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RE: deep back ground check - 8/14/2006 9:17:22 AM

Leonardo

Posts: 113
Joined: 4/11/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: popeye1250

Leonardo, that may be true but if someone has any type of criminal record they don't get a CWP.

Depends on what kind of criminal record the person has and whether they have paid their 'dues'. Also, there are some crimes committed that get expunged and many more are plead out from a felony to a low misdemeanor. Moreover, there are no psychological tests performed on CWP applicants (nor even many law enforcement officers.... remember the SC State Patrol incident on I-85 a few years back?). There are folks not in the system that have not commited any heinous crimes, though the propensity for them to do so might be there, there are some who have just not been caught yet, and there are also some who may have some undeserved criminal history.

All these licenses that require background checks don't hurt any, but a person should look deeper by using some common sense and patience and both parties should take the time and make the effort to learn much more about each other than what kind of kinky sex they like.

Leonardo

(in reply to popeye1250)

Post #: 41

RE: deep back ground check - 8/14/2006 9:23:33 AM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

I will agree with this L, a prime example of this is Dog, the bounty hunter...

While not common, it is not uncommon that many convicted felons can petition for a reinstatement of rights from the court. including ownership, et. al.

I have an elegant opinion on background checks, but the margin is too small to contain it.

Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to Leonardo)

Post #: 42

RE: deep back ground check - 8/14/2006 9:26:48 AM

Leonardo

Posts: 113
Joined: 4/11/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: gandalf0297

hey I wnat to meet you for coffee at the local coffee shop. but first I am going to need:
1. a copy of your drivers license
2. voters registration card.
3.current bank and credit card statement
4. your blood type.
5.a copy of your current background check by your local law enforcement agency.
6.referances of three people (and not family.)
Yeah right..I'd be running a background check on THEM...
this whole background check thing just seems to me t be a way for folks to feel safe without doing the legwork.
imo
Gandlaf

ROFLMAO

Things that are funny are usually so because there's truth in the statement.

I randomly, clandestinely give out my telephone number to all kinds of folks... I give out business cards when I am standing in a line... I post advertisements on store bulletin boards... I have prospects who call me or just stop by to see me... at my house. We have become brainwashed by the government into being scared of our own shadows, so we work in our little cubicles, go home and get behind the safety of the computer, and are afraid to talk with someone over the telephone. Panic and horror strike us from within if, heaven forbid, someone wants to meet for a cup of coffee at a public restaurant, or worst yet, asks for our telephone number... oh no!

Leonardo

(in reply to gandalf0297)

Post #: 43

RE: deep back ground check - 8/14/2006 9:42:17 AM

Leonardo

Posts: 113
Joined: 4/11/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: personagrata

As said elsewhere in this thread, to ask for a background check from day 1 is freaky. However, the first couple of exchanges (be it online, telephone, or live) will allow each party to know a lot about the other, and feel either attracted, or repulsed. When a certain level of understanding is reached, i see no problem about a background check. After all i'd be giving Her all; my past should not be shrouded from Her. Also, i would want to ensure the person i'm eventually giving myself to is reliable since my neck is on the line. Literally!

I never did a background check on my bride. She never did a background check on me. We courted each other... did it the old-fashioned way... being patient, meeting each other's families, going out for coffee, to a movie, to dinner, and even on some short weekend excursions together. Some folks may consider that the 'nilla way' of dating, but it is as Ds as Ds can be. We never even went into any BDSM play at first, since I felt strongly that if the relationship was built upon a foundation of sensual play, then it would end up being a flimsy foundation whereby the house could then topple over very easily when the first storm came around. We got to know each other. We went out a dates. We went off on a few short trips. We dated. We moved in together and lived together for a year. Then we go married. We've been together since 1993 and very happily married since 1995. We've weathered some storms, and I still look forward the the millions of breakfasts that we shall share together throughout the rest of our lives... should I live long enough for millions of breakfasts.

To date, we still have not performed any 'background checks' on each other.

Leonardo

(in reply to personagrata)

Post #: 44

RE: deep back ground check - 8/14/2006 11:34:53 AM

Anarrus

Posts: 475
Joined: 11/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

I'm wondering whether everyone thinks it's essential to run background checks on people you meet in bars, at the grocery store, on the street, at a museum, whatever.

Or is it just the big bad internet that makes everyone want to ask for social security numbers, birthdates, employers' names, and so on?

A very good point indeed. One can run into just as many liars, fakes, cheaters and disreputable people in daily life as they can on the internet.

Background checks do not tell the whole story of anyone, anyway. They only tell part of it.

A

(in reply to Lordandmaster)

Post #: 45

RE: deep back ground check - 8/14/2006 12:07:55 PM

darkinshadows

Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline

Really - its all well and good allowing someone into your house after they have been checked for the safety of your child.

But reality...

This person could have the cleanest record in the state/county/country/world... means ... nothing.

May be they are an abuser who has never been caught, convicted or is just downright clever.

Relying on pieces of paper means nothing.

If someone wants to know something about me - ask. And I tell. If you cannot trust that what I say is true, then in all honesty, our relationship is not going to work. Works in reverse. I really don't care if you want to know my history, what I care about is that you can look me in the eyes and believe what I say, have faith in my words and our relationship and trust me.

If you can't do that without relying on background checks and pieces of paper... pass me by.

Peace and Rapture

_____________________________

.dark.

...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to MistressTexas)

Post #: 46

RE: deep back ground check - 8/15/2006 2:46:20 AM

mons

Posts: 2400
Joined: 11/16/2005
Status: offline

greetings to all

when i began to speak with a submissive and i am never wrong on this a person who has losss screw will alls say something it maybe in the beginng of our talk or the middle but some where this person will fuck up and this lets me know that funny feelings something is deadly wrong proves me right. it has not ever failed me in all my years speaking to submissive or even some of the domme that is rare but it has happen. i trust my instinct it has kept me safe and wow i have ran into some strange dangerous men lucky i have always waited to meet them.

but my gut feeling has also made me meet some wonderful kind men, it works both ways and i was talking to someone i had that feeling but it was always something as to why we never could meet i felt it was ok to let this person go and i feel so good about it and know i was right.

so ladies back ground checks will help but even someone who back ground is clean as a shinny penny they still may be the nut we would never want to meet so my way is not for everyone and not everyone has that feeling i have so i never done the back ground check i do the gut feeling one, it is always something they say always and it never fails

mons

(in reply to leakylee)

Post #: 47

RE: deep back ground check - 8/15/2006 7:12:03 AM

DarkestSide

Posts: 4
Joined: 8/14/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressTexas

Regardless of how well I think I know someone, if I have a young one in the home, I am going to make damn sure whoever I am bringing into my home doesnt have a charge against him/her for anything like assault, statutory rape, fraud etc etc. Regardless of whether or not the charges were dropped. I don't give a damn about how much money someone makes, but there is no garauntee of how forthcoming someone will be with police charges that could be threatening to me, my livelyhood, or my family.

So dont bring them to your home until your comfortable with them without doing a background check

(in reply to MistressTexas)

Post #: 48

RE: deep back ground check - 8/18/2006 3:13:28 AM

julietsierra

Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

Background checks imply that you have someone's pertinent information - name, address, social security number, or that you've given someone else that information about you. and I don't know who you all are checking, but there is NO WAY I'm giving out that information.

The men I've met do NOT come to my house. I don't allow them there. If they demand on the basis that they're "my" dominant, they are no longer "my" dominant. I am very careful who I'll allow into my personal space. I have people I am responsible for and I take that responsibility very seriously.

This weekend marks the third anniversary of my servitude to my Master. He didn't enter my home - when the other people in my family were away - until nearly a year after we began seeing each other. He didn't meet the other members of my family until last year. In the time we've been together, he's seen my sons twice for about 15 minutes each time. He's seen my daughter once for the same amount of time. We don't play house. He's not their surrogate father or any sort of father figure in their lives. I don't bring the men I date home to meet the kids and I have not been to his house either. I don't presume he's hiding things from me. We set our relationship up like this from the beginning. It works well. I have no earthly idea why people somehow have the understanding that we must somehow involve our children in our dating decisions. They are children. Unless I'm planning on MARRYING someone, they have no decision making power in my relationships.

Also, I keep wondering just who would conduct this "deep background check" and HOW they'd go about it. Would they ask my neighbors? They don't know me. Would they ask my parents? They won't tell anyone they don't know anything about their children. Who would they be able to ask to get some insight into who I am and how I function? I am CERTAINLY not giving out my place of employment or anything like that. And on a first meet, my last name is irrelevent. I don't even know if I'm going to like the person. Even the people I know who do the things I do are going to be reticent about giving out information willy nilly on someone they care about to someone they don't know.

And while all of you are out there sharing all sorts of personal information in the effort to protect yourself, I'd like to point out that if you give out that personal information and the folks you gave it to wind up being ... disreputable, you've now given them all they need to know to:
A) Find you
B) Affect your credit
C) Stalk you
D) Cause havoc in your personal and professional lives.

So, in the end, meeting someone for coffee involves a strange and archaic practice. It's called conversation.

Deciding to meet someone for play involves an even more strange and nearly lost art. Recognizing a risk and being responsible for your decisions.

People can be as persuasive as they want. They're not getting my bank account numbers. If they do, then a good share of the responsibility for that rests with me for giving them out. If someone says they're a member of the Swiss Army (or whatever example was given in someone else's post here), it's still my responsibility to believe it or not.

And if someone wants to play with me - and I want to play with them - then it's my responsibility to acknowledge that risk exists and make a determination one way or the other to do this. If I get burned, then it wasn't ALL that other person's fault. The responsibility also rests with me. Personally, instead of resorting to all sorts of searches and discovery processes, it seems that it would behoove people to begin to take stock of their common sense and judgment, and to learn to do the things necessary to make good decisions.

juliet

(in reply to DarkestSide)

Post #: 49

RE: deep back ground check - 8/18/2006 7:42:05 AM

MrDiscipline44

Posts: 1776
Joined: 1/5/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KarbonCopy

I think background checks are rediculous.

Sure if they're applying to serve you as a . . .Housekeeper or something sure.

But these relationships shoudl be relationship, you spend time together to learn about eachother.
If its not a relationship, then its a job. Then sure, ask for credientials, hell ask for a resume, background check etc.

If someone requested a background check on me, I'd tell them to get fucked.

I totally agree. I see those that need need need background checks as highly insecure and usually full of shit. These relationships are supposed to be of trust. Asking for a background check is the first sign that the person has none and is about the time their ass hits the curb, for me.

_____________________________

If you love somebody, you have to be willing to break them.

Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach.

Have you slapped your slave today?

(in reply to KarbonCopy)

Post #: 50

RE: deep back ground check - 8/18/2006 9:17:08 AM

onestandingstill

Posts: 1335
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline

I say in all reality back ground checks are useless. Just because someone has not been caught doing something wrong does not mean they have never done it. Many a psyco ass person has a clean record.
If you need this for a false sense of security I say go for it. I personally don't put much faith in it as a protective device.
Suzanne

(in reply to MistressSophia)

Post #: 51

RE: deep back ground check - 8/18/2006 11:37:53 AM

MrDiscipline44

Posts: 1776
Joined: 1/5/2005
Status: offline

Very good point, onestandingstill. The best psycos are the ones you don't hear about. You don't hear about them because they don't get causght. at least not for years anyway.

_____________________________

If you love somebody, you have to be willing to break them.

Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach.

Have you slapped your slave today?

(in reply to onestandingstill)

Post #: 52

RE: deep back ground check - 8/19/2006 10:22:41 PM

mystiquenz

Posts: 330
Joined: 8/13/2004
Status: offline

I would intend to not call it a deep background check, but a safety check, especially if the person that you are going to meet is not known in the local BDSM community.

How do you know, that you will be safe? How do you know that if you consent to play, that he will not loose control? How do you know that He has the experience that He claims to have? How blind are you going to be, by not following a safety routine?

I have been known to ask for a reference before meeting a Dom who is not known in the local community. Having said that bdsm folk can be "clicky". There was a Dom that i bottomed to for just over a year, from another centre, he was not known by locals, or if he was known, they weren't saying. I had him supply the name of a person that had played with him. I received a call from a man, who told me that he had known this Dominant for a while, that they had on occasion played, that he was a man of good standing, that was sufficient for me, to go and meet with him. Our journey lasted for just over a year, and I am truly thankful for the time that I shared with Him.

Whereas the Dominant that I speaking with now, is not known to me personally, but is known in His area. I let it be known that I was talking with Him after a mutual friends name came up in conversation. She is a girl whose judgement I would trust. She said He is a good Dominant, a caring Man and a good Friend. That was sufficient for me. I have no qualms, about any meeting Master, but if there had not been the prior knowledge of another submissive/slave who had met him, I would be asking for a reference from a former bottom, submissive or slave that He had engaged with. The dangers are one may may get a negative report, based on a sour ending. I tend to use my intution, a good shake of common sense and a quiet whisper for good measure.

Just another viewpoint, from a girl far under!

_____________________________

blessings
~mystique~

(in reply to MrDiscipline44)

Post #: 53

RE: deep back ground check - 8/19/2006 10:50:41 PM

Owned1

Posts: 847
Joined: 7/6/2005
From: Toronto, Ontario
Status: offline

If you are the type of person who would meet someone in the flesh in a bar and take them home that night, then why would you need a back ground check to meet someone for coffee.

I agree with the posters who have asked what happened to getting to know someone, their lives, who they are, their families etc.

Just because you talk/type with someone on a kinky site, perhaps have a few similar kinky interests does not mean you then meet ~ become collared/give a collar ~ move in and hand over your entire life to the other.

There are plenty of wack jobs in this world, just the nature of the beast, and for the record I feel there are just as many predator types after males as there are after females. The way it is done is simply different for each sex. Men tend to be stronger and more able to cope with the issues they face without having to toss it out to the world and have a huge cyber drama. This is not just for the kinky world either.

I think if you feel you need to do a deep back ground check maybe you need to either walk away or slow down.

Owned

_____________________________

~~in His Chains i am free~~

(in reply to mystiquenz)

Post #: 54

RE: deep back ground check - 8/20/2006 3:35:37 PM

LTRsubNW

Posts: 1604
Joined: 5/6/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressSophia

Hello everyone one CM I don't post here very often ,but I do try to keep up the topics.My quesion isn't to upset or offend anyone. But after reading some very open and serious messages this morning.. I find myself asking,should we Mistress/ Masters also require a full detail of ones childhood. as well as the back ground check and personal info. Do we really ever know who is asking to serve. or taking one into hand. Do we understand their mental state. are they using us to punish them for what they feel noone else has.or think they deserve? Is it really submission ? or just self punishment?

Ms Sophia, I don't know that it's possible to go that deep.

Anyone can Google, and frankly, that alone will pull up significantly more on a persons persona than most police reports will...however, you're apt to find things that will cause you unending consternation, and likely not anything that actually pertains to a person.

In fact.

Look at yourself. Everyone of us has skeletons that if looked at through the eyes of some cop show would indeed put us out as, at best, a relation of the Manson family.

It only takes a little theater to put any one of us into a story line.

So ultimately, I think, the question is; how do you discern someones motives...their ability to handle a relationship?

(Thankfully you didn't ask that because I haven't a fucking clue).

I'm sure it's no different in any (vanilla) relationship. Ask a lot of great questions...assume they have a past and that it will likely and inherently affect their future, and know that anything you ask will get couched in their own assumptions, including what you might think of their answers.

:)

(in reply to MistressSophia)

Post #: 55

RE: deep back ground check - 8/20/2006 3:42:38 PM

LTRsubNW

Posts: 1604
Joined: 5/6/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: popeye1250

Well if I were in your position I'd get a copy of their driver's license and car registration.
As a male I don't feel the need to do that with a female sub.

I would (and have).

I've met some crazy motherfucking chics.

(in reply to popeye1250)

Post #: 56

RE: deep back ground check - 8/20/2006 3:47:05 PM

LTRsubNW

Posts: 1604
Joined: 5/6/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LeatherBentOne

My sub requested nothing from me because I sent her everything she needed to know before she asked. When I say "sent" I mean in writing. I wanted to establish trust as Im a firm believer that building trust and allowing a sub, that Im interested in, is my responsibility to ensure her sense of safety in that Im being honest, open and seeing that her basic needs are being met, from the beginning. However, I see nothing wrong in asking for anything you wouldn't be opposed to divulge regarding yourself. Personally, I'd be leary if a sub refused to divulge even the silliest of info because if it were that insignificant, why would she refuse to comply? And if it were she refused because to comply, how obedient and wanting to serve me would she really be?

Just my hard ass, however honest opinion,
LeatherBentOne

You rock.

(in reply to LeatherBentOne)

Post #: 57

RE: deep back ground check - 8/20/2006 4:37:29 PM

gandalf0297

Posts: 148
Joined: 8/6/2006
Status: offline

One would think comon sense and the ability to ask the right questions would be sufficent. Along with the common saftey measures(meeting in a public place ect.) And yeah if they walk in with a gimp and are drooling out of the side of thier mouth I'd take a walk.
The fact of the matter is background checks are easy. Requiring very little effort on the inquiring parties part. So you dont have to go to the effort of meeting,talking and getiing to know a person.Everything that makes a RELATIONSHIP and requires human interaction.
I guess what I am trying to say is I think its just being lazy on the doms, dommes part.
Gandalf

(in reply to leakylee)

Post #: 58

RE: deep back ground check - 8/20/2006 5:50:11 PM

Bearlee

Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
Status: offline

Oooookayyyyyyy…

I agree…background checks for coffee are ridiculous…but background checks in general are not. Do you really think ‘everybody’ is honest? Last summer I knew a guy online (who knew folks I knew up in Denver)…for about six months and started dating him in earnest. After six more months he’d met most of my friends here (2.5 hrs south of Denver), and was getting leads for work down here; he said he wanted to move down this way. When things quit adding up…I finally DID do a background check. This guy, who insisted he loved me even after I realized he was a liar…was married! I was completely floored!

Recently, I chatted with a guy for a week. I’ve never had so much fun online. He seemed absolutely delightful (no, I don’t ‘play’ online…no roll-play, no cyber, no ‘Online D/s’) and soooooo real. He said he was single. Upon making a date to meet…he disappeared. Yup…I still see his Nebraska butt online…he just quit talking to me; after a short note saying he’d just got back into town and to look for an e-mail later…he just quit correspondence. Prolly married, is what I think.

Watch the ‘news stories’ on TV…like 60 Minutes or whatever? How many guys (and women) have you seen who have multiple wives where NONE of them knew of the others? Last guy I saw like that left eight women in the learch and got away with money, to boot!

Yup… background checks for coffee are a bit much, but I believe in ‘em if you feel like getting serious. And yes; I expect they be done on me, as well. I say this upfront, and should I hear they don’t like the idea; I don’t get serious. Intuition; aren’t the best serial killers absolutely charming in ‘real life’?

Thanks for the tip, Popeye…I’ll ask about CWPs, though I wonder about the necessity. Where I live; folks carry ‘em right on their hips! Even yet! LOL

But, what IS a ‘deep background check’? I only ask for SS# and Driver’s License…and again: NOT for coffee…only if it seems I could get serious. Outta be enough, seems to me. I expect…after awhile…to have their phone numbers and meet their family members, too. Who said “If you’ve not met his friends, you’re not his girlfriend”? There’s wisdom in that, me thinks.

beverly

(in reply to gandalf0297)

Post #: 59

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