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Financial support in D/s relationship - 7/30/2006 9:13:03 PM   
whtsubf4DOM


Posts: 23
Joined: 1/25/2005
Status: offline 		Ok, here's a question for everyone. How many of you Dom/mes out there are totally financially supported by your sub/slave? How man of you Dom/mes stay at home jobless and let their inferior bring home the bacon?

How do subs/slaves feel about that?

Again, my screen name doesn't indicate it, but I am a Domme to one person, and one person only. I guess i'm really more of a switch. Anyway, I am getting ready to move in with my sub who is dying to become my property and serve me. The man is filthy, filthy, filthy RICH. It should be a sin to have as much money as he does. He is currently building him a NICE two story cabin in which we will live. (No, I didn't demand that he build it. LOL. He's been planning this for a long time). Should I let him support me? After all, money is no object to him. Is that what a sub is supposed to do?

I guess I'm curious to know what everyone has to say.

Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Financial support in D/s relationship - 7/30/2006 9:20:10 PM   
Homestead


Posts: 1005
Status: offline 		I go dutch.

(in reply to whtsubf4DOM)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Financial support in D/s relationship - 7/30/2006 9:21:45 PM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: whtsubf4DOM

Ok, here's a question for everyone. How many of you Dom/mes out there are totally financially supported by your sub/slave? How man of you Dom/mes stay at home jobless and let their inferior bring home the bacon?

How do subs/slaves feel about that?

Again, my screen name doesn't indicate it, but I am a Domme to one person, and one person only. I guess i'm really more of a switch. Anyway, I am getting ready to move in with my sub who is dying to become my property and serve me. The man is filthy, filthy, filthy RICH. It should be a sin to have as much money as he does. He is currently building him a NICE two story cabin in which we will live. (No, I didn't demand that he build it. LOL. He's been planning this for a long time). Should I let him support me? After all, money is no object to him. Is that what a sub is supposed to do?

I guess I'm curious to know what everyone has to say.




There are no rules about this - it really depends on what works for both of you.  Sometimes I really love to indulge in the fantasy of the stay-at-home-femdom with a rich submissive who works to support us both and I have all the time in the world.  But the reality is that I'm not wired that way; I am a career woman at heart, I get bored when I am not challenged daily and I thrive in a work environment.

So our situation is the reverse; I work and make a living, and he does not.  The way I see it, though, is not that he is lazy and I am working.  It's really the opposite. He works every minute of the day with the goal of pleasing me or making my life easier.  More importantly, he has energy and stamina to serve me sexually and without need for anything in return, really, if that's what I want.

I'm a pretty demanding femdom sexually/physically when I am overworked/stressed. If he was working full time to support me, I would worry that he'd be stretched too thin to be able to give me 150% of his body and soul.  I actually really get off on the idea that he can be well rested, well exercised, balanced mentally and free of work stress so that there's never any lack of energy or passion in his desire to submit.

So the short answer is - yes, of course you can stay at home and have him lavish you if that's what you desire! My only unsolicited advice on top of that, though, is to strongly encourage you to take some portion of your time, if you are not working, and volunteer.  My stay-at-home-submissive does a lot of volunteer work to also balance his life, and it brings both of us a tremendous amount of fulfillment.

Akasha


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(in reply to whtsubf4DOM)
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RE: Financial support in D/s relationship - 7/30/2006 9:30:02 PM   
MysticFireTopaz


Posts: 50939
Joined: 4/23/2005
From: Dallas/Ft. Worth, TX
Status: offline 		I have had a few subs offer to support Me financially, but have always declined.  I enjoy working and want to continue doing so.  I also value My independence and do not want to become financially dependent on anyone. 
 
By the same token, I frequently get approached by male subs who want to be "househusbands," staying home to do the housework and having Me support them, and that is totally out of the question!  If there were small children at home, it might be a different story, but there aren't.
 
For Me, I expect to continue to work, and any sub or slave I own had jolly well expect to be employed outside the home as well, or have an income of some type, so that he is able to contribute to the household expenses. 
 
Your feelings may be different and if you are comfortable with the arrangement, why not?  I'd be sure I knew him very well beforehand, though.  I know some people like to use money as a means to manipulate and control.
 
Lady Topaz

(in reply to whtsubf4DOM)
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RE: Financial support in D/s relationship - 7/30/2006 9:35:12 PM   
whtsubf4DOM


Posts: 23
Joined: 1/25/2005
Status: offline 		If I do indeed decide to let him totally support me, I plan on giving a lot of myself to charity work. I've been an American CAncer Society volunteer for 10 years and find great joy in volunteering. It would definitely help center me during such an intense relationship.

I guess I'm kinda hung up on the idea of my sub totally supporting me. The whole concept of being able to stay at home and not work, is like Heaven for me. BUT on the other hand, I'm not wired just to take people's money like that. There's something really gratifying about earning your own money and being able to use it to take your sub/slave to a U2 concert or on a trip or whatever during our play time as total equals. We will have built-in days when we shed the whole D/s thing and be total equals. I'm a very giving person at my core and during our "free time," I want to give to him. I just think it would have more impact if I gave to him using my own money LOL. I guess it all boils down to a trust thing....it takes an extreme amount of trust to give in totally, let someone support you like that and totally know with ever fiber of your being that he wants to do it. That would be difficult for me in a marriage, much less a D/s relationship

On a side note, he wants to put my name on all his financial stuff (credit cards, house, etc, etc). I guess that's a pretty strong clue that he wants to fully support me and serve me like that. WOW!

(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Financial support in D/s relationship - 7/30/2006 9:44:57 PM   
TheShadows


Posts: 403
Joined: 9/16/2004
From: Southern Illinois
Status: offline 		At the risk of sounding like a nay-sayer, I'd be careful with assuming his assets before examining his liabilities.  That said, I think if this arrangement is what makes the two of you happy and comfortable, go for it.

Best of luck,
MrsShadows

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(in reply to whtsubf4DOM)
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RE: Financial support in D/s relationship - 7/30/2006 9:49:30 PM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: whtsubf4DOM

If I do indeed decide to let him totally support me, I plan on giving a lot of myself to charity work. I've been an American CAncer Society volunteer for 10 years and find great joy in volunteering. It would definitely help center me during such an intense relationship.

I guess I'm kinda hung up on the idea of my sub totally supporting me. The whole concept of being able to stay at home and not work, is like Heaven for me. BUT on the other hand, I'm not wired just to take people's money like that. There's something really gratifying about earning your own money and being able to use it to take your sub/slave to a U2 concert or on a trip or whatever during our play time as total equals. We will have built-in days when we shed the whole D/s thing and be total equals. I'm a very giving person at my core and during our "free time," I want to give to him. I just think it would have more impact if I gave to him using my own money LOL. I guess it all boils down to a trust thing....it takes an extreme amount of trust to give in totally, let someone support you like that and totally know with ever fiber of your being that he wants to do it. That would be difficult for me in a marriage, much less a D/s relationship

On a side note, he wants to put my name on all his financial stuff (credit cards, house, etc, etc). I guess that's a pretty strong clue that he wants to fully support me and serve me like that. WOW!


I can completely relate; Part of control for me is paying for everything.  I paid for everything when I courted men and I continue to pay for everything in this relationship.  There have been times when I allowed me to court me, or pay for things, but what signifies a real lust/pursuit is when I am the one calling the shots and making the money.

It's something you will need to test out. You can always go back to work if you find that it is not working out. However, if you are wired like me, the fact that he earned more money would be another aspect of it.  I want to be the one earning the lion's share of the household because then I am in control of it.

Akasha


_____________________________

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Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to whtsubf4DOM)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Financial support in D/s relationship - 7/30/2006 9:57:02 PM   
popeye1250


Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline 		I was in the opposite situation with my former sub.
I had a house, she moved in but still kept an apartment.
I payed for *everything*, she borrowed money never payed it back,bounced a check on me once for $1,500, then "made good" on it only it was for $1,000 instead of the $1,500 but "neglected" to inform me of it.
I bought us tickets to see Riverdance, numerous concerts, shows, bought her unmentionable a bike, a ball mitt, got him into scouts, uniforms, toys etc. Always paid for dinner,shows, clothes for her.
Bought tickets for us to go to Ireland 6 months in advance, the DAY BEFORE we were to leave she told me she couldn't go because "she couldn't leave the unmentionable for 16 days!"
I ended up going alone.
Lied  to me NUMEROUS times!
That's why she's a "former" sub!
It was a $30,000 lesson well learned.

(in reply to TheShadows)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Financial support in D/s relationship - 7/30/2006 9:59:18 PM   
enigmabrat


Posts: 2383
Joined: 8/1/2004
Status: offline 		Im just haveing trouble getting past her calling subs infirior

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Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Financial support in D/s relationship - 7/30/2006 10:01:15 PM   
Jasmyn


Posts: 1234
Joined: 2/6/2004
From: New Zealand
Status: offline 		Enigma don't take it personally ... a lot of the dynamic for some submissives/subservients lies in their belief they are inferior to their dominant ... doesn't rock everyone's boat ...but for those it does ... let them enjoy it.

< Message edited by Jasmyn -- 7/30/2006 10:02:01 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Financial support in D/s relationship - 7/30/2006 10:07:58 PM   
losttreasure


Posts: 875
Joined: 12/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: enigmabrat

Im just haveing trouble getting past her calling subs infirior


That's okay... I'm having trouble getting past where she says she's a domme of a male sub, yet her profile says she's looking for a dom she can serve.  I wonder if she finds a dom, will her sub let him move in too?

(in reply to enigmabrat)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Financial support in D/s relationship - 7/30/2006 10:15:49 PM   
Homestead


Posts: 1005
Status: offline 		I couldn't go into a situation like this.

It would steal my stones to think I was a bought and paid for sex toy.

(in reply to losttreasure)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Financial support in D/s relationship - 7/30/2006 10:26:22 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		God - I'll do just about anything to not have to:
1) Fight about it
2) Talk about it in detail
3) Have to handle detailed plans, etc. having to do with it, myself.
I have enough of it for myself, for now. Forever. I do not, however, consider myself "rich". How I decide to work that whole money thing into any relationship remains to be seen. But I can and will "contribute", I am sure. And that will definitely, I imagine and hope, be negotiated. I just don't want to have to talk about it a whole lot, after that. I have a few relatives who are attorneys, so I feel somewhat protected as far as having someone to ask if a very intricate and complicated financial situation or question presented itself. I suppose that is a blessing (unless one hates attorneys, and some folks do).

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 7/30/2006 10:48:53 PM >

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(in reply to whtsubf4DOM)
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RE: Financial support in D/s relationship - 7/30/2006 10:44:49 PM   
purelea2003


Posts: 78
Joined: 12/12/2005
Status: offline 		The only thing I'd like to contribute to this discussion is that I want control of my slave's spending for one reason. I think for most of us money equals to some extent both freedom and power. Now I don't intend to take it and keep it - but I do intend to have control over how/if my slave spends it.

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Financial support in D/s relationship - 7/30/2006 11:42:12 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: whtsubf4DOM

Ok, here's a question for everyone. How many of you Dom/mes out there are totally financially supported by your sub/slave? How man of you Dom/mes stay at home jobless and let their inferior bring home the bacon?

How do subs/slaves feel about that?

While I don't consider the sub to be inferior, the answer is- whatever works for those involved.  Using a slave for their financial resources is perfectly legitimate as any usage is.

In the hetero scene at least, roles tend to follow traditional gender stereotypes, so a male dom having the female sub be the financial breadwinner is fairly rare and often degraded.  But it's certainly reasonable to occur.

If it works for you, go for it.

http://www.collarchat.com/m_453990/mpage_1/key_money/tm.htm#454065
require??? or required???

http://www.collarchat.com/m_276420/mpage_1/key_financial/tm.htm#276493
financial decisions

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(in reply to whtsubf4DOM)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Financial support in D/s relationship - 7/30/2006 11:59:04 PM   
popeye1250


Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline 		As any good attorney will tell you, keep your finances seperate.
Unless you decide to marry.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Financial support in D/s relationship - 7/31/2006 3:39:54 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

As any good attorney will tell you, keep your finances seperate.
Unless you decide to marry.


Or more importantly, even if you do get married.  Prenup it, especially if one partner has a lot of assets they want to retain.


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(in reply to popeye1250)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Financial support in D/s relationship - 7/31/2006 3:59:09 AM   
BillsGalSusan


Posts: 69
Joined: 7/18/2006
Status: offline 		At various points in our lives together this has changed. Currently, I am "retired", though I earn money here and there doing techie work. I've also been the sole support of our family for some of the time we have been together. At other times, we have both worked. Throughout all of these times the way we make financial decisions has remained constant.

Who earns what has never been important. The demands on our time that making money entails has been.

Another Susan

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Financial support in D/s relationship - 7/31/2006 5:54:43 AM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		I'm the independent type, I make my own money and pay my own bills. I never want to be dependent upon anyone. My boy works and pays his own bills and once we move in together we will keep separate finances except for living expenses which we will split.

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”






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Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Financial support in D/s relationship - 7/31/2006 9:55:43 AM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline 		The person that holds the money is the one in charge. You are 31, just think it through- you have a long life ahead of you.

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I'm not inflatable.


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Profile   Post #: 20
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