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RE: First Dates... - 8/20/2006 11:00:54 PM

joyinslavery

Posts: 955
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline

Once, I brought a Home Depot gift card. It seemed to work pretty well...I mean, afterall, we immediately went back to her place.

I definitely recommend a Home Depot gift card! You can't argue with success.

_____________________________

"...we must learn, each one of us, that the world was not made for us, and that, however beautiful may be the things we crave, Fate may nevertheless forbid them."
-Bertrand Russell

Mainstream...The New Alternative

*Beware of dog*

(in reply to MistressLorelei)

Post #: 21

RE: First Dates... - 8/20/2006 11:19:47 PM

MistressLorelei

Posts: 997
Joined: 11/7/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: joyinslavery

Once, I brought a Home Depot gift card. It seemed to work pretty well...I mean, afterall, we immediately went back to her place.

I definitely recommend a Home Depot gift card! You can't argue with success.

Unless I am working on a specific project, I avoid Home Depot. If a male gave me a Home Depot gift card, he would have to be part of the package.... the manual labor. I could break a nail just walking into that place.

(in reply to joyinslavery)

Post #: 22

RE: First Dates... - 8/20/2006 11:21:16 PM

MisPandora

Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressLorelei

quote:

ORIGINAL: joyinslavery

Once, I brought a Home Depot gift card. It seemed to work pretty well...I mean, afterall, we immediately went back to her place.

I definitely recommend a Home Depot gift card! You can't argue with success.

Unless I am working on a specific project, I avoid Home Depot. If a male gave me a Home Depot gift card, he would have to be part of the package.... the manual labor. I could break a nail just walking into that place.

Now I'm the exact opposite.....I love HD and Lowes. I work in the garden, as well as on DIY projects. (And I have nails too.....)

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to MistressLorelei)

Post #: 23

RE: First Dates... - 8/20/2006 11:29:53 PM

MistressLorelei

Posts: 997
Joined: 11/7/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MisPandora

Now I'm the exact opposite.....I love HD and Lowes. I work in the garden, as well as on DIY projects. (And I have nails too.....)

The nursery section is kind of fun actually.... if only it weren't attached to the rest of the store. lol. My former submissive built some rather nice equipment from Home Depot items, but luckily he went and got the stuff himself. Patience and a fondness for tools are not my strong points. I'm better with pedicures.

(in reply to MisPandora)

Post #: 24

RE: First Dates... - 8/21/2006 8:29:41 AM

joyinslavery

Posts: 955
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline

I'm just kidding! I wouldn't bring a Home Depot card to a FIRST date. Maybe an anniversary present? (Okay, still kidding.)

_____________________________

"...we must learn, each one of us, that the world was not made for us, and that, however beautiful may be the things we crave, Fate may nevertheless forbid them."
-Bertrand Russell

Mainstream...The New Alternative

*Beware of dog*

(in reply to MistressLorelei)

Post #: 25

RE: First Dates... - 8/21/2006 10:22:26 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

The only time someone brought me anything was a person who had this fantasy about me and it wasn't our date, it was just a munch in NYC where I was co-host. It actually made me very uncomfortable both because the gift was cut flowers (which I hate) and at a munch from a stranger.

Usually the person I meet for the first time just brings himself (or herself) and money to pay for their own meal -- I don't expect them to pay because this is part of getting to know.

If it were a real date, after we'd known each other, and in our Ds roles, then yes, I'd expect the sub to pay and a gift (while not expected) would be happily accepted if wasn't generic (like cut flowers).

Of course, they may have to deal with getting something from me every now and then too depending on how I feel. I can be very romantic with my submissives and slaves.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to abytchgoddess4u)

Post #: 26

RE: First Dates... - 8/21/2006 11:11:08 AM

FelinePersuasion

Posts: 4792
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline

I'm a switch bottom. I am on equal grounds with every one I meet untill we both decide other wise.:)

Some people may not wish to get gifts, like tammy said at the end of this post she hates cut flowers, and someone who thought they were being thoughtfull gave her cut flowers.

Respect and or showing respect is much more than bringing something to give to the other. In my opinion.

quote:

ORIGINAL: stardancer00

This is an interesting topic to me - i am a female slave, sometimes switch, but whenever i have met a Dominant for the first time, i have brought a small gift, such as a book or wine or something i know will be enjoyed. It is my way of showing appreciation for being considered, as well as acknowledment of the reality that we do not begin from equal positions. It is a simple matter of respect, and it is unfortunate that others do not seem to understand the gesture.

(in reply to stardancer00)

Post #: 27

RE: First Dates... - 8/21/2006 12:35:55 PM

MsSonnetMarwood

Posts: 1898
Joined: 2/10/2005
From: Eastern Shore, Maryland
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FelinePersuasion

I'm a switch bottom. I am on equal grounds with every one I meet untill we both decide other wise.:)

Some people may not wish to get gifts, like tammy said at the end of this post she hates cut flowers, and someone who thought they were being thoughtfull gave her cut flowers.

Respect and or showing respect is much more than bringing something to give to the other. In my opinion.

It should go without saying that respectfulness is a requirement. You can bring me that $1000 desk from Bombay Company that I've been wanting, but it doesn't give you the right to disrespect me.

It's not really about whether or not people are on equal or unequal ground - it's about courtship and showing thoughtfulness. Know that I like murder mystery books? Share with me one of your favorites. Know that I am a tea lover? Bring me a couple ounces of a loose assam that you thought I might like. Know I'm a college student? Make me a compilation CD of relaxing jazz tunes to listen to while I study.

Again - it's part of the courtship process - it gives the Domme a glimpse of how the potential a sub may have.

< Message edited by MsSonnetMarwood -- 8/21/2006 12:36:55 PM >

_____________________________

~Ms. Sonnet Marwood~

Deja Moo: The feeling you've heard this bull somewhere before.

(in reply to FelinePersuasion)

Post #: 28

RE: First Dates... - 8/21/2006 5:29:09 PM

daiseytheone

Posts: 18
Joined: 4/24/2005
Status: offline

Small token of appreciation for the domme, not such a great deal to ask for. No wonder submissives complain of the small number of replies to their inquiries, selfish thoughless boys, these submissives :( .

(in reply to MistressLorelei)

Post #: 29

RE: First Dates... - 8/21/2006 5:58:16 PM

joyinslavery

Posts: 955
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: daiseytheone

Small token of appreciation for the domme, not such a great deal to ask for. No wonder submissives complain of the small number of replies to their inquiries, selfish thoughless boys, these submissives :( .

Yes indeed.

You seem very perceptive and intelligent.

< Message edited by joyinslavery -- 8/21/2006 6:04:48 PM >

_____________________________

"...we must learn, each one of us, that the world was not made for us, and that, however beautiful may be the things we crave, Fate may nevertheless forbid them."
-Bertrand Russell

Mainstream...The New Alternative

*Beware of dog*

(in reply to daiseytheone)

Post #: 30

RE: First Dates... - 8/21/2006 5:58:41 PM

MistressShaii

Posts: 5
Joined: 12/20/2005
Status: offline

I've had about a 50/50 rate of subs bringing a gift on a first date. It may not be anything expensive, but more of a gesture of their gratitude. The cutest thing that I've received was a pair of fuzzy handcuffs which I never use, but found to be very amusing. If a gift is received or not on the first date, doesn't matter to me. The relationship built on the foundation of that first date is what's important!

(in reply to MistressLorelei)

Post #: 31

RE: First Dates... - 8/21/2006 7:57:04 PM

LTRsubNW

Posts: 1604
Joined: 5/6/2006
Status: offline

.

< Message edited by LTRsubNW -- 8/21/2006 8:45:13 PM >

(in reply to SDFemDom4cuck)

Post #: 32

RE: First Dates... - 8/21/2006 8:18:42 PM

SDFemDom4cuck

Posts: 2809
Joined: 5/23/2005
From: P'burgh PA
Status: offline

quote:

It's not really about whether or not people are on equal or unequal ground - it's about courtship and showing thoughtfulness. Know that I like murder mystery books? Share with me one of your favorites. Know that I am a tea lover? Bring me a couple ounces of a loose assam that you thought I might like. Know I'm a college student? Make me a compilation CD of relaxing jazz tunes to listen to while I study.

Well said! I have never required, asked or even hinted that a gift, flowers or chocolate are expected, its simply something that tends to occur. I spend a long time speaking with potentials before actually meeting them so they tend to know My likes and dislikes quite well before I arrange a date. So most gifts are quite thoughtful and well thought out. Again they tend towards suiting my personality rather than just a generic gift.

quote:

You're beyond special.

Truly.

You deserve special gifts. (I actually have one for you. You chose to make mine less than special. I could have made mine arrive at your desk {had I chose to, and I could have...I easily could have}).

(It really wasn't that tough).

I have a very special gift for you...and you would have laughed.

I would have laughed.

We would have laughed.

It's on my shelf.

peewee,

While I appreciate your thoughtfulness and generosity I have done no such thing as to belittle your gift. Please contact Me outside of the forums if you wish to discuss personal matters rather than publicly. My apologies to the OP for ltr's behavior.

_____________________________

Ms Jo

She dealt her pretty words like Blades -
How glittering they shone -
And every One unbared a Nerve
Or wantoned with a Bone -

I want a sensitive man - one who'll cry when I hit him.

(in reply to MsSonnetMarwood)

Post #: 33

RE: First Dates... - 8/21/2006 8:23:00 PM

SignorinaC

Posts: 25
Joined: 6/23/2006
Status: offline

I think that it's the thought that counts, no matter what the gift. Of course, an ostentatious gift would make me feel uncomfortable...

A thoughtful one of a "mixed tape of music" on CD & some interesting books I enjoyed were presented to me by a man who told me he was submissive when we first met We are now friends and that's all, but I immediately sensed his desire to please me and he did do this thru his thoughtful gesture...and that is what it is about...pleasing me :)

Signorina C

(in reply to LTRsubNW)

Post #: 34

RE: First Dates... - 8/21/2006 8:55:54 PM

LTRsubNW

Posts: 1604
Joined: 5/6/2006
Status: offline

My apologies.

I stepped over the line.

My error was in intent.

(in reply to SignorinaC)

Post #: 35

RE: First Dates... - 8/22/2006 12:02:32 AM

abytchgoddess4u

Posts: 268
Joined: 10/17/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha
The problem was, for me, that the more I felt I was "leading" a sub guy down the proper path, the less impact the "gift" had. After all, it's supposed to be a gesture they came to on their own, not were told to do, or "expected" to do. Then there were times that submissives would want more direction, clarification, orders -- it became more of a submissive "task" than a token of sweetness, generosity, or really what it should be -- romantic courting. If we were starting to date romantically, that is.

I agree completely. Forced gifts or tokens are not gifts at all.

I would never request a gift, unless it were in a situation where a sub I already had needed to be punished and I made him purchase his tool of destruction...;)

_____________________________

"Everything in the Universe Is within you.
Ask all from yourself." Rumi

"The world will know and understand me someday. But if that day does not arrive, it does not greatly matter. I shall have opened the way for other women."
George Sand

(in reply to AAkasha)

Post #: 36

RE: First Dates... - 8/22/2006 12:10:47 AM

abytchgoddess4u

Posts: 268
Joined: 10/17/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsSonnetMarwood
It's not really about whether or not people are on equal or unequal ground - it's about courtship and showing thoughtfulness. Know that I like murder mystery books? Share with me one of your favorites. Know that I am a tea lover? Bring me a couple ounces of a loose assam that you thought I might like. Know I'm a college student? Make me a compilation CD of relaxing jazz tunes to listen to while I study.
Again - it's part of the courtship process - it gives the Domme a glimpse of how the potential a sub may have.

Thank you for so eloquently elucidating my point. I don't want to drag the effort out of a sub, I want his desire to be such that he chooses to go the extra mile, or 5. That can be shown clearly and with little or no money, very early on in the courtship process.

No matter how much of a sadist I am, (And I am; oh yes, I am!) I would still like to be wooed.

I myself dislike cut flowers, but would love a cutting or seeds.

Symbolic, yet free.

_____________________________

"Everything in the Universe Is within you.
Ask all from yourself." Rumi

"The world will know and understand me someday. But if that day does not arrive, it does not greatly matter. I shall have opened the way for other women."
George Sand

(in reply to MsSonnetMarwood)

Post #: 37

RE: First Dates... - 8/22/2006 12:15:03 AM

abytchgoddess4u

Posts: 268
Joined: 10/17/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SDFemDom4cuck
My apologies to the OP for ltr's behavior.

No apology necessary on your part. I would suggest you nip that attitude in the bud though...lol

I am accepting LTR's apology and hope that he has not embarassed or offended you unduly.

_____________________________

"Everything in the Universe Is within you.
Ask all from yourself." Rumi

"The world will know and understand me someday. But if that day does not arrive, it does not greatly matter. I shall have opened the way for other women."
George Sand

(in reply to SDFemDom4cuck)

Post #: 38

RE: First Dates... - 8/23/2006 7:45:43 AM

littlesarbonn

Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline

I've been in transit, so I've only had the opportunity to read this thread, rather than post in it. But I figured a slightly alternative response might be useful.

I'll be honest. I rarely bring anything to a first date. But it has nothing to do with me being less submissive, less gentlemanly, or any other designation. It has a lot more to do with the fact that I don't really have a lot of experience when it comes to dating. In most of my relationships, it's been a dominant/submissive thing, and surprisingly (at least to me) I tended to rarely be the one initiating the contact in the first place. I only remember ever once bringing something on a first meeting, and that was because she informed me that she wanted me to bring something as a gift that would come from me, not be some kind of bought thing. So, being a writer, I wrote a short story that was designed as "hers", and she was very happy with it. Other than that, I've rarely had a chance or opportunity to consider the option of bringing anything to a first date. The last woman I dated actually brought something to me on our first date (a stuffed animal cause she knew I had a strong liking of stuffed animals, and she worked in a stuffed animal factory). So, it could easily be said that when it comes to the stereotypical male-defined activities in a growing relationship, I'd probably be deemed somewhat of a failure when it came to bringing something to a first date.

I'm not really a flowers kind of guy. I don't know, but it never really seems to be the kind of thing that I would ever bring on a date with the type of woman I would find myself dating. That may not always be the case for the future, but I'd feel somewhat awkward in such a position. But then, I don't have a lot of experience of this nature to back up saying that it would be beyond me.

As I am finally back in Northern California (just arrived last night), who knows what the future might bring for me?

(in reply to abytchgoddess4u)

Post #: 39

RE: First Dates... - 8/23/2006 11:37:22 PM

SDFemDom4cuck

Posts: 2809
Joined: 5/23/2005
From: P'burgh PA
Status: offline

lol its been nipped all right. he only embarrassed himself. peewee has been shown the error of his ways.

_____________________________

Ms Jo

She dealt her pretty words like Blades -
How glittering they shone -
And every One unbared a Nerve
Or wantoned with a Bone -

I want a sensitive man - one who'll cry when I hit him.

(in reply to abytchgoddess4u)

Post #: 40

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