To Kiss or Not to Kiss, that is the question...

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

To Kiss or Not to Kiss, that is the question...

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> To Kiss or Not to Kiss, that is the question...

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

To Kiss or Not to Kiss, that is the question... - 7/31/2006 8:54:49 PM

SignorinaC

Posts: 25
Joined: 6/23/2006
Status: offline

Hello...

I have a question...I have been reading books about D/s and being a Domme/Mistress. I am taking My time in formulating in My mind, what I want and how I want it...so although this may seem sort of lame (and I am willing to risk ridicule in asking this)...when setting up a meeting with a possible new sub, asides from what I will require as far as signs of respect and adoration...what if I want to be kissed...is that something that I can ask without sounding ridiculous? Yes, I suppose I could ask for whatever my little heart desires, but would you, when "auditioning" a potential sub/slave/servant?

In my books, they speak of D/s in an already established relationship, so kissing is already a given activity. Since I am a very oral person, I want to gauge what that would be like with the intended candidate...

Since I am a free woman, when the moment comes, I would be open to whatever may develop with said candidate. My idea of a perfect relationship would be to have a submissive man in it...with all of the benefits.

Indulge me...

Signorina and hopefully future Mistress C

Post #: 1

RE: To Kiss or Not to Kiss, that is the question... - 7/31/2006 9:22:50 PM

Misstoyou

Posts: 1149
Joined: 9/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SignorinaC

I have a question...I have been reading books about D/s and being a Domme/Mistress. I am taking My time in formulating in My mind, what I want and how I want it...so although this may seem sort of lame (and I am willing to risk ridicule in asking this)...when setting up a meeting with a possible new sub, asides from what I will require as far as signs of respect and adoration...what if I want to be kissed...is that something that I can ask without sounding ridiculous? Yes, I suppose I could ask for whatever my little heart desires, but would you, when "auditioning" a potential sub/slave/servant?

For me, personally, kissing comes later than the first meeting in evaluating submissives. I'm friendly enough (I think

), but still fairly formal on the first meeting (I shake hands, for example), primarily because regardless of whatever virtual or telephonic chemistry there may have been, I'm still treating the situation as meeting a stranger for the first time. I may allow a hug, or, perhaps, a kiss on my cheek...then again, I may not.

If I *did* want a submissive to kiss me though, whatever my reason might be, I'd tell him, not ask him. "Kiss me."

* edited for typo

< Message edited by Misstoyou -- 7/31/2006 9:24:13 PM >

_____________________________

~ Miss Marie

a.k.a. "mean Lady"

(in reply to SignorinaC)

Post #: 2

RE: To Kiss or Not to Kiss, that is the question... - 7/31/2006 11:09:01 PM

TheShadows

Posts: 403
Joined: 9/16/2004
From: Southern Illinois
Status: offline

I absolutely agree with Misstoyou. Tell, don't ask. But don't be too surprised if he's somewhat hesitant, or in shock, that you want him to do this service for you on the first real time meeting. Other than that, be safe, and have fun.

Best of luck,
MrsShadows

_____________________________

"The reason the mainstream is thought of as a stream is because of it's shallowness." - George Carlin

"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most..." - Ozzy Osbourne

(in reply to SignorinaC)

Post #: 3

RE: To Kiss or Not to Kiss, that is the question... - 7/31/2006 11:10:00 PM

Samwhiplash

Posts: 191
Joined: 10/5/2005
Status: offline

Ohhh this is an interesting one.

My take on it is that if you want a kiss, then take a kiss :D

I have definitely kissed on a first meet with a sub if I am really feeling it, I see nothing wrong with it.

Im sure its dependent on the tone of the whole meet tho, maybe I am a little less formal outside of scening than others tho, since I am looking for a bf AND a sub rolled into one.

Good luck with it.

Sam

(in reply to SignorinaC)

Post #: 4

RE: To Kiss or Not to Kiss, that is the question... - 7/31/2006 11:12:38 PM

SweetDommes

Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline

I'm with the others - if you want a kiss, get a kiss. A first meeting with a sub, in our opinions, is no different than a first date with a 'vanilla' person - if it feels right, go for it; if it doesn't, then hold off.

(in reply to Samwhiplash)

Post #: 5

RE: To Kiss or Not to Kiss, that is the question... - 7/31/2006 11:20:20 PM

abytchgoddess4u

Posts: 268
Joined: 10/17/2004
Status: offline

I never kiss on the first date.

Ever.

And I haven't dated 'nilla in around 7-8yrs...:)

_____________________________

"Everything in the Universe Is within you.
Ask all from yourself." Rumi

"The world will know and understand me someday. But if that day does not arrive, it does not greatly matter. I shall have opened the way for other women."
George Sand

(in reply to SweetDommes)

Post #: 6

RE: To Kiss or Not to Kiss, that is the question... - 7/31/2006 11:22:43 PM

SweetDommes

Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline

Great for you - but that's not for everyone ... she wanted opinions, and she got them - now she has yours too.

(in reply to abytchgoddess4u)

Post #: 7

RE: To Kiss or Not to Kiss, that is the question... - 8/1/2006 5:23:26 AM

MistressOfGa

Posts: 2929
Status: offline

I am against "taking" anything from someone without asking first on the first meeting. Several have said "Don't ask, just take a kiss", that may work for them, but I have never been one to assume that the submissive would WANT to kiss ME on our first meeting. I treat each new meeting as if I am meeting a vanilla stranger. I may hug him when we first meet or not, it depends on how much contact (phone & internet) we have had prior to meeting. Just my .02 cents worth. Time for coffee now!

_____________________________

(in reply to SignorinaC)

Post #: 8

RE: To Kiss or Not to Kiss, that is the question... - 8/1/2006 5:33:14 AM

Jasmyn

Posts: 1234
Joined: 2/6/2004
From: New Zealand
Status: offline

Signorina, if you want to kiss, as others have said, then by all means tell him to kiss you...it's all about chemistry for me ...teasing him, asking him whether he would like to kiss me, get inside his head, telling him exactly what he is thinking ... maybe letting him...or telling him he's not worthy and pushing him away... personally, just a preference of mine I'll share, more than telling him kiss me, I like to kiss him, hands behind his back, roughly entwining my fingers in his hair and forcing my tongue down his throat, taking total liberties with him, but never the other way around, unless he's given permission of course ;) if it feels right, you'll know just what to do ..good luck, and welcome to the boards

Jasmyn

_____________________________

quote:

"To learn the art of submission a slave must first give up the desires that drew him to submission in the first place." Mistress Jasmyn Jan 2005.

Visit My Website

(in reply to SignorinaC)

Post #: 9

RE: To Kiss or Not to Kiss, that is the question... - 8/1/2006 5:52:54 AM

MstrssPassion

Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SignorinaC

I have been reading books about D/s and being a Domme/Mistress.

This can be both a good thing & a bad thing. The one thing for sure is that you are only going to be the Mistress that you already are. No book in the world is going to make you one or really make you a better one. Books offer perspectives & perspectives can help us refine ourselves. When we attempt to DEFINE ourselves based on what we read in a book... well that is when things can really go south.

If you say you're the dominant & you want a kiss then by all means go for it. As a dominant don't ever cower to the expectations of others. There are two quick ways to lose face as a dominant... do things that are disrespectful of others (frequently & without reservation) & cower down to others.

As you will here often: You are a master of self before you should ever attempt to be a master of another.

Hold your head high & OWN what you do.

_____________________________

MstrssPassion

(in reply to SignorinaC)

Post #: 10

RE: To Kiss or Not to Kiss, that is the question... - 8/1/2006 6:54:24 AM

SignorinaC

Posts: 25
Joined: 6/23/2006
Status: offline

Thanks ladies, wonderful to hear Your thoughts. I think what I was trying to figure out was if it was disrespectful to just take that kiss...and now I can see it from many points of view...in the end, I will go with My instincts...that's what matters to Me:) I wanted to see how other's have handled that all important meeting where first impressions do count.

Have a lovely afternoon and stay cool!

Signorina C

(in reply to MstrssPassion)

Post #: 11

RE: To Kiss or Not to Kiss, that is the question... - 8/1/2006 7:17:17 AM

JessieMe

Posts: 510
Joined: 6/5/2006
Status: offline

Personally what worked best for me is to stare intently into their eyes for a period of time until they were uncomfortable and then quietly say "Kiss Me"..

The reactions can be priceless..

_____________________________

This is who I am
And this is all I know.
That I must choose to live for all that I can give
The spark that makes the Power grow
<Immortality by Celine Dion>

(in reply to SignorinaC)

Post #: 12

RE: To Kiss or Not to Kiss, that is the question... - 8/1/2006 9:01:13 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

If you want kissing to be an important part of a Ds relationship and how well someone kisses is important to you, I'd ask for a test kiss relatively early on. Probably not the first time you meet unless things went really well and their is strong mutual chemistry you feel from both of you. Otherwise you're not getting the sort of kiss you can judge because its more like acting than based on some attraction.

I'm pretty picky about who I will kiss though so it really isn't a factor when I'm just meeting someone. I let my passions drive the question of a kiss later on and I figure someone who matches me and my family in other areas can always be taught to kiss better if I desire.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to SignorinaC)

Post #: 13

RE: To Kiss or Not to Kiss, that is the question... - 8/1/2006 9:15:39 AM

MsKatHouston

Posts: 1909
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline

I look at first meetings like a first date. There are some things I will not do (even if I really really want to) and others I'm more relaxed on. I would kiss on a first meet if the chemistry is there. It happens naturally and the way it occurs depends on the person and the situation. Just go with it, you'll know when it is right. Enjoy!

_____________________________

-Kat

~If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning~

(in reply to thetammyjo)

Post #: 14

RE: To Kiss or Not to Kiss, that is the question... - 8/1/2006 11:22:47 AM

GoddessDustyGold

Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline

Welcome to the boards, Signorina!
What more can I add?
If the "kiss chemistry" is important to you, and it is something you feel a need to test immediately, then, by all means! *Smile* You will figure out the best and most comfortable way for you to approach the situation and timing.
For Myself, I do not kiss on a first meet, regardless of the previous interaction leading up to that meet. And it would be all the sweeter for the wait. However, I certainly allow and offer a hug, and perhaps even permit a kiss on the cheek, if I have been in serious contact with one prior to meeting! Otherwise, a handshake suffices for Me.

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom

(in reply to SignorinaC)

Post #: 15

RE: To Kiss or Not to Kiss, that is the question... - 8/1/2006 12:00:47 PM

abytchgoddess4u

Posts: 268
Joined: 10/17/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetDommes
Great for you - but that's not for everyone ... she wanted opinions, and she got them - now she has yours too.

What the heck is with that attitude?

I wasn't judging her, I was offering my choice.

_____________________________

"Everything in the Universe Is within you.
Ask all from yourself." Rumi

"The world will know and understand me someday. But if that day does not arrive, it does not greatly matter. I shall have opened the way for other women."
George Sand

(in reply to SweetDommes)

Post #: 16

RE: To Kiss or Not to Kiss, that is the question... - 8/1/2006 12:52:57 PM

friskiesub

Posts: 49
Joined: 2/2/2005
Status: offline

Dear JessieMe: ooohhhhhhhh, I like this one.
Thank you
friskie

(in reply to JessieMe)

Post #: 17

RE: To Kiss or Not to Kiss, that is the question... - 8/1/2006 2:04:35 PM

amativedame

Posts: 331
Joined: 9/23/2005
Status: offline

I certainly wouldn't say it would be ridiculous to ask.... I would try be open minded when viewing reactions though. Its not something that many would encounter very quickly (depending on who they've been in contact with of course.) Some of the people I've come across need/expect a certain distance, while others expect a certain closeness. Its all about knowing/reading the person. If I felt the person was on the same page as me, would I "ask?"

Yes.

_____________________________

Always remember that great love and great achievements both involve great risk.

(in reply to SignorinaC)

Post #: 18

RE: To Kiss or Not to Kiss, that is the question... - 8/1/2006 4:29:34 PM

mp072004

Posts: 381
Joined: 12/22/2005
Status: offline

If it's a romantic or "datey" date, kissing, either way, is not likely to be a faux pas. Just ask to be kissed in a way that doesn't sound ridiculous. I wouldn't bark "kiss me" as an order--that might sound funny. "Please kiss me," spoken as a polite request, might do, or drop off the please if that suits you. I wouldn't do breathy requests, but it seems you have a more sexualized or romantic style than I do, and breathy might work for you. Or kiss him, if the context seems right. You could even ask, "Would you like to kiss me?"

Lots of het women, including some of my presumably vanilla friends, seem to be more hesitant about initiating kissing than men are. The trouble with submissive men is that they tend to avoid any assertive or aggressive behavior, especially sexual behavior. If each of you is waiting for the other to initiate kissing, you won't get anywhere.

Monica

(in reply to SignorinaC)

Post #: 19

RE: To Kiss or Not to Kiss, that is the question... - 8/1/2006 5:51:01 PM

JessieMe

Posts: 510
Joined: 6/5/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: friskiesub

Dear JessieMe: ooohhhhhhhh, I like this one.
Thank you
friskie

Your very welcome..
<chuckling> I always had submissives telling me when I got that "focused" look I became very scary... sooo much fun <grins>

_____________________________

This is who I am
And this is all I know.
That I must choose to live for all that I can give
The spark that makes the Power grow
<Immortality by Celine Dion>

(in reply to friskiesub)

Post #: 20

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> To Kiss or Not to Kiss, that is the question...

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.078