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Recruiting to the lifestyle - 8/2/2006 11:18:46 PM

Aimtoplease101

Posts: 319
Joined: 2/8/2006
From: San Diego, California
Status: offline

This is a multi-part question, so keep your pencils sharp, ladies and gents.

First, if you have ever recruited (or attempted to recruit) a vanilla partner into the BDSM lifestyle, what did you find were the most effective methods, techniques, approaches, etc., and what simply didn't work?

Second, if you were recruited/ initiated into the scene by someone else, what made it work? Did a light just go off because you had it in you all the time, and just needed exposure? Or were you brought to enjoy the lifestyle more gradually through a number of little persuasive and attractive things? If so, what were they?

Regards, ATP

_____________________________

Pleasing you pleases me.

Post #: 1

RE: Recruiting to the lifestyle - 8/2/2006 11:38:47 PM

Wolfie648

Posts: 600
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline

quote:

This is a multi-part question, so keep your pencils sharp, ladies and gents.

First, if you have ever recruited (or attempted to recruit) a vanilla partner into the BDSM lifestyle, what did you find were the most effective methods, techniques, approaches, etc., and what simply didn't work?
quote:

Eh I had a number of vanilla realtionships while I wanted to be *here* (here is as here does Forest would say). They can't be converted, don't want to be converted and are often trying to convert you to what they want. Quit trying to fit (building bridges) into their world (or fitting them into yours) and find someone in your own world is my opinion. But hey that's just me, do your own thing.

D (owner of j).

_____________________________

Possibly.

(in reply to Aimtoplease101)

Post #: 2

RE: Recruiting to the lifestyle - 8/3/2006 12:42:15 AM

ElectraGlide

Posts: 1246
Joined: 11/25/2005
From: Maryland
Status: offline

I tried to recruit ex-lovers into S & M play. It was a bomb lol. They were not into it and had no interest in it and looked at me different like I was a sudden freak from hell. When I was in my early 20s a lover of mine requested S & M play and a lightbulb went off in my head I was ready and curious to see where it went. I am not sure why, when she requested bondage all I could think off was how amazing and pretty those ladies in bondage shots in Penthouse magazine looked. I am taking a lady out this weekend for a first time date on a cycle ride. She is vanilla as far as I know and I have to get it out fast about my past instead of waiting in case the relationship gets serious and dropping the bomb on her about my BDSM desires. We have a nice little chemistry going so I will be walking the thin ice again.

(in reply to Wolfie648)

Post #: 3

RE: Recruiting to the lifestyle - 8/3/2006 4:01:09 AM

MasterRobert1

Posts: 225
Joined: 7/18/2005
Status: offline

In my opinion, recruiting people into this lifestyle is a mistake. To make this work, people need real desire and determination. It has to be something they really want. That's why recruitment most often fails; because the recruit doesn't have that burning passion to succeed.

(in reply to Aimtoplease101)

Post #: 4

RE: Recruiting to the lifestyle - 8/3/2006 4:22:50 AM

ExSteelAgain

Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline

Personally, I think you could initiate almost any woman to BDSM via sensation play such as spanking and flogging. She would experience it, love the sensations and probably space if done well. That would be the door opening for her and she may decide to move more into D/s to find the same sensation play again.

_____________________________

You can paint a cinder block bright pastel pink, but it's still a cinder block. (By Me.)

(in reply to MasterRobert1)

Post #: 5

RE: Recruiting to the lifestyle - 8/3/2006 5:11:32 AM

hizgeorgiapeach

Posts: 1672
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ExSteelAgain

Personally, I think you could initiate almost any woman to BDSM via sensation play such as spanking and flogging. She would experience it, love the sensations and probably space if done well. That would be the door opening for her and she may decide to move more into D/s to find the same sensation play again.

Funny you should mention that, Steel. This is basically what happened to me 23 years ago. I started dating a guy who was into kink, and he gradually introduced me to his kinks. I got addicted to kink in a hurry, and haven't quit being kinky since. I haven't had much trouble introducing various male friends to kink pretty much the same way - though I Have had to take the time to teach them how to use the toys, since I so much prefer the recieving end of them. Some of them have been more apt pupils than others, some of them enjoyed it more than others, but none of them have run away screaming

_____________________________

Rhi
Light travels faster than sound, which is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Essential Scentsations

(in reply to ExSteelAgain)

Post #: 6

RE: Recruiting to the lifestyle - 8/3/2006 6:36:22 AM

breathless1

Posts: 18
Joined: 8/1/2006
Status: offline

Greetings to all

i never felt recruited into the lifestyle, seduced into it maybe. i can remember the things that brought me here. His teasing touches, His tender words, His amusing way of getting exactly what He wanted just with a certain look. Yes, seduced is the word.

i do not believe i was always 'A' submissive, but i was always submissive. It took a certain someone to open my eyes to it in a most deliciously seducing way.

breathless one

_____________________________

the truth is in the eyes.

(in reply to Aimtoplease101)

Post #: 7

RE: Recruiting to the lifestyle - 8/3/2006 7:07:36 AM

fyreredsub

Posts: 3403
Joined: 10/7/2005
Status: offline

i was recruited,lol, well seduced...by a sammy bottom that needed a chick with a whip..in the process of realizing he was the one who ran the show and how very unfullfilled i was in the role of a Domme...
i had found Gor and started reading more and more as it called to something deep within me and soon i realized that this was where i belonged and so i started walking my path..
it has been painful and successful at the same time.
i need the control, i love to serve (non-sexual sense altho thats great too) i long to be pleasing,i believe in natural order and all it entails,
yet sometimes i often wonder if i am strong enough to follow the path of a gorean's slave as giving up total control to another involves trust that i do not know if i am capable of at this point in time.
sooooooooooooo i learn and hope to grow as i discover my shortcomings.....but its been a great wild ride thus far
all in all i didnt stay in the role i was recruited for.............but hey its all good

_____________________________

"Accordingly, men must then either fulfill their nature, or deny it, and in denying their nature, deny us ours, for ours is the complement to theirs. " Renegades

(in reply to Aimtoplease101)

Post #: 8

RE: Recruiting to the lifestyle - 8/3/2006 7:22:18 AM

KarbonCopy

Posts: 779
Status: offline

My best friend.

We were just talking about things one night, and it got a little off topic, and I found myself almost. . . selling the lifestyle to him.

Apparently, vanilla doesnt do it for him anymore now. I kinda feel bad.

_____________________________

I am KarbonCopy's signature

(in reply to fyreredsub)

Post #: 9

RE: Recruiting to the lifestyle - 8/3/2006 7:58:55 AM

sub4hire

Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Most everyone I have ever met I have recruited into the lifestyle. It is quite easy and never failed. Now actually getting them to attend events is another story. Yet, I have turned them onto it.
Back when I was dating one of my first questions when being asked out was, well I'm into D/s do you know what that is? I cannot date anyone or even attempt to get to know someone who cannot fulfill me. Would you be willing to learn?

Never had a single person say no. I explain the lifestyle so itisn't uncommon to them. That of a 30's, 40's type household. Where the man was the man. The woman love, honored and obeyed. The vows were taken literally.
So, how would you like to have a blow job anytime and anywhere just with a simple order? Hmm...sex to order?
With females it is a little harder to sell but it is possible as well.
It is a way to get them to try bondage..etc. Granted once they try some do not care for it. Though they do try. You just have to go slow. Be cautious not to freak a person out. Make it sound as normal as possible.

(in reply to Aimtoplease101)

Post #: 10

RE: Recruiting to the lifestyle - 8/3/2006 8:19:36 AM

beenwhipped

Posts: 191
Joined: 5/14/2006
Status: offline

my introduction:
a female friend that i know through the local music scene invited me to Dirge Factory at a club called underground. i assumed Dirge Factory was a band and immediatly agreed. she later called to be certain that i knew what i was getting into (although the explination didnt tell me much "its a fetish club") and to tell me to get permission from the wife.
I desided it best to arrive with her, so i stoped by her house before going. she, a male friend that i did not know, also not in the lifestyle, and i walked into the club, he and i took a step back (we are both metalheads, and goth music was playing, and lots of people in goth dress) she did not allow us to back out and took us through the play rooms and bought us a couple of drinks. by the end of the night she first strapped him to the cross. is responce was "hum, interesting" she then turned to me, cracked her knuckles "now your my bitch" with the sexiest twisted grin i have ever seen. needless to say i enjoyed the hell out of it

i have attemped to recruit one person, that i believe would make a wonderful Domme, but no luck yet. not going to pressure her, but i may try again.

(in reply to KarbonCopy)

Post #: 11

RE: Recruiting to the lifestyle - 8/3/2006 8:24:29 AM

Lordandmaster

Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline

I don't really believe "recruitment" works. There are enough people in the world who seek out the life on their own that you don't have to start meddling with vanillas.

(in reply to Aimtoplease101)

Post #: 12

RE: Recruiting to the lifestyle - 8/3/2006 8:42:37 AM

beenwhipped

Posts: 191
Joined: 5/14/2006
Status: offline

recruitmen worked for me, had She not talked me into going, i would have never gotten into the lifestyle. and as a general rule i have desided not to try to recruit unless i accualy think that person would be accepting once exposed

(in reply to Lordandmaster)

Post #: 13

RE: Recruiting to the lifestyle - 8/3/2006 8:50:51 AM

Tamerofwild1s

Posts: 1765
Joined: 12/5/2004
Status: offline

I have had success in recruiting a few into the lifestyle . or at the very least getting that light bulb to go off in their heads .. most of it was done thru conversation . deep conversations asking them things that might lead you to know if they are submissive in nature or not ...

Electraglide you might try this and see if it helps with your new interest .....

_____________________________

A building get torched. All that is left is ashes. I used to think that it is true about everything - family, friends, feelings - but now I know that sometimes if love proves real, and two people are meant to be together, nothing can keep them apart ~

(in reply to beenwhipped)

Post #: 14

RE: Recruiting to the lifestyle - 8/3/2006 9:06:50 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

I've "ushered" people into things, but only after they expressed interest independently.

I do convert people into being Firefly fans though.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Aimtoplease101)

Post #: 15

RE: Recruiting to the lifestyle - 8/3/2006 9:45:27 AM

MasterRoissey

Posts: 40
Joined: 3/15/2006
Status: offline

its hard wired...or its not.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 16

RE: Recruiting to the lifestyle - 8/3/2006 1:16:54 PM

velvetears

Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aimtoplease101

This is a multi-part question, so keep your pencils sharp, ladies and gents.

First, if you have ever recruited (or attempted to recruit) a vanilla partner into the BDSM lifestyle, what did you find were the most effective methods, techniques, approaches, etc., and what simply didn't work?

Second, if you were recruited/ initiated into the scene by someone else, what made it work? Did a light just go off because you had it in you all the time, and just needed exposure? Or were you brought to enjoy the lifestyle more gradually through a number of little persuasive and attractive things? If so, what were they?

Regards, ATP

i would ask the question," why would you want to?". There's something inherently arrogant about trying to get someone else to live life your own way. It's not respecting someone elses choices as valid for them.

What if the tables were turned and vanilla's tryed to "convert" you to live the way they did, pointing out all the benefits, pleasures, turn ons, etc... How would that make you feel?

Open discourse about how you live your llife as compared to another is fine, but thats where i would draw the line. i would never risk a vanilla friendship by trying to persuade them to try bdsm.

_____________________________

Religion is for people who are scared of hell, Spirituality is for people who have been there

(in reply to Aimtoplease101)

Post #: 17

RE: Recruiting to the lifestyle - 8/3/2006 1:28:33 PM

ExSteelAgain

Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline

Velvet, I agree with you. If the person is not actively seeking the experience, it is not a good thing to initiate, even if it is possible.

_____________________________

You can paint a cinder block bright pastel pink, but it's still a cinder block. (By Me.)

(in reply to velvetears)

Post #: 18

RE: Recruiting to the lifestyle - 8/3/2006 1:40:04 PM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

I don't really view it as "converting". I think that so much of BDSM is socially taboo and if you give those that have the underlying desire/interest the chance to discuss it without criticism you will find that many will "warm" to the idea. Some will wish to go further, learn and participate and others will not get past their fears or realize the fantasy is way cooler for them than reality.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to ExSteelAgain)

Post #: 19

RE: Recruiting to the lifestyle - 8/3/2006 1:40:49 PM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

I got my first boyfriend into it. We were both always sexually explorative and one night I decided to just tie him up and see what happened. I've always been Dominant and not the shy type. At first he balked but then after some delicious teasing he got into it and as time went on it progressed with him becoming a painslut

He loved the D/s part as I made all the decisions which made him feel very subby.
I think with the right prompting alot more people would be into it if they could get past their inhibitions. I think alot more women would definitely get into it if they could throw off alot of the old conditioning that all women have to be submissive, as there are quite a few Dominant ladies who just need to let that side of them come thru. Same with the men, there are alot of men with submale tendancies who won't let that side out due to conditioning. Its sad they don't know what they are missing out on.

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to ExSteelAgain)

Post #: 20

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