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The Safe Word - 12/10/2004 10:50:35 PM

FangsNfeet

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Joined: 12/3/2004
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My version of a Safe Word is a word for a Sub to use when he/she can't take anymore. After all a Dom does need repect for the Sub/Slave. After all it's the Sub that has intrusted you with there entire body among other things.

The safe word does mean "STOP!" On the other hand it's also the version of Orgasim in the submissions state of mind. Weither the sub physically has an orgasim or not is irrelevent. It's still a state of mind and means that they have reached there ultimate high. Givem a break for having them pass out isn't alway fun.

Sure subs/slave may say "no no please stop" "don't Stop" But it's the safe word that means it's time to give him/her a break. If they are bound, that's when you release them quickly and hold them tight earning more trust while also stregthening your bond and possilbly cause things to incline to another level.

As for what kind of word the safe word shoud be, I'd suggest something odd that throws the Dom off guard.
For example, in my first story I posted to this sight I used the word "Pagan Carebear" as a safe word. Imagin yourself having vanilla sex and your partner starts sreaming out "Pagan Carebare" Wouldn't that kinda upset the mood and cause a pause? That's what you want he safe word to be. Something that makes the Dom go "what the hell" and realize it's time to stop and begin soothing the sub. Besides soothing is nice and cruel. I myself massage the bodies of subs with lotion. But is that really being nice? HELL NO! I like keeping there skin soft and muscles relaxed so that there bodies don't toughin up to my beatings

Anyways I hope that in the creative writting section, ppl start having the subs/slaves use safe words. I like to know what ppl come up with and it's what I'm always looking for when reading the stories.

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RE: The Safe Word - 12/10/2004 11:00:33 PM

Kinkypupper

Posts: 713
Joined: 9/26/2004
From: Portland oregon
Status: offline

very very VERY well said :-)

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Phil Moulton
A Sensual Touch
Locopony Racing
Portland Oregon

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RE: The Safe Word - 12/10/2004 11:21:40 PM

Estring

Posts: 3314
Joined: 1/1/2004
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quote:

very very VERY well said :-)

It was?

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Post #: 3

RE: The Safe Word - 12/10/2004 11:53:40 PM

proudsub

Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
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Here are three other threads on safe words:

what different kinds of safe words..

safe words

should a slave in training use safe words

< Message edited by proudsub -- 12/10/2004 11:57:57 PM >

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proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan

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RE: The Safe Word - 12/11/2004 12:13:41 AM

FangsNfeet

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Joined: 12/3/2004
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First off unless you are doing a green yellow red type of thing, There is only one type of safe word. The word that means "STOP God Dammit because as Much as I'm loving it I can't take anymore"

As to being a slave in training, yes you damn well better have a safe word. As most masters care or should care about there Slaves well being, they don't want to over do it with you causing your apperance to be

As me being a master I like to show off what I own and dont' want you all

like. If there's nothing to stop me, then I won't stop. That's the whole point of the safe word. It's to make me stop because you gotten everthing you wanted and could take out of it. No slave/sub should ever be ashamed of using there safe word. What if your master is trying to get you to say your safe word. You don't know it but keep taking and taking and taking and just end up getting hurt as your master gets all sore muscle wise. Not to mention what his/her feelings of not being able to max out your limits must feel like.

Other than that especially in Bondage/strangulation situataions, some subs/slave may have flash backs when they where raped, malested, and such. The safe word just isn't for your protection but your masters as well. After all, I'd rather have a slave say there safe word than to incidently visualize me as an attacker and end up ripping my nuts off. Ya dig?

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I'm Godzilla and you're Japan

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RE: The Safe Word - 12/11/2004 2:00:28 AM

liljoy

Posts: 577
Joined: 3/25/2004
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Oer the years i've spoke to many Doms. Some insisted they did not accept/allow the use of a safeword. Each time i heard this proclimation i'd ask the same question. "So what if during a scene she/he suddenly cried out arvark, or something as off the wall as that?" Never have i had a Dom say that They would keep going. They all said They would stop and figure out what was going on. It was an interesting learning experience

(in reply to FangsNfeet)

Post #: 6

RE: The Safe Word - 12/11/2004 3:48:15 AM

mistoferin

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Joined: 10/27/2004
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Safe words......should always be something very simple. I like to use green, yellow and red. It's something that everyone understands. I could not be responsible to remember something like "Pagan Carebear", especially if I am in space. I don't believe that a safe word has anything to do with an orgasm in a sub's mind....nor does it mean that "no matter how much i am loving this i can't take anymore". It means that for some reason something is wrong and i can not go any further and you had darn well better stop and find out what is wrong. Subs, at least this one, do not safeword because they have simply had too much bliss. The safe word is no replacement for an obeservant Dom and one should always remember that there may be times that a sub is incapable of safewording, I know that for myself when I am flying I can not form words, other than that odd language of babble that no one has as of yet been able to decipher. The most important thing to have is a Dominant who is watching and reading every signal coming from His submissive and if she so much as breathes wrong, it is His responsibility to find out why. Just my opinion.......

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Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to FangsNfeet)

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RE: The Safe Word - 12/11/2004 8:25:58 AM

proudsub

Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
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Here's a question for you all. Have you ever used a safe word during punishment just because you didn't like the punishment? I'm just curious, i don't get punished corporally.

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proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan

(in reply to FangsNfeet)

Post #: 8

RE: The Safe Word - 12/11/2004 10:44:55 AM

perverseangelic

Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline

I admit I don't get the "stages" safewords. A friend uses the red/green/yellow system and it seems far too confusing for me.

I figure the point of a safeword is to communicate that one is having serious difficulty. A safeword for "this isn't feeling so good" just doesn't quite work for me. Maybe the point is to feel not so good. :)

_____________________________

~in the begining it is always dark~

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Post #: 9

RE: The Safe Word - 12/11/2004 12:00:17 PM

Destinysskeins

Posts: 267
Joined: 7/1/2004
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Greetings,

While i do believe that safewords have their place, i also do not believe that they're infallable. Many submissives refrain from using their safewords due to a 'best subbie' mindset - meaning they want to be the best they can be so don't wish to use them. i'm certainly not saying that this is a bad thing but i do believe that it's something that a Dominant needs to be aware of. Also, there are times when a submissive might be so far into subspace that they aren't even aware of the availability of a safeword.

As for the punishment question: Personally, i've never done so and have actually "ignored" or "forgotten to use" my safeword during a punishment even though in this instance it would have been of great benefit to do so. Master had decided to use a belt during our play and did not realize the extreme aversion i have for this (due to a previous bad experience in which my limits were completely ignored and i was abused). Being new to the Lifestyle Master did not pick up on a comment where i had indicated that strapping was an issue for me (He identified strapping as something different than what i meant). The punishment ended when Master noted me shaking uncontrollably and in a faraway, dream-like mindset. He held me until i was able to speak and then we discussed what had occurred and why.

So, basically what i am saying is...

Don't rely completely upon a safeword. Know your submissive/slave and their reactions, know their limitations and any previous experience that might cause them to react in a unexpected manner.

Well wishes

(in reply to perverseangelic)

Post #: 10

RE: The Safe Word - 12/11/2004 1:38:44 PM

smilezz

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Joined: 6/18/2004
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Yes, i believe that some people do need/require/use them and that's ok for those that do....but personally i think that the tone of ones voice saying STOP! gets a pretty damn good reaction to something being wrong. If it's just a pain issue.. ie: it hurts...well uhhhh....YEAH! it does, that's the point.
Now i do understand there all kinds of safeword usage regarding verbal or physical, this is just a verbal example. Thorns knows for sure if i say STOP! there IS something wrong, really wrong and i need to be checked on. I don't mean to say that safewords are not a good thing....for some. I am just saying it's kinda silly to me to call a 'yellow/green/red' type of word when there is something that truly may be wrong and you can just Voice that to your Dominant.

Happy Saturday y'all...

~smilezz~

< Message edited by smilezz -- 12/12/2004 8:38:17 AM >

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(in reply to FangsNfeet)

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RE: The Safe Word - 12/11/2004 1:39:53 PM

MistressRage

Posts: 138
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Upstate New York
Status: offline

A safe word is also a way of showing that a submissive is no longer consenting to the activity taking place. So if it is decided that you will play with a safeword you'd better be ready to honor it.

I don't think that everyone needs safewords though- if one of My slaves truly can't handle something he just says it straight out. If My slave is having problems the last thing I'm worried about is him having to remember a safeword. If My slave needs a break they'll say something like, "Mistress I'm getting worn out, is there any way we can break?" I have no problem with this because a worn out or broken toy is not a fun toy LOL. They never get out of line with it because they were trained well.

But let's not forget that submissives, when in trouble, often can not say their safeword so don't rely solely on that to determine whether or not your slave is OK. A Top has to have a keen eye for subtle signals such as a new silence, or unusual flushing of the face and body- anything that "just ain't right". I see that overlooked quite a bit esp. with newer players.
~Mistress Rage

(in reply to FangsNfeet)

Post #: 12

RE: The Safe Word - 12/11/2004 2:25:19 PM

darlyn

Posts: 24
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A few sidenotes to bring to this discussion as was discussed in a submissive's group ....

Safewords are always a popular subject among the sisters as there are many that will proclaim 'as a slave i have no limits, therefore, i have no safewords with my Master'... to which those of us that have been around for a while say 'bull....it is that Your Master has learned to read you and your reactions to where He knows where your limits are without being told'.

Even as a slave, a safe word should ALWAYS be discussed prior to a first scene... there is no true way for a Dominant to know the first time what the true limits are just by a checklist or by talking, because styles differ from D/M to D/M.... and the new Dominant's style may be much more intense than the slave has experienced previously.

Another sidenote... those 'Dominants' who declare that They will not use a safe word *even with a sub/slave new to the lifestyle*, will not have a SSC relationship

As far as the actual Safe Word itself....the Master i serve now has used the Green-Yellow-Red method, but to me it is way to confusing... i have a single word that is very non-related and it stands out like a sore thumb when said... it is also a word that i have used as a safeword for over 15 years, so it is easy for me to remember even when my head is 'cloudy' from subspace... which brings me to a another sidenote...

From a s/s perspective, there are many times that it is not always that the s/s is trying to be good and not say their safeword, but sometimes it is that they are completely in subspace and unable to speak... it is a very delicate place for a slave to be... on one hand, while in this 'zone' there can be an unimaginable amount of intensity unleashed since at that time the body can physically shut down, it can mean that the slave has no real understanding of what the condition is of their own body during the scene... and at that particular moment the s/s may not care or care to know... the Master should be ready and prepared to stop when His slave no longer is able to speak.... possibly either bring the slave back from subspace to share their mental condition if physically they are still in good shape, or possibly the Master would have to make the decision to stop for them, as the Master may have the better view of the slave's physical condition...

Final note... bringing a slave to the point of saying their safeword should not be worn as mark of pride.... the one 'Dominant' that i served (very briefly) who thought it was funny to bring me to my safeword twice before stopping, well... it wasn't funny.... and luckily i was able to get out of the bonds in a way to make Him have to stop the scene.... Safe words are only good if they are respected, so remember to share what the expectations are when the safe word is said, not just what the safe word is.

< Message edited by darlyn -- 12/11/2004 5:55:06 PM >

_____________________________

~darlyn~

"Nurturing the mind is just as important as pushing the limits of the body." ~ Master of my Destiny

(in reply to MistressRage)

Post #: 13

RE: The Safe Word - 12/11/2004 2:52:21 PM

INSIDEYOURMIND

Posts: 483
Status: offline

quote:

Another sidenote... those 'Dominants' who declare that He will not use a safe word, will not have a SSC relationship - period.

It is unfair to lump everyone together and decide you are right, and everyone else is wrong.

I see where in some relationships, a safeword is needed. I also see that in a true D/s relationship, a safeword is another chance for a sub/slave to top from the bottom.

I do not use a safe word with my sub, it isn't needed because I know her limits, and to be honest, I can tell the difference between ouch, and GOD DAMMIT THAT FN HURTS.

If you feel the need for a safeword, all the more power to ya, but in my eyes that's what it does, give all the power to ya!

_____________________________

If I got smart with you.................
How would you know?

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RE: The Safe Word - 12/11/2004 3:07:30 PM

darkinshadows

Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline

quote:

Another sidenote... those 'Dominants' who declare that He will not use a safe word, will not have a SSC relationship - period.

Angel agrees with Inside... and on a personal thought, I think that it is very dangerous to 'group' everyone into the same catergory and make such a sweeping statement.

And I say again(sorry Mods if I seem to be repeating) but...I do not use a safeword. Angel has no need. I am not a slave and Yes I do have limits... personally Angel does not see the point in non limit slave/subs, but that is just a personal opinion. But the relationship I am in and with the person I submit to We have no need for a safe word. His decision is final... He loves and cares for me and I trust Him completely with all that I am(which is His).

Peace & Love

_____________________________

.dark.

...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to darlyn)

Post #: 15

RE: The Safe Word - 12/11/2004 3:40:19 PM

darlyn

Posts: 24
Status: offline

Apparently my statement was misunderstood...

it was meant to state that there are some Dominants who will state in advance that there are no limits, therefore there are no safewords needed.... IMHO, as i stated at the beginning of my post, a Master will come to know Their s/s limits over time then a safeword is not needed... but at the beginning of the relationship, at a first scene, are Yyou thinking that there should be no limits other than those set by the Dominant? So if a s/s is experiencing a more intense first scene for the first time with a Dominant that they should not be able to say 'ok, i can't take any more'? That could invariably kill the ability for growth of trust.

And i have to disagree that using a safeword is not TFB, it is a way of communicating a time-out is needed by the s/s... any type of communication can be used by a brat for TFB, but then You would be generalizing the masses to say that all s/s are trying to TFB if/when they use one...

_____________________________

~darlyn~

"Nurturing the mind is just as important as pushing the limits of the body." ~ Master of my Destiny

(in reply to darkinshadows)

Post #: 16

RE: The Safe Word - 12/11/2004 3:53:19 PM

darkinshadows

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Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
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quote:

but at the beginning of the relationship, at a first scene, are Yyou thinking that there should be no limits other than those set by the Dominant? So if a s/s is experiencing a more intense first scene for the first time with a Dominant that they should not be able to say 'ok, i can't take any more'? That could invariably kill the ability for growth of trust.

In answer to your first question... I have to answer for me, yes. Simply because I would not put myself into a position of a scene with someone I did not trust enough to know me well enough. I would not enter ANY relationship with a Dominant without excellent communication and discussion first, let alone scene with them...But thats a person choice issue...

quote:

And i have to disagree that using a safeword is not TFB, it is a way of communicating a time-out is needed by the s/s... any type of communication can be used by a brat for TFB, but then You would be generalizing the masses to say that all s/s are trying to TFB if/when they use one

Angel would like to reply to this, but has no idea what 'TFB' is as she writes full words and does not know all 'chat' language... could someone explain?

Peace & Love

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.dark.

...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

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Post #: 17

RE: The Safe Word - 12/11/2004 4:04:25 PM

darlyn

Posts: 24
Status: offline

quote:

Angel would like to reply to this, but has no idea what 'TFB' is as she writes full words and does not know all 'chat' language... could someone explain?

TFB = Topping From Bottom

_____________________________

~darlyn~

"Nurturing the mind is just as important as pushing the limits of the body." ~ Master of my Destiny

(in reply to darkinshadows)

Post #: 18

RE: The Safe Word - 12/11/2004 4:25:11 PM

darkinshadows

Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline

quote:

...But thats a person choice issue...

Yikes at my typo!....lol..that should say 'personal' (Sorry... I dislike amending)

quote:

TFB = Topping From Bottom

ah, thank You! (Angel has enough problems with full words...lol!)

Angel believes that a safeword should be used by people that need them... and that not all do.. and some Dominants do not even entertain them as a thought, but that it does not make that Dominants anti safe, sane and consensual... just maybe a Dominant who is fully aware that He understands the submitee, to their potential. But ultimately it is the sub/slaves decision how, when she submits and who to... once she submits and gives over then it is His desire that is the ultimate.

And as in all things, there will be those who abuse safeword systems ... both Dominant and sub/slave.
But ultimately, we can only be responsible for ourselves, whoever and whatever we are.

_____________________________

.dark.

...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to darlyn)

Post #: 19

RE: The Safe Word - 12/11/2004 9:16:50 PM

Lordandmaster

Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
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This is a much better discussion of safewords than you usually find online. Usually all you hear is how safewords are essential and anyone who claims not to use them is either a liar or a lunatic. Those are the cocksure opinions of neophytes.

Safewords can be useful for play parties, first-time "scenes," and so on, but in most real d/s relationships, they just get in the way. Subs who know their doms can convey to them that something is disastrously wrong without having to utter some codeword. Until you get there, you might want to use a safeword, but obviously that's not the be-all and end-all either. Just because you say your safeword doesn't mean he's going to listen.

I have one safeword: it's "No." Say that, and I stop what I'm doing immediately. But then I leave, and there's no next time.

Lam

< Message edited by Lordandmaster -- 12/11/2004 9:17:33 PM >

(in reply to darkinshadows)

Post #: 20

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