though.

velvetears -> RE: Where has simple courtesy and respect gone? (7/30/2006 7:13:06 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MasterKalif velvetears, interesting things I read, cumming on eyes open...plain strange by my personal standards, but each to their own, I guess. But you are right, they were wrong in just cutting off with you just like that without explanation or at least a thanks for those months they themselves spent chatting with you. In any case, do not be so surprised, I have met way to many submissives that do just the same, or better yet, lead me on to communicate on yahoo and then dissappear, wasting my time. Then there are those that are in an emotional turmoil and act like a child, but will not give details of those experiences, not worth it. Anyways just keep on going, "weeding" as some here have called it, and knowing that in humanity lies imperfection and that even those who call themselves Doms have problems or lack of honor as you state. Likewise I almost come to expect the lack of those traits on submissives, and I am pleaseantly surprised when it is not like that. Dont give up though. Thank you for your kind words of encouragement, they are appreciated. i couldn't help but feel a stab of sadness when you said "I almost come to expect the lack of those traits on submissives..." Good luck and fortune in your own pursuits!

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