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Sex and play - 8/16/2006 10:41:22 AM

cr0ckdile

Posts: 63
Joined: 12/5/2005
Status: offline

How many of you implicitly accept sex as a part of play (I'm strictly referring to short-term partners) and expect it when you decide to hook up with someone for a play scene?

Maybe it's highfalutinly romantic of me, but I'd rather keep the two separate, and only make love to someone I am in love with.

Thoughts? Opinions? Concerns?

Post #: 1

RE: Sex and play - 8/16/2006 10:45:25 AM

SusanofO

Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline

I've mostly assumed for many people, that the two will go together.

But that isn't always true, especially in the case, perhaps, of married people. Because I know I've seen ads from Doms who say things like "no sex" (because they are married). They can't be the only ones who feel the way you do, either.

Personally, if it's a first-time experience with someone else, for me, I want it to be my choice or not whether I do have sex - I don't just want it to be an expectation that it will happen, so it's probably something that's best to discuss up front with the other person.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 8/16/2006 10:47:18 AM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to cr0ckdile)

Post #: 2

RE: Sex and play - 8/16/2006 10:45:56 AM

SweetSarijane

Posts: 3788
Joined: 10/7/2005
From: KC area Missouri
Status: offline

To each their own, but me personally when I play it can be sensual at times but not sexual. I bottom to Sadists. I'm a masochist and love a good beating. Now when I submit fully to a Dom in time then it will be sexual as well.

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Deviant Mind
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(in reply to cr0ckdile)

Post #: 3

RE: Sex and play - 8/16/2006 10:46:11 AM

zumala

Posts: 1121
Joined: 6/16/2005
Status: offline

I definately don't, but then again, I think I tend to be the exception to the 'rule' on some things. I won't engage in sex with anyone besides my husband. There might be sexual overtones in some situations, but no actual sex with someone else.

zuma

(in reply to cr0ckdile)

Post #: 4

RE: Sex and play - 8/16/2006 10:46:20 AM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

As a general rule I don't engage sexually with casual play partners. Now, that is not to say that there is not a sexual side effect of the play, or even a sexual aspect to the play.

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When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to cr0ckdile)

Post #: 5

RE: Sex and play - 8/16/2006 10:48:22 AM

Homestead

Posts: 1005
Status: offline

I'll play casually if I think there is a possibility of something worthwhile beyond it.

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 6

RE: Sex and play - 8/16/2006 10:48:25 AM

Majik

Posts: 358
Joined: 4/24/2005
Status: offline

Never with causal play partners, but I do with my ltr partner.

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 7

RE: Sex and play - 8/16/2006 10:48:32 AM

Slipstreme

Posts: 817
Joined: 1/1/2006
Status: offline

I'm sexually loyal. Only three people get to enjoy me sexually. I am not sadomasochistically loyal, and thus have multiple partners, there but sex with them is a hard limit.

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Painslut? How about "Endorphin Junkie"?

For information about "the furry thing" please check out my profile journal entry for: 1/17/2006

Alpha of a leather family of four. Master to the slave z.

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 8

RE: Sex and play - 8/16/2006 10:49:39 AM

PlayfulOne

Posts: 1047
Status: offline

You mentions sex, and then you mention making love, those two are not neccesarily one and the same.

K

(in reply to Majik)

Post #: 9

RE: Sex and play - 8/16/2006 10:49:46 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: cr0ckdile
How many of you implicitly accept sex as a part of play (I'm strictly referring to short-term partners) and expect it when you decide to hook up with someone for a play scene?

Maybe it's highfalutinly romantic of me, but I'd rather keep the two separate, and only make love to someone I am in love with.

Thoughts? Opinions? Concerns?

I have sex with someone when I feel like it and when they've agreed to it. Or if I am owned, when they say.

I do not expect sex from anyone at anytime. Even if we've been partners for years and we've had a special "all sex all weekend" thing planned, if they aren't up for it, it doesn't happen.

But I can and do enjoy sex with someone I met five minutes ago.

I'm the type who can have completely anonymous fun sex, and intensely emotional bonding sex.

Do whatever works for you.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to cr0ckdile)

Post #: 10

RE: Sex and play - 8/16/2006 10:52:22 AM

raiken

Posts: 868
Joined: 10/18/2005
Status: offline

For myself, either play or sex or both, i have to at least be "heavily in like" with the partner i am playing and/or sexing with. There has to be an established friendship or connection of some sort. After that is in place, then it becomes about mutual trust and respect. It also depends upon the partner i am with whether sex comes into play or not. i equate both sex and play with strong feelings. i can't just go to a club or party and play with a stranger. The way i express my affections and intmacy is through the way i play, much the same as sex.

(in reply to cr0ckdile)

Post #: 11

RE: Sex and play - 8/16/2006 10:55:57 AM

Homestead

Posts: 1005
Status: offline

I've played casually with strangers and then had them want to follow me home.

Something about me does that. So I tend to be very cautious. And if it's someone who will fuck someone within five minutes of meeting them? That squicks me, and screams "high risk" to my std phobia-no way.

(in reply to raiken)

Post #: 12

RE: Sex and play - 8/16/2006 11:01:38 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

I would never accept the idea that sex would be an expected part of play. I have not had sex innnnnnn....... almost a year now, and not much in the months before that. Alot of my play is mental so it certainly does not require sex. The last physical play I participated in I did not have sex either. It was a part of the situation's mental play, she expected it......therefor, of course, she did not get it. Also a big part of that is the intimacy of sex is for ME tied to my emotional bonds with the person I am sharing it with. I will not share that part of myself with very many people.

< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 8/16/2006 12:00:34 PM >

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Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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Post #: 13

RE: Sex and play - 8/16/2006 11:16:33 AM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

Sex and play always go together for me and mine. Neither of us really see the use of the play without sex being incorporated or following thereafter. That is just our ideal and I realize that not all folks share it which is fine.

Do what makes you happy.

~Lashra and slutjack

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 14

RE: Sex and play - 8/16/2006 11:31:49 AM

Bearlee

Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
Status: offline

When I'm in a relationship...my BDSM play almost always includes sex.

Right now, I'm not in a relationship, but enjoy BDSM with a few very close friends. It does not include sex...though I suppose it might.

I will play casually at a club, where I feel quite safe, but again, it does not include sex; and I learn a lot.

beverly

(in reply to Lashra)

Post #: 15

RE: Sex and play - 8/16/2006 3:08:04 PM

diamonddreamlove

Posts: 770
Joined: 5/19/2006
Status: offline

For me play without sex would not be satisfying, however i don't just play with anyone either. Am very picky and choosy and will not even play with someone i am not well acquainted with.

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(in reply to Bearlee)

Post #: 16

RE: Sex and play - 8/16/2006 7:56:42 PM

angielouwhos

Posts: 87
Joined: 7/9/2006
Status: offline

For me "play" can be without sex and be very great and intimate. Service in itself can be wonderful and still have a sense of closeness to it. I can flush from being told to do some service item like ironing clothes. That includes people I have known for a long time or short time.

Sex also can be part of something short term too, buts its not a given and is tied more to what the man/woman in charge and his/her desires. I can have sex without a deep emotional commitment buts its always better if there is one of those.

(in reply to cr0ckdile)

Post #: 17

RE: Sex and play - 8/16/2006 8:03:43 PM

popeye1250

Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline

I don't have "casual" partners.
I'm pretty much monogomous.

(in reply to angielouwhos)

Post #: 18

RE: Sex and play - 8/16/2006 8:56:37 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

I do not know what you mean....Perhaps I am dense.

I would not play with someone that I did not want or desire a more longterm situation with. Sex is usually a part of my play. I can play and have sex before I am in love, but I want to REALLY like someone before I go there and want to see more of them.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

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Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to cr0ckdile)

Post #: 19

RE: Sex and play - 8/16/2006 9:13:00 PM

Emperor1956

Posts: 2370
Joined: 11/7/2005
Status: offline

As LA says, it depends on how you are wired; Me? I'm basically wired that I don't want to have sex, or D/s interaction, with anyone I'm not strongly attracted to beyond simple lust.

I wasn't always this choosy -- I got old, or I got wise. I'm not sure which.

What confuses Me is all the folks above who say "play, but no sex, but yes the play is very sexual..." etc. This is the old (post-Clinton) definition quandry...what's sex? Is any penetration of anyone by anything sex? Is fellatio sex (I sure think it is...I've been told by several 25-and-unders that its not quite sex). When I engage in D/s "play" there is a lot of very sensual stroking, touching, kissing...even if nothing gets penetrated or elevated (except, we hope, endorphin levels and maybe conciousness). I can't believe that all this "play but no sex" is two fully clothed people hurling epithets at eachother across a room. So when you say "B/D/S/M but no sex" (or the many variants) what DO you mean?*

E.

_____________________________
*That reminds me of a joke. Ole and Lena (in NoDak where my wife grew up, you tell Ole and Lena jokes...its Norwegian) have been married for 60 years, and they want to try something new. One night, they are sitting together after dinner, and Lena says "Fuck you, Ole". Ole smiles, and says "Fuck YOU, Lena" Lena leans forward and whispers "fuck you, Ole" and Ole replies "FUCK YOU, Lena". And Lena says....you know Ole, this oral sex ain't so great...

_____________________________

"When you wake up, Pooh," said Piglet, "what's the first thing you say?"
"What's for breakfast? What do you say, Piglet?"
"I say, I wonder what's going to happen exciting today?"
Pooh nodded thoughtfully.
"It's the same thing," he said.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 20

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