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[Poll]

Attractive married men cheating on their wives...

are a turn off because of dishonesty

37% (39)

are more attractive than the same man if he is single

3% (4)

are a turn on, but I would not date one myself

1% (2)

used to turn me on until I slept w/ one

1% (2)

neutral, would sleep w/ him & keep his secret if I liked him

7% (8)

should divorce & become poly if they seek variety

14% (15)

used to turn me off until I dated one who told me he was single

0% (1)

are a turn off for another reason

7% (8)

are great for sex because they don't get clingy

9% (10)

are the majority of dominant men that I have met

10% (11)

r a big% of the responses I get, tho I asked them not to reply

4% (5)

Total Votes : 105

(last vote on : 11/9/2009 6:38:01 AM)
(Poll will run till: -- )

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RE: Attractive married men cheating on their wives... - 8/17/2006 8:54:37 AM

zumala

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I find nothing about cheaters or cheating attractive.

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RE: Attractive married men cheating on their wives... - 8/17/2006 9:44:52 AM

Crake

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I didn't define attractive as "pretty" when I posed the question. You defined it that way in your answer. What makes a man attractive is totally subjective. For some cheating is unattractive, for others (13% of the poll so far) it is a factor that adds to their attraction. I am interested in the differences between these two general camps and the experiences that led them to their stances.

< Message edited by Crake -- 8/17/2006 9:47:47 AM >

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RE: Attractive married men cheating on their wives... - 8/17/2006 10:12:09 AM

SavageFaerie

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Bearlee, thank you for your honesty

That had to be a hard thing for you to do.

I cant and dont think any less of you for it, I actually admire your guts to admit it here, as I have seen other thread where you also defended 'cheating'

Unless one was a virgin with the partner in sight 24/7, this is always a slight chance everyone has per say cheated, which was my whole point.

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RE: Attractive married men cheating on their wives... - 8/17/2006 10:16:17 AM

SavageFaerie

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Crake

I didn't define attractive as "pretty" when I posed the question. You defined it that way in your answer. What makes a man attractive is totally subjective. For some cheating is unattractive, for others (13% of the poll so far) it is a factor that adds to their attraction. I am interested in the differences between these two general camps and the experiences that led them to their stances.

How can there be 2 general camps? Serious question...way to many ways to define lying and cheating.

edited because after checking three time I still mispelled a word

< Message edited by SavageFaerie -- 8/17/2006 10:17:16 AM >

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RE: Attractive married men cheating on their wives... - 8/17/2006 11:10:36 AM

LaTigresse

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I learned a long time ago that to judge anothers actions based on my limited point of view/information is wrong. No one can know what drives another person to say/do what they do. All that matters is how that person's actions affect myself and those I love. For myself, I also have the control as to how I will allow their actions to affect me. If I was in a loving, committed relationship and I found out my partner strayed/lied I would, of course, be upset. Second I would have to determine if the relationship was being neglected and therefor if I shared some of the responsibility for the problem. Thirdly I would determine if the relationship could be salvaged and under what terms. That is for ME and MY life. What anyone else does is their business not mine.

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RE: Attractive married men cheating on their wives... - 8/17/2006 11:18:46 AM

shivvy

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i have come and gone to this thread so many times today, thinking about wot i should say, but after reading all the posts, and thinking about wot i think... i would agree with RavenMuse... it's not the fact that people 'cheat' on their significant others, but all the lies.

my first Master woz married. when i first met Him, He told me He woz seperated and getting a divorce... He woz well older than me, and i just trusted Him and believed Him... about 3 months later, i found out He woz still marriedbut by that time, i woz well into D/s and bdsm, and i just couldn't have left Him. in all honesty, even though i woz well gutted, the thought about leaving prolly neva even crossed my mind.

if i hada been more switched on, i would prolly have known earlier, but i spose you just see wot you wanna see, don't you? we split up 2.5 years ago when He moved to somerset with His wife and 3 unmentionables, and He dismissed me from His service, but to my knowledge they are still together. Him and His wife are both really posh, and i'm not and like i said, BIG age gap, so we would neva have worked out anyway...

Still, like Master says, everything wot happened before brought me to wear i am today, and i'm happy to here

- i just wish people would tell the truth... they would be surprised how well people deal with it.

luv and Respect,

shiv
-x-

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RE: Attractive married men cheating on their wives... - 8/17/2006 11:22:13 AM

redpetals

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these poll questions show much forethought
i will be very interested to see how the majority of the voters feel

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RE: Attractive married men cheating on their wives... - 8/17/2006 1:12:35 PM

sleazybutterfly

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Crake

thanks for a useful story. much more refreshing than the opinions of whether or not one should cheat others have posted. would you say he was more attractive than a single man because you knew it would be sex only with him and that's all you wanted at the time?

Hmm.. I don't honestly know. I found them all attractive in different ways. I can't say whether I would have been more or less attracted to them had they not been married, since I knew from the very beginning they were.

I am still in contact with one and we have talked about starting our affair back up. The thought of this excites us both a lot. I know that anytime he talks to me, I ache from the first words, not sure if it would be the same if he were single. There is a sexual charge that perhaps would not be there if he were, I can say that. I mean, there aren't day to day details we need to deal with. Our conversations are more what we want to do to each other, or we talk of past sexual exploits. When we get together, it won't be to talk about our next date, or how work was, it will be for the plain and simple pleasure of having sex till we can't take anymore. I think that is a different type of relationship all the way around.

~Andrea

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RE: Attractive married men cheating on their wives... - 8/17/2006 1:29:52 PM

Vancouver_cinful

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Personally, NO man is the slightest bit attractive if he's a lying, cheating, coward.

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RE: Married men cheating on their wives... - 8/17/2006 1:32:57 PM

Vancouver_cinful

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quote:

ORIGINAL: captiveplatypus

Although there is one guy I was fooling around with and later found out not only is he married, but he's a pastor. For some reason that got me hot,

::sputtering coffee all over my monitor::

Ya, what the hell is up with that?? I was raised an agnostic, and I still have priest fantasies. Eeek!

<-- is going to hell, one way or another

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RE: Attractive married men cheating on their wives... - 8/17/2006 6:52:23 PM

MysticFireTopaz

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Crake
I didn't define attractive as "pretty" when I posed the question. You defined it that way in your answer. What makes a man attractive is totally subjective. For some cheating is unattractive, for others (13% of the poll so far) it is a factor that adds to their attraction. I am interested in the differences between these two general camps and the experiences that led them to their stances.

Well, I certainly don't find cheating married men attractive, but I have had some female friends and acquaintances who apparently do, since they knowingly got involved with them. Here is what I can gather about why they find married men attractive based on their behavior and what they have told Me:

"Sue" is in a loveless marriage but does not want to leave due to financial circumstances and children still at home. Since she is cheating herself, she has no qualms about getting involved with a married man. In fact, she feels a married man will give her fewer problems.
"Grace" was strung along for years by a married man who claimed he would eventually leave his wife and marry her. She found him attractive because of his power and position. Well, guess what? He did leave his wife, and he did NOT marry her.
"Tina" is a married former colleague who exchanged sexual favors for promotion. She is married herself and her "mentor" was married as well. To her, anyone who could help her meet her goals was attractive, married or not.
"Carla" is now a born-again Christian, but before her awakening, she preferred to get involved with married men. She enjoyed lording it over their heads that she was a free bird, while they were lucky to have her, since so few women would get involved with a married man. She also felt they didn't get around as much, but she may be mistaken about that. She also intimated that they were financially generous to her.

I happen to disagree with all of the above, but it does shed some light on why some women would find cheating married men attractive.

Lady Topaz

< Message edited by MysticFireTopaz -- 8/17/2006 7:11:59 PM >

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RE: Attractive married men cheating on their wives... - 8/17/2006 11:29:11 PM

Crake

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coward? there is nothing courageous about risking destruction of a marriage? nothing courageous about doing the "wrong" thing?

to quote Ayn Rand: "Why do they always teach us that it's easy and evil to do what we want and that we need discipline to restrain ourselves? It's the hardest thing in the world – to do what we want. And it takes the greatest kind of courage. I mean, what we really want."

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RE: Attractive married men cheating on their wives... - 8/17/2006 11:53:48 PM

sleazybutterfly

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Crake

coward? there is nothing courageous about risking destruction of a marriage? nothing courageous about doing the "wrong" thing?

to quote Ayn Rand: "Why do they always teach us that it's easy and evil to do what we want and that we need discipline to restrain ourselves? It's the hardest thing in the world – to do what we want. And it takes the greatest kind of courage. I mean, what we really want."

I will say I do have to agree with you. It was easy for me not to do things that maybe were a little risky, or that might not be good things. There is this part of me though, that needed those men. I can't explain it, I won't try. It was something I always said I wouldn't do, or I looked down on others for doing. I could not believe that I not only allowed it to happen, but that I enjoyed it so much. There was a bit of a thrill in it for me, for him. That chance you might be found out, the thought she might smell my perfume on his clothes or skin. These feelings are probably not PC, but they are mine all the same. This might make me bad in others eyes, but I cannot help what anyone else thinks. This life is very short and happiness must be taken when found, sometimes we can't pick the form it takes.

Andrea

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RE: Attractive married men cheating on their wives... - 8/18/2006 12:05:43 AM

crouchingtigress

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here are some reasons why it is a bad idea:

• There are many people involved, more than just the two of you. You would have to deal with the guilt of inflicting emotional pain on his spouse and kids. Though you could convince yourself that what they don’t know wouldn’t hurt them, the fact is that what you’re doing would most certainly ruin them. When you’re playing with hearts, you’re playing with lives, and such is a very sensitive matter. Many lives are destroyed because of the pains of the heart. Plus you may be hurting your own family too they love you and would have great difficulty having him to a family event that is assuming he would even come.

• Dating a married man entails a lot of restrictions. You cannot be seen in public places together. He could only call when he could find the time away from his family and friends. You cannot visit him at the workplace. These can be too much to bear for anyone. when you fall you cant call him at home to rush over and help you get to the doctor, when you are done fucking, he has to rush home, no cuddles and staying up all night.

• Dating a married man entails a lot of sacrifices. Though you should be hailed for the capacity of your heart to extend such amount of love, you will receive no praises. You cannot have him all for yourself, you know that much. And though it takes an extraordinary kind of love to pursue such a course, you will still encounter a lot of pains along the way. your freinds will distrust you and or think less of you so will every one you tell.

• Dating a married man could possibly stigmatize you with a lot of condemnable titles. Hence, another reason why you should keep the affair a secret. This could be too much to take for most people. You will have to muster enough internal fortitude to deal with this kind of life.Can you imagine being madly in love with some one and not being able to share it with those closest to you?

• Dating a married man has a high possibility of being pointless if he’s not even contemplating on leaving his spouse. And even if he is indeed thinking about filing a divorce, you would still have to live with the guilt of being a party to a process that ruined a family.And then too, as he tired of her so may he tire of you, and the cycle of pain lonlyness guilt fear and emotional wreckage continues this time with you in the wifes role, seeing first hand your heart being ripped out as he scoots out of your life...

blech. who would want that? i cheated once when i was 13, it was awful i will never do it again....

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RE: Attractive married men cheating on their wives... - 8/18/2006 12:48:39 AM

mommysgoodgirl

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I am a female submissive and my last domme was married. Oh, that is definitely not a good situation. She was always sneaking around and had many secrets from me. It was impossible to fully trust her because I could tell she was being dishonest with her husband and many times caught her in half-truths and blatant lies with me. I sent her flowers at home and she practically made a federal case out of it. And I thought that I was being a good submissive.... My suggestion is to avoid dating married men or women. They are breaking a solemn vow to their spouse...how can you possibly trust them with anything they tell you?

< Message edited by mommysgoodgirl -- 8/18/2006 12:50:31 AM >

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RE: Attractive married men cheating on their wives... - 8/18/2006 7:12:43 PM

girl4you2

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(fast reply to thread OP)
i think the choice is one each person has to make taking into consideration his or her own circumstances as well as that of the other person to potentially involve him or herself with. while i have my own opinions (very definite ones) about it, they are just that, and i've no right to put them on anyone else.

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RE: Attractive married men cheating on their wives... - 8/18/2006 8:03:18 PM

corsetgirl

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I agree with Cuddleheart! A long time ago, I worked in physical therapy and knew a classmate who just graduated from high school and he was seeing an older woman who was estranged from her husband.

The estranged husband came to the woman's house, caught them in bed together, started boiling water and poured the water all over this kid's genital region! This guy went through the embarassment of getting whirlpool treatments for the burned area and going to court to prosecute the husband who pled guilty on a lesser charge and got probation for assault.

I also knew an ex-roommates sister who sustained a black eye from an angry wife of the husband who was fooling around.

I have no problems with married people going outside of the marriage but I believe in being open and honest with each other as well as having respect to certain limits. Not all BDSM play necessarily involves sex, either.

< Message edited by corsetgirl -- 8/18/2006 8:08:54 PM >

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