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a need a little advice please? - 8/9/2006 9:37:35 AM   
shyyoungsub


Posts: 4
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline 		hi there.... ihave a problem thats really messing with my head and was wondering if anyone can help me out.

About 6 months ago i met a Dom on this site and we got on really well, we still havnt met as im pretty shy and we're still getting to know eachother.

He went away about 3 weeks ago, all he said was that he was going to france. When he got back and i tried to speak to him we had a very upsetting conversation where he told me had gone to france to meet a sib who he was now going to spend the summer with and the only way i could be involved is if i went with him and subbed to both of them.
Apart from feeling extremely upset i felt i had bee betrayed as i had no clue about this other subs existence.I was upset and i said i would leave him alone.

A week ago he contacted me again and said that he was still attracted to me and he wants to meet at last. I dont trust him anymore , but i still feel something, im not sure what. I want to meet him but then again i dont....i asked about what the situation was witht he woman in france and he said that he wants to meet me a decided who he wants..... Im confused and upset...can anyone give me any adivce please xxxx
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: a need a little advice please? - 8/9/2006 9:48:34 AM   
SirKenin


Posts: 2994
Joined: 10/31/2004
From: Barrie, ON Canada
Status: offline 		lol.  Well,  I know what I would do, that is for sure.  Tell him to go to France and enjoy his new sub.  I assure you I have no interest in playing second fiddle.

_____________________________

Hi. I don't care. Thanks.

Wicca: Pretending to be an ancient religion since 1956

Catholic Church: Serving up guilt since 107 AD.

(in reply to shyyoungsub)
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RE: a need a little advice please? - 8/9/2006 9:57:37 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		The question is easy:  Do you want to be involved with someone who not only couldn't be open to you about his plans, but completely changed the dynamics of the situation on you? 

Likely you were just an ace in his pocket.  If the French girl hadn't worked out, he'd have come back to you and built up with you- leaving you none the wiser.

It's up to you if this is the person that you want, but really, what is his behavior telling you about how he functions in relationships?

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to shyyoungsub)
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RE: a need a little advice please? - 8/9/2006 9:59:52 AM   
Estring


Posts: 3314
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		I think it is a good idea that you read your post as if it was someone else who had written it. What advice would you give them? It seems pretty obvious. He has not been honest with you right from the start. Why would you think that would change?
The other thing is, 6 months and you still hadn't met? That seems like a long time. Maybe he got the idea that you weren't really interested in meeting.

_____________________________

Boycott Whales!

(in reply to shyyoungsub)
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RE: a need a little advice please? - 8/9/2006 10:00:54 AM   
TheShadows


Posts: 403
Joined: 9/16/2004
From: Southern Illinois
Status: offline 		For me, a huge breach of trust like that, right off the bat does not bode well.  He's trying to reel you in with this "meet me in person first....so I can try to get a little meet, beat, and fuck before I choose".  LA's right.  He's treating you as a potential rebound if ol' Frenchie doesn't work out.  I'd leave him alone.

Best of luck,
MrsShadows

< Message edited by TheShadows -- 8/9/2006 10:02:55 AM >

_____________________________

"The reason the mainstream is thought of as a stream is because of it's shallowness." - George Carlin

"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most..." - Ozzy Osbourne

(in reply to shyyoungsub)
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RE: a need a little advice please? - 8/9/2006 10:02:47 AM   
Pulpsmack


Posts: 394
Joined: 4/15/2004
From: Louisiana
Status: offline 		If you made little effort to meet him, know him, etc then you have no right to feel betrayed and he is well within his rights to shop around, tell you what he wants, see other people, and tell you where to get off. You don't like it? Good you shouldn't. Now you want to see him but you don't trust him?

Well you see him you get what you deserve. And no, there is no reason to trust him.

(in reply to shyyoungsub)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: a need a little advice please? - 8/9/2006 10:20:42 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

About 6 months ago i met a Dom on this site and we got on really well, we still havnt met


Any thoughts you had about being in a relationship were fantasy. You never met. You don't even know if your Dom was in reality a man, if he was married, or if he really went to France.

The propensity of death, car accident, fried 'mother boards', sick relatives, and foreign travel is outside the statistical norm.

Consider yourself a terminated character in a on-line role playing game. He's moved on to another 'level'. Re-boot, find some other player(s) and start again.

Or if you really want to avoid this in the future. Meet someone outside the on-line role playing environment.

(in reply to shyyoungsub)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: a need a little advice please? - 8/9/2006 10:49:58 AM   
gandalf0297


Posts: 148
Joined: 8/6/2006
Status: offline 		TRUST and HONESTY are the foundations on which a D/s relationship are based. he has violated this basic presept. And as mercenbeth stated you dont know if he really is a Dom or just some creep playing a game. that is the hardest thing about this online shit. people play games and are not whomthey say they are. Just consider yourself lucky and move on.
And rember listen to your gut. what its telling you is usually right on the money.
GANDALF

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: a need a little advice please? - 8/9/2006 11:02:15 AM   
MissTlTTYMilk


Posts: 142
Joined: 6/17/2006
Status: offline 		That little something you feel might be wounded "pride".  i am not sure since i do not know what kind of agreement, if any, you had since you had not actually met him.
i agree with the advice given by Mercnbeth; You should meet with real people and forego the font and phone romance..

i do feel for you and wish you well.

< Message edited by MissTlTTYMilk -- 8/9/2006 11:03:36 AM >

(in reply to gandalf0297)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: a need a little advice please? - 8/9/2006 11:13:55 AM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		Without trust you have nothing. I would advise you to forget this one and move on. It sounds like he is a player and doesn't care who he hurts in the process.

Good luck,
~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”






(in reply to MissTlTTYMilk)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: a need a little advice please? - 8/9/2006 11:24:23 AM   
DelRey


Posts: 314
Joined: 12/3/2005
Status: offline 		Well, you could start a cycle of going back or taking him back then when it happens again you just write a post and we'll say about the same shit. Then you could just start all over again.

(in reply to Lashra)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: a need a little advice please? - 8/9/2006 11:33:26 AM   
Emperor1956


Posts: 2370
Joined: 11/7/2005
Status: offline
quote:

He went away about 3 weeks ago, all he said was that he was going to france.


Why don't I think of these lines?  'Honey, I'm sorry I missed our anniversary dinner -- I went to france'

'Honey, I'm sorry I didn't deposit that check -- I went to france'

'Honey, I don't know what happened to that wheel of brie...I went'...well, you get it.

Suffice it to say I agree with Merc, LA, Estring, Pulpsmack, even God help Me, Kenin.  Miss OP, you've been played (and its not entirely his fault).  Pick up and move on.

E.

(I'm thinking should I change my sig to "I went to france..."  then again I'm thinking of the other gem I read on the CM boards recently:  "He must have forgotten to tell me he was a swinger..."

arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggghhhhhhhhhh)



_____________________________

"When you wake up, Pooh," said Piglet, "what's the first thing you say?"
"What's for breakfast? What do you say, Piglet?"
"I say, I wonder what's going to happen exciting today?"
Pooh nodded thoughtfully.
"It's the same thing," he said.

(in reply to shyyoungsub)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: a need a little advice please? - 8/9/2006 12:56:46 PM   
popeye1250


Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline 		Me too, Walk Away!
There's no place for dishonesty in these or any relationships!

(in reply to Emperor1956)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: a need a little advice please? - 8/9/2006 2:11:28 PM   
Archer


Posts: 3207
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline 		OK just as a reality check here, not sure so I'm going to ask a basic question.

You two were talking for a short time 6 months and you expected that he was not talking to anyone else during that time? Did you ask specificly if he was seeing/ speaking to anyone else? Or did you assume you were the only one without asking?

Not saying that he shouldn't have volenteered his non exclussive status to you without asking but anything not specificly negotiated is open to interpritation.

In Leather

Archer


(in reply to popeye1250)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: a need a little advice please? - 8/9/2006 2:19:57 PM   
sophia37


Posts: 1433
Joined: 2/7/2006
Status: offline 		Emporer1956...you are too too funny. I think I love you. lololololol

(in reply to Archer)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: a need a little advice please? - 8/9/2006 3:45:40 PM   
Arpig


Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline 		You feel betrayed because a man you have never met is involved with someone....cry me a river.

_____________________________

Big man! Pig Man!
Ha Ha...Charade you are!

Why do they leave out the letter b on "Garage Sale" signs?

CM's #1 All-Time Also-Ran


(in reply to shyyoungsub)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: a need a little advice please? - 8/9/2006 7:36:12 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline 		I am sorry that you have been played..Some of the replies you have recieved have been a bit harsh in wording, but oh so honest, and frankly I think the harshness delivered is actually their Dominant attempts to give you a big old wake up call..Listen and look at this as a lesson and go on..Now you have some idea of what not to ever consider again.....be well...be aware..Tempting

(in reply to shyyoungsub)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: a need a little advice please? - 8/9/2006 10:27:15 PM   
Owned1


Posts: 847
Joined: 7/6/2005
From: Toronto, Ontario
Status: offline 		I dont see you have been played,  you were communicating without meeting for 6 months.  There is no collar, no formal relationship other than some online chatting.  Yes the chatting may have gone deep and felt real but it was cyber pixels.  Did he at anytime say he was faithful to you only until you met?  If that is a yes then there is an issue.  I would suggest one does not know who they are talking with online at all until they have met face to face.  Yes online is a great place to begin, to explore and have some fun however if it is a relationship of some type you are seeking I do not know of anyone who would wait 6 months to at minimum meet. 

The decision is yours,  if you feel something for this man perhaps you should meet him and see what is there.  You can then negotiate where you will go next in this liason.  However you need to think clearly about questions you will need to ask, as well as what you need. 

All the best in finding what you seek

Owned

_____________________________

~~in His Chains i am free~~

(in reply to TemptingNviceSub)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: a need a little advice please? - 8/10/2006 2:03:17 AM   
shyyoungsub


Posts: 4
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline 		i was away last night so this is the first time ive read what people have posted. Fot those who gave some advice and a little empathy thank you, but those who just decided to to give smart arse comments like 'cry me a river' seem a little inapproriate...explain yourself or just leave it alone. I realise after reading these posts that ive been more than a little stupid, but what i forgot to mention is that we had both agreed that untill the point after we had met we wouldnt persue anyone else. It seems on the internet this kind of agreeent doesnt matter in all cases, so i do feel like the prize fool. Thanks anyway people. xxxx

(in reply to Owned1)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: a need a little advice please? - 8/10/2006 3:22:32 AM   
LeatherBentOne


Posts: 469
Joined: 9/27/2005
Status: offline 		Why would anyone, BDSM or vanilla, go to a foreign country to meet someone they dont know?  Think of the risk involved.  Forget about the honesty and deceitful aspects.  What's more important than one's safety and using one's common sense and good judgement?

LeatherBentOne

(in reply to shyyoungsub)
Profile   Post #: 20
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