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is she a sub?? - 12/11/2004 7:11:19 PM   
RL


Posts: 16
Joined: 4/3/2004
Status: offline 		Hello: i wonder if i might ask a question about the "sub" personaality??
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RE: is she a sub?? - 12/11/2004 7:40:59 PM   
alwayzron


Posts: 234
Joined: 9/23/2004
Status: offline 		Uhm ... sure. It's a free country. Were you going to post your question yourself, or were we supposed to call Miss Cleo?

(in reply to RL)
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RE: is she a sub?? - 12/11/2004 7:43:04 PM   
DomButNotForgotn


Posts: 108
Joined: 6/2/2004
Status: offline 		STOP!! Wait... ummmm-- I'm getting an strong feeling about the question! I think the question is...

oh - maybe I'm wrong - perhaps you should check out the "Ask a Sub" forum, hummmm?

Mark

< Message edited by DomButNotForgotn -- 12/11/2004 7:44:10 PM >

(in reply to alwayzron)
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RE: is she a sub?? - 12/11/2004 7:58:46 PM   
RL


Posts: 16
Joined: 4/3/2004
Status: offline 		Sorry folks, I didn't mean to cause a problem. I just wanted to have an opinion on a friend of mine from people who should know about such things. Sorry

(in reply to DomButNotForgotn)
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RE: is she a sub?? - 12/11/2004 8:09:02 PM   
EStrict


Posts: 729
Joined: 1/11/2004
Status: offline 		Don't take it personally RL. ::winks:: I guess the question was to vague to be noticed by the men who responded? Honestly though, if you are asking about a specific *she*, only she can answer the question. If she has questions about specific things, feelings, wishes or desires, she should ask them more specifically.

Me... there is nothing submissive about me. However, I *am* a slave. You see, *I* see the difference as someone *chosing* to be submissive, and in such chosing to what extent. I am always me, and I do what I do because to NOT do so is to deny myself. ::laughing:: the whole thing is one of those clear as mud issues...

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Don't take life too seriously, no one gets out alive anyway...

(in reply to RL)
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RE: is she a sub?? - 12/11/2004 8:21:59 PM   
RL


Posts: 16
Joined: 4/3/2004
Status: offline 		Thanks again.....my friend told me she had, some years ago, entred into what turned out to be an abusive, humiliating sexual relationship with a man she said she did not even like because she felt the need to be "punished".
Perhaps mashochistic rather than sub???????????????????????
thanks anyway, folks
Rl'

(in reply to EStrict)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: is she a sub?? - 12/11/2004 8:26:27 PM   
cynnacent1


Posts: 340
Joined: 6/25/2004
From: Massachusetts
Status: offline 		.oO( Maybe he is just new to this posting on forum/message boards stuff)

RL, here's how it works, usually. If you have a question, type it here, all at one time, giving as much detail as possible of the topic you wish to discuss/inquire about. Anyone who knows the answer, or has a relevant opinion to share, will then do so.

This is not a real time type thing, like a chat room. And, you don't ask permission to ask a question, no reason to. Just ask it.

.oO( Is he going to ask the question?!?? i have to admit, i'm curious now. .... lol)Ooopsie, never mind. He asked as i was hitting the reply button. He types faster than i , i guess. hehe



¸,ø¤º°cynnacent°º¤ø,¸ (proudly owned by, and devoted to INSIDEYOURMIND)


< Message edited by cynnacent1 -- 12/11/2004 8:31:00 PM >

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(in reply to RL)
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RE: is she a sub?? - 12/11/2004 8:31:16 PM   
RL


Posts: 16
Joined: 4/3/2004
Status: offline 		Thanks to all AGAIN...I have now posted my question without considerable detail.
RL

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RE: is she a sub?? - 12/11/2004 8:38:39 PM   
cynnacent1


Posts: 340
Joined: 6/25/2004
From: Massachusetts
Status: offline 		Maybe true RL, maybe she is not submissive but is in fact a masochist. Maybe she IS a submissive who simply made a not so good choice in choosing him. No offence, but ... maybe it would be a better idea for *you* to ask her this question?

It's impossible for anyone who doesn't know her to try to guess at the answers. No one should judge anyone else's choices, or try to determine who is or who is not 'whatever they claim to be'. Only she can truely know the answers to your query.

¸,ø¤º°cynnacent°º¤ø,¸ (proudly owned by, and devoted to INSIDEYOURMIND)



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RE: is she a sub?? - 12/11/2004 8:39:58 PM   
EStrict


Posts: 729
Joined: 1/11/2004
Status: offline 		There are a lot of differences between being a submissive in a relationship and being abused. Honestly, I would suggest you have her join the boards, do a LOT of reading, and figure out specifically what she is questioning. Again, only she can say if she is a masochist. The *need* to be punished could also be a symptom of lack of self respect. If she felt *unworthy* of being loved, need, whatever, that is not being submissive or a masochist.

I am not saying that is the case, it is just another possibility.

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Sandy

Don't take life too seriously, no one gets out alive anyway...

(in reply to RL)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: is she a sub?? - 12/11/2004 8:47:38 PM   
alwayzron


Posts: 234
Joined: 9/23/2004
Status: offline 		RL ... bro ... your making my head hurt! I've read your posts several times and I don't see a question posted in any of them.

(in reply to EStrict)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: is she a sub?? - 12/12/2004 6:16:03 AM   
velvetvixen


Posts: 378
Joined: 1/19/2004
Status: offline 		Entering into an abusive, humiliating sexual relationship because of feelings of needing to be punished is perhaps a sign that something else is going on in her head.

Sure there are some BDSM where humiliation is part of the dynamic but it is the kink for both parties involved. Abuse is NOT part of the lifestyle. Sex isn't part of every scene. Submissives generally aren't setting out to be punished.

I think it would be best if your friend figures out for herself where her head and heart are at right now.


(in reply to RL)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: is she a sub?? - 12/12/2004 9:56:20 AM   
proudsub


Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline
quote:

Perhaps mashochistic rather than sub???????????????????????


Not all subs/slaves are masochists and not all masochists are subs or slave, so only she can answer that.

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proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan


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Profile   Post #: 13
RE: is she a sub?? - 12/12/2004 9:57:43 AM   
proudsub


Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline
quote:

RL ... bro ... your making my head hurt! I've read your posts several times and I don't see a question posted in any of them.


The question is in the title of his original post: "is she a sub?" Then he elaborates a little in a later post.

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proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan


(in reply to alwayzron)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: is she a sub?? - 12/12/2004 10:19:06 AM   
alwayzron


Posts: 234
Joined: 9/23/2004
Status: offline 		ps ... I read through it a second time and I still don't see a question. As in ..... 'I took my g/f to dinner last night and when the waiter asked if she needed anything, she fell to her knees and kissed his shoes saying 'only to please you, my Lord. Is she a sub?" That's what I was looking for? For all we know ... RL could have been talking about his dog ... the USS Los Angeles, a hoagie, etc, etc.

(in reply to proudsub)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: is she a sub?? - 12/12/2004 5:32:19 PM   
RL


Posts: 16
Joined: 4/3/2004
Status: offline 		Hello again: I HAVE tlked to my friend and she accepts thatshe may be a sub. One writer indicated she may lack self respect, leading to her "need" to be "punished". In fact, she has told me she has no self esteem and the "need to be punished" stemmed from what she considered to be improper sexual liasions while married. The abusive man was her boss and she conceded that she "allowed" herself to be "punished." He "seized the opportunity and "did his job well", she said. I realize you people cannot say definitively is she is a "sub" or is maschositic but I though that perhaps people in the lifestyle might be able to detect telltale personality traits. I am this woman's friend and am interested only in helping her sort out her life. She has been traumitized by the relationship and I am trying to help her.
Thanks folks...RL

(in reply to alwayzron)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: is she a sub?? - 12/12/2004 8:11:46 PM   
perverseangelic


Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RL
She has been traumitized by the relationship and I am trying to help her.
Thanks folks...RL




Tell her to forget about power exchange for a while, go to a therapist and work through the abusive relationship and her problems with self esteem.

Based on your description, I don't believe that helping her realize her "submissive nature" or whatever will help her figure out which end is up. From what you say, it sounds like she needs to work out some things for -herself- and as one who found it helpful, I'd advocate professional conceling to that end.

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Profile   Post #: 17
RE: is she a sub?? - 12/13/2004 11:43:51 AM   
RL


Posts: 16
Joined: 4/3/2004
Status: offline 		She will not go to a theraptist. Says she is too ashamed to even tell a professional.
So.....i have been trying to help her the best i can
which is not very good apparentlt
Thanks
RL

(in reply to perverseangelic)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: is she a sub?? - 12/13/2004 11:59:09 AM   
INSIDEYOURMIND


Posts: 483
Status: offline 		If she is in that much need, and you are truly her friend, then get her professional help!

If you are going to rely on this forum to get her past her issues, then she is in for trouble. There are wonderful, intelligent, and caring people on this site, but none are equipped to analyze and offer help to this woman online.

She may be scared to seek professional help, but that is where you, her friend can really help, TAKE HER!

_____________________________

If I got smart with you.................
How would you know?

(in reply to RL)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: is she a sub?? - 12/13/2004 12:26:56 PM   
rebelhart


Posts: 1
Joined: 10/10/2004
From: Upstate NY
Status: offline 		I wholeheartedly agree with what INSIDEYOURMIND said here. There is no way you are going to get her through these issues. She needs professional help with this kind of thing. Submissive, masochist or not, she can and will never be happy until she puts these things behind her.

*Humble slut opinions are not necessarily those of the Management*

(in reply to INSIDEYOURMIND)
Profile   Post #: 20
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