Cutting people off

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

Cutting people off

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Cutting people off

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Cutting people off - 8/17/2006 8:19:32 PM

BrokenDoll

Posts: 106
Joined: 8/15/2006
Status: offline

I ask this question with as much respect as I can. It may sound stupid or silly but I am a curiouse one and just wanted to know.

Why is it that some Doms want you to cut off other people Now i dont mean people like X doms that they may feel thretend by but telling you you need to cut of long term importent friends and family... It seems suspiciouse to me... is there any logical good reason for this that isnt of the shadey nature???

_____________________________

Please take care of your toys treat them with Love and respect, For broken toys are no fun at all!

-doll-

Post #: 1

RE: Cutting people off - 8/17/2006 8:24:51 PM

Evanesce

Posts: 2325
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline

If those long-term friends and/or family are toxic to you, I can understand a dominant wanting you to sever ties with those people, as staying connected to them is causing you harm. However, if you've a loving, beneficial relationship with these people, then that dominant is a potential (please note, I said potential) abuser, and you should probably steer clear of him/her.

_____________________________

Denise

Give a slave what he truly needs, and he will do what you want.

"There's never a hero in a battle of ego." - Big & Rich

(in reply to BrokenDoll)

Post #: 2

RE: Cutting people off - 8/17/2006 8:30:29 PM

BrokenDoll

Posts: 106
Joined: 8/15/2006
Status: offline

Yes this is what it makes me think... I have seen in a few profiles one that sticks in my head were he said to cut offf you family spewing some bull about how if they ever knew what they were into they would be shunned (why incurage this as well as putting unfound thoughts in their heads he doesnt know what the family will do)... It always sends a red flag up for me, I am very close with my family they know what Im into and would never cut me off they would never say anything unless they think I was beeing really really harmed. I dont know it just made me feel squimish.

< Message edited by BrokenDoll -- 8/17/2006 8:31:03 PM >

_____________________________

Please take care of your toys treat them with Love and respect, For broken toys are no fun at all!

-doll-

(in reply to Evanesce)

Post #: 3

RE: Cutting people off - 8/17/2006 8:30:53 PM

sleazybutterfly

Posts: 2801
Joined: 5/15/2006
Status: offline

I have never much liked someone telling me who I should, or shouldn't talk to. This part of me stays intact even as a sub. I know who is toxic in my life and who isn't. I am an adult and can weed those people out as needed. I will not allow myself to be cut off from anyone that I want to associate with. I have never seen this as any more than a power trip by a Dom, that won't change.

Andrea

_____________________________

~Flutterby
~Curvylicious
Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, she became a butterfly.
Life is not a popularity contest, it's better to be hated for what you believe, than loved for a lie.

(in reply to Evanesce)

Post #: 4

RE: Cutting people off - 8/17/2006 8:34:25 PM

FelinePersuasion

Posts: 4792
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline

It could be a ploy to isolate you and make you easier to abuse, not always but sometimes.

(in reply to sleazybutterfly)

Post #: 5

RE: Cutting people off - 8/17/2006 8:57:32 PM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline

sleazy this is so off topic but every time i see your new pic i want to drop a house on you...*grin*

to the OP, isolation is one of many tools and techniques in the BDSM lifestyle. there are many times through out history where this technique has been effective in brainwashing, and bonding to ones captors, in fact go read what you can on the Stockholm effect. fascinating stuff.

yet hopefully when used by the masters and mistresses in BDSM they are a ware of the mental and emotionally effects it has and they are well versed in its results.

as i say it is a very effective tool no matter if used in tandem with fear or with love.

its like a hammer in one mans hand it can build a home, in another's it can decimate a scull.

as with all the tools and techniques one finds in BDSM it really is stupid to go in uneducated and unskilled...but most of us do anyway....and luckily for the most part it ends up ok...but there are some red flags that separate a good Dominant from a domineering prick:

does the dominant anger easily?
does the dominant feel threatened by outside advice givers?
does the dominant have poor social skills?
does the dominant have poor life skills ?
does the dominant resent it when you dont keep to a schedule and then over react?
does the dominant need a minute by minute account of your day?
and does the dominant make snarky or outright blatant accusations of infidelity ?

if you answered no, then you are prolly all good, just keep an eye on it and make sure his actions and not his words are what you put your stock in as you continue to assess his character.

_____________________________

Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."

(in reply to sleazybutterfly)

Post #: 6

RE: Cutting people off - 8/17/2006 9:03:18 PM

sleazybutterfly

Posts: 2801
Joined: 5/15/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

sleazy this is so off topic but every time i see your new pic i want to drop a house on you...*grin*

Lol.. I am waiting for a new one to get approved.. I must say though, that I am getting a bit attached to this one.

Sorry for the off topic folks.

_____________________________

~Flutterby
~Curvylicious
Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, she became a butterfly.
Life is not a popularity contest, it's better to be hated for what you believe, than loved for a lie.

(in reply to crouchingtigress)

Post #: 7

RE: Cutting people off - 8/17/2006 9:14:24 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

I can imagine if there was a friend or family member that the dominant could see was having a negative impact on their submissive they may want to encourage cutting that person off. If the dominant found fault with everyone in a submissive's life from family to friends for stupid little things I would say that this was unhealthy.

An example of this would be a submissive has a friend that is always late, impacts the submissive's responsibilities, and is chronically demanding when she "needs" the sub, basically treating the submissive as an object.. well I think that the dominant should point these things out and encourage more healthy relationships... but not force the submissive to choose. If I saw my Dom treated this way by anyone I would point it out to him too.. so perhaps this isn't about Ds, but about caring for your mate.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to BrokenDoll)

Post #: 8

RE: Cutting people off - 8/17/2006 9:23:14 PM

truesub4u

Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BrokenDoll

I ask this question with as much respect as I can. It may sound stupid or silly but I am a curiouse one and just wanted to know.

Why is it that some Doms want you to cut off other people Now i dont mean people like X doms that they may feel thretend by but telling you you need to cut of long term importent friends and family... It seems suspiciouse to me... is there any logical good reason for this that isnt of the shadey nature???

<Fast reply>

It's not happening here. It's been tried.. when I was done laughing... I showed them the door.

_____________________________

Wisdom is knowing what to do next, Skill is knowing how to do it, and Virtue is doing it.

(in reply to BrokenDoll)

Post #: 9

RE: Cutting people off - 8/17/2006 9:27:56 PM

desertdancer

Posts: 1095
Joined: 5/12/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sleazybutterfly

quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

sleazy this is so off topic but every time i see your new pic i want to drop a house on you...*grin*

Lol.. I am waiting for a new one to get approved.. I must say though, that I am getting a bit attached to this one.

Sorry for the off topic folks.

Sorry for the off topic too, but I LOVE the new pic Flutterbi, as I'm a stripped sock or hose kinda girlie.

_____________________________

* Shimmy Shimmy *

(in reply to sleazybutterfly)

Post #: 10

RE: Cutting people off - 8/17/2006 9:34:13 PM

wolffeathers

Posts: 315
Joined: 8/6/2005
From: Clearwater
Status: offline

Even though I'm talking to the OP in IM right now, thought I'd chime in here.

Normally, the Dom/Master is not ready to admit that he is anything then an "upright man" that doesn't hold a whip. He may feel that you contacting your family may shatter that.

Or, he may be insecure. Your family may be more important, and he doesn't want that.

Or, he may just not like the family.

Or.....a million other reasons.

It's best to ask. However, the red flags are good.

_____________________________

It's my way or the highway. Just happens that the highway is on my way.

~Master Wolf

(in reply to desertdancer)

Post #: 11

RE: Cutting people off - 8/17/2006 9:37:14 PM

Majik

Posts: 358
Joined: 4/24/2005
Status: offline

Just a personal note. I would NEVER ask my sub/slave to give up family/friends. It is a part of them thus a part of me. Their well being depends on family and friends. I accept that and want that in his/their life.

Anyone asking/demanding you give that/them up has some serious hangups/problems. I'd find the nearest door and make a run for it.

< Message edited by Majik -- 8/17/2006 9:38:04 PM >

(in reply to wolffeathers)

Post #: 12

RE: Cutting people off - 8/17/2006 9:52:57 PM

wolffeathers

Posts: 315
Joined: 8/6/2005
From: Clearwater
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Majik

Just a personal note. I would NEVER ask my sub/slave to give up family/friends. It is a part of them thus a part of me. Their well being depends on family and friends. I accept that and want that in his/their life.

Anyone asking/demanding you give that/them up has some serious hangups/problems. I'd find the nearest door and make a run for it.

As bina has told her best friend, even though I may not like her, I would not tell her that they could not see/talk to each other unless I thought she was a danger to my slave. Other then that, there are few people I keep her from. Hell, even though it's dangerous on a mental/emotional level, we see her parents once a week or so (I got into an almost screaming match with her father over Christian/Pagan ethics.)

_____________________________

It's my way or the highway. Just happens that the highway is on my way.

~Master Wolf

(in reply to Majik)

Post #: 13

RE: Cutting people off - 8/17/2006 10:01:46 PM

gandalf0297

Posts: 148
Joined: 8/6/2006
Status: offline

Family,friends and others in your life are necessary for a well rounded human being. If they are"toxic" so to speak ;your an adult and can fend for yourself in that regard. did he give a reason WHY? and the response of "becuse I told you too" is no reason at all.
be suspect and protect yourself.

(in reply to wolffeathers)

Post #: 14

RE: Cutting people off - 8/17/2006 10:04:19 PM

amayos

Posts: 1553
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: New England
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BrokenDoll

I ask this question with as much respect as I can. It may sound stupid or silly but I am a curiouse one and just wanted to know.

Why is it that some Doms want you to cut off other people Now i dont mean people like X doms that they may feel thretend by but telling you you need to cut of long term importent friends and family... It seems suspiciouse to me... is there any logical good reason for this that isnt of the shadey nature???

Generally, it is wise for a Master to limit his servant's exposure to toxic or destructive influence from the outside world. But more important is the sound mental training he may give to equip his girl with an internal state of self-sovereignty; a power to wrest free from the subversive machinations of the world.

With that in mind I am reminded of how difficult an undertaking this is in reality. It requires knowledge of the human mind and a great tenacity of will to discern what methods are best employed. Usually it is wise to proceed slowly and observe much before making these changes.

"There is nothing more difficult to take in hand, more perilous to conduct, or more uncertain in its success, than to take the lead in the introduction of a new order of things."

— Niccolo Machiavelli

(in reply to BrokenDoll)

Post #: 15

RE: Cutting people off - 8/17/2006 10:06:17 PM

rawney62

Posts: 10
Joined: 3/6/2005
Status: offline

i have only had one Dominant tell me that i could not see my friends or family, i told him to hit the road. i think that it could be a way to isolate you, also if a dominant tells you that you can no longer be active in your local community that is a pretty good sign they could be an abuser. i would run as fast as you can from one like that.

(in reply to BrokenDoll)

Post #: 16

RE: Cutting people off - 8/18/2006 1:15:41 AM

BrokenDoll

Posts: 106
Joined: 8/15/2006
Status: offline

I pretty much figured all this... besides I really think that if a Dom feels he needs to prove he Domanence by exerting it and takeing away needed things like friends and family then he doesnt really have that very thing he is trying so hard to prove he has!

_____________________________

Please take care of your toys treat them with Love and respect, For broken toys are no fun at all!

-doll-

(in reply to rawney62)

Post #: 17

RE: Cutting people off - 8/18/2006 5:27:59 AM

TNstepsout

Posts: 1558
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline

No I wouldn't go for it and even the line of "being toxic" isn't good enough. Been there, done that. I've had every line of psychobabble and spiritual BS used on me that ever existed. In the end it was just a way to manipulate me.

Anyone who really cares for you will not isolate you from people who are important to you. If you have negative, stressful influences in your family or cirlce of friends, instead of isolating you they should provide a haven for you to become stronger so you can resist the toxic freinds manipulations and drama.

(in reply to BrokenDoll)

Post #: 18

RE: Cutting people off - 8/18/2006 5:53:20 AM

Lordandmaster

Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline

It's not necessarily shady. A slave might have some friends or family members who really don't have the slave's best interests at heart and act destructively. I've certainly seen it before. Obviously it's a big step to make a slave cut off long-time acquaintances, and it's something a slave should consider carefully, but it's not always a bad idea.

Of course, most of the time it is: most of the time it's a strategy by the master to isolate the slave.

quote:

ORIGINAL: BrokenDoll

Why is it that some Doms want you to cut off other people Now i dont mean people like X doms that they may feel thretend by but telling you you need to cut of long term importent friends and family... It seems suspiciouse to me... is there any logical good reason for this that isnt of the shadey nature???

(in reply to BrokenDoll)

Post #: 19

RE: Cutting people off - 8/18/2006 6:09:26 AM

Emperor1956

Posts: 2370
Joined: 11/7/2005
Status: offline

I agree with much of what has been posted, but I think it is important to stress that rarely is this an acceptable command/tactic. If you are in a strong and steady relationship of some duration with a Dominant person and you genuinely believe that they have your best interest in mind when they suggest "cutting off" a family member or friend who is "toxic", then perhaps (and even then, I say only "perhaps") it is a legitimate request. But otherwise it is very very suspect. Certainly blanket demands that a submissive cut all ties is a red flag, and certainly the factors that crouchingtigress listed are important.

I was taught in my work in criminal justice that one of the most common facts in analyzing abusive relationships (either during the relationship, or sadly, post-mortem when the abuser has killed the abused person) is that early on in the relationship the abuser isolates the "target" by cutting of relationships with family, friends and co-workers. Certainly the example of the OP when some supposed online Dom says in his profile that he intend to have their submissive cut off all relationships is suspect (or that supposed "dominant" may just be a moron).

E.

_____________________________

"When you wake up, Pooh," said Piglet, "what's the first thing you say?"
"What's for breakfast? What do you say, Piglet?"
"I say, I wonder what's going to happen exciting today?"
Pooh nodded thoughtfully.
"It's the same thing," he said.

(in reply to BrokenDoll)

Post #: 20

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Cutting people off

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.094