Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

Confused.......


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> Confused....... Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
Confused....... - 8/11/2006 11:03:34 PM   
alongrider


Posts: 19
Joined: 7/17/2006
Status: offline 		I am sincere in my quest to find my little one to meet all my needs. I am jsut confused as to why all these girls that say they are subs/slaves, are so  put off by my saying what I am really looking for. I mean isn't honesty the best policy? Am I being too up front in my needs or what?I am a nice guy and truely want to have a little subbie that will love honer and obey me.Is that too much to ask?And I am curious as to the other guys, if they are getting more responces than I?(maybe a question better put to the Doms here).
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Confused....... - 8/11/2006 11:24:09 PM   
mystiquenz


Posts: 330
Joined: 8/13/2004
Status: offline 		Greetings Alongrider,

I think it comes down to finding a suitable "partner".  I may be a submissive, but i'm not a submissive to All.  i am only a submissive to the One that I serve ... and that only comes about by being "in relationship".

Some have better luck than others, at "relationships" and for myself, I have attracted cyber players, mindfuckers and timewasters both online and real time.  I am hoping the Sir that I am speaking with at this current point in time is the exception to the rule. 

I have read forums in the past, where someone has called a submissive or a Dominant a "wannabee" because they were rejected, or because there was not a commonality of desires ... or for someother reason, rather than just being happy to say that they were not suited, and leave it at that! 

Not everyone is going to be attracted to someone who has a moustache, or a beard, or has no moustache or a beard, or someone who has body hair, or no body hair, has a tight ass or a fat ass ... take your pick.  It doesn't mean that those who search, are not genuine in their search, it could just be that people are searching for different things. 

So, this girl's advice, is don't take online rejection personally and don't let it get you down.  If you are getting the "rejection" type email, early then you can count your lucky stars that you haven't wasted a good amount of time and energy.  I would suggest you get off your butt, and get to a local munch/bdsm club, and use the internet as a secondary form of contact.

You have to be the one who is the motivater, to make it happen for you.  No one else can make it happen for you, either that or your in a dream state.  I don't believe fantasy and reality ever merge together, but I do believe we are the creators of our destiny. 

Good luck with your search.

_____________________________

blessings
~mystique~

(in reply to alongrider)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Confused....... - 8/11/2006 11:37:13 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Aren't they being honest in telling you that you aren't what they want?  You'd prefer them to lie?  What's the confusion?  You're being honest, they are being honest.  If you're searching online, the pickins will be slim, just how it is.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to mystiquenz)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Confused....... - 8/12/2006 12:44:01 AM   
ToServeIsToLive


Posts: 222
Joined: 11/16/2005
Status: offline 		Well, if you refer to people just not sending a messages even just saying they're not interested, i can see where your coming from.  Nothing like writing a thought out message and waiting for a response before considering sending one to someone else then never getting even a no thanks.

If they just send rude messages, i could see where he's coming from too although i've never encountered such.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Confused....... - 8/12/2006 3:33:07 AM   
gandalf0297


Posts: 148
Joined: 8/6/2006
Status: offline 		Love ,honor and obediance are earned. not something you can put in a profile and expect a sub to fall head over heels after you. It takes time and effort to find the right sub. It is not something that happens overnight . Or a week,or a month. Hang in there the right one will come along.
Gandalf

Two men were walking down the street one ran into a bar.... the other ducked.
author unknown
and no I do not now why I find that so funny.

(in reply to ToServeIsToLive)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Confused....... - 8/12/2006 4:23:43 AM   
obis


Posts: 412
Joined: 9/9/2005
From: Austin, TX, USA
Status: offline 		As usual, LA is 100% correct. You do need to be honest and upfront about what you want, as do the subs. That way nobody wastes time pursuing something doomed to failure because of deception. You'd be even more annoyed if a sub led you on and then after months of talking admitted she had no interest in serving you the way you desire.

As far as response rates, if you got back one positive response for every 100 introductions, you're doing well. It really is that bad and lopsided against men, just because you're on a social site on the internet and that's how the demographics work out. It has little to do with you personally or your approach.

(in reply to gandalf0297)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Confused....... - 8/12/2006 5:59:00 AM   
zumala


Posts: 1121
Joined: 6/16/2005
Status: offline 		In most cases, a sub or a Dom can't just put up their profile about their wants/needs/ideals and then expect someone to leap into their outstretched arms.  After reading a profile, a person might have a curious interest, but they still don't know you.  It is the stupid person who just jumps in before getting to know someone.  You need conversation and lots of it in order to establish a relationship and the beginnings of trust.
 
zuma

(in reply to obis)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Confused....... - 8/12/2006 7:04:58 AM   
MHOO314


Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline 		Just because its Your thing doesn't mean its theirs---just because You are a Dominant doesn't mean You are the One for them---anything of value takes time and effort.

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor


(in reply to alongrider)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Confused....... - 8/12/2006 7:09:07 AM   
TNstepsout


Posts: 1558
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline 		Which part are they put off by? I'm guessing the part where you say you don't want a BBW?

(in reply to zumala)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Confused....... - 8/12/2006 7:51:56 AM   
MissTlTTYMilk


Posts: 142
Joined: 6/17/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TNstepsout

Which part are they put off by? I'm guessing the part where you say you don't want a BBW?


Good point  TNstepsout
Not necessarilly directed to the OP
It seems like many folks want the ideal, but do not offer the conventional ideal in return.

If one is commited to never stray from O/one's ideal standard; O/one may risk having his or her ideal having strict standards, too. 



Certainly, i would never imply O/one not to have standards nor would i wish to having no or to be percieved as havng no empathy for another's collarme experience.  However, it is how one defines or perceives serious as well as how he or she emancipates or limits oneself with standards without expecting others do have standards with the same options. This may be O/one's catalyst for defeat.  It is how others have stated in above posts-- a matter of perception of being serious versus lack of interest.
 

 
edited constantly as i am horrible at proofreading my own writing

< Message edited by MissTlTTYMilk -- 8/12/2006 8:36:05 AM >

_____________________________

"I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong. "
"The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts. "
--Bertrand Russell

(in reply to TNstepsout)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Confused....... - 8/12/2006 8:16:56 AM   
SexyRed


Posts: 529
Joined: 8/19/2004
Status: offline 		what is so confusing to you? you stated your preferences and if a submissive is not into what you wrote, that is not confusing in the least.

this is online dating, lower your expectations. at least you were detailed in your profile, so many have nothing written other than they are Dominant.

_____________________________

A trucker will slow down for a blonde, stop for a brunette, but back up 500 yards for a redhead!


(in reply to MissTlTTYMilk)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Confused....... - 8/12/2006 8:23:22 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		Maybe they just do not find you attractive for whatever reason? Perhaps they think you are too old, not the right race, they want someone that lives closer.. the list goes on and on.

When I was available I had a particular type of man I wanted to date. Education was important to me for example, and I wanted someone not more than an inch shorter than me (I know that may seem shallow but it was my preference). It is not a reflection on the many men that emailed me that I wasn't interested, I just had very definite ideas.

I would use spell check before I sent emails out, we tend to forget how to spell words as we get older. I wouldn't put any expectation on anyone you emailed. I would ask them lots of questions about WHAT THEY WANT instead of telling them what you want. Everyone, even a submissive, likes to know they are being listened to and heard... if they are sincere it should be obvious. Take time to get to know someone instead of projecting your needs on them... that is just my opinion formed from what little you posted and it could be wrong.

Take care

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to alongrider)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Confused....... - 8/12/2006 9:42:29 AM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: alongrider

I am sincere in my quest to find my little one to meet all my needs. I am jsut confused as to why all these girls that say they are subs/slaves, are so  put off by my saying what I am really looking for. I mean isn't honesty the best policy? Am I being too up front in my needs or what?I am a nice guy and truely want to have a little subbie that will love honer and obey me.Is that too much to ask?And I am curious as to the other guys, if they are getting more responces than I?(maybe a question better put to the Doms here).


As others have said, it can just be a matter of time. If they're "put off" by you stating your preferences, too bad for them. You don't seem rude about it, so stick to your guns, and eventually, you'll find what you want.

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to alongrider)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Confused....... - 8/12/2006 10:48:59 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline 		Well I see you have changed your profile from the last time I perused it..It is definitely an improvement..However...as I have stated before..when you....even in your mind have many criteria that needs to be met, that cuts back on the number of possibilities...So if you are looking for a R/T...close in location..height ,weight specifics..possibly age specific?..into your kind of kink specific..then with each specific..it cuts your possibilities pool down further and further..then of course you have to see if you are in the specifics range of the submissive as well....this is not easy or fast..as someone said..maybe getting out into meatlife while using this as a secondary means of finding what you seek would be a better alternative..be well..Tempting

(in reply to alongrider)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Confused....... - 8/13/2006 9:40:09 AM   
JessieMe


Posts: 510
Joined: 6/5/2006
Status: offline 		Ok.. I am sorry but I read his original profile and just read his "new improved version" and the problem I have is that he portrays something so totally different. <shakes head> personally I preferred his original one as it managed to keep me from wanting to be with him due to his honesty about what he really wants as opposed to what he "states" he wants on this new one.

_____________________________

This is who I am
And this is all I know.
That I must choose to live for all that I can give
The spark that makes the Power grow
<Immortality by Celine Dion>

(in reply to TemptingNviceSub)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Confused....... - 8/13/2006 10:23:27 AM   
mp072004


Posts: 381
Joined: 12/22/2005
Status: offline 		Let me see if I understand you. You contact a prospective playmate and tell her what you want, and she tells you that what you want isn't in line with what she wants. Or she contacts you and tells you what she wants, you respond with what you want, and she says that won't work. Yes?

This is great! Honestly, your conversations appear much more pleasant and efficient than some of mine have been. You and your fellow conversationalists are exchanging probably courteous, but definitely clear letters that lead to quick identification of compatibility. You aren't spending a lot of time trying to coax descriptions of goals from prospective partners, indeed, you and people corresponding with you seem to efficiently decide whether a relationship will work. Overall, you're doing well. The only unfortunate bit is that you haven't yet found a good match, and that, unfortunately, is just part of dating.

Monica

(in reply to alongrider)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Confused....... - 8/13/2006 10:47:13 AM   
BillsGalSusan


Posts: 69
Joined: 7/18/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JessieMe

Ok.. I am sorry but I read his original profile and just read his "new improved version" and the problem I have is that he portrays something so totally different. <shakes head>

I noticed that as well, and, assuming his kink really is filming his "subbie" having what he called nasty sex with other men, that is a very particular kind of kink, and one that IMO should be clearly stated--wastes less time and increases the likelihood that anyone who responds would be more likely to find that it is the kind of thing she could live with if the relationship ended and the tapes (and his use of them) remained under his control after she was not.

Another Susan

(in reply to JessieMe)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Confused....... - 8/13/2006 11:06:59 AM   
JessieMe


Posts: 510
Joined: 6/5/2006
Status: offline 		I was also thinking about the "body modifications" re: wide open gaping holes "the looser the better"... Kind of a change from his "Your trust in me will be well placed."

_____________________________

This is who I am
And this is all I know.
That I must choose to live for all that I can give
The spark that makes the Power grow
<Immortality by Celine Dion>

(in reply to BillsGalSusan)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Confused....... - 8/20/2006 10:39:33 AM   
alongrider


Posts: 19
Joined: 7/17/2006
Status: offline 		Jesse, I am curious, I do like the bod mod sort of thing,how does that have anything to do with her trusting me. I am not out to hurt her just modify her.

I have changed my profile and I can see your point as to what I REALLY want, as there seems to be two versions of my profile. Well,to answer that I will only say that as a new member here as well as new to this cyger type of thing to meet up with someone one can get caught up in their fantasies and forget what is really important. So when I reread my profile I decided that I did get carried away with fantasies and not what is really important to me.

Thanks for all the info and feedback.

(in reply to JessieMe)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Confused....... - 8/20/2006 11:15:09 AM   
Quivver


Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline 		my thoughts are along the lines of Honesty, be it in your profile or in the first few initial chats.  It gets the cards on the table so you know if the game is worth playing.  I ~call~ myself submissive, it's what feeds me.  Yet it's like having a taste for Ice Cream but only finding popcycles in the fridge.  Keep being true to yourself and eventually you'll find that Ice Cream!
Q

_____________________________

The problem with communication ... is the illusion that it has been accomplished. ~George Bernard Shaw

(in reply to alongrider)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> Confused....... Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.078