My lover is a sub

My lover is a sub (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion

Message

Custosmorum -> My lover is a sub (8/18/2006 7:11:44 AM)
I am in a very loving and wonderful relationship, and consider myself an open and sexually expressive person. He recently revealed to me that he is a submissive. I'll admit I was more than intrigued. I am a playful person and have explored some elements of BDSM, and would love to explore this further with him. Specifically, I would like to plan something special for our next night together. My questions are, he clearly has more experience in this area, and I want it to be a good experience for him (and me [:)] ) Is there any realistic learning material out there?Short of a few erotic videos which seemed silly and lacked class, and the Anne Rice books which were spank, spank, more spank....yawn.. I haven't really been exposed to anything. Does anyone have any tips for our first time exploring this together? I haven't gotten beyond the meeting him at the door in my thigh high boots ...

LotusSong -> RE: My lover is a sub (8/18/2006 7:15:11 AM)
Whatever you choose to do.. dont' OVER do it. Talk to him further before your next meet. Let him tell you his desires.. then take it from there. By all means, tell him you are INTERESTED.

LadyEllen -> RE: My lover is a sub (8/18/2006 7:20:08 AM)
The Mistress Manual by Lorelei - its fandabbydozy! E

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: My lover is a sub (8/18/2006 7:24:05 AM)
http://www.collarchat.com/m_5932/mpage_1/key_someone%252Clove%252Ckinky/tm.htm#5965 Explaining the lifestyle http://www.collarchat.com/m_42103/mpage_1/key_someone%252Clove%252Ckinky/tm.htm#42228 Books on the lifestyle http://www.collarchat.com/m_72451/mpage_2/key_someone%252Clove%252Ckinky/tm.htm#73413 Books!!! http://www.collarchat.com/m_288589/mpage_1/key_vanilla%252Cwife/tm.htm#288589 Help me! I'm trapped! http://www.collarchat.com/m_221509/mpage_1/key_vanilla%252Cwife/tm.htm#221509 Vanilla So and the Lifestyle http://www.collarchat.com/m_180804/mpage_1/key_vanilla%252Cwife/tm.htm#180804 how do you convert a vanilla? http://www.collarchat.com/m_69381/mpage_1/key_vanilla%252Cwife/tm.htm#69381 How to introduce power exchange to a vanilla spouse? http://www.collarchat.com/m_313187/mpage_1/key_someone%252Clove%252Ckinky/tm.htm#316157 wife as my mistress

MistressMelissa -> RE: My lover is a sub (8/18/2006 7:24:09 AM)
There are many fine books about "play time" available. Many can be found on the internet. http://www.dshaven.com/store/storefront.html is part of the Ds Haven website http://www.dshaven.com and contains a list and lings to many of these books available through Amazon. There are also many lifestyle website available to either answer your questions or cause you to think of your own questions. But remember these sites, my own included are my veiws and my opinions. You are encouraged to form your own opinions. Take it easy and enjoy. As a submissive he will be happy that you are taking the time to play with him. It's an "A" for effort kind of thing. Just remember to not break your "toy". None of use want to break our toys and thus always error on the side of safety. Enjoy,

Bearlee -> RE: My lover is a sub (8/18/2006 7:30:38 AM)
Discover your local BDSM community if you have one...travel a bit if you don't. Go to munches, get online...read everything you can get your hands on: GENERAL INTRODUCTION: Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns – The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism: Philip Miller and Molly Devon Different Loving – An Exploration of the World of Sexual Dominance and Submission: Gloria Brame, William Brame and Jon Jacobs On the Safe Edge – A Manual for SM Play: Trevor Jacques, Dr. Dale, Michael Hamilton & Sniffer SM101 – A Realistic Introduction, 2nd Edition: Jay Wiseman Sensuous Magic – A Guide to S/M for Adventurous Couples: Patrick Califia DOMINANCE: The Loving Dominant, 2nd Edition: John Warren, PH.D The Mistress Manual – The Good Girl’s Guide to Female Dominance: Mistress Lorelei Sexually Dominant Woman – A Workbook for Nervous Beginners, 2nd Edition: Lady Green The Master’s Manual – A Handbook of Erotic Dominance: Jack Rinella The New Topping Book: Dossie Easton & Janet Hardy The Art of Sensual Female Dominance – A Guide for Women: Claudia Varrin My Private Life – Real Experiences of Dominant Women: Mistress Nan SUBMISSION: Erotic Surrender – The Sensual Joys of Female Submission: Claudia Varrin The New Bottoming Book: Dossie Easton & Janet Hardy OTHER: Fantasy Made Flesh – The Essential Guide to Erotic Role Play: Deborah Addington Erotic Bondage Handbook: Jay Wiseman The Kiss of the Whip – Explorations in SM: Jim Prezwalsk Flogging: Joseph W. Bean A Hand in the Bush – The Fine Art of Vaginal Fisting: Deborah Addington The Ultimate Guide to Strap-On Sex – A Complete Resource for Women and Men: Karlyn Lotney Family Jewels – A guide to Male Genital Play and Torment: Hardy Haberman , forword by Fetish Diva Midori The Ethical Slut – A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities: Dossie Easton & Catherine Liszt Polyamory, The New Love Without Limits – Secrets of Sustainable Intimate Relationships: Dr. Deborah Anapol Open Marriage – A New Life Style for Couples: Nena O’Neil & George O’Neill BDSM FICTION: Tales of the Marketplace – A Series: Laura Antoniou The Erotic Adventures of Sleeping Beauty – A Trilogy: Anne Rice as A.N. Roquelaure Blue – The Color of Desire: Patrick Linney Good luck...I hope this helped a bit... Above all...have fun, stay safe! beverly

LadyJulieAnn -> RE: My lover is a sub (8/18/2006 7:39:53 AM)
I would sit down and talk to him about his ideas and fantasies and share your own. If there are things you feel you need to "practice" and learn more about safety-wise, several of the posts above recommend good resources. Have fun! Julie

onestandingstill -> RE: My lover is a sub (8/18/2006 8:28:23 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Bearlee Discover your local BDSM community if you have one...travel a bit if you don't. Go to munches, get online...read everything you can get your hands on: GENERAL INTRODUCTION: Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns – The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism: Philip Miller and Molly Devon Different Loving – An Exploration of the World of Sexual Dominance and Submission: Gloria Brame, William Brame and Jon Jacobs On the Safe Edge – A Manual for SM Play: Trevor Jacques, Dr. Dale, Michael Hamilton & Sniffer SM101 – A Realistic Introduction, 2nd Edition: Jay Wiseman Sensuous Magic – A Guide to S/M for Adventurous Couples: Patrick Califia DOMINANCE: The Loving Dominant, 2nd Edition: John Warren, PH.D The Mistress Manual – The Good Girl’s Guide to Female Dominance: Mistress Lorelei Sexually Dominant Woman – A Workbook for Nervous Beginners, 2nd Edition: Lady Green The Master’s Manual – A Handbook of Erotic Dominance: Jack Rinella The New Topping Book: Dossie Easton & Janet Hardy The Art of Sensual Female Dominance – A Guide for Women: Claudia Varrin My Private Life – Real Experiences of Dominant Women: Mistress Nan SUBMISSION: Erotic Surrender – The Sensual Joys of Female Submission: Claudia Varrin The New Bottoming Book: Dossie Easton & Janet Hardy OTHER: Fantasy Made Flesh – The Essential Guide to Erotic Role Play: Deborah Addington Erotic Bondage Handbook: Jay Wiseman The Kiss of the Whip – Explorations in SM: Jim Prezwalsk Flogging: Joseph W. Bean A Hand in the Bush – The Fine Art of Vaginal Fisting: Deborah Addington The Ultimate Guide to Strap-On Sex – A Complete Resource for Women and Men: Karlyn Lotney Family Jewels – A guide to Male Genital Play and Torment: Hardy Haberman , forword by Fetish Diva Midori The Ethical Slut – A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities: Dossie Easton & Catherine Liszt Polyamory, The New Love Without Limits – Secrets of Sustainable Intimate Relationships: Dr. Deborah Anapol Open Marriage – A New Life Style for Couples: Nena O’Neil & George O’Neill BDSM FICTION: Tales of the Marketplace – A Series: Laura Antoniou The Erotic Adventures of Sleeping Beauty – A Trilogy: Anne Rice as A.N. Roquelaure Blue – The Color of Desire: Patrick Linney Good luck...I hope this helped a bit... Above all...have fun, stay safe! beverly Way to go Bearlee. Great effort is noticed and appreciated in your post. I couldn't have offered better advice myself.

LotusSong -> RE: My lover is a sub (8/18/2006 8:40:45 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyJulieAnn I would sit down and talk to him about his ideas and fantasies and share your own. If there are things you feel you need to "practice" and learn more about safety-wise, several of the posts above recommend good resources. Have fun! Julie And don't let his fantasies wierd you out! You will be in charge of them..and you do what only YOU feel comfortable with. (My slave had one that I refused to do..he saw the sense in it later on.)

cloudboy -> RE: My lover is a sub (8/18/2006 8:42:50 AM)
I say screw the reading material and follow your instincts and intuitions. It will mean more to him that things come straight from you.

Bearlee -> RE: My lover is a sub (8/18/2006 9:02:48 AM)
Okay then boy...if she cannot find others in her area whom she might watch and talk to...how is she to learn that flogging kidneys is not a good idea...or perhaps that there is no such thing as too much lube for anal sex...or why warming a body up is a good idea? I've never heard such drivel as 'don't read'... <shakes head> beverly PS...thank you onestandingstill; that was very sweet!

Jasmyn -> RE: My lover is a sub (8/18/2006 9:14:02 AM)
The moment he walks through your door tell him to get on his knees and worship the toes of those precious thigh highs and if he wants to make his way up those thigh highs then best his tongue do a great job on the bits you're letting him kiss ... when you've had enough of that, tell him get off the floor and go pour you a drink ... sit back and watch him ... if he goes to sit down after fullfilling that task, tsk tsk him and ask him what the hell he thinks he's doing, point to the floor, anywhere in the room, and suggest he kneel like all good subservient boys would ... or if you just want to yak casually and have some playful banter by all means do ... but at some stage take control of the proceedings ...where there is a definite change in atmosphere..and your body language, speech, demeanor, etc that says ... I mean business...

gandalf0297 -> RE: My lover is a sub (8/18/2006 9:43:24 AM)
here you go http://www.domsubfriends.com/cgi-local/wwwdir/db.cgi?db=rescat&uid=default&category=*&view_records=View+Records&dc=3 you have your work cut out for you just rember. read, read ,read. talk to people, and then talk to more people .and then read some more. and then resign yourself to the fact that your going to be learning about this lifestyle for the rest of your days ;) Gandlaf

Misstoyou -> RE: My lover is a sub (8/18/2006 11:22:25 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Jasmyn The moment he walks through your door tell him to get on his knees and worship the toes of those precious thigh highs ... I always make my submissive get naked first ... much more decorative. [:D] I always support reading, (After all, I teach. lol), but cloudboy is right that if your man is submissive, he's going to want you to drive the relationship. You discover the things you like, the ones that float your boat, and if he's truly submissive, he will get off on doing those things to serve you and make you happy. In effect, you get to design the perfect relationship for you. [:)] On the other hand, if he's really a bottom, if my messages are any example, he'll be more than happy to share all the things he wants you to do to him, or that he wants to do to you. lol Finally, find out if he has any fetishes. It doesn't hurt to learn the shortcuts. [:D] In any event, in one very important way, whatever you do you are way ahead of the game. You're already in a "very loving and wonderful relationship" with a man who loves you for you, not just as the hand holding a flogger. Enjoy the adventure. ** Edited because I forgot a word while I was pontificating. lol

Custosmorum -> RE: My lover is a sub (8/18/2006 1:08:17 PM)
Wow, thank you everyone! I'll get to work on your suggestions, though I don't imagine it will seem much like work [:)]....

JassWolf -> RE: My lover is a sub (8/18/2006 1:58:58 PM)
You have such a good, positive attitude about this, I think it will work out fine, if you try to do something you are comfortable with to begin, and if you remember (and focus) on the mindfuck -- it's all about the mind. A friend of mine is a prodomme -- she says her most important allies, after the costuming of course, is to set an air of mystery and anxiety, a mood of support and confidence, and to face AWAY from her subject much of the time to increase the sense of wonder and tension. For what it's worth. JW

WhipTheHip -> RE: My lover is a sub (8/19/2006 5:43:59 AM)
Hi Custosmorum, Have him discuss his fantasies with you. Find out if he is a submissive or masochist. A lot of guys say they are submissive, but are really just masochistic. Does he want you to tie him up and whip him? Or does he want you to order him around? Does he want you making important household decisions? Does he want to be you to be the aggressive party during sex? Does he want you on top during sex? Does he want you to force him to have sex even when he is not in the mood? These are questions you should ask him.

WhipTheHip -> RE: My lover is a sub (8/19/2006 5:52:23 AM)
Do what pleases you and turns you on. Tie him up spread eagle. Make sure you don't cut off his circulation, and make sure you tie him tight enough so he can't get loose. If he is wearing old clothes that could be thrown away, cut them off. Use your imagination. Be creative. Once you have him tied up be mean and a little selfish. Do what turns you on. Act out your fantasy. He will mostly like enjoy it, if you use his body for your selfish, sadistic pleasure.

popeye1250 -> RE: My lover is a sub (8/19/2006 10:55:12 AM)
Lotus, so you WOULDN'T recomend a 12 " strap-on on the first date?

LotusSong -> RE: My lover is a sub (8/19/2006 1:22:49 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Custosmorum Wow, thank you everyone! I'll get to work on your suggestions, though I don't imagine it will seem much like work [:)].... If it ever seems like work.. you're doing it wrong [image]http://www.collarchat.com/micons/m25.gif[/image] Good luck toyou :)

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.046875