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RE: If you were hit in anger - 7/31/2006 10:33:21 PM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

I have to agree with you on this one, Evanesce. While I do not ever foresee Master striking me in an abusive fashion, there have been times that yes, I have outright pissed him off, and corporal punishment was administered. But it was done so deliberately and calibrated, under absolute control. There have been other times he has been frustrated (not at me) and I felt privileged that he would take those frustrations out on me...the result was as you described - we were both quite happy afterwards.

Now if the unforeseen were to happen and he DID strike out suddenly in a rage, would I walk? No, we would deal with it.

(in reply to Evanesce)

Post #: 21

RE: If you were hit in anger - 8/1/2006 12:49:02 AM

babysburnin

Posts: 421
Joined: 2/16/2006
Status: offline

Sounds like a lack of self-control and an abusive nature. BDSM is a choice between those involved, not an excuse for someone who delivers ugliness to another. If this was the first time this occured - speak of it with your feelings. If this happens repeatedly - think about how to get out of it.

_____________________________

-Babysburnin

"Love is, above all else, the gift of oneself."
- Jean Anouilh

"The highest proof of virtue is to possess boundless power without abusing it."
- Lord Macaulay

(in reply to trixr4kids)

Post #: 22

RE: If you were hit in anger - 8/1/2006 2:49:02 AM

shivvy

Posts: 746
Joined: 3/25/2006
From: Ireland, living in Kent, England.
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: trixr4kids
If your Dom hit you while angry and claimed it was a punishment what would you do about it?

i think i am gonna have to side with the minority on this one i'm afraid.

i think the first thing i would prolly do, is cry. but other than that, nuffin.

punishment is something very serious. it's not play and it's not enjoyable. i think, if i done something to warrent punishment, then i would want to get it ova and done with, even if Master woz angry. coz having it hanging ova you, waiting for Him to calm down, i think would just be worse.

when i am subjected to corporal punishment, it really hurts and i don't think it would make any difference if Master was calm or angry anyway. He knows exactly where to hit me for maximum effect, and His aim is spot on.

i think having offered myself to Master, and and asked Him to dominate me and control my life and look after me, and having accepted His collar, i have a responsibility to comply and obey Him. when i fail, i expect Him to punish me. wotz the point in having rules, if they are not enforced?

sorry, but i believe i belong to my Master, and i cannot see me wanting release, because HE woz doing wot He is meant so do, and wot i asked Him to do. i wear His collar round my neck 24/7, and that means something.

But everybody's relationship is different, and everybody must follow their own path.

luv,

shiv
xx

_____________________________

(¯`v´¯)
`*.¸.*´
¸.•´¸.•*¨) ¸.•*¨)
(¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´ ¸¸.•¨¯`•.εΐз¸¸.·*´¯`v´¯`*·.¸¸ـ εΐз ~*luv shivvy*~ ـ εΐз

xxx
Owned and collared by SavageFaerie and Master P

(in reply to trixr4kids)

Post #: 23

RE: If you were hit in anger - 8/1/2006 3:12:10 AM

spankmepink11

Posts: 1310
Joined: 9/28/2005
Status: offline

I don't believe anyone should strike anyone else in anger regardless of the dynamic of the relationship.
For me, pain is a source of eroticism so "punishment" and anger do not enter into it at all. Now if i were to be punished for some misdeed in a non physical way it would be perfectly acceptable for anger to be present to an extent.
It's human nature to be angry even if it's only slightly when
Ones rules or wishes are not followed.

(in reply to shivvy)

Post #: 24

RE: If you were hit in anger - 8/1/2006 5:28:59 AM

leakylee

Posts: 747
Joined: 7/2/2004
Status: offline

I would have to agree with ya'll on this one. I am in the minority. The two times that my owner punished me, I had pissed him offf. Wayy off. But he was controlled in his actions. He was angry, but he knew what he was doing. I think on some levels he went easier than he might have other wise because of that fact. Who knows?

Lee

_____________________________

I am so not right, that I left..

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 25

RE: If you were hit in anger - 8/1/2006 6:04:04 AM

nephandi

Posts: 4470
Joined: 9/23/2005
From: Cold and magickal Norway in a town near Bergen!
Status: offline

i would probably strike back.

(in reply to leakylee)

Post #: 26

RE: If you were hit in anger - 8/1/2006 7:22:25 AM

truesub4u

Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: nephandi

i would probably strike back.

Oh I know I would.

LA.. there's not so called lack of communication. There's none at all.

It's like being in vanilla relationship and one strikes the other in anger... you hear the "oh baby i'm so sorry.. it'll never happen again"...then next time.. same thing is repeated.

And I really do not believe any dom that says.. it's punishment. Before I get punished.. I'm gonna know why... when... and how.

_____________________________

Wisdom is knowing what to do next, Skill is knowing how to do it, and Virtue is doing it.

(in reply to nephandi)

Post #: 27

RE: If you were hit in anger - 8/1/2006 8:56:19 AM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: truesub4u

quote:

ORIGINAL: nephandi

i would probably strike back.

Oh I know I would.

LA.. there's not so called lack of communication. There's none at all.

It's like being in vanilla relationship and one strikes the other in anger... you hear the "oh baby i'm so sorry.. it'll never happen again"...then next time.. same thing is repeated.

And I really do not believe any dom that says.. it's punishment. Before I get punished.. I'm gonna know why... when... and how.

I've been peeking in on this thread with interest. I'm glad to see that I'm not alone. I don't believe that it is ever right for one human being to strike another human being out of anger. That said, I'm not proud to admit it but if someone I am in a relationship with chose to cross that line...well, what's good for the goose is good for the gander. It would be a no holds barred, knock down drag out fight.

I'm very upfront about it though and it is something that I discuss very early on in a relationship. I don't believe in punishment...I'm an adult not a child. Communication works just fine. And hitting in anger....is a deal breaker. I've been on the receiving end of that before and I make it VERY clear that it is not something that will ever be acceptable in my life. If it does occur....they had better not expect me to cower in the corner and beg for mercy....they will get it back in kind.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to truesub4u)

Post #: 28

RE: If you were hit in anger - 8/1/2006 1:46:51 PM

trixr4kids

Posts: 18
Joined: 7/27/2006
Status: offline

He jumped up so mad he was shaking over a minor infraction and beat me with a cane with all his might 15 or so times and left me bleeding.
Later I told him it's not the severity of the punishment, but that he was in this uncontrolled fit of rage that in my mind made this physical abuse.
Not to protect him as this is the first time IN MY LIFE I ever was physically abused & if he didn't have kids I would have pressed charges that day even though we've been together a long time and it was his first offense. D/s or not I will not be hit in an uncontrolled fit of Rage without someone going to jail ever again. Instead I took photos & sent them to my best friend in a sealed envelope with an account of what happened & she promised the only time she'll open the envelope is if I dissapear. She does not even know what's in it.
On top of that he'd had big problems with his job, money, family and was in the middle of fighting on the phone with another DOM and I should have known better..
Mind you not an excuse, but I think it was not even about us, but rather all this other frustration going on that day. Yes, were human, but NO ONE HAS THE RIGHT EVER TO HIT YOU IN A FIT OF RAGE ON ANY TERMS IN MY MIND.

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 29

RE: If you were hit in anger - 8/1/2006 2:00:39 PM

truesub4u

Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

I've been peeking in on this thread with interest. I'm glad to see that I'm not alone. I don't believe that it is ever right for one human being to strike another human being out of anger. That said, I'm not proud to admit it but if someone I am in a relationship with chose to cross that line...well, what's good for the goose is good for the gander. It would be a no holds barred, knock down drag out fight.

I'm very upfront about it though and it is something that I discuss very early on in a relationship. I don't believe in punishment...I'm an adult not a child. Communication works just fine. And hitting in anger....is a deal breaker. I've been on the receiving end of that before and I make it VERY clear that it is not something that will ever be acceptable in my life. If it does occur....they had better not expect me to cower in the corner and beg for mercy....they will get it back in kind.

I agree 100% Erin... been there too. And I don't stand there stund.. I strike back fast and hard. And one needs to hope there's nothing in my hand at the time either. Because I won't take the time to put it down.

_____________________________

Wisdom is knowing what to do next, Skill is knowing how to do it, and Virtue is doing it.

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 30

RE: If you were hit in anger - 8/1/2006 2:39:54 PM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: trixr4kids
He jumped up so mad he was shaking over a minor infraction and beat me with a cane with all his might 15 or so times and left me bleeding.

trix4kids....the worst mistake you could make at this point is to convince yourself that this will never happen again. It's a wonderful thought but I have to tell you....many years as a Domestic Violence/Substance Abuse counselor has taught me that once that line is crossed...it's crossed. You need to be making a concrete plan. You said you wouldn't have him arrested because he has kids...I see that as all the more reason to make him accountable for his actions and deal with his issues.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to trixr4kids)

Post #: 31

RE: If you were hit in anger - 8/1/2006 2:45:33 PM

CeliaRose

Posts: 11
Joined: 7/29/2006
Status: offline

Yeah, that's abuse.

Questions to ask yourself:
Was I in a scene where I should have been disciplined?
If so, was this a deserved discipline, or just for spite?
Was the rage even about me?
What am I being disciplined for? (ie PURPOSEFULLY displeasing him so I can get hit or did I accidentally break some dishes while cooking?)
Did He/She pass my hard limits?

And you're right, no one should hit you in a fit of rage. If YOU have already decided the terms on when he can hit you, and he surpassed that... then it's abuse.

The fact that he lied about it worries me, because he may not be willing to let you go, and in an abusive relationship, the time a women leave is when it is most dangerous for her.

<~~>

(in reply to trixr4kids)

Post #: 32

RE: If you were hit in anger - 8/1/2006 3:02:31 PM

marieToo

Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: cheshireboy

accept the emotion for that is what i am, if i caused Her to be angry, then it is my place to accept that anger and be glad that i am not getting dismissed from Her presense. the nature of my existance is acceptance...a hit is just one emotion and it would never come unless i truly did something to piss her off, therefore i most likely deserve it and would rather have her use me to get that anger out, than to dismiss me from her sight, but naturally, once the jets are cooled off, there would be discussion of the events and how to make sure it doesn't happen again. it would take more than one thing bad to make me want to beg release...everyone is allowed a get out of jail for free card.

cheshire

but do you think we are responsible for the emotions of another person?

(in reply to cheshireboy)

Post #: 33

RE: If you were hit in anger - 8/1/2006 7:35:37 PM

sweetnurseBBW

Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline

Hitting in anger is called abuse and I certainly wouldn't hang around much longer. That would definately be a deal breaker.

(in reply to trixr4kids)

Post #: 34

RE: If you were hit in anger - 8/1/2006 8:15:28 PM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: trixr4kids

He jumped up so mad he was shaking over a minor infraction and beat me with a cane with all his might 15 or so times and left me bleeding.
Later I told him it's not the severity of the punishment, but that he was in this uncontrolled fit of rage that in my mind made this physical abuse.
Not to protect him as this is the first time IN MY LIFE I ever was physically abused & if he didn't have kids I would have pressed charges that day even though we've been together a long time and it was his first offense. D/s or not I will not be hit in an uncontrolled fit of Rage without someone going to jail ever again. Instead I took photos & sent them to my best friend in a sealed envelope with an account of what happened & she promised the only time she'll open the envelope is if I dissapear. She does not even know what's in it.
On top of that he'd had big problems with his job, money, family and was in the middle of fighting on the phone with another DOM and I should have known better..
Mind you not an excuse, but I think it was not even about us, but rather all this other frustration going on that day. Yes, were human, but NO ONE HAS THE RIGHT EVER TO HIT YOU IN A FIT OF RAGE ON ANY TERMS IN MY MIND.

my question is... Would the punishment be the same if he would of taken some time to relax and reflect on what he desired to do with regards to punishement...... My thoughts.... in this situation described... No you wouldn't done the same thing... and that is what the issue is.... Not that he was angry... but he was out of control due to his anger. It is this out of control that result in an action on his part that is highlly questionable if not abusive.

I have been angry when I have choose to punish.... be it my young ones or my girls. However, my anger doesn't dictate what punishment will occur. I have choose at times to send them from me to cool down... largely because I couldn't reason an appropriate response. When needed... they get it with both barrels...... believe me when I tell you.... they know I am angry with them... but they will also feel safe from harm.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to trixr4kids)

Post #: 35

RE: If you were hit in anger - 8/1/2006 10:17:33 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

Call the police

(in reply to trixr4kids)

Post #: 36

RE: If you were hit in anger - 8/2/2006 11:42:51 AM

trixr4kids

Posts: 18
Joined: 7/27/2006
Status: offline

Just FYI I am indeed in process of leaving him over this, but I'm so financially bound and Dependant it's going to take about three weeks to accomplish this. I demanded my release from the D/s relationship and am sleeping in another room till I can get out. He concurs now that he did indeed physically abuse me & I think it's hurt him almost as much as it hurt me as he's never physically abused a woman before in his life. Not only he has told me this, but his Aunt who raised him told me this is true as I did tell her about it the day after it happened.
The prompting of airing this crap here in the public forum is three sub (haha) friends of ours said it was a form of Japanese Old Guard that it was OK to hit in an angry rage. I felt I had to prove to them it's NEVER OK TO HIT ANOTHER IN A RAGING UNCONTROLLED FASHION & There's no room in D/s to cover up abuse like this.
Thanks for all your responses.

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 37

RE: If you were hit in anger - 8/2/2006 2:50:39 PM

chgosubmale

Posts: 34
Joined: 6/9/2004
Status: offline

There seems to be a prevalent school of thought that hitting in anger is wrong. I can certainly understand where people are coming from an definitely can appreciate why people would think so.

I think I take a more situational view of it. How would the sub feel about this? Obviously if you feel it is unwarranted abuse, then it is time to reconsider the relationship.

But others might have a different view. I personally would almost prefer that I be struck in anger rather than through some type of ritualized session or play time. That to me seems more visceral and more real. I think being a stress and anger reliever is something that could be very beneficial and is one of the potentially unique benefits of a BDSM relationship. But that's just how it is for me.

(in reply to trixr4kids)

Post #: 38

RE: If you were hit in anger - 8/2/2006 3:14:59 PM

BrightAlrisha

Posts: 11
Joined: 5/31/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: trixr4kids
If your Dom hit you while angry and claimed it was a punishment what would you do about it?

Abuse should never be tollerated. Never - and there must be no second chances either.

That is my rather firm view on this topic.

(in reply to trixr4kids)

Post #: 39

RE: If you were hit in anger - 8/2/2006 3:18:42 PM

BrightAlrisha

Posts: 11
Joined: 5/31/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: trixr4kids
His Aunt who raised him told me this is true as I did tell her about it the day after it happened.

If I may ask, why did you tell his aunt about it all?

quote:

ORIGINAL: trixr4kids
The prompting of airing this crap here in the public forum is three sub (haha) friends of ours said it was a form of Japanese Old Guard that it was OK to hit in an angry rage. I felt I had to prove to them it's NEVER OK TO HIT ANOTHER IN A RAGING UNCONTROLLED FASHION & There's no room in D/s to cover up abuse like this.

I agree, abuse is abuse is abuse. It should not be tollerated.

(in reply to trixr4kids)

Post #: 40

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