RE: Do Doms (and Dommes) ever get tired of being "tough"? (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion



Message

SusanofO -> RE: Do Doms (and Dommes) ever get tired of being "tough"? (8/16/2006 9:39:12 AM)

Do subs/slaves ever get tired of not acting tough?

Yeah, I can. It doesn't happen often but - there have been times I've wanted to kick someone's butt, and felt like I had to act like a "helpless damsel" instead. I was raised with two sisters and no brothers - we girls learned how to defend ourselves, and we usually ended up using our brains vs. our (lack of) brawn to do it.

Like last week-end, when that potential stalker guy folllowed me home - I spent most of the night thinking up just what I'd do if he actually physically attacked me. I got all "Home Alone" (the McCauley Culkin movie) and thought up thinking about things like putting marbles on my sidewalk, etc.

I got some pretty good advice here on the boards re: How to physically defend myself, too (thanks everyone). If that makes me "unfeminine" - oh well. I'd rather stay alive.

- Susan 



SusanofO -> RE: Do Doms (and Dommes) ever get tired of being "tough"? (8/16/2006 9:42:53 AM)

Pimpernell: Sadly, I do think there is some truth to what you say; that some females do tend to lose respect for a "sensitive" man. However, I will caveat this by saying it is uuaully someone who just will not be quiet ever about their "feelings" and also someone who acts like they'd do nothing to protect a females in danger.

I once dated a guy who said if I was mugged he'd expect me to fend off my attacker (while he just stood there and watched, I guess). Was I turned off by this? Yeah, darn right I was. We broke up shortly after that, and that was a major reason, I must confess. But - he really was a wimp, not just someone unafraid of being ocassionally vulnerable (to me anyway).

- Susan



WhipTheHip -> RE: Do Doms (and Dommes) ever get tired of being "tough"? (8/16/2006 10:33:29 AM)

Hi Susan of O,
 
        Well, I am ***NEVER*** tough.  That is one trait completely
missing from my personality.   I don' have the flavor of a dominant,
but I am dominant.  A good question would be what makes me
dominant?   I am not comfortable as a follower, I am comfrotable 
as a leader.  I am not comfortable as an employee, I am
comfortable as employer.  When a problem needs to be solved,
I step up to tackle it, and expect others to let me tackle it. I've
had to stand up to bikers, to corrupt cops, to all kinds of tough
guys.  Females in the hotel I managed, always remarked that
they gained new respect for me after some confrontation I was
always having with guests who would challange my authority.
 
       It helps for the manager of a low rent hotel to have an
initimidating personality, otherwe guests think they can
walk all over you.   If you try to be a nice person, some
people will always try to challange you, and test you to
see how far they can get away things, so I was always
having to confront people.  Some low-class tough guys are
used to getting their way by initimadating people, only
I can't be intimidated.  Some of these guys who owed
money wouldn't believe when I would take their stuff while
they were gone, put it in storage, lock them out of their
rooms.  There were some nasty confrontations.  I never
liked guns, but found myself having to buy one, and
wearing one in holster around the hotel.  Just about
every guest supported me, because whenever a tough
guy moved in, he would try to intimidate my other
guests, and I would not allow that.  I once captured
a dangerous, wanted felon at gun point.  He had
broken into one my empty rooms and was high on
drugs. 
 
On the other hand, most of my guests and all
my employees loved me.  I prided myself on being
the best manager and best employer they ever
had.   I did everything to make my guests and
employees happy.  A this hotel there was an
esprit de corps I miss.  All my employees were
part of team, and very loyal to me.  I miss that
loyalty. and the comraderie we had.  I would
invite all my employees and guests into my
unit at night, and let them party. 
 
But I am not like a lot of domiant people.
Some dominant people can't stop and listen
to suggestions others have to make.  They
always have to do things their way.  They are
uncompromising.  They get angry or pissed
when challanged.  They exercise control over
the friends you have.  Or they don't want you
to have any friends but them. This is not me.
 
--michael
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 



SusanofO -> RE: Do Doms (and Dommes) ever get tired of being "tough"? (8/16/2006 10:35:27 AM)

Whip the Hip I just loved your post. I liked that you emphasized the difference between being a leader and being a Dominant a__hole (so true).

- Susan



popeye1250 -> RE: Do Doms (and Dommes) ever get tired of being "tough"? (8/16/2006 10:43:25 AM)

Susan!!! Marbles on your sidewalk?  You're BAD!!! lolol



Slipstreme -> RE: Do Doms (and Dommes) ever get tired of being "tough"? (8/16/2006 10:45:51 AM)

quote:

once dated a guy who said if I was mugged he'd expect me to fend off my attacker (while he just stood there and watched, I guess). Was I turned off by this? Yeah, darn right I was. We broke up shortly after that, and that was a major reason, I must confess. But - he really was a wimp, not just someone unafraid of being ocassionally vulnerable (to me anyway).


I'd have been pissed too. Frankly when you are with someone, I expect you to defend them with your life. My slave, the boys and I would all happily die to make sure the other is well protected. Of course that means if anyone did attack us, he would have 4 people to deal with not 1. :P I believe self sacrifice is the deepest committment you can make for another human being, and this I don't see as being part of acting tough, just part of being in love.

Just my beliefs, but I know push comes to shove, if anyone wanted to hurt my family, they would have to get past me first, and I know I would defend my family faster and probably better than I would defend myself. 



SusanofO -> RE: Do Doms (and Dommes) ever get tired of being "tough"? (8/16/2006 10:50:45 AM)

Slipstreme: Yeah - I agree. If someone had tried to mug him, I'd have certainly done my best to help fend them off, I was only asking for the same courtesy. He was a wimp, and I was turned off. I would not have been turned off, though, if he'd cried on my shoulder because his pet dog died, or something like that, though.

popeye: What can I say? I loved that movie, and the thought definitely crossed my mind...

- Susan



MistressDeAnnya -> RE: Do Doms (and Dommes) ever get tired of being "tough"? (8/16/2006 11:11:00 AM)

This is a good topic.
 
I have found that some subs/slaves feel like if Dom/mes are not "tough" all the time that they are not 'real.' Some are disappointed to find out that Im human.. (some are releive as well.)
But Ive had some tell me they dont want to be treated like a human, ever, that they want eat from a dog bowl,  never be praised or cherished, want to be put in a cage or drawer at all times when not being "used" ... etc.
 
Its just 'life' that we have to eat, shop and do things like everyone eles. Dom/mes do need rest in thier own homes. They have emotions like everyone eles, and are allowed to express them.
 
Alot of us Dom/mes know it isnt about 24/7 scenes, or acting "tough" all the time, but I have found that alot of subs/slaves do not.
 
Mistress DeAnnya



WhipTheHip -> RE: Do Doms (and Dommes) ever get tired of being "tough"? (8/16/2006 11:17:46 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO
But - he really was a wimp, not just someone unafraid of being ocassionally vulnerable (to me anyway).  - Susan


Hi Susan,
 
     I think a lot of females are looking first and foremost for a bodyguard, for
someone they feel safe with, for someone who will protect them from strangers.
Ironically, the chances of a female ever needing a bodyguard are one-in-
ten thousand.  On the other hand, the chances of a female getting hurt by
her macho bodyguard protector are much, much greater.  In fact, females
are a lot safer with the wimp with the good income who can afford to keep
her out of harms way.  When you live in a guarded community, and
you drive in low crime, safe upscale neighborhoods, and you sun bath
on a private yacht, your chances of needing a bodyguard are nill.
 
     Wimps often have brains to compensate for missing brawn.
Having been brought up in Detroit high society, and having had a
very sheltered childhood, I was once a wimp.  Having to manage
one of the lowest rent hotels on Earth, in one of the highest crime
cities on Earth, I had to learn quite a few survival skills. 
 
     At the hotel, I managed I saw females were always attracted to the
toughest, meanest looking dudes.  During my ten years as hotel manager
no female guest was ever attacked by a stranger.  While a large number
of my female guests were beaten by their mates.  At first I would try to
protect my female guests, but learned an awful lesson.  These
females would always return to the guy that beat them, and I would
gain a major enemy. 
 
    The truth is females are a lot safer with wimps than they are
with machos, because the person most likely to attack (and
maybe kill them) them is not a stranger but their lover.
 
     If you ever get attacked by a stranger with your partner
present, chances are your attacker will just shoot and
kill your partner.  Your partner's macho mojo is not likely
to help you.
 
    I think in a lot of ways female genetics are designed
for times when the biggest, strongest male was king
of the hill. 
 
With love, lashes and endless hugs,
Michael



CleoVale -> RE: Do Doms (and Dommes) ever get tired of being "tough"? (8/16/2006 11:24:11 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO

I've been thinking it's just a shame for someone to have to act "tough" all the time.
I personally wouldn't mind it if occasionally a Dom I'd have would just want to "let out" his troubles and whine to me about them. I wouldn't think less of them for it. Or think that they were a "wuss."

Maybe this isn't really very "bdsm-like" of me to this this. Oh well.
Any thoughts on this topic?

- Susan 


If anything, Susan, it *is* very "bdsm-like" of you to think this way.. at least in the real-world sense. Anyone that thinks they have to be tough and hard all the time (IMO) isnt very confident with their dominance. That may not be a popular opinion here, I dont know... but the people I know in the RT community hold it as the common one.

Being a dominant and a sadist.. its who I am - or rather a large part of who I am... but there are many facets to my personality and I dont feel that any Dom/me needs to try to be "on" all the time. If there is a submissive that doesnt understand or appreciate my laughter, concerns or flat out silliness at times.. then we are just not right for one another. Dominant or submissive, we are all human and just cant be "on" all the time.

just MHO, YMMV.
Cleo



Slipstreme -> RE: Do Doms (and Dommes) ever get tired of being "tough"? (8/16/2006 11:24:23 AM)

Being strong and being a protector are two different things.

Protection, in my eyes goes both ways. If you will not protect your lover in any way you can, then you have no business being with them.

Will you fight to protect the ones you love, even if you aren't physically capable of doing much? IMO the answer should always be yes, irregardless of how "macho" or "wimpy" you are. If you can fend them off with brains, all the better to you, but you should try to fend them off in any way possible. 

What her boyfriend seems to be saying, and I'm sure this is why it turned her off, was that his safety was more important than her. And, IMO, everyone in a relationship should feel like they are important enough to protect and cherish.



Homestead -> RE: Do Doms (and Dommes) ever get tired of being "tough"? (8/16/2006 11:26:03 AM)

It's not wimpy to avoid situations that are potentially dangerous, it's smart. I don't go to public places where there is known criminal activity. This whole body guard issue is a bunch of dated crap. Sure, I'll throw my body between the mugger with the hand gun, and my date. Then we can both get shot. How noble.



Homestead -> RE: Do Doms (and Dommes) ever get tired of being "tough"? (8/16/2006 11:30:06 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Slipstreme

Being strong and being a protector are two different things.

Protection, in my eyes goes both ways. If you will not protect your lover in any way you can, then you have no business being with them.

Will you fight to protect the ones you love, even if you aren't physically capable of doing much? IMO the answer should always be yes, irregardless of how "macho" or "wimpy" you are. If you can fend them off with brains, all the better to you, but you should try to fend them off in any way possible. 

What her boyfriend seems to be saying, and I'm sure this is why it turned her off, was that his safety was more important than her. And, IMO, everyone in a relationship should feel like they are important enough to protect and cherish.


I make it clear that I will only make reasonable attempts at protection, and my partner had best be smart enough not to put me in the position of choosing my life over hers. I don't expect salvation at the expense of another life-and I won't do double standards.

And unlike the rest of you, I won't even support the *fantasy*.



Slipstreme -> RE: Do Doms (and Dommes) ever get tired of being "tough"? (8/16/2006 11:35:14 AM)

But, would you stand by and do nothing, as your lover died at the hands of a madman? Could you possibly live with the guilt of having not tried anything to help the situation? Escape is the best route if possible. I'm sorry, I grew up believing that blood is thicker than water.

Thankfully though, such situations are rare, and hopefully those of you who would do nothing will never have to live with that burden. 




MistressDeAnnya -> RE: Do Doms (and Dommes) ever get tired of being "tough"? (8/16/2006 11:36:00 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: WhipTheHip

quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO
But - he really was a wimp, not just someone unafraid of being ocassionally vulnerable (to me anyway).  - Susan


Hi Susan,
 
     I think a lot of females are looking first and foremost for a bodyguard, for
someone they feel safe with, for someone who will protect them from strangers.
Ironically, the chances of a female ever needing a bodyguard are one-in-
ten thousand.  On the other hand, the chances of a female getting hurt by
her macho bodyguard protector are much, much greater.  In fact, females
are a lot safer with the wimp with the good income who can afford to keep
her out of harms way.  When you live in a guarded community, and
you drive in low crime, safe upscale neighborhoods, and you sun bath
on a private yacht, your chances of needing a bodyguard are nill.
 
     Wimps often have brains to compensate for missing brawn.
Having been brought up in Detroit high society, and having had a
very sheltered childhood, I was once a wimp.  Having to manage
one of the lowest rent hotels on Earth, in one of the highest crime
cities on Earth, I had to learn quite a few survival skills. 
 
     At the hotel, I managed I saw females were always attracted to the
toughest, meanest looking dudes.  During my ten years as hotel manager
no female guest was ever attacked by a stranger.  While a large number
of my female guests were beaten by their mates.  At first I would try to
protect my female guests, but learned an awful lesson.  These
females would always return to the guy that beat them, and I would
gain a major enemy. 
 
    The truth is females are a lot safer with wimps than they are
with machos, because the person most likely to attack (and
maybe kill them) them is not a stranger but their lover.
 
     If you ever get attacked by a stranger with your partner
present, chances are your attacker will just shoot and
kill your partner.  Your partner's macho mojo is not likely
to help you.
 
    I think in a lot of ways female genetics are designed
for times when the biggest, strongest male was king
of the hill. 
 
With love, lashes and endless hugs,
Michael


You speak truths on that. Well said.
 
Mistress DeAnnya



WhipTheHip -> RE: Do Doms (and Dommes) ever get tired of being "tough"? (8/16/2006 12:40:44 PM)

Hi Slipstream,
 
quote:

ORIGINAL: Slipstreme
But, would you stand by and do nothing, as your lover died at the hands of a madman?


Americans watch far too many Hollywood movies and way too much television. 
In the real world, madmen rarely go around attacking people, and when they do
like Son of Sam, there is very little anyone can do but get shot.  I would
risk my life to help any good person, and certainly do all I could to help
someone I loved, someone who was my reason for living.  But I'm a realist.
I don't act impetuously.   If I can't help the person I love, I am not going
to throw my life away out of some silly Hollywood notion of chivilry.
Since, I am dominant I take full responsibiity for being where I am and
where my partner is anytime.  If I thought, I had any chance of being able
to help my soul-mate of course I would do so.  But unlike television
and Hollywood movies that never is the case.   This whole scenerio
is so abstract, so far-fetched and so fictional, I think it is impossible
for anyone to say what they would do. 
 
I've been in a lot of life threatening situations and have always used
my head not my brawn to get out safely.  I have no fear walking in
the most dangerous neighborhoods, and dealing with the most
dangerous people.  I have a way with dealing with people who are
mad, and I have a way with dealing with people who are psychotic.
I gained a lot of experience managing the hotel I managed. 
 
People who hire bodyguards often find they have more to fear from
their bodyguards, than the people they fear.  High testosterone
guys with big muscles tend to be aggressive.  I guess a lot of
females are attracted to super aggressiveness guys with high
testosterone and big muscles .
 
With compassion, understanding, and empathy,
Michael
 



Slipstreme -> RE: Do Doms (and Dommes) ever get tired of being "tough"? (8/16/2006 1:52:35 PM)

I didnt say the scenerio was realistic, and did mention it is thankful it is a rareity, nor did I say acting in a way that would do nothing to aid the situation. You read too far into such posts, and thus I feel (I'm not accusing you of anything, just that is how I feel) that in your response, you are making me seem as if I am an irrational testocerone laden bully type guy, or that I support such people. Quite the opposite. What I was saying was hypothetical. I just wanted to make sure that you wouldnt at least try to do something to help. I did not specify how, and what specific events led to whatever might happen, and didnt even really make an attempt at a real life example. That was just the first thing that came to mind. (Want a real life example though? Try, someone breaking into your house. That does happen frequently, and someone did try my house while I was sitting here typing a few months ago, didnt even have the common courtesy to make sure no one was home).  



WhipTheHip -> RE: Do Doms (and Dommes) ever get tired of being "tough"? (8/16/2006 2:20:50 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Slipstreme
Being strong and being a protector are two different things. Protection, in my eyes goes both ways. If you will not protect your lover in any way you can, then you have no business being with them. Will you fight to protect the ones you love, even if you aren't physically capable of doing much? IMO the answer should always be yes, irregardless of how "macho" or "wimpy" you are. If you can fend them off with brains, all the better to you, but you should try to fend them off in any way possible. What her boyfriend seems to be saying, and I'm sure this is why it turned her off, was that his safety was more important than her. And, IMO, everyone in a relationship should feel like they are important enough to protect and cherish.


Discretion is the better part of valor.    Some guys employ reason and common sense, and some guys react emotionally and instinctually. 
 
>  If you will not protect your lover in any way you can, then you have no business being with them.

When push comes to shove, you never know how people will until the situation arises.  I've learned
from experience there are a lot of people that trumpet their bravado, and their nobelness, yet
when the time comes, it may be the wimp that steps up to the plate, not the one blowing lots
of smoke.
 
> Will you fight to protect the ones you love, even if you aren't physically capable of doing
> much? IMO the answer should always be yes,

This is both silly and stupid.  If you aren't physically capable of doing much, then
you can't protect the ones you love from an imminent attack by vicious thugs.
Fignting in such circumstances helps no one.  Fighting back in such
circumstances may cause even more harm to the one you love by enraging
the assailants.  This whole scenerio for the most part just happens on
television and in Hollywood movies, because it strikes such a chord in the
primal human psyche. 
 
> What her boyfriend seems to be saying, and I'm sure this is why it turned her off,
> was that his safety was more important than her.

No, that is not what her boyfriend said.  Her boyfriend said he is not
much of a fighter and would not be much use if she were attacked,
that if he tried to fight back he most likely would make matters worse.
 
> And, IMO, everyone in a relationship should feel like they are important
> enough to protect and cherish.

I agree. 



Fawne -> RE: Do Doms (and Dommes) ever get tired of being "tough"? (8/16/2006 3:09:38 PM)

Susan: many great answers! Pretty much all say the same- Dominants are multi dimensional real people.
Would we want less? 

Nothing to add except- there are many charming gentlemen ... I wish this in the kindest way... pick a nice one, please- go for it! [:)] 

Love, fawne



Slipstreme -> RE: Do Doms (and Dommes) ever get tired of being "tough"? (8/16/2006 5:33:49 PM)


quote:

Discretion is the better part of valor.    Some guys employ reason and common sense, and some guys react emotionally and instinctually. 
 
>  If you will not protect your lover in any way you can, then you have no business being with them.

When push comes to shove, you never know how people will until the situation arises.  I've learned
from experience there are a lot of people that trumpet their bravado, and their nobelness, yet
when the time comes, it may be the wimp that steps up to the plate, not the one blowing lots
of smoke.
 
> Will you fight to protect the ones you love, even if you aren't physically capable of doing
> much? IMO the answer should always be yes,

This is both silly and stupid.  If you aren't physically capable of doing much, then
you can't protect the ones you love from an imminent attack by vicious thugs.
Fignting in such circumstances helps no one.  Fighting back in such
circumstances may cause even more harm to the one you love by enraging
the assailants.  This whole scenerio for the most part just happens on
television and in Hollywood movies, because it strikes such a chord in the
primal human psyche. 
 
> What her boyfriend seems to be saying, and I'm sure this is why it turned her off,
> was that his safety was more important than her.

No, that is not what her boyfriend said.  Her boyfriend said he is not
much of a fighter and would not be much use if she were attacked,
that if he tried to fight back he most likely would make matters worse.
 
> And, IMO, everyone in a relationship should feel like they are important
> enough to protect and cherish.

I agree. 




I think I'm going to step out of this conversation, because it seems we can only agree to disagree, and frankly, going back and forth about it is only giving me a headache, not to mention, it isn't exactly the topic of the thread at all, but a tangent.



Page: <<   < prev  1 2 [3] 4   next >   >>

Valid CSS!




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy
0.03125