RE: how do you deal with grief?

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RE: how do you deal with grief? - 8/21/2006 1:03:41 PM

SavageFaerie

Posts: 4377
Joined: 12/3/2004
From: NYC
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I have to share this
Homesick by Mercy Me
http://www.lyricsdomain.com/13/mercy_me/homesick.html

This is my solice:

You're in a better place, I've heard a thousand times
And at least a thousand times I've rejoiced for you
But the reason why I'm broken, the reason why I cry
Is how long must I wait to be with you

I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now

Help me Lord cause I don't understand your ways
The reason why I wonder if I'll ever know
But, even if you showed me, the hurt would be the same
Cause I'm still here so far away from home

I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now

In Christ, there are no goodbye
And in Christ, there is no end
So I'll hold onto Jesus with all that I have
To see you again
To see you again

And I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow

I've never been more homesick than now

This pretty much sums it up.

my dearest friend CleoVale just said to me this:

it just seems so strange to me that your dad hung on so long... and just when you Finally feel alive again.. you find your light... he lets go. almost like his soul was waiting for you to be OK before he could let go
like God knew he couldnt take him Home before you were OK again

Because my daddy knew I was really ready and all of yesterday said this.

And I cannot express how good it feels to hear this overwhelming understanding and support I have got here.

And I think the past severals days had to happen like they did. Because in my heart of hearts I had to get my ANGER out of the way to deal with this.

I would say God works in mysterious ways, but he doesnt....he does what needs to done at the precise timing when he knows we are ready

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RE: how do you deal with grief? - 8/21/2006 9:01:00 PM

diamonddreamlove

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Joined: 5/19/2006
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I lost my father to cancer 19 years ago. It was extremely hard but i stayed strong to help my mom. On July 30, 2006 my vanilla husband died suddenly from a massive heart attack which killed him instantly. I cry a lot and get lots of support from my Dom and other bdsm friends. They have stayed with me while my vanilla friends have wondered off into the sunset. There are many free grief centers around the country and you should be able to locate one that will help you out. I personally belong to a widows online group which is helping tremendously. It sounds like anger has not set in for you so far and that is wonderful. When my father died anger did not exist for me but now it is a constant. The vulture inlaws started demanding things less than 24 hrs after i found his body. They have not let up since. I keep sane by knowing i am not the only one going thro this and i continue to talk with the friends that have remained loyal to me. I am tired and sleepy from having so much anger and i hate that the anger is something that just keeps dragging me down. The main thing is to feel whatever it is you are feeling, don't let anyone tell you how you should feel and just give yourself time. Learn the stages of grief and then you can laugh when you are able to identify a new one cause you knew it was coming.

diamond

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RE: how do you deal with grief? - 8/21/2006 10:43:13 PM

CleoVale

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love you, and you know Im here for you just as you were for me when I got the call.

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RE: how do you deal with grief? - 8/21/2006 11:06:50 PM

SavageFaerie

Posts: 4377
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diamond

you know I havent thought about that really. I do have a few nilla friends. But when this hit....I came to my lifestyle friends. And the outpouring offers to help is amazing.
Yes I have had a few rounds of anger already, I am a flip flopping person with my emotions. I was mad last night, but it was misplaced anger. Yeah I am mad my daddy is gone. My youngest son cannot get over the fact that our family meeting and holiday place is no longer. 3 nights ago he felt he had to go to Possum Kingdon Lake, so he drove there in the middle of the night, because he works nights and he was off. He knew too. Talking to him tonight...he is so mad that grampa jim's house is pretty much gone. It has hit him pretty hard, and hitting my daughter, she was first married outside my dads bedroom window facing the lake. And my middle son well he just doesnt talk much, so I really dont know how he feels. But we are all around parts of our immediate family and we are a small close knit family.

Cleo,

I know I was there. I was also with your father, when he couldnt bear to let you see him, so you got to be there with him too, through me. I do what I have to do for loved ones, especially when it involves death of someone close. I turn into the take charge and get things done person. The go to and handle details, so everyone has the time to digest without wondering what they have to do. I did that today, with Boss's help. Do my dear step mom didnt have to worry and this side of the family.

And you and papi....did that for your stepmom after he did pass, while I was home taking care of the vast amount of animial bebes.

Thats what friends do.

< Message edited by SavageFaerie -- 8/21/2006 11:17:09 PM >

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RE: how do you deal with grief? - 8/21/2006 11:06:50 PM

MisPandora

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Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
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I work in transplant and deal with death on a daily basis. One of the bereavement counselors I was recently at a conference with referred me to their program's support website. Not all of it may apply, but there are at least some resources there that might be of help to you: http://www.healingthespirit.org/resources/index.php

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RE: how do you deal with grief? - 8/21/2006 11:19:32 PM

SavageFaerie

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Thank you MisPandora,

You are my Cleo's friend.

I will look at that site as well as all other ones posted on this thread.

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RE: how do you deal with grief? - 8/22/2006 6:29:05 AM

wandersalone

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As others including yourself have mentioned Sage, your emotions will change from one moment to the next...anger, sadness, grief,emptiness, laughter, disbelief etc etc. Be kind to yourself, give yourself permission to feel whatever you feel, seek out the people with whom you know you can be yourself at this sad time.

A couple of quick stories from me ... smiles... my beloved younger brother died 5 and a half years ago on christmas day, I cried for months and months and months. I was at a dinner party sitting out on the front verandah sobbing in the arms of my best friend, his shirt was covered with my mascara...so another friend came out and asked if I thought I could dry my tears long enough for all of us to eat as the other guests were starving....laughs.

I write letters to my brother still, telling him what is going on in my life, how proud he would be of his son and daughter,how our parents are still struggling with their grief for him, how much our older brother changed (for the better) and just general chatter about how I miss him and love him and love when he visits me in my dreams. I take these letters to the cemetery and attach them to the branches of the rosebush where he is buried. The writing gradually fades away because it is in the rain and heat all the time.My niece, his daughter (she was 9 when he died) reads the letters I write to her dad - I let her read them. She said something so special to me ...she said that the words fade from my letters once my brother has read them and taken the words into his heart..... smiles

Almost 6 years on and the intense feeling of loss has settled down though I still have days where I just miss my brother soooooooo much. Luckily my family talk about him a lot and we talk about the good and the not so good times.....grins, my niece and I were evil and popped our favourite barbie dolls in with him in the coffin as we knew he would hate that...laughs, he always used to break my barbie dolls when I was at kindy and I would come home to a barbie masaccre!

Let the feelings flow through you and over you and around you, let the memories drift around you, don't feel guilty for smiling or laughing when remembering something about your dad honour his life by being you

with much care and understanding

Melanie

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