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RE: Please advise me. I'm scared I am being stalked - 8/12/2006 11:54:28 AM   
DoctorDubious


Posts: 267
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

This is a mistake that many women make, not setting boundaries. I am not picking on you susan, really I am not, I am just hoping that other women can see that

we set the boundaries from the first interaction with someone.
 
From the very first interaction I would have treated him just as he deserved to be treated, stony silence and walked away with a glare to boot. If he followed me and repeated himself I would have told him, "bug off". If he wouldn't have listened to me I would have went to the dungeon master, if they blew me off I would have left.
 
 
 If I noticed a car following me I would have pulled over and waited to see what the car did.

I am just pointing this out because women can read what you wrote and apply it to other situations in the future... do not be shy in setting the boundaries of behavior. I would call the police immediately and file a report.. PLEASE tell me you at least got his license number. I would get a restraining order and not go back to that dungeon unless they will honor the restraining order. The man implied a threat to your person susan... do not take it lightly.



Hey all...

I think this is great... really outstanding advice.
I do think it's a tad over-reacting to get a restraining order,
but.... there's a real point to that too. 
I might change my mind .... I like what you say above...


>>we set the boundaries from the first interaction with someone.

100% totally right.
But, this is just about impossible
to really manage for many women, and euqually many men,
who are trained by our culture to be "nice"
and to defer to  "power" even the lame shit this wanker pulls all the time.

>>
From the very first interaction I would have treated him just as he deserved to be treated, stony silence and walked away with a glare to boot. If he followed me and repeated himself I would have told him, "bug off". If he wouldn't have listened to me I would have went to the dungeon master, if they blew me off I would have left.

Yes!
Totally right.


>>If I noticed a car following me I would have pulled over and waited to see what the car did.

NO!
If the guy was a real freak,
stopping on the roadside
is about the worst thing you could do.

Haven't you seen CSI lately? ... or any teen-slasher movies?
That's how they get rid of the b-list characters every time.

Julia, you gotta watch more horror movies....


DD










< Message edited by DoctorDubious -- 8/12/2006 12:07:35 PM >

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Please advise me. I'm scared I am being stalked - 8/12/2006 11:55:07 AM   
BillsGalSusan


Posts: 69
Joined: 7/18/2006
Status: offline 		Susan, I am sorry this happened to you. Years and years ago, someone tried something similar with me. I drove to the nearest police station, rather than to my home. This is a technique I was taught at a training at my job. It worked.

It wasn't really that I felt, at that point, that I needed to report him as much as it was that I knew I did not want him following me home. I called Bill, and he picked me up there. We went back for the car the next day.

I know you don't have a Bill hanging around, but I bet a police office would have given you a ride, if a friend couldn't do it.

Another Susan

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Please advise me. I'm scared I am being stalked - 8/12/2006 11:57:42 AM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		Level: That is a good idea. I do have a friend I can call to stay the night. She will understand, and is single also, and no kids living with her, so she can probably do it. Maybe she can come with me, if I go to the BDSM house - I do have to go back to let them know, because I don't have their phone number, and as far as I know, they are not listed in the phone book. I don't even know if there is even a phone there at that house.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 8/12/2006 12:27:54 PM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to Level)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Please advise me. I'm scared I am being stalked - 8/12/2006 11:59:47 AM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		BillsGal Susan: Yes, stopping at the poice station would have made sense. Wish I'd thought of it. Next time (hope there isn't one). I will remember that. Good idea. Very good.

- Susan 

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to BillsGalSusan)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Please advise me. I'm scared I am being stalked - 8/12/2006 12:00:36 PM   
gandalf0297


Posts: 148
Joined: 8/6/2006
Status: offline 		this link ought to help
http://www.antistalking.com/victim.htm
Gandalf

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Please advise me. I'm scared I am being stalked - 8/12/2006 12:02:45 PM   
DoctorDubious


Posts: 267
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO

. That's okay, I can get a list of kini freindly lawyers off the internet (if anyone knows where that list is - please tell me as soon as you find it. Otherwise, I can find it).


- Susan



Don't piss around with "kink friendly" lawyers....
whatever that bizarre concept might be.

You were confronted and followed home by a man you told to buzz off.

Doesn't matter where you came from.
Use your own lawyer, or hire a good one on Monday. ASAP.

And make sure you have a strong friend phone the fuckwad,
and communicate clearly (like I said before)
that you are making a strong, powerful, decisive response to his intimidation.

DD

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Please advise me. I'm scared I am being stalked - 8/12/2006 12:03:08 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		Creative Dominant: Thanks for the feedback. It is much appreciated.

Sweet n sparkling: I appreciate your comments also, very much. Maybe I did give too much personal safety info, but someone did ask me about it- and my doors all lock. I am not one of those idiots who doesn't lock their doors. I lock all my doors, always: My car, my house, you name it. But maybe you are right.

Thanks - to all who have replied.

It just helped me to get this out. After tonight, I am not sure I am going back to that house, ever- and I am only going tonight to tell them what happened. We'll see what they say about it. Hopefully, they will take me seriously.

- Susan  

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 8/12/2006 12:28:55 PM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to CreativeDominant)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Please advise me. I'm scared I am being stalked - 8/12/2006 12:10:07 PM   
zenofeller


Posts: 463
Joined: 6/10/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: gandalf0297
this link ought to help
http://www.antistalking.com/victim.htm
Gandalf


good article.

(in reply to gandalf0297)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Please advise me. I'm scared I am being stalked - 8/12/2006 12:13:46 PM   
brattysubby31


Posts: 2
Joined: 4/30/2004
Status: offline 		i was talked and it does not get any easier.  please be very cautious and do what you need to make yourself safe and sane.

(in reply to zenofeller)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Please advise me. I'm scared I am being stalked - 8/12/2006 12:13:55 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		zenoffeller: Yes, that's true. I was probably way too nice. I think it's because I think I may be dealing w/a potentially unbalanced person, and didn't want to piss them off for fear of what they'd do next, maybe. Now that you mnetion it, probably not much would be lost by just stating:"Piss off, buddy!" - or something similar. If I encounter him again (which I am fearing I will), I will say that. I really will.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 8/12/2006 12:14:18 PM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to zenofeller)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Please advise me. I'm scared I am being stalked - 8/12/2006 12:14:51 PM   
MistressSassy66


Posts: 1675
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline 		Had that been Me and noticed a car following Me...I would NEVER go to My house.

You go to the Police Station,before you get there you make sure you know the plate number of the car following you.

If you havent called the Police yet you better...this person could be wanted for doing the same thing somewhere else and maybe hes even killed someone.
If hes brave enough to follow you home....he is a VERY dangerous person.

Waiting to call the police is a really bad idea.Take it from someone who was followed and attacked.


Editted to make the point that being attacked...Is why never go home if I think I'm being followed.

< Message edited by MistressSassy66 -- 8/12/2006 12:16:44 PM >

_____________________________

Mistress Sassy

http://www.mistresssassy.com

In the Immortal Words of Bob....Fuck the dumb shit.

"I love you not only for what you are,But for what I am when I'm with you."- Opening line from a poem by Roy Croft

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Please advise me. I'm scared I am being stalked - 8/12/2006 12:14:51 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		Pulling over does not mean getting out of the car.

If someone stopped then you get back on the road and drive to the police department.

On edit, never lead someone you think may be following you around to your front door, ever

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 8/12/2006 12:17:04 PM >

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to DoctorDubious)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Please advise me. I'm scared I am being stalked - 8/12/2006 12:16:51 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		gandalf: What a sweetie you are!! Thanks for the article. It is much appreciated.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 8/12/2006 12:17:08 PM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to gandalf0297)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Please advise me. I'm scared I am being stalked - 8/12/2006 12:18:21 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		Mistress Sassy: If I was waffling on calling the police, you just convinced me. No sense waiting. Thanks for the advice.

- Susan

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to MistressSassy66)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Please advise me. I'm scared I am being stalked - 8/12/2006 12:27:43 PM   
zenofeller


Posts: 463
Joined: 6/10/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressSassy66
Had that been Me and noticed a car following Me...I would NEVER go to My house.


ironically, i have spent most of my life being followed. actually, if there wasn't someone following my car i'd get suspicious. usually more than one, too. heck, on time special agents from one agency arrested special agents from another on some inane charges, they were so freaked out. i always found it amusing, for myself. it's certainly nothing as bad as people to whom it happens for the first time make it out to be. you get used to it, like you get used to the government trying to tax. nothing to lose your sleep or your mind over.

(in reply to MistressSassy66)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Please advise me. I'm scared I am being stalked - 8/12/2006 12:31:19 PM   
SweetDommes


Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline 		Stopping the car gives the person a way to get at you, whether or not you get out of the car ... what if the guy had managed to get her pinned in so that she couldn't drive away again?  Honestly, since I'm one of those who carries a cell phone at all times, so I would have kept driving until I found a police station (not familiar with Indy, although I know where they are in my home town, the town where I grew up, and a few others in the surrounding area), and called someone - police, a friend who would give me advice, etc.

However, your first mistake was not in being nice to the guy, but in not reporting him to the host of the event when he followed you after you told him you weren't interested.  Being polite is not a mistake (at least, not the first time), but not reporting inappropriate behavior is.  I'm guessing that the reason he goes after the new people is because he knows that they won't report him, so when they behave as you did, it enables his behavior.

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Please advise me. I'm scared I am being stalked - 8/12/2006 12:32:09 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		gandalf: I just read the stalking article you forwarded, and am taking it to heart. Fortunately, I do have two dogs, so they will protect me (my doggies love me)!

I have a Beagle, "Oscar", (who is fat and pretty worthless as a guard-attack dog, but he does bark, so is an okay watch dog). My Lab mix, "Rufus", I think, would actually bite anyone who tried to hurt me - maybe my Beagle would, too (if nothing else, just to see what they taste like, he - he is sooo fixated on snacks). 

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 8/12/2006 12:38:59 PM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to gandalf0297)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Please advise me. I'm scared I am being stalked - 8/12/2006 12:36:39 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		Sweet Dommes: Another thing you reminded me of (thank you)!. I've never had a cell phone, on the grounds that if I got one, people who want to call me would constantly be invading my precious privacy (I am a privacy and "quiet time" freak. I just hate lots of new technology, and wouldn't even own a microwave oven if it hadn't come with my house, probably).

Well - I just changed my mind about that.

This afternoon - I am going to Target and buying one of those pay-as-you-go, $20 cell phones. I appparently Do need one, after all.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 8/12/2006 12:37:35 PM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to SweetDommes)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Please advise me. I'm scared I am being stalked - 8/12/2006 12:39:11 PM   
proudsub


Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline 		I'm sorry you are going through this Susan. You've gotten some very good advice. Trust your gut.

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan


(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Please advise me. I'm scared I am being stalked - 8/12/2006 12:45:58 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		Doctor D: I am nominating You to talk to this guy - if I do get his phone number. if you have a low, deep voice - so much the better. Okay? I just don't knpow that many guys (really). If you don't want to do it, I can ask around. But, hopefully, by next week, I'll have his phone number. I would appreciate it a lot. 


- Susan


_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to DoctorDubious)
Profile   Post #: 40
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