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RE: Please Help...need confirmation of something - 8/4/2006 8:31:31 PM

submissiveshe4

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Joined: 5/2/2005
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Thank You Emperor,
i ended the relationship today.
submissiveshe4

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RE: Please Help...need confirmation of something - 8/4/2006 8:56:09 PM

FLButtSlut

Posts: 344
Joined: 3/17/2005
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Good for you! I'm sorry you had to go through all the crap with him first, but I also believe that we can learn from each experience. During the journey of life (and lifestyle) there are many things that we (after research) think might be something we desire, have an interest in, or can "tolerate". The reality, when it comes can sometimes be different, and far too often the "bottom" half in the lifestyle seem to think they are "stuck". As the always wise Osidegirl said, we are ALL in this because it makes us happy. If you aren't happy, not for a moment or a day, but truly unhappy, then move on. Life is far too short for anyone to think they are stuck with someone or some life that does not fufill them.

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RE: Please Help...need confirmation of something - 8/4/2006 9:35:32 PM

popeye1250

Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
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Oside, Buttslut, well said!

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RE: Please Help...need confirmation of something - 8/4/2006 11:47:24 PM

Mavis

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quote:

ORIGINAL: submissiveshe4

Hello Mavis,
Thanks for the insite on swinging and i have been to several of the events with Him and although there was no swapping that took place, i did have fun and most everyone that i met were great people. Although the swinging was the first issue of suprise to me, i dealt with it and was open to it, even though i had yet to actually experience it. The issue that troubles me the most is His desire to continue to meet one on one with a woman that He met through swinging. ie; taking her to dinner than off to her house to spend the night fucking, taking her sailing today then off to His house for a night of fucking!
In any regard, after spending my afternoon yesterday cleaning His house, doing His laundry and changing the sheets and blankets on His bed, when He told me of His plans to take (Jennifer) sailing this afternoon, i ended the relationship! i stated that if (Jennifer) was not a submissive/slave and that He had no intentions of bringing her into our relationship to form a poly (that he promised me in the first place) then she must be strictly for sex. To this He replied to me "That is correct". So, i ended it.

Good for you, i would have too. Sounds like He wanted a sub or slave to get around the *rule* that primary partners have to be in agreement with all outside activities. He could justify it to other partners by saying she's a submissive, our dynamic dictates that she has no interest in what I do. Non-BDSMers might not understand that's a crock.

i'm sorry it all fell through, hope you're doing ok. At least you can know you did try and it was His actions that settled things in this way. "No regrets" is a nice way to end things. Sounds like you'd had enough time invested with Him to be really hurt right now. Stick around here, you'll find a lot of quality dialogue and probably friends to boot!

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RE: Please Help...need confirmation of something - 8/5/2006 2:00:58 AM

SirDarkside357

Posts: 393
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1) yes
2) Not for me, but to each His own
3) no

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RE: Please Help...need confirmation of something - 8/6/2006 4:18:14 AM

mons

Posts: 2400
Joined: 11/16/2005
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greetings to all

many of you give her wonderful and sound advice one was just mean she does not need that at this point. now dear you just need to leave him he has lied plain and simple i am sure you love him by now and the STD'S he may have given you with the swingers it is all about sex some may use protection and others may not. ran fast this man has given you nothing but lies and to take another woman sailing and just let you take it is crazy, your a submissive not a fool or a doormate, return said collar and move on he does have and i am sorry to say this but he does have enough women to keep him happy for a long time . you will in time find another , and this time listen to you best friend she was right all along

my deepest sorrow for your hurt but my best wishes to you future and you do have on without that cad

mons

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RE: Please Help...need confirmation of something - 8/6/2006 5:30:37 AM

CreoleCook

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Joined: 10/9/2005
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yeah, yeah, I know the topic is over, for she has already ended the relationship, but I felt the need to throw in my 2 cents, for the hell of it.

Having read through the topic series of questions, and the overwhelmind diversity of responses, I gotta say, from a subjective point of view: Damn, people!

Amongst the masses, one comes to figure out D/s, and BDSM and the intimacies within are based upon perceptions. While some would suggest dumping him, others suggest a good long sit down talk. While some suggest searching your heart, others ask you to become judge, jury, and executioner right then and there. As for the "lie" whether it was said, and you don't remember it, or he omitted it purposefully, I cannot say. I can honestly say from experience I do not have the perfect memory. If a woman had told me, in passing, she likes to wear blue shoes when going to church; yeah, like I'm going to remember that, until I witness it a few times...

So let's say, for shits and giggles, he did say it in passing, and you forgot. Does that still make him an asshole? well, I'm sure the masses would probably state 99.5% of all males are assholes. some just have a sweeter stench than others. I cannot honestly refute that statement, as I am male, and can tell you honestly, hey, guess what? I'm an asshole, but quite the smartass. Anyway, getting back here... He spoke it, you forgot, now you are witnessing it, and don't like what you see... Well, at this point, I mention he gave you a "collar of consideration." What the hell's a collar of consideration, anyway? is that like a "just goin steady ring?" what do you call an engagement ring in collar terms? No, no... wait a second, I remember reading this somewhere... the stages of collars are: training, consideration, informal, and formal. Is that right? hell, I know someone is going to comment on this, so I'll worry about that later. Anywho, here you are.. pissed he is doing something with someone else, and only giving you minimal attention. personal perspective... comment on it, and if he chooses to continue, go find yourself a boy toy. I know many a couple who are poly, and swing.

Perceptions are such a wonderful thing, and yet a curse at the same time. Who am I? who are you? who is that? How you see yourself, how you see others, how others see you...

Darlin, I know you already made your choice, but you are the one that had to make it. We can give advice, one way or the other. But when it comes down to it, its not our choice to make.

Creole

< Message edited by CreoleCook -- 8/6/2006 5:32:56 AM >

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RE: Please Help...need confirmation of something - 8/7/2006 10:53:32 PM

enigmabrat

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Im sorry i know this is dead but give me a break there is a difference between fogetting he wears blue shoes and forgetting hes a SWINGER give me a break here Sir that isnt something you forget

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RE: Please Help...need confirmation of something - 8/8/2006 3:43:06 AM

CreoleCook

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quote:

ORIGINAL: submissiveshe4

After almost a year of talking, chatting and meeting for lunch's or dinner's ...

He claims that He thought that He had mentioned this and apologized to me if He had not.

Now reading those two lines.. enigma. To my educated brain, that means it is entirely possible it came up in discussion over the course of that year prior to her accepting a collar of consideration. If he forgot to mention it, then yes, it would be his mistake. I just took the role of devil's advocate, which I often do in order to give different, and often times, surprising viewpoints for those who cannot, or choose not to look at dilemmas from all sides before acting upon other peoples opinions.

I am not going to take any response personally... I felt the need to explain my point of view in order to help others understand. if you have a problem with me, not here... click on my profile, and email me.

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RE: Please Help...need confirmation of something - 8/8/2006 7:40:11 AM

agirl

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I'm no expert and without bothering with the futile exercise of blame.......

....it seems you found that you were *open* to a stable, consistant type of *poly*?.....maybe being part of a team or group etc, all pulling together? .a closed group?

I don't know, from your post whether his *attention, time and fucking*, is limited to a small group that you are included in, but your unhappiness and discomfort is an indication that it's maybe not beneficial for you to be *there*..........whatever the *rights and wrongs* are.

Regards, agirl

Edited to add......... oooops, read the further postings and notice that it's resolved. Take care.

< Message edited by agirl -- 8/8/2006 7:42:49 AM >

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RE: Please Help...need confirmation of something - 8/8/2006 12:14:29 PM

Tamerofwild1s

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submissiveshe4 ... I bet you feel tons better too now don't you?

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RE: Please Help...need confirmation of something - 8/8/2006 2:05:40 PM

Emperor1956

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quote:

Thank You Emperor,
i ended the relationship today.
submissiveshe4

In my opinion, miss, you did the right thing. Still, ending anything can hurt, and I'm sorry for your pain.

E.

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"When you wake up, Pooh," said Piglet, "what's the first thing you say?"
"What's for breakfast? What do you say, Piglet?"
"I say, I wonder what's going to happen exciting today?"
Pooh nodded thoughtfully.
"It's the same thing," he said.

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RE: Please Help...need confirmation of something - 8/8/2006 9:53:31 PM

Submotive

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quote:

So, the question/questions are these, 1) As my Master's slave, i feel that i must learn to accept His decisions and His choices regardless of what they are or ask for my release correct? 2) How do other Dominants view the swinging lifestyle and can/should they co-exist? and 3) have i been brainwashed into believing in my Master and wanting to accept and understand His choices of lifestyle?

Hope you don't mind my responding, although i'm not a Master. First of all, you are not this Master's slave at this point and are under no requirement to do or accept anything. The Collar of Consideration is just that. It designates a time of getting to know each other better and learning if there is compatibility there on both or all parts. It's a time for you to learn about his choices and if they blend with your needs and desires. It's a time of learning and study, not molding and training.

Freeing yourself from this situation at this point, if that is your desire, is not breaking any "contract". You would simply be returning the collar and saying no thank you. i tend to think too many subs and slaves think, way too early on in a relationship, that they are supposed to bend their will and desires to the Dominants. IMHO a D/s or M/s relationship is no different than any other, particularly in the very beginning.

You don't appear happy about what is occuring. i think it's crucial to be honest with yourself about that and not attempt to twist and bend who you really are into something you may never truly be comfortable and happy with. Brainwashing is so typically a solo operation; oftentimes by one who feels an inner pressure to comply with something they really don't agree with in order to avoid being or standing alone.

Please value yourself and what you have to offer any Master. Ask yourself what you want, what being a slave means to you, not what he or any other Master/Dom wants at this point. What will bring you fulfillment within a relationship? Being a slave is only fulfilling if that is truly your heart, not something you or someone else tries to convince you that you are.

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RE: Please Help...need confirmation of something - 8/8/2006 10:20:31 PM

Owned1

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Well said Tamer, clear and to the point. I agree on all points

Owned

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RE: Please Help...need confirmation of something - 8/9/2006 12:33:34 AM

Wolfie648

Posts: 600
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Poly vs. swinger.

99% of those that call themselves 'poly' are what I would call swingers. They just like to think of themselves as elite. I live in a small world and have little experience so results may vary.

As far as my experience goes it's not that he forget it's that he doesn't make the distinction.

quote:

So, the question/questions are these, 1) As my Master's slave, i feel that i must learn to accept His decisions and His choices regardless of what they are or ask for my release correct? 2) How do other Dominants view the swinging lifestyle and can/should they co-exist? and 3) have i been brainwashed into believing in my Master and wanting to accept and understand His choices of lifestyle?
Again, i apologize for the length and i anxiously await any and all advise.

1) it's not about learning it's about being. Right track. (as a slave as I see it)
2) see first paragraph
3) Couldn't posssibly tell you if you have been brainwashed or not. Is it bad if you have? Only you can decide (until you give up control 100% to another). Seeing as you are here asking cogent questions I would suggest that you are intact of your intellectual capacities.

D (owner of j).

D (owner of j)

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Possibly.

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