Recruiting to the lifestyle (Full Version)

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Aimtoplease101 -> Recruiting to the lifestyle (8/2/2006 11:18:46 PM)

This is a multi-part question, so keep your pencils sharp, ladies and gents.

First, if you have ever recruited (or attempted to recruit) a vanilla partner into the BDSM lifestyle, what did you find were the most effective methods, techniques, approaches, etc., and what simply didn't work?

Second, if you were recruited/ initiated into the scene by someone else, what made it work?  Did a light just go off because you had it in you all the time, and just needed exposure?  Or were you brought to enjoy the lifestyle more gradually through a number of little persuasive and attractive things?  If so, what were they?

Regards, ATP



Wolfie648 -> RE: Recruiting to the lifestyle (8/2/2006 11:38:47 PM)

quote:

This is a multi-part question, so keep your pencils sharp, ladies and gents.

First, if you have ever recruited (or attempted to recruit) a vanilla partner into the BDSM lifestyle, what did you find were the most effective methods, techniques, approaches, etc., and what simply didn't work?
quote:



Eh I had a number of vanilla realtionships while I wanted to be *here* (here is as here does Forest would say). They can't be converted, don't want to be converted and are often trying to convert you to what they want. Quit trying to fit (building bridges) into their world (or fitting them into yours) and find someone in your own world is my opinion. But hey that's just me, do your own thing.

D (owner of j).




ElectraGlide -> RE: Recruiting to the lifestyle (8/3/2006 12:42:15 AM)

I tried to recruit ex-lovers into S & M play. It was a bomb lol. They were not into it and had no interest in it and looked at me different like I was a sudden freak from hell. When I was in my early 20s a lover of mine requested S & M play and a lightbulb went off in my head I was ready and curious to see where it went. I am not sure why, when she requested bondage all I could think off was how amazing and pretty those ladies in bondage shots in Penthouse magazine looked. I am taking a lady out this weekend for a first time date on a cycle ride. She is vanilla as far as I know and I have to get it out fast about my past instead of waiting in case the relationship gets serious and dropping the bomb on her about my BDSM desires. We have a nice little chemistry going so I will be walking the thin ice again.



MasterRobert1 -> RE: Recruiting to the lifestyle (8/3/2006 4:01:09 AM)

In my opinion, recruiting people into this lifestyle is a mistake. To make this work, people need real desire and determination. It has to be something they really want. That's why recruitment most often fails; because the recruit doesn't have that burning passion to succeed.



ExSteelAgain -> RE: Recruiting to the lifestyle (8/3/2006 4:22:50 AM)

Personally, I think you could initiate almost any woman to BDSM via sensation play such as spanking and flogging. She would experience it, love the sensations and probably space if done well. That would be the door opening for her and she may decide to move more into D/s to find the same sensation play again.



hizgeorgiapeach -> RE: Recruiting to the lifestyle (8/3/2006 5:11:32 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ExSteelAgain

Personally, I think you could initiate almost any woman to BDSM via sensation play such as spanking and flogging. She would experience it, love the sensations and probably space if done well. That would be the door opening for her and she may decide to move more into D/s to find the same sensation play again.


Funny you should mention that, Steel. This is basically what happened to me 23 years ago.  I started dating a guy who was into kink, and he gradually introduced me to his kinks.  I got addicted to kink in a hurry, and haven't quit being kinky since.  I haven't had much trouble introducing various male friends to kink pretty much the same way - though I Have had to take the time to teach them how to use the toys, since I so much prefer the recieving end of them. Some of them have been more apt pupils than others, some of them enjoyed it more than others, but none of them have run away screaming



breathless1 -> RE: Recruiting to the lifestyle (8/3/2006 6:36:22 AM)

Greetings to all

i never felt recruited into the lifestyle, seduced into it maybe.  i can remember the things that brought me here.  His teasing touches, His tender words, His amusing way of getting exactly what He wanted just with a certain look.  Yes, seduced is the word.

i do not believe i was always 'A' submissive, but i was always submissive.  It took a certain someone to open my eyes to it in a most deliciously seducing way.

                                                                  breathless one



fyreredsub -> RE: Recruiting to the lifestyle (8/3/2006 7:07:36 AM)

i was recruited,lol, well seduced...by a sammy bottom that needed a chick with a whip..in the process of realizing he was the one who ran the show and how very unfullfilled i was in the role of a Domme...
i had found Gor and started reading more and more as it called to something deep within me and soon i realized that this was where i belonged and so i started walking my path..
it has been painful and successful at the same time.
i need the control, i love to serve (non-sexual sense altho thats great too) i long to be pleasing,i believe in natural order and all it entails,
yet sometimes i often wonder if i am strong enough to follow the path of a gorean's slave as giving up total control to another involves trust that i do not know if i am capable of at this point in time.
sooooooooooooo i learn and hope to grow as i discover my shortcomings.....but its been a great wild ride thus far
all in all i didnt stay in the role i was recruited for.............but hey its all good



KarbonCopy -> RE: Recruiting to the lifestyle (8/3/2006 7:22:18 AM)

My best friend.

We were just talking about things one night, and it got a little off topic, and I found myself almost. . . selling the lifestyle to him.

Apparently, vanilla doesnt do it for him anymore now. I kinda feel bad.



sub4hire -> RE: Recruiting to the lifestyle (8/3/2006 7:58:55 AM)

Most everyone I have ever met I have recruited into the lifestyle.  It is quite easy and never failed.  Now actually getting them to attend events is another story.  Yet, I have turned them onto it.
Back when I was dating one of my first questions when being asked out was, well I'm into D/s do you know what that is?  I cannot date anyone or even attempt to get to know someone who cannot fulfill me.  Would you be willing to learn?

Never had a single person say no.  I explain the lifestyle so itisn't uncommon to them.  That of a 30's, 40's type household.  Where the man was the man.  The woman love, honored and obeyed.  The vows were taken literally.
So, how would you like to have a blow job anytime and anywhere just with a simple order?  Hmm...sex to order?
With females it is a little harder to sell but it is possible as well.
It is a way to get them to try bondage..etc.  Granted once they try some do not care for it.  Though they do try.  You just have to go slow.  Be cautious not to freak a person out.  Make it sound as normal as possible.



beenwhipped -> RE: Recruiting to the lifestyle (8/3/2006 8:19:36 AM)

my introduction:
a female friend that i know through the local music scene invited me to Dirge Factory at a club called underground. i assumed Dirge Factory was a band and immediatly agreed. she later called to be certain that i knew what i was getting into (although the explination didnt tell me much "its a fetish club") and to tell me to get permission from the wife.
I desided it best to arrive with her, so i stoped by her house before going. she, a male friend that i did not know, also not in the lifestyle, and i walked into the club, he and i took a step back (we are both metalheads, and goth music was playing, and lots of people in goth dress) she did not allow us to back out and took us through the play rooms and bought us a couple of drinks. by the end of the night she first strapped him to the cross. is responce was "hum, interesting" she then turned to me, cracked her knuckles "now your my bitch" with the sexiest twisted grin i have ever seen. needless to say i enjoyed the hell out of it

i have attemped to recruit one person, that i believe would make a wonderful Domme, but no luck yet. not going to pressure her, but i may try again.



Lordandmaster -> RE: Recruiting to the lifestyle (8/3/2006 8:24:29 AM)

I don't really believe "recruitment" works.  There are enough people in the world who seek out the life on their own that you don't have to start meddling with vanillas.



beenwhipped -> RE: Recruiting to the lifestyle (8/3/2006 8:42:37 AM)

recruitmen worked for me, had She not talked me into going, i would have never gotten into the lifestyle. and as a general rule i have desided not to try to recruit unless i accualy think that person would be accepting once exposed



Tamerofwild1s -> RE: Recruiting to the lifestyle (8/3/2006 8:50:51 AM)

I have had success in recruiting a few into the lifestyle . or at the very least getting that light bulb to go off in their heads .. most of it was done thru conversation . deep conversations asking them things that might lead you to know if they are submissive in nature or not ...
 
Electraglide you might try this and see if it helps with your new interest .....



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Recruiting to the lifestyle (8/3/2006 9:06:50 AM)

I've "ushered" people into things, but only after they expressed interest independently.

I do convert people into being Firefly fans though.



MasterRoissey -> RE: Recruiting to the lifestyle (8/3/2006 9:45:27 AM)

its hard wired...or its not.



velvetears -> RE: Recruiting to the lifestyle (8/3/2006 1:16:54 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aimtoplease101

This is a multi-part question, so keep your pencils sharp, ladies and gents.

First, if you have ever recruited (or attempted to recruit) a vanilla partner into the BDSM lifestyle, what did you find were the most effective methods, techniques, approaches, etc., and what simply didn't work?

Second, if you were recruited/ initiated into the scene by someone else, what made it work?  Did a light just go off because you had it in you all the time, and just needed exposure?  Or were you brought to enjoy the lifestyle more gradually through a number of little persuasive and attractive things?  If so, what were they?

Regards, ATP


i would ask the question," why would you want to?". There's something inherently arrogant about trying to get someone else to live life your own way.   It's not respecting someone elses choices as valid for them. 

What if the tables were turned and vanilla's tryed to "convert" you to live the way they did, pointing out all the benefits, pleasures, turn ons, etc... How would that make you feel? 

Open discourse about how you live your llife as compared to another is fine, but thats where i would draw the line. i would never risk a vanilla friendship by trying to persuade them to try bdsm.



ExSteelAgain -> RE: Recruiting to the lifestyle (8/3/2006 1:28:33 PM)

Velvet, I agree with you. If the person is not actively seeking the experience, it is not a good thing to initiate, even if it is possible.



LaTigresse -> RE: Recruiting to the lifestyle (8/3/2006 1:40:04 PM)

I don't really view it as "converting". I think that so much of BDSM is socially taboo and if you give those that have the underlying desire/interest the chance to discuss it without criticism you will find that many will "warm" to the idea. Some will wish to go further, learn and participate and others will not get past their fears or realize the fantasy is way cooler for them than reality.



Lashra -> RE: Recruiting to the lifestyle (8/3/2006 1:40:49 PM)

I got my first boyfriend into it. We were both always sexually explorative and one night I decided to just tie him up and see what happened. I've always been Dominant and not the shy type. At first he balked but then after some delicious teasing he got into it and as time went on it progressed with him becoming a painslut [:)] He loved the D/s part as I made all the decisions which made him feel very subby.
I think with the right prompting alot more people would be into it if they could get past their inhibitions. I think alot more women would definitely get into it if they could throw off alot of the old conditioning that all women have to be submissive, as there are quite a few Dominant ladies who just need to let that side of them come thru. Same with the men, there are alot of men with submale tendancies who won't let that side out due to conditioning. Its sad they don't know what they are missing out on.

~Lashra



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