Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

Clique-y? Are Kinksters really clique-y??


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Clique-y? Are Kinksters really clique-y?? Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
Clique-y? Are Kinksters really clique-y?? - 8/19/2006 1:32:48 PM   
Vancouver_cinful


Posts: 1911
Joined: 2/3/2004
Status: offline 		Okay, a rant of sorts, but maybe more a clarification. I've heard the word clique-y thrown around a lot lately, while trying to encourage some people to come out to a munch to better their search results...

The bottom line is this:

Being kinky, or gay, or into quilt-making, sci-fi conventions, or dog shows, or whatever is not automatically going to mean that you will have anything in common with other people into these things.

What people often mis-label as cliques are just groups of people who tend to stay together because they have more in common that just their kink.

Even in kink there are subsets of people, like Goreans, Female Supremacists, Spiritual Masochists, etc. They may have nothing in common with you, and so why would you, or they, expect to form a friendship?

I often find when people complain about finding a group clique-ish what they mean is "I went to munch once, and no beautiful woman in head to toe leather offered to take me home and play with me...Those people were so clique-y!"

Maybe this is just my own impression, but I do sick of hearing this word. It seems so high school to me.

_____________________________

Cin

quote:


My Karma Account is huge, but I just can't seem to make a withdrawal!!

http://cinful.wordpress.com
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Clique-y? Are Kinksters really clique-y?? - 8/19/2006 1:34:09 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		While everything you said is true...the scene is amazingly clique-ish.  There are cliques that form in all the online communities and in all the offline communities.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Vancouver_cinful)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Clique-y? Are Kinksters really clique-y?? - 8/19/2006 1:48:24 PM   
purelea2003


Posts: 78
Joined: 12/12/2005
Status: offline 		I've had it mentioned to Me that the boards here are "clique-y" with only certain people posting & getting response. I think that has more to do with the time a person is willing to spend becoming acquainted. It's the same in real time. If a person wants to have friends - they need to show themselves friendly. For My part - I'm not all that friendly so I don't care either way.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Clique-y? Are Kinksters really clique-y?? - 8/19/2006 1:49:17 PM   
Vancouver_cinful


Posts: 1911
Joined: 2/3/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

While everything you said is true...the scene is amazingly clique-ish.  There are cliques that form in all the online communities and in all the offline communities.


So, are these so-called cliques obligated to make friends with everyone who professes a shared kink? Where is it written that you must, by virtue of being kinky, like and befriend every kinkster you meet?

I agree we should draw that line at being rude and nasty, or unwelcoming at a public event, but at the same time, I'm not obligated to be anything more than polite to someone who I have no interest in be-friending. To do so would be to encourage them into thinking I am interested in pursuing a deeper friendship.

My time and energy is better spent developing beneficially mutual relationships with people I sincerely like.

_____________________________

Cin

quote:


My Karma Account is huge, but I just can't seem to make a withdrawal!!

http://cinful.wordpress.com

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Clique-y? Are Kinksters really clique-y?? - 8/19/2006 1:49:44 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

.the scene is amazingly clique-ish.  There are cliques that form in all the online communities and in all the offline communities.


Well color me offended, when do I get asked into a clique! All these cliq-sters are starting to give me a complex... geesh!

Truly, it is a lot easier not to go down that road and remain uncliqued. It just seems like a lot of energy to belong to cliques, which is why I may interact with them for a common purpose, but I like being on the sidelines and out of the loop.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Clique-y? Are Kinksters really clique-y?? - 8/19/2006 1:53:46 PM   
Vancouver_cinful


Posts: 1911
Joined: 2/3/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: purelea2003

I've had it mentioned to Me that the boards here are "clique-y" with only certain people posting & getting response. I think that has more to do with the time a person is willing to spend becoming acquainted. It's the same in real time. If a person wants to have friends - they need to show themselves friendly. For My part - I'm not all that friendly so I don't care either way.


Exactly!! While I felt very welcome at the first munch I went to, it took many subsequent munches, and an effort on my part to make actual friends. I considered that healthy.

I distrust people who pounce on the new meat, I learned that during my years in the gay community, I guess.

In retrospect, two of the people who most jumped to be my friend in my early days are two people I avoid whenever possible now. They showed themselves to be opportunistic. Big surprise there.

_____________________________

Cin

quote:


My Karma Account is huge, but I just can't seem to make a withdrawal!!

http://cinful.wordpress.com

(in reply to purelea2003)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Clique-y? Are Kinksters really clique-y?? - 8/19/2006 1:55:07 PM   
Vancouver_cinful


Posts: 1911
Joined: 2/3/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

Truly, it is a lot easier not to go down that road and remain uncliqued. It just seems like a lot of energy to belong to cliques, which is why I may interact with them for a common purpose, but I like being on the sidelines and out of the loop.


You and me both. I hate drama.

_____________________________

Cin

quote:


My Karma Account is huge, but I just can't seem to make a withdrawal!!

http://cinful.wordpress.com

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Clique-y? Are Kinksters really clique-y?? - 8/19/2006 1:56:09 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Vancouver_cinful

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

Truly, it is a lot easier not to go down that road and remain uncliqued. It just seems like a lot of energy to belong to cliques, which is why I may interact with them for a common purpose, but I like being on the sidelines and out of the loop.


You and me both. I hate drama.


Oh I love dramas, just the kind I can rent on DVD

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Vancouver_cinful)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Clique-y? Are Kinksters really clique-y?? - 8/19/2006 1:56:42 PM   
ExSteelAgain


Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline 		It sounds like a public service promo..."Clique it or....

_____________________________

You can paint a cinder block bright pastel pink, but it's still a cinder block. (By Me.)

(in reply to Vancouver_cinful)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Clique-y? Are Kinksters really clique-y?? - 8/19/2006 2:07:06 PM   
Vancouver_cinful


Posts: 1911
Joined: 2/3/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania


Oh I love dramas, just the kind I can rent on DVD


Ooooo, me too, Julia, let's form a Drama Clique!!

(Oh wait, didn't I belong to that one in high school?)

_____________________________

Cin

quote:


My Karma Account is huge, but I just can't seem to make a withdrawal!!

http://cinful.wordpress.com

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Clique-y? Are Kinksters really clique-y?? - 8/19/2006 2:08:41 PM   
Vancouver_cinful


Posts: 1911
Joined: 2/3/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ExSteelAgain

It sounds like a public service promo..."Clique it or....


.....you'll end up playing with it by yourself?

_____________________________

Cin

quote:


My Karma Account is huge, but I just can't seem to make a withdrawal!!

http://cinful.wordpress.com

(in reply to ExSteelAgain)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Clique-y? Are Kinksters really clique-y?? - 8/19/2006 2:10:49 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Vancouver_cinful

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania


Oh I love dramas, just the kind I can rent on DVD


Ooooo, me too, Julia, let's form a Drama Clique!!

(Oh wait, didn't I belong to that one in high school?)



For me it was called the Girl's Basketball team...lol

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Vancouver_cinful)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Clique-y? Are Kinksters really clique-y?? - 8/19/2006 2:20:17 PM   
Vancouver_cinful


Posts: 1911
Joined: 2/3/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania
For me it was called the Girl's Basketball team...lol


Oh no, the jocks hated the drama kids. They were always coming to the school productions, and heckling us. LOL Guess we were too hot and sexy for them.

_____________________________

Cin

quote:


My Karma Account is huge, but I just can't seem to make a withdrawal!!

http://cinful.wordpress.com

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Clique-y? Are Kinksters really clique-y?? - 8/19/2006 2:34:41 PM   
JHLuvsfeet


Posts: 17
Status: offline 		Cliques are the same as chat brats with super high post counts, right?

Hey, I am trying to build my post count... : )

(in reply to Vancouver_cinful)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Clique-y? Are Kinksters really clique-y?? - 8/19/2006 2:38:38 PM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Vancouver_cinful

I often find when people complain about finding a group clique-ish what they mean is "I went to munch once, and no beautiful woman in head to toe leather offered to take me home and play with me...Those people were so clique-y!"

Maybe this is just my own impression, but I do sick of hearing this word. It seems so high school to me.


Some people are simply desperate for acceptance. It is found in every community or supposedly unique culture. You are correct, it is very dated and you would imagine that most adults would be comfortable in their own skin and able to form friendships without the expectation that people will swarm around them simply because they've identified themselves as kinky or whatever the going trend is. Today's clique was yesterday's discernment. My how times have changed.

porcelaine

_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to Vancouver_cinful)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Clique-y? Are Kinksters really clique-y?? - 8/19/2006 2:49:31 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JHLuvsfeet

Cliques are the same as chat brats with super high post counts, right?

Hey, I am trying to build my post count... : )



Guilty! I have been shamed over my large amount of posts in the past, you are not the first to point this out to me...

BTW Cin, when we throw the Pirate Party who is invited and who gets to serve again? Only the coolest people should be allowed to walk the plank or beat someone with a cat-o-nines...(I hope everyone knows I am just kidding, most of you are cool in my book, except the computer geeks, stoners, and those who get straight As..oh damn, Im not cool after all and can't serve..geesh)

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 8/19/2006 2:50:19 PM >

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to JHLuvsfeet)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Clique-y? Are Kinksters really clique-y?? - 8/19/2006 2:52:58 PM   
Vancouver_cinful


Posts: 1911
Joined: 2/3/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JHLuvsfeet

Cliques are the same as chat brats with super high post counts, right?

Hey, I am trying to build my post count... : )



Hmmm, I can only aspire to be a chat brat, I guess. I do try, I do try...I think I'm slowed down by all the editing I do. I'm not about to let the typo or grammar fairies get the better of me!

(Hey, thanks for helping me up my count by 1, and welcome to the forums!)

_____________________________

Cin

quote:


My Karma Account is huge, but I just can't seem to make a withdrawal!!

http://cinful.wordpress.com

(in reply to JHLuvsfeet)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Clique-y? Are Kinksters really clique-y?? - 8/19/2006 2:59:47 PM   
Vancouver_cinful


Posts: 1911
Joined: 2/3/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: porcelaine

you would imagine that most adults would be comfortable in their own skin and able to form friendships without the expectation that people will swarm around them simply because they've identified themselves as kinky or whatever the going trend is.


Well said!

I don't deny that there are groups of people who think they are the royalty of the local kink scene. These were the same ones who ran their high schools by winning popularity contests.

The thing is, these are exactly the people I have no interest in being accepted by. I make it a point to be courteous, since they are hard to avoid and do tend to show up at all of the local events, but I'd rather keep an arm's distance from their egos and their dramas.

Some people don't grow up.

_____________________________

Cin

quote:


My Karma Account is huge, but I just can't seem to make a withdrawal!!

http://cinful.wordpress.com

(in reply to porcelaine)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Clique-y? Are Kinksters really clique-y?? - 8/19/2006 3:02:16 PM   
Vancouver_cinful


Posts: 1911
Joined: 2/3/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

BTW Cin, when we throw the Pirate Party who is invited and who gets to serve again? Only the coolest people should be allowed to walk the plank or beat someone with a cat-o-nines


Well hell, girl, you know it's all about who has the coolest pirate clothes! Geeesh, where are your priorities?

<-- still longs to be a strumpet

_____________________________

Cin

quote:


My Karma Account is huge, but I just can't seem to make a withdrawal!!

http://cinful.wordpress.com

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Clique-y? Are Kinksters really clique-y?? - 8/19/2006 3:09:27 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Vancouver_cinful

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

BTW Cin, when we throw the Pirate Party who is invited and who gets to serve again? Only the coolest people should be allowed to walk the plank or beat someone with a cat-o-nines


Well hell, girl, you know it's all about who has the coolest pirate clothes! Geeesh, where are your priorities?

<-- still longs to be a strumpet


Oh you ARE a strumpet cin... they are the coolest of sluts too

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Vancouver_cinful)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Clique-y? Are Kinksters really clique-y?? Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.109