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RE: deep back ground check - 8/6/2006 8:21:41 PM

popeye1250

Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline

Frosty, you make some good points about meeting people and intuition.
My point is that you want to be cautious and look for things like lisences (professional, drivers, weapons) that could give you at least a clue as to someone's nature.
I don't know if you've ever met a pathological liar before (I have!) but they can look you right in the eye while they tell you that they used to be a Swiss Admiral.

(in reply to leakylee)

Post #: 21

RE: deep back ground check - 8/7/2006 5:40:55 PM

JoanFrost

Posts: 30
Joined: 12/12/2005
Status: offline

Popeye, unfortunately, I have indeed met a few liars of the pathological variety. Even "good" liars though have, without fail, elicited in me a "bad vibe" kind of response.

(in reply to popeye1250)

Post #: 22

RE: deep back ground check - 8/7/2006 6:12:26 PM

KarbonCopy

Posts: 779
Status: offline

Quit arranging meets on the internet, crawl out of your little cave and go meet people for fuck sakes lol.

How did you do it before the internet?
Its seriously the worst way to meet people, of course sometimes it works, but seriously, if your going to be so freaking paranoid put on an attractive outfit, make sure you look nice and get out there and impress someone, geeze.

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Post #: 23

RE: deep back ground check - 8/7/2006 6:24:47 PM

aleshaDreams

Posts: 184
Joined: 2/19/2006
Status: offline

Can't legally do it in Canada it is against the privacy act and PIEDA and if a Dom/Domme was found to be obtaining personal information they could be charged emmensely for obtaining such information, the only way to legally do it is to have the one your interested in finding out info on is to get them to sign a consent form to release the information. Otherwise, tread carefully with this so called background check in Canada, else it may be more than revenue canada after your ass.

< Message edited by aleshaDreams -- 8/7/2006 6:33:01 PM >

(in reply to leakylee)

Post #: 24

RE: deep back ground check - 8/7/2006 7:19:44 PM

Misstoyou

Posts: 1149
Joined: 9/4/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: aleshaDreams

Can't legally do it in Canada it is against the privacy act and PIEDA ...

Another reason to like Canada.

Honestly, having no privacy does not make me feel more "secure."

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Post #: 25

RE: deep back ground check - 8/7/2006 8:24:45 PM

KarbonCopy

Posts: 779
Status: offline

As if anyone needs a reason to like Canada. I mean . . . Look at our flag :) Its just so. . . . Canadian.

Anyways, yes, the privacy laws in place in Canada are definantly a great addition to the many services we are free to enjoy.
Stops wannabe Dom/mes from doing "Deep background checks" on us, because they're too lazy and paranoid to get to know someone before packing their stuff up and moving in.

Doesnt anyone here date anymore? You know spend time together perhaps a year or so, before moving in? or is it, "Hey you're all I can find, come live with me."

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Post #: 26

RE: deep back ground check - 8/7/2006 10:19:17 PM

popeye1250

Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
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Copy, yes, you're right of course about going out to actually meet a person.
It's going to (hopefully) happen anyway and you could meet 2 or 3 times in a public place, restaurant, before deciding to get together.
There's only so much you can do on a computer.

(in reply to KarbonCopy)

Post #: 27

RE: deep back ground check - 8/8/2006 6:46:30 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

Fast Reply,

I do not think it is anyone's business if I was abused or not before I even meet them, and being a victim of abuse in the past does not consign someone to be mentally screwed up for the rest of their lives. Someone that has suffered no abuse whatsoever may have issues too. Investigating someone's past abuse is no indicator of how they will respond to a dominant.

I would wonder about someone that did not want to take their time to get to know every skeleton in my closet before dominating me on a serious level. What I hear in the OP is a short cut to finding out information as a tool for their domination of an individual, well there are no shortcuts, and basically you have to get to know someone and not the factoids of their past in order to know what is going on with them.

For example, I have suffered no abuse as a child, but my mother used to tie me to my bed to take naps when I was a toddler because I was constantly climbing out the window. For a good long time I was kinda squicked out about bondage, and I think this is why. This little piece of trivia about my life wouldn't come to light in any background check, and I only discovered this may be a reason I was resistant to bondage a few months ago. I only discovered it when talking to my Daddy.

As for the other replies to this thread...If two people plan to meet and they are in agreement about information shared that is great, but it should be consensual sharing of information, not some secret process. I find that people tend to out themselves when it comes to being liars. They hide their family and friends from you, they do not want you to call their landlines and they generally are very secretive. If you find someone like that RUN the other way.

Just some thoughts...

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(in reply to popeye1250)

Post #: 28

RE: deep back ground check - 8/8/2006 8:58:29 PM

crybaby

Posts: 28
Joined: 1/14/2005
Status: offline

Did anyone even catch the question or is it just me who totally interperted that much differently? I think the question was asking about some one's background and childhood, not so much if they ever went to jail and I happen to think the topic a very good and serious topic. I think that too many people in this lifestyle have had some bad things happen to them in their childhoods (and, no, I am not one of them) and if that isn't ever brought up, a Dominant can get themselves into a serious mess. On the other hand, I don't think it should be brought up so that we can judge some one who has been abused, but so that it can be addressed, admitted, and maybe even healed. Wow.

(in reply to leakylee)

Post #: 29

RE: deep back ground check - 8/8/2006 9:35:50 PM

Lordandmaster

Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
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I'm wondering whether everyone thinks it's essential to run background checks on people you meet in bars, at the grocery store, on the street, at a museum, whatever.

Or is it just the big bad internet that makes everyone want to ask for social security numbers, birthdates, employers' names, and so on?

(in reply to MistressSophia)

Post #: 30

RE: deep back ground check - 8/8/2006 9:54:10 PM

Emperor1956

Posts: 2370
Joined: 11/7/2005
Status: offline

There are two threads running around here. One is "should I ask about childhood issues, etc." The other is "background checks". I'm going to address the latter.

I am of two minds. As I've posted elsewhere, background checks as sold by the "information retrieval" industry are basically worthless unless you either start with social security info, employment history and residence info for at least 5 years, and a fair amount of background info (such as on a basic mortgage loan application or job application) OR you have the person followed around for a while. The former is questionable, and the latter is expensive, and both are morally suspect.

ON the other hand, people, you are meeting others on a sex-based website that allows total fabrication of information and complete anonymity. This ain't no church social. When you go from online contact to actual meetings, the CollarMe model could be a receipe for disaster. I insist on -- at minimum -- a real name, a contact phone number, and some basic "grounded" information. An address, a work place, etc. I also give the person I'm meeting at minimum my real name, my professional website (which has info about Me and pictures) and a phone number. But I've been told that is very rare.

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Pooh nodded thoughtfully.
"It's the same thing," he said.

(in reply to Lordandmaster)

Post #: 31

RE: deep back ground check - 8/8/2006 11:34:52 PM

Hercuckslave

Posts: 103
Joined: 5/21/2006
Status: offline

i don't get why our "courtships" should be any different than those in the "vanilla" world. i was always put off by requests for references, etc. i think that with care, and communication, and openness, we find out about each other organically. i have nothing to hide, but frankly, if someone wanted a background check on me before entering into a relationship, i would run the other way.

my two cents worth (probably not worth even that much)

M's m

(in reply to MistressSophia)

Post #: 32

RE: deep back ground check - 8/9/2006 7:06:03 AM

personagrata

Posts: 19
Joined: 8/31/2005
Status: offline

As said elsewhere in this thread, to ask for a background check from day 1 is freaky. However, the first couple of exchanges (be it online, telephone, or live) will allow each party to know a lot about the other, and feel either attracted, or repulsed. When a certain level of understanding is reached, i see no problem about a background check. After all i'd be giving Her all; my past should not be shrouded from Her. Also, i would want to ensure the person i'm eventually giving myself to is reliable since my neck is on the line. Literally!

(in reply to MistressSophia)

Post #: 33

RE: deep back ground check - 8/10/2006 4:55:32 PM

Leonardo

Posts: 113
Joined: 4/11/2005
Status: offline

Deep background checks are a great idea... meet the other party's family members and spend time with them. They'll eventually tell you all the embarassing moments that family member has had. Meet the other party's friends. Spend time with them. You can many times get much more of a handle on how someone is by spending time with that person, with that person's family and friends, etc.and using some common sense than you can get from paying for a background check.

One person in this thread mentioned the CWP (SC Concealed Weapons Permit). Yes there is a background check on that. But it is not a very thorough background check... not as thorough as you may be led to believe. If you buy a handgun from a licensed legitimate business, there is a backjground check done. If you are an insurance agent, there is a more thorough background check done than if you carry a weapon in most states. If you are a licensed attorney, there is a very thorough background check... they even check with INTERPOL.

So, there are ways to figure out if they have a criminal background or not, but then again, there are even many law enforcement agencies that do a thorough criminal history background check, but they perform no mental history background checks. Hmmm.

Leonardo

(in reply to KarbonCopy)

Post #: 34

RE: deep back ground check - 8/12/2006 4:23:24 AM

LeatherBentOne

Posts: 469
Joined: 9/27/2005
Status: offline

My sub requested nothing from me because I sent her everything she needed to know before she asked. When I say "sent" I mean in writing. I wanted to establish trust as Im a firm believer that building trust and allowing a sub, that Im interested in, is my responsibility to ensure her sense of safety in that Im being honest, open and seeing that her basic needs are being met, from the beginning. However, I see nothing wrong in asking for anything you wouldn't be opposed to divulge regarding yourself. Personally, I'd be leary if a sub refused to divulge even the silliest of info because if it were that insignificant, why would she refuse to comply? And if it were she refused because to comply, how obedient and wanting to serve me would she really be?

Just my hard ass, however honest opinion,
LeatherBentOne

(in reply to leakylee)

Post #: 35

RE: deep back ground check - 8/12/2006 8:22:07 AM

gandalf0297

Posts: 148
Joined: 8/6/2006
Status: offline

hey I wnat to meet you for coffee at the local coffee shop. but first I am going to need:
1. a copy of your drivers license
2. voters registration card.
3.current bank and credit card statement
4. your blood type.
5.a copy of your current background check by your local law enforcement agency.
6.referances of three people (and not family.)
Yeah right..I'd be running a background check on THEM...
this whole background check thing just seems to me t be a way for folks to feel safe without doing the legwork.
imo
Gandlaf

(in reply to leakylee)

Post #: 36

RE: deep back ground check - 8/12/2006 10:33:44 AM

popeye1250

Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline

Leonardo, that may be true but if someone has any type of criminal record they don't get a CWP.

(in reply to gandalf0297)

Post #: 37

RE: deep back ground check - 8/12/2006 2:24:53 PM

babysburnin

Posts: 421
Joined: 2/16/2006
Status: offline

Yes my dear, but there are some very suave con men out there. Women, in particular, need to be safe. I have smarts, beauty, confidence, a great family who love me, but I got pulled into something wrong (not even on-line)... You'd be surprised how clever than can be. Now I know many of the signs, but if you come from a honest base, you may not see the deceet in others.

< Message edited by babysburnin -- 8/12/2006 2:25:54 PM >

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(in reply to JoanFrost)

Post #: 38

RE: deep back ground check - 8/12/2006 3:08:02 PM

BuxomGoddess714

Posts: 91
Joined: 2/20/2006
From: So.California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: popeye1250
I don't know if you've ever met a pathological liar before (I have!) but they can look you right in the eye while they tell you that they used to be a Swiss Admiral.

This is not like when you were introduced to someone from a trusted family friend, before the internet. When I met My husband over 20 years ago, we had mutual friends that he had worked with for years. They knew his brother and his ex wife. They had met his mother. That is the way we used to meet people, and that did NOT require background checks or suspicious minds.

There are people on this site in particular that TARGET others. Pathological liars, con artists, users and losers. I have 2 sisters. We were all single at the same time. We all used the internet to meet men at the same time. They did background checks, I did not. They are married now, one of them just got married last weekend. To an Attorney. The other married an Engineer with a MBA. They are both handsome, honest, wonderful men from good families.

I wasted several months with a con artist, lying, cheating, criminal loser who said he was 8 years older then he was, lied about his career, past, everything. We all grew up in the same house. Have the same common sense and intuitive abilities. My sis who married the Attorney is bipolar and has a difficult time meeting someone. I just didn't have the advantage of a background check because I thought it was "ridiculous". One phone call to their PI and I would have ended it before it begun. This was NOT an online relationship, we met after one message and two phone calls. Pathalogical liars are VERY good at what they do, and so are criminals, addicts, theives and con men. It is how they SURVIVE.

I now run background checks on EVERYONE and I joined a service where you pay one big fee up front and can get multiple reports.

Do not compare life before the internet to things now. There are predators here and we are going in blind instead of being "introduced" to people by a mutual friend or trusted third party who has our back. This isn't like meeting someone at work or college where you can track them down if they beat you up, steal from you or rape you.

And to whomever said this is no different then meeting someone in a bar.... That is very dangerous, and any woman who does that isn't very smart, either. Good way to meet an alcoholic. I won't step foot in one. Lots of losers in bars.

Be careful. Be blessed.
Goddess

(in reply to popeye1250)

Post #: 39

RE: deep back ground check - 8/13/2006 12:13:21 AM

Sirandlittle1

Posts: 538
Joined: 12/22/2005
Status: offline

I do my own checking.
Ive got a couple of decades of psych assessment skills going for me. That helps tremendously lol and quite a few have stumbled. I would expect reciprocated assessment to be going on also. After all, if im 'checking' him out, why wouldnt he. We tested the waters with each other for ages, sussing each other out.
I also did a check on my perspective Dom.
Not for paranoid reasons, more that i simply cant abide wasting time these days. If your a prick, i wanna know immediately so i can press the eject button.

(in reply to leakylee)

Post #: 40

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