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julietsierra -> RE: Attractive married men cheating on their wives... (8/18/2006 8:57:03 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: FelinePersuasion
darkinshadows, Finding someone else because your mate is essentialy brain dead or is mentally compromised to such a point as not knowing you, who they are, or what day it is, is too a huge diffrence than finding someone else because your wife who is healthy alive and mentally capable, won't fill your sexual needs.
Ok...so, here's where things shift a bit for me. According to some psychological models, sexual fulfillment is right up there on the scale of needs along with safety, shelter and food. Denying one's self sexual fulfillment because one's spouse REFUSES is just as bad as cheating to get these needs met. And, I have to ask, what is more deplorable? The fact that he's out there doing things with others, or the fact that he wasn't honest about what he was doing.
In my opinion and experience, it's the lack of honesty that tears people apart. When men cheat, they deny their wives the simple respect of being able to choose her way of life knowing all the facts. People really do need to say what they mean and mean what they say, and they need to establish a precedent in their marriages that make discussion of these things possible.
When a man goes into a relationship and marries, only to find his wife in short order, disinterested in him sexually, things should be stated immediately that if the situation doesn't change, he's going to go outside to get what he needs. This can be interpreted as an ultimatum. However, it can also be a truth, so that both parties know and understand and can choose what's at stake.
I know men who've done this. They've maintained their marriages, raised their children, kept up their end of the marriage bargain. When these men became involved in D/s, the way they'd structured their lives allowed them to never hide what they do. They've packed their toybag, kissed their wives and headed out the door free of guilt and secure in the fact that they are not cheating. Their wives have had the choice - with all the cards on the table - to join their husbands, understand their needs and give them the freedom to get those needs met, or leave. Respect for both parties is maintained.
Perhaps it's not the cheating that's the difficulty, but the lying.
Cheating is simply not smart. In the end, if someone's going to risk everything to cheat, they just should risk everything to tell their spouses exactly what they mean and to mean exactly what they've said. It saves a LOT of heartache that is simply not necessary.
Oh yea... and women cheat too, so the shoe can be, and often is, on the other foot, but the fit remains the same.
juliet
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