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Online relationships for novices - 8/5/2006 10:24:02 AM

tvsarahjo

Posts: 6
Joined: 7/31/2006
Status: offline

I have started this as a new thread not wishing to hijack the “Fake slaves” thread which I have found to be very helpful and informative. I appreciate that some of you may feel that this topic is very basic, but I am an absolute beginner.
As someone who is genuinely interested in joining the D/s scene as a submissive crossdresser, and who has only been on this site a few days, I have been wondering how online relationships work. I live in the UK but already there is a Dom in the US (NC) who sought me out and is very keen to be online with me. He says he wishes me to relocate to him eventually. He is very reassuring and gently assertive with me and has treated me nicely so far. But I do wonder how these online relationships actually evolve. Ideally I would like a real life relationship with a lifestyle Domme but suspect that I am chasing a fantasy. When I am enfemme my feelings become confused and I guess male attention is not unwelcome which explains why this Dominant is a male and not female. I would welcome any advice you have on embarking on an online relationship and the ways in which they evolve.

Thank You
sarah jo

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RE: Online relationships for novices - 8/6/2006 1:04:53 PM

MisPandora

Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline

So why not just be honest with him and say that you're not seeking a male to train you and move on?!?!?! Why play someone else out?

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

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RE: Online relationships for novices - 8/6/2006 1:51:14 PM

MySweetSubmssive

Posts: 1139
Joined: 2/7/2006
From: Lehigh Valley, PA
Status: offline

I would differentiate from an online relationship and a long-distance one. Online would mean it starts with emailing and IMing and stays that way. A long-distance relationship would use the internet as a tool or a means to an ends. My question to you: do you want either of these things? If you are a straight man looking for a woman, why would you entertain the idea of a male dominant? Do you have any interest in relocating?

It's fine to chat with a male dom for information and learning. But if that's all you want, you do need to be upfront. I hope you know that just because someone is dominant and expresses interest in you does not mean you have to do as they wish (i.e. relocating).

Sit down and think these issues out. It will be respectful of the time of others and your own time. Have you sought out local groups so you can meet people face to face?

_____________________________

"Oh, James, you're such a cunning linguist."

--Miss Moneypenny

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RE: Online relationships for novices - 8/6/2006 1:59:03 PM

LadyAlexa

Posts: 141
Joined: 1/2/2005
Status: offline

sarahjo...

You have recieved some good answers. You must be honest with yourself. Do you just enjoy wearing female clothing at times or are you in transsexual infancy? Do you believe that a D/s relationship can give you something which is lacking in your life or is it a means to what end? If you really want a Domme, then only seek friendship with a Dom. Of course anyone can learn from either sex, it doesn't mean it's sexual.

I also agree...do you want just online or long distance? The Dom sounds like long distance with hopes for real time. Don't allow anyone to take control of any aspect of your life which would in the long run harm you. i.e. financial, keeping you away from family, making you quit a job to move to another country where you don't know anyone.

Be honest with yourself; Go slowly, make friends, read books and web sites. Keep posting ok hon?

_____________________________

Lady Alexa
[amber]

Submission is key not gender.

GLBT approved.

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RE: Online relationships for novices - 8/6/2006 3:58:11 PM

tvsarahjo

Posts: 6
Joined: 7/31/2006
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Ladies (I am not sure of the proper way to address a group of true female dominants). Thank you all for taking the time to read and then reply to my post. When the replies were slow to come I was afraid I had made a fool of myself.

Your replies have given me much to think about and have helped me to focus on what I need from a relationship and why.

Certainly I am only interested in being trained by a female dominant and this was what I wrote in my profile. It is wrong of me to have deceived this Dom, and I course I be would upset if anyone were to do the same to me, therefore I must tell him the truth.

As to the type of relationship, I have lived alone all my adult life (now 51) and, being shy and in awe of women, have never had a successful vanilla relationship with a woman. I really do need a real life relationship where I can be trained to love, please and obey a dominant woman who will allow me to express my feminine side. If I ever find such a woman I am sure my only true desire would be to please her. I am not transsexual but a crossdressing straight male who adores wearing regular attractive female clothing and longs to be in a subservient role. I am not that keen on a long distance relationship, but I would be willing to eventually relocate within the UK for the right woman. I found a local munch yesterday and will go to their next meeting. This will be a first step into real life.

As indicated in my original post I am dubious about the benefits of online relationships because I feel real human contact is essential for a relationship to have meaning. But in the absence of a real life relationship it is a start which may to something special.

Perhaps this post has focussed to much on my needs, but I have tried to explain my confusion to you. Thank you for your patience and tolerance. I have taken up enough of your time.

sarah jo

(in reply to LadyAlexa)

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RE: Online relationships for novices - 8/8/2006 6:01:58 PM

golfguy

Posts: 23
Joined: 3/26/2006
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in response i would say to the male dom,thanks but no thanks.im a little puzzled by this long distance thing as i feel that to be compatible and effective there has to be a short distance to really be a true sub or domme which is what i am looking for

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RE: Online relationships for novices - 8/9/2006 2:47:10 PM

tvsarahjo

Posts: 6
Joined: 7/31/2006
Status: offline

Thank you for the advice about the male Dom, although I have not heard from him for a week now. I too am hoping for a short distance real life relationship, as long distance relationships of any kind can be difficult to keep going. I am hoping to go to a local munch meeting this weekend.

I hope you find what you are looking for.

sarah jo

(in reply to golfguy)

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