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RE: Poly versus monogamy ? - 8/7/2006 3:47:04 PM

cloudboy

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Poly defeated monogamy 4-2.

"It was a tough battle, but the reseserve players of poly helped them best monogamy," said one commentator.

Monogamy held an early lead in the game getting off to a strong start, but its play deteriorated as the game wore on and it was beseiged by bickering, missed shots, and fatigue.

The dramatic finish of the game included the ejection of one of poly's players, who head butted a monogamist. "She called me a slut, and I couldn't stand for such talk and insults," said the polyist.

A rematch has not yet been scheduled.

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Post #: 21

RE: Poly versus monogamy ? - 8/7/2006 3:50:49 PM

KnightofMists

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I think if you have to ask us... complete strangers what our opinion is on what you should do.... Then I would suggest you let her go... she obviously deserves better than someone that can't decide what is best for himself.

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An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

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Post #: 22

RE: Poly versus monogamy ? - 8/7/2006 3:55:21 PM

Flame73

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Joined: 7/6/2004
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Now time for a reply that will cause mass confusion.
I believe it is the nature of a good relationship to make compromises on both sides of the blanket in order to keep the peace.
I also know if You are in a position where someone demands you change who you are at a very personal level, you will never be happy.
While I am a devoted supporter of Poly, I know that not every relationship isn't evolved enough to handle the extra strain. I also know that there are some who find monogamy their path in life. There must be a solid foundation to build upon, if neither of you are truly satisfied or happy, no stable foundation can be found.
I can only say if You are questioning Your happiness at this stage, then I'd wager this isn't something that should be pursued. If neither of You can offer the space for compromise, then the issue has settled itself. If her happiness come at the price of Your freedom. I don't think it's worth it.

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Post #: 23

RE: Poly versus monogamy ? - 8/7/2006 4:04:40 PM

MizSuz

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quote:

ORIGINAL: comprehensive

<snip> years ago she would have been just perfect for me.

Yeah, see? You've answered your own question. Well done. (Sometimes I have to talk around something to find my truth, too).

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“The more you love, the more you can love—and the more intensely you love. Nor is there any limit on how many you can love. If a person had time enough, he could love all of that majority who are decent and just.”
- Robert Heinlein

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Post #: 24

RE: Poly versus monogamy ? - 8/7/2006 4:14:15 PM

Homestead

Posts: 1005
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Answer this question, and decide.

Will you resent making a confining comittment?

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Post #: 25

RE: Poly versus monogamy ? - 8/7/2006 4:39:07 PM

MrRodgers

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Iam with Theslavetrainer here, you are not in a poly at all. A poly is 3 or more people in a relationship exclusive to those in it. Until you get there, any relationship remains mono. so you are simply deciding between women. For me in fact, a true poly relationship is 3 or more people living a 24/7 affair so this situation wouldn't likely come up. Now I know with the advent of the kinkosphere these relationships become a bit more malleable, meaning not necessarily a live-in affair but with the love interest you speak of, it sounds to me that whether you chose your 'catch' or not, you'd be mono anyway...the question in your post is inaccurately posed.

< Message edited by MrRodgers -- 8/7/2006 4:48:55 PM >

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Post #: 26

RE: Poly versus monogamy ? - 8/7/2006 4:53:44 PM

Quivver

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Theslavetrainer

So where does the poly enter into the equation? So far you're saying you have the choice of two things. You can "be into BDSM with fuckbuddies" (which isn't poly) or "be vanillia the one person" (which is anything but poly). If you have to change who you are for this person then whats the point? You're lieing to her and yourself and in the end, neither of you will be happy. If I were you, I wouldn't bother with such a situation.

Right along the lines I was thinking when I read the first post. Thank You Theslavetrainer!

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RE: Poly versus monogamy ? - 8/7/2006 5:08:38 PM

MyNameisMaam

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SexyRed is so right - "Buddies" are just that and rarely become much else- except reasons to fight/disagree/hurt the ones you love.

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Post #: 28

RE: Poly versus monogamy ? - 8/7/2006 5:10:13 PM

comprehensive

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It's true that it is or would be mono in that sense
But
My philosophy and need is to look for and practice a non-exclusive relationship so I would be poly in the sense that I don't think I could be satisfied without the occasional play outside the main relationship.
Maybe we need some new words to acurately define what we are speaking of

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Post #: 29

RE: Poly versus monogamy ? - 8/7/2006 5:25:56 PM

popeye1250

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From: New Hampshire
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Yup, everyone on here is right, this would be a trainwreck!
I don't know about you but I could never go back to a vanilla relationship and be happy.
There'd always be something "missing."

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Post #: 30

RE: Poly versus monogamy ? - 8/7/2006 6:52:58 PM

littlesarbonn

Posts: 1710
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From: Stockton, California
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I'm kind of strange about the whole monogamy thing. I demand monogamy of myself when I'm involved with a dominant woman, but she can do whatever makes her happy.

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Post #: 31

RE: Poly versus monogamy ? - 8/7/2006 7:12:31 PM

MzMinx

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littlesarbon *smiles* that is not so strange..

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Post #: 32

RE: Poly versus monogamy ? - 8/7/2006 7:23:17 PM

angelic

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Joined: 1/24/2005
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Maybe i am missing the point... (sure wouldn't be the first time), but wasn't there a thread yesterday (or the day before) entitled something like 'introducing someone to BDSM" (i may have the name wrong)? See it seems to me like the OP just wants to 'f***' and has an inabiliity to commit. i may have misread his OP but i didn't see the word 'poly' there at all.. What i read was a man that meets someone that he really likes and she wants monogomy ... but he is afraid 'something better' is out there and he can't commit. As far as reinventing himself i am not sure i understand where that falls into play..

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Post #: 33

RE: Poly versus monogamy ? - 8/7/2006 10:46:27 PM

KennelDeSade2

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I'll throw out one question that really deserves it's own thread. But, has anybody ever known of anybody who went "back to vanilla/monogamy" and was happy? I can say from my own observations that I never EVER have.

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Rules? Just one: I say, she does.
Everything else, is just details.

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Post #: 34

RE: Poly versus monogamy ? - 8/7/2006 11:54:50 PM

comprehensive

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That's a very good question, Kenneldesade2

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Post #: 35

RE: Poly versus monogamy ? - 8/8/2006 12:33:33 AM

Homestead

Posts: 1005
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Poly isn't swinging.

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Post #: 36

RE: Poly versus monogamy ? - 8/8/2006 9:50:54 AM

LL1aintbehavin

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Joined: 12/27/2004
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comprehensive.
From your original post, i got the feeling that you have fuck buddies and that you have some BDSM play in your life, but none of that is enough to really complete you in what you desire in life.
Fuck buddies is not poly, its what it is, sex with no connection and no committment.
These relationships (as you said fuck buddies in plural) are not giving you any satisfaction or lasting feelings that you want, or else you would not be looking elsewhere.
Although the woman you are talking with, does not seem to be into the BDSM aspect of play that you desire, she seems to have you on your emotional connection basis, that the fuck buddies have not reached you.
Is it you want this woman with a deep connection and still be able to get played on the side and the fuck buddies and use the term "poly" to justify it?
i'd suggest being honest with this woman in all respects and see where she would eventually want the relationship to progress to, and if you are willing to compromise giving up your temporary physical fixes for the long term connection that she seems to represents.
i can understand that once you enjoy the play aspect that it may not work to try and give that up for her, but perhaps working towards a good play with her may be a start.
Has she stated she will not go any further into BDSM for you??? Who knows she may enjoy it.
i think it is just a matter of honesty and talking out what you both really need in your future relationships for the best shot at happiness.
Best of luck in your decisions.
aintbehavin

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Post #: 37

RE: Poly versus monogamy ? - 8/8/2006 9:55:50 AM

raiken

Posts: 868
Joined: 10/18/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: KennelDeSade2

I'll throw out one question that really deserves it's own thread. But, has anybody ever known of anybody who went "back to vanilla/monogamy" and was happy? I can say from my own observations that I never EVER have.

Yes, i have a friend who after years of living poly met the one he wanted to marry and start a family with, it happens for some folks in that way. People are always subject to change, it is a part of growth. Some folks i know have completely left the lifestyle scene altogether to pursue other interests. Some experiment, enjoy for a while then seem to come into their own, make a descision, and/or just grow out of certain areas, their interests change, and they change their priorities, all in the pursuit of happiness. *smile

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Post #: 38

RE: Poly versus monogamy ? - 8/8/2006 11:52:21 AM

onestandingstill

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I say no one can answer that but you. Overall my first concern would be that being she's vanilla, I'm not sure if you'll be happy long term with her.
Weigh the benefits of vanilla & faithful vs what you have now & decide what matters to your happiness more.
Good luck

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Post #: 39

RE: Poly versus monogamy ? - 8/8/2006 12:25:56 PM

popeye1250

Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
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De Sade, no, I don't know anyone who's "gone back" to vanilla after being involved in wiiwd.
Why would anyone "want to"? lol
Vanilla Wife; "Ok, we only have sex on wednesdays and saturdays and NO I don't swallow!"
"And get those handcuffs O-U-T of this house immediately!"

(in reply to onestandingstill)

Post #: 40

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