RE: Attractive married men cheating on their wives...

I am going to answer this ignoring the 'attractive' part. Attractive is far too subjective a word to even bother with.

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1) are a turn off because of dishonesty

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2) are more attractive than the same man if he is single

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3) are a turn on, but I would not date one myself

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4) used to turn me on until I slept w/ one

False

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5) used to turn me off until I dated one who told me he was single

Cannot answer - no experience.

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6) neutral, would sleep w/ him & keep his secret if I liked him

Depends upon the situation - you need to elabourate.

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7) should divorce & become poly if they seek variety

Two questions that do not really relate. So possibly true and the second part - False.

Possibly true, because I truely believe that if you cannot be fulfilled in marriage, you should be true to yourself and move on. But it's possibly... simply because it isn't my choice to make for the other person, nor to judge. So the response is as if that married person has asked me my personal choice.(if that makes semse)

And False. Just because a man - or woman - cheats, does not mean they are poly. Common misconception.

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8) are a turn off for another reason

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9) are great for sex because they don't get clingy

Cannot answer - no experience of clingy men, married or otherwise, dominant or otherwise.

One is making assumptions on a person without knowing the back ground or even taking into consideration the situation, even before you have met such a person. How do you know it isn't in reverse? That the person they are married to isn't the one who is causing the disrespect? Is it great they are cheating? Not in your eyes obviously. But there is sometimes alot more to cheating than a simple fuck in a cheap hotel.

If a married person was to leave their partner to be with another - that does not imply that it will happen to you. Thinking that way is saing that your relationship is exactly the same, and that is impossible. All relationships are different.

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i'm a bit iffy on the should divorce and become poly. i think they should do what they can to save their marriage instead of going outside of it, including perhaps introducing the idea of poly to their spouse (if workable), and only divorce as a last resort. i also don't necessarily think people who cheat do so because they're meant to be poly; some people are just dishonest. but then again, some people who cheat would do well to divorce and become poly. so it depends on the person.

Saving a marriage is not the be and end of all. Saving the relationship counts - remaining friends, yes. But saving a relationship because of marriage? Thats a guilt trip no one should have to suffer.

And I repeat as I said before, people are assuming that because a person cheats, they must be poly(I understand you are not). That is bollocks. People who cheat, are not always 'just dishonest'. People make judgements without knowing the full extent and it is always unwise to judge on limited knowledge.

For some people, commitments do change. Life changes and evolves constantly... full stop. Marriage and being married should not be used as a guilt trip.

Whilst I don't disagree with what you have to say - your looking at the whole situation from only one side and using huge generalisations on other peoples relationships. But why? Its not your relationship - your not involved - you dont want to ever get involved... then thats all there is to be said about it. Does it matter if you think that they are cheating? Nope... your ideas are irrelevant. Does it matter if you think they are unattractive? Nope... again - makes not difference except to you own little world and your own little circle of friends.

You are making assumptions that the spouse is devoted. How would you know? You don't - you are making assumptions on not knowing and not even wanting to know a given situation. These people are human beings. They have feelings, needs and desires just like you and I. You have no idea where they are right now - how they got into that position and what will happen in the future. Of course there will be people who are serial fuckers who have the happy wife or husband at home... but your choosing to hate and label - and essentially that is what you are displaying - a section of people based on your perception of what cheating is. And perception doesnt make reality.

And why on earth should anyone married or otherwise, be expected to settle?

I know - which is why I wrote (I know you are not) in brackets in my response.[;)]

yes, life changes. yes, marriage changes. however, if you're married to someone, you still have an obligation to be honest to them within the boundaries of the relationship. if you can't do that, then you need to get a divorce or at least be honest about it and take up marriage counseling if you have all kinds of excuses for not getting a divorce.

I agree... but you have to be honest with yourself first, before you can give over honesty to anyone else. And being accused of all manner of things from lying to cheating - doesn't assist people in that. It just makes them back up and protect themself in a corner. It can take time to come to that realisation for some - doesn't make them hateful people, just people who have to find the strength from somewhere.