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CreativeDominant -> RE: Please advise me. I'm scared I am being stalked (8/12/2006 11:50:32 AM)
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ORIGINAL: SusanofO
Well, Thursday afternoon I got home from a pleasant few days at a cabin on a big lake in Iowa, where I had no cares at all, except when to swim and where to go shopping. I was feeling so good, and so adventurous, that last night I decided to (finally) check out the one BDSM 'playhouse" I've heard exists in my town.
A submissive male friend of mine was going to go with me, but his (new) girlfriend asked him out at the last minute, and since I only know one other person in the 'lifestyle' in my town (who was also busy), I decided to visit this house alone. I think I may have made a drastic error in judgment, and am not sure what to do.
Any advice will be appreciated.
This house is not located exactly in the ghetto, but is sort of on the edge of it. It is not in good repair - I have no idea who owns it. It's huge and looks like the Addams family is probably inside. There is a gravel driveway, and I parked and knocked on the door, and was asked for a $10 cover (no problem) from this big black man at the door (the bouncer, I guess). I was wearing street clothes; nothing provacative - black jeans, black loafers, and a long sleeved, ivory-colored lace blouse w/ a scoop neck. I wasn't sure what to wear, and was pretty sure I just wanted to observe whatever might be happening, so I did not "dress up" for the occasion.
The main 'play' areas are in the basement and upstairs. I went to the basement and there were only about 13 people there - and it didn't get any more crowded as the night wore on (although I only stayed about 2 hours). I went to the bar and got a Diet Coke. I turn around, and this really tall, musclular guy w/a hood is staring at me. He comes over and just says to me, apropos of nothing:
"You are a very attractive woman. I'd like to whip you until you cry, and then fuck you."
I wasn't sure if this was a compliment, but maybe. I have to say, I was a little surprised. The room did have a Dungeon Master, but I didn't want to bother him with petty stuff, and I figured it was harmless flattery, so I said:
"Well, I am just here to watch, but thanks." I went to find a seat on a couch against the wall, and was going to watch a gal getting flogged across the room. He followed me. He said the same thing again. So, I repeated myself.
He said: "I'll see if I can change your mind, then." I said: "Please. I know you are just trying to be friendly. But this is my first time ever to a place like this, and I'd like to just take in the scenery, if you don't mind".
Then, fortunately, I spotted across the room, a gal I'd e-mailed from my town (she is a CM member, too). She didn't recognize me, as I don't have a pic attached to my profile, but I recognized her. I went over and introduced myself. Then I told her I was a bit concerned about this guy who was sort of hitting on me. She said he always hits on the "Newbies", and to just try to ignore him. She and I talked for about a half hour. Then I went to get another Diet Coke. The bartender said that my mystery admirer had paid for all and any drinks I'd order for the evening. I said I wanted to pay anyway. The bartender said it was okay and wouldn't take my money.
I went back to my (gal) friend, who was saving my seat.
This guy came over to us, and stated his original line, one more time. My gal friend said: "She is brand new here, and you are making her uncomfortable. Please, don't pressure her anymore." He said he was "just admiring an attractive lady" and wandered upstairs. About a half hour later, I decided I'd seen enough, and was ready to leave. I asked the big bouncer guy at the door to walk me to my car (which he kindly did).
I didn't notice anyone was following me until I was about six blocks from my house. Since I live just about three blocks from a main street, when I turned onto my street , and this big Mercury car did as well, following pretty closely, I wondered about it.
Then I reached my long driveway, and parked my car in my garage. I heard a car honk. So I went to the front yard to see who was there. It was the guy from the BDSM house who was trying to pick me up. "You followed me!" I said.
He said: "I did. Sure you won't change your mind? At least now I know how to reach you." I didn't want to act like I was over-reacting, so I just said: "Thanks, but I am really tired (it was only about 10pm). He said: "That's okay, I know where you are now." I said: "Well, it was nice meeting you. I have to go inside now", and walked to my front door. I looked out the window about 10 minutes later, and his car was still in front of my house. This made me nervous. I went upstairs to change clothes.
I looked out the window a half hour later, and his car was still outside the house, but parked a few houses down the street, and the car's lights were off. I almost called the police, but thought better of it - I didn't want to raise a fuss and have this guy hassle me if I ever went back to that house (my gal friend said he is there almost every weekend). I watched some tv, and then went to bed a little after midnight.
When I got up this morning, there was a note on my front porch door (my house has an enclosed front porch). It said: "I want to see you. I know where you live. You'll give in eventually - I'll make sure of that". I was upset!
Today, I managed to go to the grocery store, but am otherwise an emotional wreck. Should I tell my neighbors that I met some kook at a bar that will now not leave me alone, just so someone will know, besides me, that this guy is a potential nut? Next door to me are two lesbian college professors, and they have some friends who are pretty tough-looking bikers. I am thinking that it might not hurt, if they knew, and I know they'd help me keep a look-out for this guy. My other next door neighbor is a 45 year-old guy who still lives with his mother - but he is pretty big, and very helpful to me, and nice, when it comes to things like snowblowing, etc. Should I tell him, too?
I would tell your neighbors...even if no one else, the lesbian neighbors at least as they might be a bit more understanding than others might in terms of an alternative choice of lifestyle.
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Am I over-reacting?
Not in my opinion.
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Should I feel threatened?
I'd say that you should at least consider him a potentially serious threat.
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Should I call the police?
Might not be a bad idea though I would tell them no more than was necessary to show why you are concerned. Giving them the note that you received from someone who you had spoken less than 20 words to at a party should convince them that there might be a problem.
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Should I tell the BDSM house this happened? He didn't do anything to me...he just has a weird approach. He hasn't hurt me, but he has managed to freak me out. I don't know this guy at all. Plus, I am 5'6" and 125 pounds, tops. This guy is well over six feet and over 200 pounds, I am sure. Your size or his doesn't really matter...what does matter is what his behavior has done to affect your actions and feelings. If the people who run the "house" and the people within this group are responsible BDSM'ers and D/s'ers, they will appreciate being made aware of this fellow's questionable actions, not angry at or dismissive of you for bringing it to their attention
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I am not seeking a partner just now. Sure, I could probably use more bdsm experience, but - judging from his inital appraoch, I am not sure this guy is the one I want to give that to me. Should I be worried about him? As the father of two daughters, I know I'd be worried about ANY guy that they told me about behaving in this manner, whether they were coming from a vanilla gathering or a D/s gathering. Sure, dominants may be a bit more aggressive and bold in their behavior but a responsible one will know to back off and I cannot believe that any dominant out there would think this guy's approach and subsequent behavior are proper.
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**What do I do here? Anything? I am afraid to come out of my house at night now. The BDSM house was interesting, but if this is what happens when I go, I may never go back. Any advice? Thanks.
- Susan
I gave you my thoughts above and it seems as if you've gotten some other good advice. You know that I wish you good luck with this.
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