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Meeting my first domme tomorrow - give me some advice o... - 8/16/2006 6:51:03 PM   
ABeric


Posts: 13
Joined: 8/6/2006
Status: offline 		Well, I'm having my first ever meeting with a domme tomorrow at a local cafe/bistro type place. I'm totally clueless on how I should handle it - should I handle it like a blind date? Like I'm just meeting a friend? Should I bring up the sex stuff right away, or talk about other parts of out lives first?

Any advice would be appreciated!
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Meeting my first domme tomorrow - give me some advi... - 8/16/2006 6:55:05 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Treat it like you would a first vanilla date.  Just be yourself, courteous.  This is just a meet n greet, so let conversation flow gradually.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to ABeric)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Meeting my first domme tomorrow - give me some advi... - 8/16/2006 6:58:17 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		I have no particular advice, but did want to say good luck and have fun!

- Susan

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to ABeric)
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RE: Meeting my first domme tomorrow - give me some advi... - 8/16/2006 6:58:26 PM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline 		I suggest that you ask HER what you should do.  She's the one in charge.  This is a different ball game than what you are used to.

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.


(in reply to ABeric)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Meeting my first domme tomorrow - give me some advi... - 8/16/2006 7:00:38 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline 		As LA said..be yourself..let conversation flow..treat it as vanilla date..and have FUN!....Tempting

(in reply to LotusSong)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Meeting my first domme tomorrow - give me some advi... - 8/16/2006 7:04:30 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		Let HER bring up anything even vaguely sex related.  Bad first impression if she thinks that al you have on your mind. Let her steer the conversation if your not comfortable doing so, I am sure she will be more than able. Just relax and dont try and put on a show.  The less you pretend or force now, the better shell get to know you from day one.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to TemptingNviceSub)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Meeting my first domme tomorrow - give me some advi... - 8/16/2006 7:07:03 PM   
gooddogbenji


Posts: 5094
Joined: 11/15/2005
From: Toronto
Status: offline 		I actually disagree with Lotus.  Depending on where you are in the "relationship," it may be best to treat it mostly like a vanilla first date, like LA said.

While she may be a potential Domme, at this point she is nothing more than any other woman.  You have no obligation to submit to her, and I would even say it would be best to not get into that submissive headspace yet, if you can avoid it.  Not only may it get awkward, if she is not trying to dominate but you try submitting, but I know that I lose some of my objective judgement when I am there.  At this point you want to ask questions, find out anything you can about her, and decide if she is a good match, not just Domme=match.

As to talking about sex stuff, I would avoid it.  I don't know about you, but to me, and many others, submission is about so much more than the sexual/play side of it.  Far more important is whether there is chemistry on other levels - find out what you will be doing when you're not on your knees getting flogged for being a bad boy.

Just the opinion of a guy who has never been successful in his search, so take it with a grain of salt.

Yours,


benji

_____________________________

Prevent global warming. Stop burning patchouli.

(in reply to LotusSong)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Meeting my first domme tomorrow - give me some advi... - 8/16/2006 7:11:43 PM   
popeye1250


Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline 		Whatever you do don't start laughing!
(DO NOT LAUGH!)

(in reply to gooddogbenji)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Meeting my first domme tomorrow - give me some advi... - 8/16/2006 7:26:47 PM   
Yang4yin


Posts: 1677
Joined: 7/26/2006
From: NC (USA)
Status: offline 		Don't eat anything that will stick between your teeth, either!
 
Just mind your manners.

(in reply to ABeric)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Meeting my first domme tomorrow - give me some advi... - 8/16/2006 7:36:54 PM   
WhipTheHip


Posts: 1004
Joined: 7/31/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ABeric
Well, I'm having my first ever meeting with a domme tomorrow at a local cafe/bistro type place. I'm totally clueless on how I should handle it - should I handle it like a blind date? Like I'm just meeting a friend? Should I bring up the sex stuff right away, or talk about other parts of out lives first?
Any advice would be appreciated!


He may be just as uncertain as you how to act.  Be yourself.   This is a normal date.  Don't get your expectations up too high.    

< Message edited by WhipTheHip -- 8/16/2006 7:38:04 PM >

(in reply to ABeric)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Meeting my first domme tomorrow - give me some advi... - 8/16/2006 7:40:34 PM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline 		Who ya gonna listen to?  Submissives or the Dommes :)
The sex issue.  Just a avoid the topic. You are a 20 yr old guy.. She already KNOWS were your head is at (both of them).

One thing I do agree with is just use your manners.  Actually- not knowing anything about the mistress makes it difficult to gauge what would be appropriate.  Is she a newby starting out or an experieinced old hand at it all?

If a newby- then I too agree..just treat it like a vanilla date.  If she already is well seasoned.. let her lead. 

Good luck and let us know how it goes. :)

< Message edited by LotusSong -- 8/16/2006 7:41:19 PM >

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.


(in reply to Yang4yin)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Meeting my first domme tomorrow - give me some advi... - 8/16/2006 7:41:43 PM   
MysticFireTopaz


Posts: 50939
Joined: 4/23/2005
From: Dallas/Ft. Worth, TX
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ABeric
Well, I'm having my first ever meeting with a domme tomorrow at a local cafe/bistro type place. I'm totally clueless on how I should handle it - should I handle it like a blind date? Like I'm just meeting a friend? Should I bring up the sex stuff right away, or talk about other parts of out lives first?
Any advice would be appreciated!


I would recommend giving yourself plenty of time to get there so you are not rushed and stressed out and arrive on time.  Being late makes a poor impression.
 
It is best to get to know about Her as a person and let Her take the lead in bringing up BDSM and/or sex.  As a Domme, one thing that is a huge turn-off is when a prospective sub brings up these topics right off the bat, before any type of rapport has been established.  After all, a Domme is more than a life support system for a whip.
 
Other than that, I would handle it similar to a blind date.   Some of the things that make a good impression are showing up on time, being courteous and attentive, being clean and well-groomed, and answering questions politely and honestly. 
 
Good luck!
 
Lady Topaz

(in reply to ABeric)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Meeting my first domme tomorrow - give me some advi... - 8/16/2006 7:45:12 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		See if you are sub/slave/man enough to impress her by being yourself, be social, be polite, be interested, learn about another human being.....pretty sure bet that she has views on sex, religion and politics.........but just see if you can get by without spilling gravy on your tie and puking on your shoes.

Don't mention any of that...

I am serious,
Ron  

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to ABeric)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Meeting my first domme tomorrow - give me some advi... - 8/16/2006 7:47:35 PM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MysticFireTopaz

  After all, a Domme is more than a life support system for a whip.
 


Or as I used to say a "Flogger with feet"
(Male Doms are careful not to become a "Dildo with Legs") 

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.


(in reply to MysticFireTopaz)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Meeting my first domme tomorrow - give me some advi... - 8/16/2006 7:47:46 PM   
gooddogbenji


Posts: 5094
Joined: 11/15/2005
From: Toronto
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

I am serious,
Ron  



Wow.  Never thought I'd see those lines so close together!

However, the rest of the post was well said.

Yours,


benji

_____________________________

Prevent global warming. Stop burning patchouli.

(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Meeting my first domme tomorrow - give me some advi... - 8/16/2006 7:53:08 PM   
leatherorlace


Posts: 215
Joined: 2/21/2005
Status: offline 		Not only your dental health's habits should be considered as, Popeye said, but you probably should avoid any consumption of bean products, cabbage, brocolli, and other gas producing foods. Swallowing your bubblegum could make the gaseous diet interesting, but, I have a tendency to reachout with a singletail if My nostrils are offended and if I gag, SHAME ON yOU. lol
  She may very well enjoy snortin' farts, I can't possibly determine her likes and dislikes without knowing her. That's why, I always inform Myself about the wants, needs, imperatives, and those other dead-bang gotta have kinks before, I meet them. I most times refuse to enter into an exchange of kinks, and the ongoing study of Delicious Deviance, which I have earned a triple doctorate in unless, I feel as if I might actually want to take a keener interest in pursuing what their persona would afford Me.  
  Meeting Me as a dominant in a public place is the only way that either will discover whether we're compatible beyond a lustful image. I don't do private meets unless, I've had the slave referred by someone that, I know and trust, or a friend gives Me a "nudge" towards the girl.hehehehehee
  Finding girls that enjoys scenarios as intense as I do isn't as common as some might wish you to believe. Those that are painsluts have little trouble finding someone to "punsih" them for their shortcomings, but there's still the brutal truth to consider that the episode will noy satisfy the depth of your delicious deviance and leave you searching more intently for fulfillment. 'Panting for the Cause' isn't necessairly a bad thing, if you can find another to interact with on-line so that your libidos reaction to your imagination and creative imagery that you utilize as a masturbatory substitute to the real wickedly exquisite kisses of the lash doesn't sheettttttttttt, I'm talkin' Myself into a froth. wefg
Gentry
quote:

ORIGINAL: Yang4yin

Don't eat anything that will stick between your teeth, either!
 
Just mind your manners.

(in reply to Yang4yin)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Meeting my first domme tomorrow - give me some advi... - 8/16/2006 7:58:02 PM   
mp072004


Posts: 381
Joined: 12/22/2005
Status: offline 		If she has treated you in a pre-lovery way, treat it like a blind date.

If she has treated you in a pre-friendy way, but NOT in a romantic or date-like way, treat it like a common interest friend date. What does that mean? If you were interviewing a new workout buddy or chess partner, what would you do? Do that. If you have never done cooperative leisure activities, I guess you could treat it like the informal or collegial part of a job interview.

Please do try to have a few conversation topics at hand, or, at least, respond to her conversational openers with alacrity. I have had a couple of meetings with people who identified as submissives who were, I think, very afraid of saying the wrong thing, and so said very little. It is rarely fun to carry an entire conversation with a new acquaintance. If you want some easy conversation topics, read a magazine or newspaper, (or salon.com or nytimes.com, if you'd rather) and you could tell a story about something you read that caught your attention.

Good luck!

Monica

(in reply to ABeric)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Meeting my first domme tomorrow - give me some advi... - 8/16/2006 8:04:14 PM   
HouseofBear


Posts: 1280
Joined: 2/9/2005
Status: offline 		Be well groomed and polite.  I have yet to see a female dominant who did not appreciate good manners.  (I am a dominant yes, however I am a southern lady, chuckles.)  I very much agree with not bringing up sex or sexual aspects.  Follow her lead on this one.  I also agree with Benji.  This is a first meeting.  You are not someone's submissive until both of you agree on that relationship.  One of the biggest turn offs to me is when someone addresses me as Mistress or My Lady, when we have just started talking to one another.  I reserve that for those who are collared to me.  So use of titles such as that is somewhat presumptuous.  Ma'am, if you desire to use such is usually fine.  Ask questions, show an interest and desire to learn.  And most of all, relax and enjoy yourself.  This is a big step for you.  A good description would be yes, a vanilla date, however one that is slightly more on the formal side.  Good luck.

Lady Ursa

(in reply to gooddogbenji)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Meeting my first domme tomorrow - give me some advi... - 8/16/2006 8:04:42 PM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		Be polite and try to be yourself. Just think of it as a vanilla date, where your in the *getting to know you* stage. You should do fine.

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”






(in reply to ABeric)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Meeting my first domme tomorrow - give me some advi... - 8/16/2006 8:22:21 PM   
Misstoyou


Posts: 1149
Joined: 9/4/2004
Status: offline 		She'll want to meet *you*. You'll want to show her your best you, but still be you.

One hint, despite nervousness, try to keep up your end of the conversation. Don't make her do all the work. One word answers drive me crazy.



** Edited to add: Have fun, and know lots of guys wish they were in your shoes!

< Message edited by Misstoyou -- 8/16/2006 8:23:39 PM >

_____________________________

~ Miss Marie

a.k.a. "mean Lady"


(in reply to ABeric)
Profile   Post #: 20
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