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Controlling Women's Sexuality - 8/2/2006 11:13:50 AM   
LotusSong


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This is a serious question.

Why do men feel compelled to controll a woman's sexuality?

When a woman DOES embrase her sexuality, she is then called a slut, whore, and/or bitch?

What frightens men so that they need to do this?

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RE: Controlling Women's Sexuality - 8/2/2006 11:19:10 AM   
dincubus


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quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

This is a serious question.

Why do men feel compelled to controll a woman's sexuality?

When a woman DOES embrase her sexuality, she is then called a slut, whore, and/or bitch?

What frightens men so that they need to do this?


In my case, I do not try to control the sexuality of my submissive. In fact I encourage it within herself. My submissive and I have an understanding, that if she wishes to play with another, then we need to talk about it before hand and afterwards. Kind of like setting up a play session as such. That way she can speak out her feelings about it with someone who is supportive of her.
I do not know if that answers what you were asking sufficiently, but they are my feelings on it.

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RE: Controlling Women's Sexuality - 8/2/2006 11:24:26 AM   
fullofgrace


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my Dominant tries to release my sexuality, not control it. but i know what you mean...society, from way back in ancient cultures, has always tried to control women's sexuality. i think it's the idea that women can be very out of control and that will cause bad things to happen - there are all kinds of examples of this in ancient greek mythology. even in lysistrata, where women took over the control of the city to some extent, the only reason the comedy had a positive outcome is because women tried to control their own sexuality.


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RE: Controlling Women's Sexuality - 8/2/2006 11:24:57 AM   
mnottertail


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That chinese writing.

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RE: Controlling Women's Sexuality - 8/2/2006 11:27:26 AM   
LotusSong


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Any answers are good answers.  Everyone is going to be different. :)  Thank you for your response.

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RE: Controlling Women's Sexuality - 8/2/2006 11:29:27 AM   
amastermind


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Says who?  When a woman expresses her sexuality, particularly towards me, I love it.  A woman is a whore, slut or bitch when she acts like a whore, a slut, or a bitch; not when she expresses her sexuality.

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RE: Controlling Women's Sexuality - 8/2/2006 11:31:28 AM   
dincubus


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quote:

ORIGINAL: amastermind

Says who?  When a woman expresses her sexuality, particularly towards me, I love it.  A woman is a whore, slut or bitch when she acts like a whore, a slut, or a bitch; not when she expresses her sexuality.


I think the point of the OP was more of a "when the dominant makes the submissive/girl act in such a manner" not so much if the woman chooses to act in said manner.

Just my 2 cents

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RE: Controlling Women's Sexuality - 8/2/2006 11:33:18 AM   
SirKenin


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I do not try to control it.  I merely ask her to be faithful.  That also is up to her in the end of course, but if she can not then she need not be here.  That IS something I have control over.

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RE: Controlling Women's Sexuality - 8/2/2006 11:36:37 AM   
dincubus


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quote:

ORIGINAL: SirKenin

I do not try to control it.  I merely ask her to be faithful.  That also is up to her in the end of course, but if she can not then she need not be here.  That IS something I have control over.

True SirKenin,
as in my understanding with my submissive, she knows what is expected. I have also taken a different stand as well. If i were to deny her being bi-sexual, in effect telling her she cannot express her sexuality in a manner that we both have spoken about, then I would be no better than someone who was mentally abusing their spouse/girlfriend or what have you.
I hope that made sense.

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RE: Controlling Women's Sexuality - 8/2/2006 11:39:00 AM   
LadyShimla


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Good Afternoon:

quote:

Oringinal: fullofgrace

...even in lysistrata, where women took over the control of the city to some extent, the only reason the comedy had a positive outcome is because women tried to control their own sexuality.


When I read Lysistrata, it was funny because women used MEN'S sexual needs and desires in order to force the end of the war between Athens and Sparta and by denying men sexual fullfillment suceeded.  Seems to me that the women  were very much in control.


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RE: Controlling Women's Sexuality - 8/2/2006 11:59:12 AM   
meatcleaver


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The only time I have got pissed off by a woman and her sexuality was when she insisted on some ground rules and having got my agreement she did the exact opposite(in secret while telling me she had integrity). Other than that I don't really care about women and their sexuality because I would never again put myself in a position where it affects me. I'm quite happy for women to be wildly permissive and don't see it as any of my business.

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RE: Controlling Women's Sexuality - 8/2/2006 12:00:01 PM   
amastermind


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Maybe you are right but I didn't read that at all from the original post.

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RE: Controlling Women's Sexuality - 8/2/2006 12:02:14 PM   
agirl


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quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

This is a serious question.

Why do men feel compelled to controll a woman's sexuality?

When a woman DOES embrase her sexuality, she is then called a slut, whore, and/or bitch?

What frightens men so that they need to do this?


Hello Lotus,

I'm not sure I am understanding your question in the vein you may have meant...so will ask.......

How do men control it?

I'm haven't experience of men regarding women that way merely for enjoying sex...in fact, the opposite.

In what context do you ask?

Regards, agirl




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RE: Controlling Women's Sexuality - 8/2/2006 12:07:44 PM   
msscarlett91


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control is based on fear and jealousy

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RE: Controlling Women's Sexuality - 8/2/2006 12:15:29 PM   
dincubus


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quote:

ORIGINAL: msscarlett91

control is based on fear and jealousy


While some control is based upon that, there are other types of control, as I understand it. Control, as I understand it, can be based on fear (fear of losing one's Dominant), jealousy (jealousy of one's Dominant giving attention to another submissive), the desire for more (craving more of one's Dominant's attention), an intense desire to serve one's Dominant, a deep internal love of one's Dominant.
The above are just the understanding I have off the top of my head.

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RE: Controlling Women's Sexuality - 8/2/2006 12:18:29 PM   
dincubus


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The control that I have over my submissve was not wrested from her grasp by anything I had done. It was freely given to me by her. She made the choice to give me that control and it is my responsibility to do nothing that would ever put that control that was granted to me, in danger of being taken away.

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RE: Controlling Women's Sexuality - 8/2/2006 12:19:04 PM   
SirKenin


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Heh.  I guess if control is based on fear and jealousy then almost every single Dom/me I know is an insecure little weasel.

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Catholic Church: Serving up guilt since 107 AD.

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RE: Controlling Women's Sexuality - 8/2/2006 12:21:04 PM   
LadyEllen


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Hi

I'm taking this as referring to more the social constraints which are placed on women's sexuality rather than anything in BDSM as such (where I find, almost anything goes!).

Its difficult for us looking back through an age of christian censorship to know how pre-christian societies in Europe dealt with female sexuality. The church destroyed much of anything from the ancient world that referred to sexuality, and this destruction was prosecuted even more fully when it came to anything that dealt with female sexuality. Christianity has only two roles for women - that of the harlot and that of the pure virgin or mother. Basically this means that any woman who does not conform to the type of moralistic asexuality of the virgin or mother is a harlot - hence evil, hence due persecution and execution. That this heritage of the culture of Judaism found its way in similar form into Islam is noteworthy.

At the same time, despite the destruction there is evidence that in the ancient world the roles and characters of women as multi-dimensional beings was known and acknowledged simply from the fact that there were so many Goddesses - some of whom were directly associated with the power of female sexuality. Freyja is a great example in this - a powerful, sexual woman not averse to using her sex for advantage, and yet not purely a "harlot" figure as the church would describe her - She is also Goddess of magic (for which read science, psychology, philosophy, writing etc in the modern world) the equal to Odin, a warrior, the uniter of couples and groups and so much more; a fully rounded woman in other words. It was not for nothing that independent, non conforming women even until quite recent times were condemned as witches - basically they had shown evidence of being drawn to the ancient ways.

Why is female sexuality controlled in our society? Look to the church. Is this the right way for us? No - we had a different way long ago. Can we restore that ancient way? Probably not - but we can try and many of us already are trying and achieving this.

E

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RE: Controlling Women's Sexuality - 8/2/2006 12:28:20 PM   
dincubus


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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyEllen

Hi

I'm taking this as referring to more the social constraints which are placed on women's sexuality rather than anything in BDSM as such (where I find, almost anything goes!).

Its difficult for us looking back through an age of christian censorship to know how pre-christian societies in Europe dealt with female sexuality. The church destroyed much of anything from the ancient world that referred to sexuality, and this destruction was prosecuted even more fully when it came to anything that dealt with female sexuality. Christianity has only two roles for women - that of the harlot and that of the pure virgin or mother. Basically this means that any woman who does not conform to the type of moralistic asexuality of the virgin or mother is a harlot - hence evil, hence due persecution and execution. That this heritage of the culture of Judaism found its way in similar form into Islam is noteworthy.

At the same time, despite the destruction there is evidence that in the ancient world the roles and characters of women as multi-dimensional beings was known and acknowledged simply from the fact that there were so many Goddesses - some of whom were directly associated with the power of female sexuality. Freyja is a great example in this - a powerful, sexual woman not averse to using her sex for advantage, and yet not purely a "harlot" figure as the church would describe her - She is also Goddess of magic (for which read science, psychology, philosophy, writing etc in the modern world) the equal to Odin, a warrior, the uniter of couples and groups and so much more; a fully rounded woman in other words. It was not for nothing that independent, non conforming women even until quite recent times were condemned as witches - basically they had shown evidence of being drawn to the ancient ways.

Why is female sexuality controlled in our society? Look to the church. Is this the right way for us? No - we had a different way long ago. Can we restore that ancient way? Probably not - but we can try and many of us already are trying and achieving this.

E


LadyEllen,
All I can say right now is damn well put. I had never considered the sociological/religious aspect to the whole question. When i read what you had written, I kept saying to myself... uh huh, right, I see this now.
And you are right, the form in which the church's control/role set for women, as it had migrated into modern day Islam is indeed interesting.
And I know all too well the way in which roles are set for women in the church, as a matter of fact, within deeper issues with the church in which I had grown up, is why I have converted, as such, to paganism.
sorry for the bit of off topic discussion there

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RE: Controlling Women's Sexuality - 8/2/2006 12:29:17 PM   
LotusSong


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quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

This is a serious question.

Why do men feel compelled to controll a woman's sexuality?

When a woman DOES embrase her sexuality, she is then called a slut, whore, and/or bitch?

What frightens men so that they need to do this?


Hello Lotus,

I'm not sure I am understanding your question in the vein you may have meant...so will ask.......

How do men control it?

I'm haven't experience of men regarding women that way merely for enjoying sex...in fact, the opposite.

In what context do you ask?

Regards, agirl






I am posing this outside of the lifestyle context.

A sexually active woman is eventualy called a whore, cunt, bitch etc by a male/s that don't have her. 

There is the double standard, but that is not what I am addressing here.

Why is it necessary to call names for what it is they create?  If anything will kill the desire in a woman..that's it.  (Gad- that was a hard one to disect).   

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.


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