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RE: If you were hit in anger - 8/2/2006 7:14:27 PM   
bluelace001


Posts: 62
Joined: 6/7/2006
Status: offline 		In my experinace, and from talking with other dominants in our local community, most agree that they won't hit when angry. They will walk away, cool off first, then and only then take appropriate action weather it be punishment, or talking. Thier feelings on it is that anger is a loss of control, and they do not want to cause damage to thier property, be it physical or mental. If they step back, cool off , then punish the sub, the sub knows and respects that dominants decision. (hopes that made sense)
bluelace_V
(property of Viper_001)

(in reply to cheshireboy)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: If you were hit in anger - 8/2/2006 7:37:29 PM   
mellian


Posts: 211
Joined: 9/6/2004
Status: offline 		First of all, I would end switching modes with that kind of action and become all take charge, not one to me with and so on mode, and then proceed to defend myself if the Domme tries to hit me in anger again. The whole D/s would collapse at the point, probably unrecoverably, and dealing with the initial situation, probably end up leaving.

-mellian


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(in reply to trixr4kids)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: If you were hit in anger - 8/3/2006 10:42:10 AM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		If he said that he had had the day from hell and felt like inflicting a heavy spanking on me, that's one thing. But claiming I deserved it when I didn't would make me lose trust. I prefer people who talk their anger out, not act it out.

(in reply to cheshireboy)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: If you were hit in anger - 8/3/2006 11:21:12 AM   
Devilslilsister


Posts: 1262
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline 		i heard about this thread!!!!

"if you were hit in anger"  then the man is a nub

and i have a freezer where i stick nubs... hehehehe 

If i was hit in anger, i think i'd be first shocked and then i think i'd be pissed off.  i'd be like what the fuck is wrong with you bitch?  Have you YET to learn self control?  Did yer parents not teach you hitting when yer mad is wrong?  Shall i send you back to school and teach yer ass a lesson?  Shall i go cut yer Dad's balls off so he cant spawn more ejits like you? 

and den i think i'd club him upside the head with my baseball bat = ) And tell my dog to bite off his balls.. and DEN i think i'd get my group together and we'd strip him nakkid and tie him to a Stop Light some where in orlando.. Course he'd have a sign on him that says "i'm a NAB and i hit women when i'm cranky"

and i'd get a video recorder.. and record the world waking up to his sorry ass tied to the stop light

and i'd sit back and laugh my ass off.


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(in reply to Celeste43)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: If you were hit in anger - 8/3/2006 12:27:36 PM   
darkinshadows


Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline
I left.
Even asking for release isn't necessary.  He has already broken the 'contract' by laying uncontrolled hands upon you.  Youre free to walk no matter what.
 
Peace and Rapture


< Message edited by darkinshadows -- 8/3/2006 12:29:26 PM >

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.dark.



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(in reply to trixr4kids)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: If you were hit in anger - 8/5/2006 7:40:08 AM   
Bijoux


Posts: 1
Joined: 7/11/2006
Status: offline 		What were the circumstances of his hitting you?  Was it something big that he has been disscussing with you multiple times? Did he fiund out that you had not deposited his paycheck in the bank and immediately turned you over his knee? Or slapped your behind with a crop during play when you forgot to "Sir"? If these are the circumstances then this behavior is justifiable, even if he was angry.

Many slaves must endure some form of severe punishment when warranted. If you know you've earned it you'll be looking forward to it like a tooth extraction, but real abuse leaves you frightened for days.Usually it involves not only losing one's temper, but doing something different like a severe slap across the face (if that is not part of your play or punishment routine) and a person who loses it will generally over time get worse if he is allowed to get away with it. Unfortunately most abusers never learn--they just move on to the next victim. Worse, most of them are quite charismatic and have no problem luring in new flesh.

Sometimes very new doms and very new subs hook up and they are both trying to figure out what they want. They may not have an established protocol for punishments or not realize they must communicate they clearly at the outset. When punishment does occur it is often just as much of a surprize to the dom as the sub. But if he is experienced then let your intuition be your guide.

Soooooooooo the big question is............ How did you feel about it? Even if you have gotten over it by now if it upset you for days and leaves you wondering then you are not with the right person at the very least.

Be well.
Bijoux

(in reply to cheshireboy)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: If you were hit in anger - 8/5/2006 8:40:55 AM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: trixr4kids

If your Dom hit you while angry and claimed it was a punishment what would you do about it?


You use the word *claimed* in your question.......that implies(to me) that it wasn't *really* a punishment but a cover for a momentary loss of control, maybe?

I've only inferred that from the use of the word *claimed*, though, and the way the question was couched.

If I was hit by my Master in anger, it wouldn't change a thing......I'd do  what I normally do when I'm hit, which is cry, probably. Just because he was angry doesn't mean, necessarily,that what ensues is unfair or unjustified or *over the top*.

The anger part wouldn't mean much to me........ utter loss of control might, though....or an attempt to transfer that onto me, might.

agirl

Edited to add.........I haven't been hit in anger.










< Message edited by agirl -- 8/5/2006 8:42:50 AM >

(in reply to trixr4kids)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: If you were hit in anger - 8/5/2006 6:48:40 PM   
alovelylady4U


Posts: 67
Joined: 1/15/2005
From: leeli
Status: offline 		trix4kids-  you and your D/M are the only O/ones that truly know what happened. i agree with many of the s/sl and yes i would leave. i can handle discipline, punishment, and the pushing of my limits. i know and understand the difference between use and abuse. Punishment is used to correct.  i am not certain,  like so many here- what really- what lead up to this, yet i would wonder will it continue, get worse, what if i was gagged and restrained?  Could i ever truly trust a Man that loses control? For myself- i could not and it just would not make sense to remain in a relationship where trust is gone. Others are the opposite, they will remain and try to work it out.... sugar it comes down to you. you know deep in your heart  what happened and the right choice. you know (or can seek out) the signs of  a "wife beater" (yes- same differnce and the same warning signs). There are many sites on the net that you can checkout- do what so many do- say you are concerned for a friend. Of course a website never asks or judges- just gives out information. Best of luck to you trix4kids

(in reply to cheshireboy)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: If you were hit in anger - 8/5/2006 7:11:12 PM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline 		I don't think anyone is perfect, everyone makes mistakes and no one is totally in control of themselves all of the time. I guess I would be thinking about how the situation was handled after the event, what happened before the event and  if it has happened before etc..to assess what my steps would be.

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(in reply to alovelylady4U)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: If you were hit in anger - 8/5/2006 11:44:32 PM   
lilninotchka


Posts: 121
Joined: 8/27/2004
Status: offline 		 
Anger and control are not always mutually exclusive.
If he was out of control, it would depend how out of control, his history of being out of control during punishment, if he covered up his loss of control (assuming that it was a loss of control) with some other reason, how he handled the situation after regaining control of himself (again assuming he had lost it).
One mistake is not necessarily the beginning of the end. If that were so, it would never even get started because it always makes a mistake here or there.

(in reply to bluelace001)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: If you were hit in anger - 8/6/2006 9:21:56 AM   
Steelriven


Posts: 300
Joined: 12/26/2005
Status: offline 		I'd have to say a large part depends on the situation. I'm not defending abusers, however I'm going to take a stand for dominants. A dominant is human and can make mistakes. They even loose control sometimes, does it make it right to rage out of anger? No. But I'm sure there are plenty of submissives out there that have lost control themselves. Even for a second.

I also think that rage and anger are different. If a dominant is angry that doesn't mean that he-she is going to rage on their submissive/slave. I don't usually have to use safety words, however if I call "red," over and over and my dominant doesn't stop you bet I'm going to do anything and everything to defend myself. And had I called out "red," over and over and nothing was done about it I would probably leave.

(in reply to lilninotchka)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: If you were hit in anger - 8/6/2006 10:40:00 AM   
missturbation


Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline 		In my experinace, and from talking with other dominants in our local community, most agree that they won't hit when angry.
Whilst they say they won't there is always a possibilty. I in the past was in a couple of abusive relationships, the first never hid his abusive side once i knew about it and never apologised. The second said he would never hit a woman it was despicable. He broke my jaw, nose, wrists, ribs in a car door and gave me umpteen black eyes. He apologised every time and sai he would never do it again. Now whilst i was daft enough to stay the point i am trying to make is never say never. Everyone does things in the heat of the moment when driven to it.
Even after being in abusive relationships i would not immediately walk away if hit in anger. I would talk about it and try to hopefully work it through. In my opinion everyone deserves a second and last chance and i personally would give that.

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(in reply to bluelace001)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: If you were hit in anger - 8/6/2006 11:51:19 AM   
defiantbadgirl


Posts: 2988
Joined: 11/14/2005
Status: offline 		No real man hits a woman or spanks to draw blood unless it's something she enjoys. If a man hits a woman in anger, he has relinquished his manhood forever. You should definitely not give him another chance. In addition, I would tell him he had one of 2 choices. He could either go to jail or stand in a very busy public place holding a sign that says "I'm a woman beater." If he chooses the second option, take some close up pictures to further humiliate him. If you haven't actually left yet, please show him this post. Woman beaters are the scum of the earth.

(in reply to missturbation)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: If you were hit in anger - 8/6/2006 3:22:16 PM   
truesub4u


Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slavejali

I don't think anyone is perfect, everyone makes mistakes and no one is totally in control of themselves all of the time. I guess I would be thinking about how the situation was handled after the event, what happened before the event and  if it has happened before etc..to assess what my steps would be.


Jali... for the first time.. I think I have to disagree with you. Before a man lays a angered hand on me.. he has the option to not to do it. He has the option to hit the wall before me. It matters not what was going on .... before... or after.

Now to address the women who feel they can strike and not be struck back... BULLSHIT. You hit a man... expect a man to defend himself. Now I think there are ways of doing this without him going off on her full blown. But if she strikes first... she should expect something in return.

My first Master has a woman strike him in public... because she didn't like the way he spoke to me... he grabbed her by the hand... laid her across his lap..and spanked her hard. She was more embarrassed than hurt. It's all in how it's handled. But I do not think a man has to stand and take shit from a gal either.


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Wisdom is knowing what to do next, Skill is knowing how to do it, and Virtue is doing it.

(in reply to slavejali)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: If you were hit in anger - 8/6/2006 3:27:11 PM   
missturbation


Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

No real man hits a woman or spanks to draw blood unless it's something she enjoys. If a man hits a woman in anger, he has relinquished his manhood forever. You should definitely not give him another chance. In addition, I would tell him he had one of 2 choices. He could either go to jail or stand in a very busy public place holding a sign that says "I'm a woman beater." If he chooses the second option, take some close up pictures to further humiliate him. If you haven't actually left yet, please show him this post. Woman beaters are the scum of the earth.


whilst i agree with you to a certain extent the choice to give second chances to a man who hit me is mine and mine alone. We all make mistakes. Also may i just clarify that i am not in an abusive relationship right now.

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: If you were hit in anger - 8/6/2006 4:46:27 PM   
EdensDevil


Posts: 22
Joined: 3/20/2006
Status: offline 		I dont think I can really comment on this subject fully, because whenever I have been disiplined I normally deserved it  because I start the situation.

With every action there is a reaction, and that for me normally means a sore bottem and grounding for a week.

(in reply to missturbation)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: If you were hit in anger - 8/7/2006 8:18:10 AM   
onestandingstill


Posts: 1335
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline 		For me if I was beaten worse than I've ever been hit in my life during a controlled punishment that's one thing I could never consider abuse. I don't even care if I agreed I deserved it or not. A punishment is not a reactive explosion taken out in frustration on you in my mind.
There's a very fine, fragile line between a BDSM punishment and abuse to me. While both are severe I feel one would be done as a  Father/Mentor/Teacher 's perspective. Even if in the end you guys agree it was undeserved later it's not abuse. To me if it is in the loving context of WIITWD right or wrong it isn't out and out abuse.
For someone to react to you, grab you & beat you in rage will always be abuse in my mind, even if you did deserve to be punished.

For me NO ONE will hit me in an abusive way and still live with me. I'd have to get out & then see if there's enough of a relationship left to possibly get back into a live in deal later.
Suzanne

(in reply to EdensDevil)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: If you were hit in anger - 8/7/2006 4:25:44 PM   
shahar


Posts: 8
Joined: 1/28/2006
Status: offline 		I would say the problem would lie more in the fact that the Dom/me cast the responsibility for their unacceptable behavior on the submissive.  That shows an immaturity that leaves clues to other possible problems in the future.  The best route to take is not to just up and leave (unless there is absolutely no emotional ties there and it was just for fun, then Leave! find someone who can play well with others) but to sit and talk things out like adults.  Bypass the "Well you said this that or another" and "You suck you stupid cow"  and go straight to the root of the problem.  Make "I" statements, not accusations.  "I am concerned that this could become a more common occurence" is a good way to start things.  If it was a one time thing, give the relationship a chance.  We all have lessons in life to learn.  But if it is something that endangers you physically or mentally, do what is best for YOU.  

(in reply to cheshireboy)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: If you were hit in anger - 8/7/2006 7:08:43 PM   
reverendtorres


Posts: 51
Joined: 10/14/2005
Status: offline 		It depends..


If he hit me in anger due to a loss of self control, there would be an allout brawl between the two of us because I don't tolerate being struck in anger.  If he apologized, then I would sit down and talk things through with him and insist that he get some help if he wants to keep me.

If he hit me in anger and then tried to pass it off as punishment, I would leave without explanation.

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: If you were hit in anger - 8/8/2006 3:19:24 AM   
enigmabrat


Posts: 2383
Joined: 8/1/2004
Status: offline 		Ok strikeing in anger= abuse abuse=lack of controll lack of controll= that person should not be controlling another and isnt a Dom

id be out of there so fast his head would spin

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(in reply to cheshireboy)
Profile   Post #: 60
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