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Springer - 8/17/2006 2:36:28 PM

LTRsubNW

Posts: 1604
Joined: 5/6/2006
Status: offline

Now, we can all have our opinions, but, I still have a few very basic questions:

1) Where the hell do they find these people?

2) Where the hell can I find one of these women (and can I send her back when I'm done)?

3) If I find one of these people, am I allowed to shoot them on sight?

4) I'm not a man who has had sex with his uncle (but truly wanted to be with my Aunt, but didn't choose that option because my sister is carrying my child), sooooo...I'd like to get some advice on how I can retain my maiden name if I don't work at The Waffle House?

5) I've never been to jail, is it still possible to marry one of my In Laws?

< Message edited by LTRsubNW -- 8/17/2006 3:28:33 PM >

Post #: 1

RE: Springer - 8/17/2006 3:18:51 PM

Dauric

Posts: 254
Joined: 7/13/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LTRsubNW

Now, we can all have our opinions, but, I still have a few very basic questions:

1) Where the hell do they find these people?

Jerry springer retains a crack squad of spec-ops trained freakshow enthusiasts. They are capable of finding "these people" in the most adverse circumstances, blending in to the natural terrain before striking, usually with tranquelizer darts, but occaasionally bludgeons, or a simple cage-trap baited with cheeze-filled pork-rinds.

quote:

2) Where the hell do I find one of these women (and can I send her back when I'm done)?

UnstableFreakShowWhores-R-Us (tm). You can't get your money back but they will accept a return for store credit, pro-rated of course.

quote:

3) If I find one of these people, am I allowed to shoot them on sight?

No. They're an endangered species.

quote:

4) I'm not a man who has had sex with his uncle (but truly wanted to be with my Aunt, but didn't choose that option because my sister is carrying my child), sooooo...I'd like to get some advice on how I can retain my maiden name if I don't work at The Waffle House?

A squad is being dispatched to your house as we speak.

quote:

5) I've never been to jail, is it still possible to marry one of my In Laws?

You're your own grandpaw.

$0.02,

Dauric.

(in reply to LTRsubNW)

Post #: 2

RE: Springer - 8/17/2006 3:30:06 PM

LTRsubNW

Posts: 1604
Joined: 5/6/2006
Status: offline

I am soooooo fucked.

(I once visited Arkansas).

(in reply to Dauric)

Post #: 3

RE: Springer - 8/17/2006 4:05:57 PM

MizSuz

Posts: 1881
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

So - the REAL question is:

quote:

If your momma and daddy get divorced will they still be brother and sister?

_____________________________

“The more you love, the more you can love—and the more intensely you love. Nor is there any limit on how many you can love. If a person had time enough, he could love all of that majority who are decent and just.”
- Robert Heinlein

(in reply to LTRsubNW)

Post #: 4

RE: Springer - 8/17/2006 4:30:08 PM

LTRsubNW

Posts: 1604
Joined: 5/6/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MizSuz

So - the REAL question is:

quote:

If your momma and daddy get divorced will they still be brother and sister?

I don't appreciate you talking about my niece like that.

< Message edited by LTRsubNW -- 8/17/2006 4:32:14 PM >

(in reply to MizSuz)

Post #: 5

RE: Springer - 8/17/2006 5:48:43 PM

Arpig

Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline

Now you all hush-up!!! Uncle Daddy is tryin to woo your little sister!

_____________________________

Big man! Pig Man!
Ha Ha...Charade you are!

Why do they leave out the letter b on "Garage Sale" signs?

CM's #1 All-Time Also-Ran

(in reply to LTRsubNW)

Post #: 6

RE: Springer - 8/17/2006 5:50:36 PM

Arpig

Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline

oooo ooooo ooooo

A Joke!!!!

What did the female Springer guest say on when she woke up?

"Get off me Dad, you're crushing my smokes"

_____________________________

Big man! Pig Man!
Ha Ha...Charade you are!

Why do they leave out the letter b on "Garage Sale" signs?

CM's #1 All-Time Also-Ran

(in reply to LTRsubNW)

Post #: 7

RE: Springer - 8/17/2006 6:05:39 PM

Dauric

Posts: 254
Joined: 7/13/2006
Status: offline

Mind you, when introduced to bondage, Springer guests give entirely new meaning to "Family Ties."

$0.02

Dauric.

(in reply to Arpig)

Post #: 8

RE: Springer - 8/17/2006 6:15:06 PM

gooddogbenji

Posts: 5094
Joined: 11/15/2005
From: Toronto
Status: offline

Sorry, but I had to look this one up again. I hate copying and pasting long shit like this, but this is too good.

Jerry Springer Show Application

Last name: ________________
First name: (Check appropriate box)
(_) Billy-Bob
(_) Billy-Joe
(_) Billy-Ray
(_) Billy-Sue
(_) Billy-Mae
(_) Billy-Jack

What does everyone call you?
(_) Booger
(_) Bubba
(_) Junior
(_) Sissy
(_) Other___________________
Age: ____ (if unsure, guess) _____ Not sure
Shoe Size: ____ Left ____ Right
Occupation: (Check appropriate box)
(_) Farmer
(_) Mechanic
(_) Hair Dresser
(_) Unemployed
(_) Dirty Politician
(_) Preacher
(_) Strip Dancer
(_) Hooker
Spouse's Name:_________________________
2nd Spouse's Name:______________________
3rd Spouse's Name:______________________
Lover's Name:___________________________

Relationship with spouse: (Check appropriate box)
(_) Sister
(_) Brother
(_) Aunt
(_) Uncle
(_) Cousin
(_) Mother
(_) Father
(_) Son
(_) Daughter
(_) Pet

Number of children living in household: _____
Number of children living in shed: ______
Numbers that are yours: ______

Mother's Name: _______________________
(If not sure, leave blank)
Father's Name: _______________________
(If not sure, leave blank)

Education: 1 2 3 4
(Circle highest grade completed)

Total number of vehicles you own: ___
Number of vehicles that still crank: ___
Number of vehicles in front yard: ___
Number of vehicles in back yard: ___
Number of vehicles on cement blocks: ___

Do you have a gun rack?
If no, please explain:

Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to:
(_) The National Enquirer
(_) The Globe
(_) TV Guide
(_) Soap Opera Digest
(_) Rifle and Shotgun

Number of times you've seen a UFO:_____
Number of times in the last 5 years you've seen Elvis:_____
Number of times you've seen Elvis in a UFO:_____

How often do you bathe:
(_) Weekly
(_) Monthly
(_) Not Applicable

Colour of eyes:
Right_____ left_____

Colour of hair:
(_) Blond
(_) Black
(_) Red
(_) Brown
(_) White
(_) Clairol
Colour of teeth:
(_) Yellow
(_) Brownish-Yellow
(_) Brown
(_) Black
(_) N/A
Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer:
(_)Red-Man

How far is your home from a paved road?
(_) 1 mile
(_) 2 miles
(_) Just a whoop-and-a-holler!
(_) road?

_____________________________

Prevent global warming. Stop burning patchouli.

(in reply to Dauric)

Post #: 9

RE: Springer - 8/17/2006 6:20:57 PM

littleone2serve

Posts: 3
Joined: 8/11/2006
Status: offline

Speaking of Springer, he is going to be on Dancing With The Stars. My jaw just about hit the floor when I found out. LOL

(in reply to LTRsubNW)

Post #: 10

RE: Springer - 8/17/2006 7:39:35 PM

Termyn8or

Posts: 18681
Joined: 11/12/2005
Status: offline

If I were on Springer.......if you only knew.

T

(in reply to littleone2serve)

Post #: 11

RE: Springer - 8/17/2006 7:52:43 PM

LotusSong

Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline

I hear they are the result of a secret government study . It was a gene study gone awry.

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.

(in reply to Termyn8or)

Post #: 12

RE: Springer - 8/17/2006 10:53:42 PM

Termyn8or

Posts: 18681
Joined: 11/12/2005
Status: offline

WAIT A MINUTE !

What's this I heard about cheese filled pork rinds ?

Where do you get those ?

T

(in reply to LotusSong)

Post #: 13

RE: Springer - 8/17/2006 11:12:37 PM

BrutalAntipathy

Posts: 412
Joined: 7/8/2005
Status: offline

I think there is a market for vegetable flavored pork rinds, for those that want to eat healthy, but just can't force themselves to. They could have lettuce, tomato, cucumber, and carrot flavored pork rinds. Maybe toss them in a bowl with regular pork rinds ( marketed as bacon flavored! ), add ranch dressing, and have a pork rind salad.

(in reply to Termyn8or)

Post #: 14

RE: Springer - 8/17/2006 11:35:45 PM

Dauric

Posts: 254
Joined: 7/13/2006
Status: offline

It's a secret weapon of the JSCT (Jerry Springer Collection Teams). Using the highest advancements in "Those People" psycology ot gather the most appealig flavors in to a sinlge high-efficiency bait.

Mind you, I'm prettuy sure there must be a few mom-and-pop resturaunts in the south that have something similar.

$0.02

Dauric.

(in reply to Termyn8or)

Post #: 15

RE: Springer - 8/17/2006 11:40:23 PM

reversecuckold

Posts: 17
Joined: 2/12/2006
Status: offline

There was a news related thing a few years ago stating that in some small community in like the upper midwest the locals are hired as "actors" for his show. Sounds about right to me. No way most of that could be real.

(in reply to Dauric)

Post #: 16

RE: Springer - 8/18/2006 3:33:31 AM

twicehappy

Posts: 2706
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

Sorry i thought this thread was about springer front ends......

_____________________________

Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations.

The human heart is not a finite container but an ever expanding universe with all the stars contained there in.

(in reply to LTRsubNW)

Post #: 17

RE: Springer - 8/18/2006 6:19:24 AM

LadyJulieAnn

Posts: 979
Joined: 6/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LTRsubNW

Now, we can all have our opinions, but, I still have a few very basic questions:

1) Where the hell do they find these people?

2) Where the hell can I find one of these women (and can I send her back when I'm done)?

3) If I find one of these people, am I allowed to shoot them on sight?

4) I'm not a man who has had sex with his uncle (but truly wanted to be with my Aunt, but didn't choose that option because my sister is carrying my child), sooooo...I'd like to get some advice on how I can retain my maiden name if I don't work at The Waffle House?

5) I've never been to jail, is it still possible to marry one of my In Laws?

1) You find them in a rural area of Virginia.
2) You can find her in a rural area of Virginia. You can send her back when you're done, but you then must appear on Maury to be paternity tested.
3) You can shoot them on sight, but then you get accused of being just like that guy from the Jenny Jones Show
4) I'd suggest that you post this question in the "Really, really bad advice" thread
5) Just one? Why not go for two?

(in reply to LTRsubNW)

Post #: 18

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