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RE: Please advise me. I'm scared I am being stalked - 8/13/2006 5:00:29 PM   
popeye1250


Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline 		Susan, you've done all the right things in the aftermath of this incident.
Leave the outdoor lights on for a few nights.
And try not to worry too much but just be sensably safe.
Everyone in this thread has your welfare in mind and we wouldn't want anything to happen to you. You are always a great contributor to these threads and we all enjoy your thoughts!

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 121
RE: Please advise me. I'm scared I am being stalked - 8/13/2006 5:01:36 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		I really appreciate all of the support. Thanks.

- Susan

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to popeye1250)
Profile   Post #: 122
RE: Please advise me. I'm scared I am being stalked - 8/13/2006 5:04:49 PM   
popeye1250


Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline 		Oh, Susan, that was a good idea for you to buy that 16 guage shotgun yesterday at the gun store!

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 123
RE: Please advise me. I'm scared I am being stalked - 8/13/2006 5:39:17 PM   
Tamerofwild1s


Posts: 1765
Joined: 12/5/2004
Status: offline 		Susan not reading other posters I know one thing from your message . you are not over reacting . this guy is what some call a predator . especially if he seeks out the newbies of the house ...
 
1) contact that house and let them now of his threats and what he did especially the big bouncer dude at the door
 
2) tell your neighbors on both sides anyone who will help you out
 
3) if you see him again or his car . getthe liscense plate number . I would definetly mention all this to the police so they know this has happened
 
4) next time go escorted to the house do not go there alone again .. you carry this invisible sign on you for these predators that says fresh meat
 
5) this guy should never have followed you home . or even made advances after you politely told him no the first time ...
 
make sure someone knows where you go when you leave your house in case something does happen with this freak .. he has already made all the classic statements of a stalker ...

_____________________________

A building get torched. All that is left is ashes. I used to think that it is true about everything - family, friends, feelings - but now I know that sometimes if love proves real, and two people are meant to be together, nothing can keep them apart ~

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 124
RE: Please advise me. I'm scared I am being stalked - 8/13/2006 5:44:26 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Tamerofwild1s

Susan not reading other posters I know one thing from your message . you are not over reacting . this guy is what some call a predator . especially if he seeks out the newbies of the house ...
 
1) contact that house and let them now of his threats and what he did especially the big bouncer dude at the door
 
2) tell your neighbors on both sides anyone who will help you out
 
3) if you see him again or his car . getthe liscense plate number . I would definetly mention all this to the police so they know this has happened
 
4) next time go escorted to the house do not go there alone again .. you carry this invisible sign on you for these predators that says fresh meat
 
5) this guy should never have followed you home . or even made advances after you politely told him no the first time ...
 
make sure someone knows where you go when you leave your house in case something does happen with this freak .. he has already made all the classic statements of a stalker ...


This is why my Daddy used to give collars of protection to his former submissive's friends if they desired to accompany them to the local club, because it made them feel more secure to have anyone that they didn't want around they could tell them to talk to Sinergy, and he would tell them to bug off. It is stories like these that make new submmissives nervous to go out by themselves without being able to have someone around to help them avoid asshole predators like these. I know some think this is completely unnecessary, but I think this is an example of how these sorts of collars can become useful.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Tamerofwild1s)
Profile   Post #: 125
RE: Please advise me. I'm scared I am being stalked - 8/13/2006 5:45:25 PM   
Tamerofwild1s


Posts: 1765
Joined: 12/5/2004
Status: offline 		I have read some posts now .. and I saw a few who say that because of your size you may be at a disadvantage with this guy . they are wrong ... a female person can drive the heel of foot into the top of a huge man and he will release fast from the pain .... she can take a free hand and back swing into his balls . trust me it doesn't take much swing to get a man reeling in pain from this motion enough to get free and run like hell ... another .. take a finger and poke him in the throat hard . it will stop his breathing for a few .. or hell if you have nails . reach up and gouge his eyeballsand a well placed elbow just below the rib cage will drive the wind from the biggest man
 
these are a few self defense tips you can employ Susan

_____________________________

A building get torched. All that is left is ashes. I used to think that it is true about everything - family, friends, feelings - but now I know that sometimes if love proves real, and two people are meant to be together, nothing can keep them apart ~

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 126
RE: Please advise me. I'm scared I am being stalked - 8/13/2006 5:45:44 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		Tamer; Thanks for the advice and kind thoughts. I doubt if I am going to go back to that house again - and if I do, I certainly will not be alone. I think I am just going to do munches from now on. Sharainks sent me an e-mail I have to open still, and indicated there may be other activities in my town I am not yet aware of that are "public" - if so, I may well look into them. But won't go alone to those, either.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 8/13/2006 5:46:38 PM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to Tamerofwild1s)
Profile   Post #: 127
RE: Please advise me. I'm scared I am being stalked - 8/13/2006 5:50:20 PM   
Tamerofwild1s


Posts: 1765
Joined: 12/5/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

ORIGINAL: Tamerofwild1s

Susan not reading other posters I know one thing from your message . you are not over reacting . this guy is what some call a predator . especially if he seeks out the newbies of the house ...
 
1) contact that house and let them now of his threats and what he did especially the big bouncer dude at the door
 
2) tell your neighbors on both sides anyone who will help you out
 
3) if you see him again or his car . getthe liscense plate number . I would definetly mention all this to the police so they know this has happened
 
4) next time go escorted to the house do not go there alone again .. you carry this invisible sign on you for these predators that says fresh meat
 
5) this guy should never have followed you home . or even made advances after you politely told him no the first time ...
 
make sure someone knows where you go when you leave your house in case something does happen with this freak .. he has already made all the classic statements of a stalker ...


This is why my Daddy used to give collars of protection to his former submissive's friends if they desired to accompany them to the local club, because it made them feel more secure to have anyone that they didn't want around they could tell them to talk to Sinergy, and he would tell them to bug off. It is stories like these that make new submmissives nervous to go out by themselves without being able to have someone around to help them avoid asshole predators like these. I know some think this is completely unnecessary, but I think this is an example of how these sorts of collars can become useful.


I've done the same thing Juliaocean . except I called them collars of gaurdianship . it gave me the respect of a Master without actually being there Master . it was done to protect the girls from the predators out there.

_____________________________

A building get torched. All that is left is ashes. I used to think that it is true about everything - family, friends, feelings - but now I know that sometimes if love proves real, and two people are meant to be together, nothing can keep them apart ~

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 128
RE: Please advise me. I'm scared I am being stalked - 8/13/2006 6:05:28 PM   
sharainks


Posts: 499
Joined: 12/13/2004
Status: offline 		SusanofO  that link is just one way to connect.  There are a lot of Omaha people on that list.  As you stay on it other links will show up.  There are monthly get togethers at a bar in Omaha that is just a sit around and talk setting.  You really need a "community" at this point and a safety net. 

I also got permission for you to contact the list owners privately first if you would like.  Let me know on the other side if you would like to do so.

(in reply to Tamerofwild1s)
Profile   Post #: 129
RE: Please advise me. I'm scared I am being stalked - 8/13/2006 6:10:42 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		Thank you sharainks. I will contact you and thanks for the offer (although i might have to wait until tommorrow, as I have company now). But you don't kbnow how much I appreciate knowing this.

Tamer - thanks for the safety tips. They are very much appreciated.

julia: You've got a good point about those temporary collarts coming in handy.

- Susan

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to sharainks)
Profile   Post #: 130
RE: Please advise me. I'm scared I am being stalked - 8/13/2006 6:21:52 PM   
MasterHood


Posts: 3
Joined: 8/4/2006
Status: offline 		/Bows to Popeye.  I was afraid of sounding too longwinded and i didnt give details, but you presented a realistic practice on what needs to happen to protect our females/Domnes to be safe.  Put up your whips, Domnes, that wasnt meant to be offensive :). 

(in reply to popeye1250)
Profile   Post #: 131
RE: Please advise me. I'm scared I am being stalked - 8/13/2006 6:27:00 PM   
TxBlkMistress


Posts: 337
Joined: 8/21/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO

julia: I know you are right. You are not the only person who has ever told me I am way to nice to jerks. This is definitely a case in point. To be honest, he scared me from the start - and I thought if I was just nice and acted cool about it all, he'd leave me alone. In fact, it made him more agreessive, apparently.

No, I didn't get his license number; I wasn't thinking clearly - I was too freaked out I guess. But - I will take care of this.

I will call the BDSM house.

I will call my neighbors.

I will have my back door lock fixed.

I will see an attorney - Monday.

Thnaks for listening. It helps.

- Susan


I know by one poster you were told you were over reacting and not to call the police....Me personally I think that's wrong...and if I'm wrong better to over react than under react and be the idiots victim.  The police need to know so that they can start keeping a record.  You need to tell them every time this jerk comes around.   This I know from experience, it is necessary.

_____________________________

Being Domme it is a way of life for me, not a kink, but it's not the only thing that defines me. Get to know me as person, you might like what you find.

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 132
RE: Please advise me. I'm scared I am being stalked - 8/13/2006 6:47:16 PM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline 		i am glad to hear you have made a lot of progress and taken every ones advice and putting your self first...good for you...
 
i love you susan, i am sorry this was your first intro into the real part of this life, but it will only get better from here and to me it is a very good thing this happened in some ways because you are smarter and stronger...more informed and more aware...those are very good attributes to be walking your first steps into D-life with.
 
one more thing, i feel like i am reading a lot of fear and shame about the lifestyle between the lines of your post...which to be very honest is normal....but just like a lion can smell fear in a gazelle, a sexual predator has acutely developed senses to both of those emotions, which is like wearing a neon sign to  these folks.
 
just something to think about.
 
 



_____________________________


Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."




(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 133
RE: Please advise me. I'm scared I am being stalked - 8/13/2006 7:09:29 PM   
GddssBella


Posts: 343
Joined: 2/24/2004
Status: offline 		G'evening all:


I've come to this thread late. If I repeat any of the advice, just cull what you need from my post and ignore the rest. Remember, this advice is coming to you from a female in law enforcement. Here's what you do;
  1. Buy a can of O.C. Pepper Spray, since a police equipment store won't sell you chemical mace.
  2. Report this incident to the police. A physical description of the guy, where you encountered him, what he said, everything. If you can get his license plate number, ever better. Include your initial post.  
  3. Get a deadbolt on your door if you don't have one. Install locks on your windows and alarm the house. If you have a yappy dog, great. If not, buy a recording of a dog barking.
  4. Set up a safe call system with your family, friends, co-workers, etc. If you'd like further explanation, just ask.
  5. I saw someone mention a restraining order. If you can get the creep's personal information and lodge that order with your local precinct, DO IT.
  6. Next time, instead of driving home when you notice you're being followed, drive to a crowded location and notify someone, anyone, of your suspicions. This'll give you an extra witness. Preferably a gas station so you don't have to exit your vehicle. 

Gandalf's link is very informative and repeats many of the hints I've given. Whatever you do, do NOT take this lightly or sitting down. Act now, and be decisive. Next time, when your instincts are ~screaming~ to be a bitch and give some jerk his walking papers? Don't falter, follow your gut.

Sassy's advice about the keys is sound. Fan them in your fingers like brass knuckles between the gaps. Makes an impressive array of edges and points. Also think about hat pins. Or perhaps a nice wine corkscrew. *vweg*

Whip's suggestion of a camera/tape recorder isn't too shabby either, but I'd get a cell phone that incorporates it already. You did say you were planning on buying one anyway, correct?

I wholeheartedly second celtic's warning. No gun. If you're not trained in firearms use and possess the intent to kill, don't bother. You'll seize at the crucial moment. As for the keys situation, let's take this a step further. Don't store your insurance or registration in your vehicle. Simple.

Susan, for whatever you hold holy, stop posting the blow by blow personal information. As others have said, he may be reading the forum.

Personally, I'd like 5 minutes with the prick. He'd never try that crap again. *smiles sweetly*


Stay safe, play nice, & share your toys w/ others...





Bella

_____________________________

Life shouldn't be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly shouting..."Wow! What a ride!"

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 134
RE: Please advise me. I'm scared I am being stalked - 8/13/2006 7:16:33 PM   
shigglyboom


Posts: 110
Joined: 10/10/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress
one more thing, i feel like i am reading a lot of fear[...] between the lines of your post...


I agree.

Susan, I am glad you have taken definitive steps to protect yourself and expect you can probably rest in confidence now about your safety. Good for you for standing up for yourself so well.

Now to raise some other points about this thread:

There's been a lot of attention to mood-setting - the flavor of the neighborhood, Susan's outfit, the condition of the house. But are these things relevant to Susan's safety? Last I heard, dangerous people attended parties in all sorts of neighborhoods and picked on people in all sorts of clothes.

Being followed home is an extremely valid thing to be scared about; finding yourself at a place with unkempt grass is not. I have an overinventive imagination myself, so I take note when I include details like this. It's often a sign that I'm working myself up too much over something (beyond concern, veering on obsession) and want people to take my side.

That mindset can lead to bad decision-making (at least, it does in my case.) Like giving out far too much information on the web that anyone could read. Or giving the police more information than they need, so that the house could be shut down. Even though there are alternative munches in more desirable neighborhoods, it could be a shame for the other 12 people who were enjoying what seemed from your brief description to be a responsible and considerate (if unfortunately located) venue.

Just a couple things to think about now that you've got over the initial fright. You did exactly the right thing - next time I hope you will do it faster! Because I noticed that all of the very best ideas, like getting your neighbors involved, were ones you already had. You are a powerful person; all you need to do is add confidence to that.

And now how about writing to the mods and asking them to pull this thread so that no one else can read about your home security flaws?

<** - edited to add: Susan, I really am glad you're safe and I'm really glad you took the very strong actions you did. I think that a bunch of us can learn about our prejudices and ourselves from this thread... at least until the mods pull it.)

Be well,
shig




< Message edited by shigglyboom -- 8/13/2006 7:22:05 PM >

(in reply to crouchingtigress)
Profile   Post #: 135
RE: Please advise me. I'm scared I am being stalked - 8/13/2006 7:35:48 PM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline 		Gosh cant the mods just edit the info parts? i would hate to see it pulled when i think it still has a lot of value to all the participants in it. Wait, silly me, susan you can go back and edit the info parts actually.
 
great post shiggly, thanks for pointing out that a woman's outfit, and the neighbor hood she is in, have nothing to do with the sort of danger she put herself in. there are dangerous folks in every walk of life.
 
and i also get what you are saying about mind set, i had not thought of it in that sort of detail but i do so agree that one can work themselves into a place where the line between fantsy and reality can be blurred and bad decisions can be made from that place....(i have done it many a time)

_____________________________


Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."




(in reply to shigglyboom)
Profile   Post #: 136
RE: Please advise me. I'm scared I am being stalked - 8/13/2006 11:12:08 PM   
LoganCreed


Posts: 19
Joined: 7/21/2004
Status: offline 		Well I see that I have come to this particular thread a bit late but I hope that things contiue to move in a upward direction for you. Its nice to talk to someone in the midwest even if it is from the side of the state that  don't live in any more, originaly I'm from atlantic iowa now I'm in dubuque. But I digress

Not to harp on you but its the big brother syndrom in me to add my two cents worth in. Now I know that from now on you will be a bit more carefull when aproaching such things so a itty bitty tinny bit of good came from this but you really really do need to be carefull, for some reason the ladies that I talk to about the lifestyle all seem to want to run off and simply trust that those in the lifestyle are nice guys, hell yes most of us are nice normal devients *chuckles* But there are the rare freaks that even the most hardcore of us avoid and this putz sounds like one of those kinds, really please take to heart the advice that is been put here about safty, now in my case the advice doese come from me being a bit over protective and hearing some relitivly bad stories about similar situtations to yours, so I usaly advise my friends male and female alike that when going to an unknow bdsm club or even household don't go alone, have safe calls set up and know the teritory. That being said from a cop in trainings point of view the SECOND you felt threatend you call the cops at the ten minute mark when you looked outside and found him still there you call the police you can simply ask for a drive by if nothing else something to the effect of "Officer I was followed home from a club by a car its outside my house and hasnt left heres its licence plate number" yes there is an embaresment factor if you have to explain what club and why but personal safty trumps embaresment I would much rather blush a lot to a cop then be raped or hurt.

I'm not tyring to freak you out but things like this happen to freqently and have happend to people I've know who have not said anything because of the embaresment from the lifestyle angle. I hope that your meeting with the people at the club goes well but please please please take someone with you not only for safty but so you have a witness to what was said and while it may sound harsh or pariniod I would advise not going back to this "club" again alone or otherwise look into munches at least they are usaly at public places.

So that being said its nice ta meetcha I hope that your safe and would love to bs with a fellow midwestern sometime do you find it as hard as Myself and my girl do finding people in your area to hang out with who arent vanilla? I mean dubuque isn't that small but damn I cant find anyone that seems to be in the lifestyle we have a "alt club" but its preaty much just an average gay/trany bar and when you have two kids getting out of town to a munch in ceder rapids is difficult to say the least.

Well I'll stop my rambling for now please keep us all updated with progress and be well

Damion.

(in reply to Dauric)
Profile   Post #: 137
RE: Please advise me. I'm scared I am being stalked - 8/13/2006 11:17:19 PM   
zenofeller


Posts: 463
Joined: 6/10/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: popeye1250
Oh, Susan, that was a good idea for you to buy that 16 guage shotgun yesterday at the gun store!


Roflmao. The assault shotgun for perimeter defense. No, really. way to go. You are going to defend yourself in an urban setting, probably in a room, using a shotgun. What are you going to do, buldgeon someone ?



(in reply to popeye1250)
Profile   Post #: 138
RE: Please advise me. I'm scared I am being stalked - 8/14/2006 12:17:18 AM   
cruise


Posts: 1
Joined: 8/13/2006
Status: offline 		Hine sight is always 20/20 Susan. All these people have given you good solid advice. If nothing else ever comes of this, and I hope that is the case, then you've learned a very hard lesson. NEVER go to a club like that without a chaperone, male or female. Men will not push themselves on you if you are paired up with another female. Ive been a bouncer in some rough bars and the one advice that hit it on the nail was showing this guy that you have no weakness. She was right in saying that he would scurry away like a chuhuahua(sp). Guys like that prey on weakness, so dont show him any. Be strong, have your plan in order in case he does come around again, then execute that plan. One more thing, you arent bothering the bouncer by telling him that this guy is bugging you. On the contrary, that is what he is there for. Ive thrown out many a guy for bugging a lady. Bouncers have no tolerance for guys like that, and even if it turns out to be nothing, at least you have a set of trained eyes watching you and protecting you the rest of the night. Hope this helps in some way.

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 139
RE: Please advise me. I'm scared I am being stalked - 8/14/2006 1:07:23 AM   
FelinePersuasion


Posts: 4792
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline 		The website gandolf posted about stalkers says that restraining orders are useless and will likely further enrage a stalker.

quote:

ORIGINAL: GddssBella


  1. I saw someone mention a restraining order. If you can get the creep's personal information and lodge that order with your local

(in reply to GddssBella)
Profile   Post #: 140
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