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When submission creates the desire to serve. - 8/21/2006 9:18:24 AM   
darkinshadows


Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline 		 
If the title makes little sense - It was because I was stuck for a title and this is the best I could think of to maybe at least hint at what this post is about.

So I am an s-type.  This is what I am.
I am an artist.  This is my profession.  But I am fortunate because I am learning and able to do something I love.
Does this interfere with my service and submission?  Never. I would give it up in an instant if it meant he gained.  In an instant.
I submit.  I serve.  I do not do have to submit to serve, but when submissive to my dominant, my service is unquestioning, unreserved and unashamed.

If I am rambling, just skip this.  I am not really 100% sure why I am sitting her typing this.  Maybe it is the recent conversations I have had with both, non BDSM participants, as well as self-labelled submissives and slaves.  Maybe I have been stirred by reading some of the threads recently.  And finally, I also wish to tribute Akasha, for her thread (HERE) that provoked some thought, and stirred me into (finally) making this post.  I guess this is just for all those out there that are like me.
I know I am not that unique.

There is (still) an incredible stigma attached to - what I call - stay at home, service submission.  I see it time and time again.  And for the record, I am focusing on gender specific.  Male service submissives and slaves (and males in general), I feel, have a much stronger grasp on the concept, in general, than females.  It is females I seem to gain the most negativity from.

As a friend recently stated to me (and he knows who he is) – maybe all that bra burning didn’t help all women after all.

I do not have an innate desire to feel free and go out and be independent and have a wonderful job, and a life outside of BDSM.  It makes me feel restricted.  I am trapped and locked in.  Do not get me wrong – life exists outside BDSM, but my life incorporates them both together.  What frees me is serving and submitting to my dominant.  That exquisite pleasure of standing by his side, metaphorically one-step behind.  Supporting his every endeavour, sacrificing all that I am for his achievements.  Basking in his ‘glory’ as it were.  Feeling that burn within me as his ego grows and is evident.  Having that feeling of immense pride because others admire him, congratulate him, notice his meticulous attention to detail, and make comments at the incredible talent he has.

I stand in awe of his greatness.  I am lifted by his kindness, not only towards me – but others.  His intellect astounds me, his selfishness feeds me and his generosity humbles me.  His desires enlighten me, his sexuality causes me to ache and his mercy encompasses all that I am into all that he is.

So why should I want anything but to be his?  Why should I want to do anything, but serve him?  I gain no sexual release from the service itself… yet I do find it challenging and above all, gain satisfaction knowing that all that I do, only enhances what he is.  I love to wash the dishes, knowing that he has eaten the food I prepared, to his liking, to his specification – and enjoyed every last piece because I served it with total love.  I shop, fingering every item, choosing only the best, only the freshest – to please him, to feed him, to produce the most nutritional and balanced meals, to enhance his house.  I revel in washing and ironing, paying attention to every seam and crease, knowing that as I do so, when he wears these items, he will look stunning because of the love steamed into these clothes.  I bustle around the home, knowing that every particle of dust I remove, every crumb that I hover, is done in reverence to him.  I keep his house, so he has no other concerns, so he may focus on his desires and not have to waste time on anything less.
So why frown upon me, and others like me?  Why think we have no life?  He is my life.  Do people not think that I – and others like me – have no personality, no mind?  I am his equal, yet I chose to submit that equality to him.  Does it make us weak and stupid – inferior - because of ‘housewife’ mentality?  Why the shocked looks when you say you do not work outside his house – and why even more shocked looks when you explain you have no desire to?

Is it so hard to comprehend, the pleasure and excitement that is caused by serving as hostess for his gatherings?  Watching him beam as people enjoy the company, as others relax in the atmosphere of contentedness… knowing that as I serve others, I am serving and submitting to him.  Can you fathom that exquisite rapture?

I am not a mindless drone.  I am slave to his desires.  My submission makes me all I can be because of him.  His darkness and deepness stimulates my soul.  Being the very best I can be, enhancing my essence, growing and nurtured – raises him.
The light that I am, within him, makes his darkness all the more noticeable – and when he is seen, admired and congratulated by others, that is - to me - fulfilling.
Peace and Rapture


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.dark.



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RE: When submission creates the desire to serve. - 8/21/2006 9:38:23 AM   
Jasmyn


Posts: 1234
Joined: 2/6/2004
From: New Zealand
Status: offline 		Dark that was great to read and I can relate to the value you place in his endeavours, those qualities you adore and love about him, what inspires you, to be part of that, making it possible for him to do this, even if at times your contribution feels insiginificant in comparison to him and his life works ... devoted to him and his passions ...
 
I use to be of a similar mind, happy to stand in my partner's light ...placing importance in the above...admiring him from up close and afar ... the luckiest person alive.... knowing him out there and in here, behind closed doors ... it was a happy, beautiful, often serene space ...and I value having had that experience in my life ... safe and secure with someone I loved ...
 
Because I have felt it, I want it, I want another to feel that way about me, whether thats because I am the local darts champ or have invented the cure for cancer ...its not about what I have done, what success comes my way ... it's beating my own drum ...no longer standing in someone's else's light ... standing in my own light ... enjoying who I have become as much as I enjoyed been the person I was ... it's placing value in myself and my own wants, goals and talents ...something I had to learn to do ...
 
But I can admire the person serving me, appreciating there are things this person may have to give up to be with me ... placing value in that ... and in turn will consider giving up things to be with them ... I want to love them and be passionate and spontaneous with them and want to grow old with them and race wheelchairs in the halls ...

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"To learn the art of submission a slave must first give up the desires that drew him to submission in the first place." Mistress Jasmyn Jan 2005.


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RE: When submission creates the desire to serve. - 8/21/2006 9:43:16 AM   
mistoferin


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quote:

ORIGINAL: darkinshadows 
So why should I want anything but to be his?  Why should I want to do anything, but serve him?  I gain no sexual release from the service itself… yet I do find it challenging and above all, gain satisfaction knowing that all that I do, only enhances what he is.  I love to wash the dishes, knowing that he has eaten the food I prepared, to his liking, to his specification – and enjoyed every last piece because I served it with total love.  I shop, fingering every item, choosing only the best, only the freshest – to please him, to feed him, to produce the most nutritional and balanced meals, to enhance his house.  I revel in washing and ironing, paying attention to every seam and crease, knowing that as I do so, when he wears these items, he will look stunning because of the love steamed into these clothes.  I bustle around the home, knowing that every particle of dust I remove, every crumb that I hover, is done in reverence to him.  I keep his house, so he has no other concerns, so he may focus on his desires and not have to waste time on anything less.
So why frown upon me, and others like me?  Why think we have no life?  He is my life.  Do people not think that I – and others like me – have no personality, no mind?  I am his equal, yet I chose to submit that equality to him.  Does it make us weak and stupid – inferior - because of ‘housewife’ mentality?  Why the shocked looks when you say you do not work outside his house – and why even more shocked looks when you explain you have no desire to?


I think you should do what fulfills you and not worry about what anyone else thinks about it....lol.

I have done things both ways in my life. I have been a breadwinner and a stay at home housewife. I can tell you that I find both ways to be rewarding for me. But I have to qualify....when I was doing the stay at home thing.....the reason I found it rewarding is because I made it my JOB. I wasn't merely lounging around all day stagnating. My focus was on the details....and ensuring that every tiny thing was an expression of my service. I will never judge those who choose to stay at home. I would gladly do so again myself if the opportunity presented itself and was financially feasible. But staying home for me would not turn into a situation where I was wandering aimlessly and lounging my days away. I believe that if we become unproductive we become less....almost a wasting away. And yes....I have had periods of my life where I have been there too. So now, when I do have the opportunities to be in control of all of my time and not have it be regimented by career....I use that time and find something to focus on that fulfills my need to serve.

Not sure if that made any sense........

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

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RE: When submission creates the desire to serve. - 8/21/2006 10:05:46 AM   
MasterFireMaam


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From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		One of the great things that's often misunderstood about being a feminist isn't that we all declare we have no need of men...it's about declaring we have a CHOICE in how we wish to live our life. If being submissive, serving and giving your power to another is what feeds your soul, do it with PRIDE as a woman who has chosen her heart's desire. How many women in your life can say that they are living their heart's desire?

Master Fire


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RE: When submission creates the desire to serve. - 8/21/2006 10:48:14 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


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Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Important points (to me):

Any political movement will crush a few souls along the way because political movements have to broad and sweeping in order to enact change.  They will also almost always go too far extreme in order to be heard.  The feminist movement is not unique in this.  Its broadness and extremity has caused many problems.  However, no matter what problems it may have created along the way- I am grateful for the movement in allowing me the personal CHOICE to be who I am.  I may be more stigmatized today for making particular choices...but then single mothers used to be more stimatized yesterday.  I'm ok being stigmatized as long as *I* am the one making the choice that I know will be stigmatized, rather than society forcing me into such a positive.  Of course one would prefer true appreciate of diversity, but I still believe great progress has been made.

One must always be careful not to equate service to submissive.  In every type of healthy relationship I know, the people involved all serve eachother, all serve towards the relationship and all find great fulfillment in providing for the others. 

I thought your post was a great personal essay on your feelings towards service and submissive, but will highlight that it could have been written by anyone, on any side of a slash, or any type of positive relationship.

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RE: When submission creates the desire to serve. - 8/21/2006 10:53:44 AM   
SusanofO


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Status: offline 		This might be unrelated, darkinshadows, but not really, so I'll post.

I only worked about half the time I was married. My husband made an excellent living for both of us, and I really liked being a housewife. I liked my job when I had one, but wasn't in love with it, and I liked being home and cooking and cleaning, etc. Some of my friends occasionally gave me a hard time about it, but since they understood I was the kind of person who was happier at home, they didn't go on and on about it. My sister the attorney has never understood why I wanted to stay at home. I really enjoyed it. I still don't see anything wrong with it, really - and I am educated and also have many years of work experience.

It is comforting to know I could support myself if I had to do that, but if somebody likes being a housewife, I don't think it is really anyone else's business. I now have enough money to contribute financially to any household I'd become a member of, so I don't consider myself a parasite. But then again, I don't think housewives are parasites.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 8/21/2006 10:58:39 AM >

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That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

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RE: When submission creates the desire to serve. - 8/21/2006 10:55:21 AM   
darkinshadows


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quote:

I think you should do what fulfills you and not worry about what anyone else thinks about it....lol.

I have done things both ways in my life. I have been a breadwinner and a stay at home housewife. I can tell you that I find both ways to be rewarding for me. But I have to qualify....when I was doing the stay at home thing.....the reason I found it rewarding is because I made it my JOB. I wasn't merely lounging around all day stagnating. My focus was on the details....and ensuring that every tiny thing was an expression of my service. I will never judge those who choose to stay at home. I would gladly do so again myself if the opportunity presented itself and was financially feasible. But staying home for me would not turn into a situation where I was wandering aimlessly and lounging my days away. I believe that if we become unproductive we become less....almost a wasting away. And yes....I have had periods of my life where I have been there too. So now, when I do have the opportunities to be in control of all of my time and not have it be regimented by career....I use that time and find something to focus on that fulfills my need to serve.

Not sure if that made any sense........

Made sense to me erin.
My distinction - if it much of a distinction - that I do not see it as my job, but that as his submissive, it is my duty.  It is part of what I am.  And as a beloved duty, it isn't about sitting around the house or finding that suddenly, there is nothing to do.  There is always something to do because I am improving - not only for myself, but for him.  And it is his who my focus is on.  That does not mean that I lose focus off myself, because to do that would be detrimental to myself, which would be a disappointment to him.
A kind of 'Perect Circle'... I guess...
 
Peace and Rapture


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.dark.



...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

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RE: When submission creates the desire to serve. - 8/21/2006 11:01:51 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


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Joined: 10/25/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: darkinshadows
That does not mean that I lose focus off myself, because to do that would be detrimental to myself, which would be a disappointment to him.
A kind of 'Perect Circle'... I guess...
 
Peace and Rapture


To add onto this, I can say after having the opportunity to spend a month with my partner without having to work, I really would love to be able to do just a part time position if practicality allowed for it for the same reasons.  There really are so many errands to run and so much involved in keeping a house together, and I get a heck of a lot more fun out of heading to the grocery store at 2 pm on a Thursday than I do correllating spreadsheets.

At this point, making decisions that are "against tradition" is just such a part of my daily life that it wouldn't even faze me.

But, as always, it's a matter of priorities.  I don't think someone is less submissive because they truly have a fulfilling career and find it to be as integral to their lives and fulfillment as being owned by another (not that you were implying that, I just felt it a point to be made explicit).

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RE: When submission creates the desire to serve. - 8/21/2006 11:08:04 AM   
DoctorDubious


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Joined: 6/24/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: darkinshadows



So why should I want anything but to be his?  Why should I want to do anything, but serve him? 

...snip..

I am not a mindless drone.  I am slave to his desires.  My submission makes me all I can be because of him. 

Being the very best I can be, enhancing my essence, growing and nurtured – raises him.

The light that I am, within him, makes his darkness all the more noticeable – and when he is seen, admired and congratulated by others, that is - to me - fulfilling.
Peace and Rapture




Dear  .dark.  .... and all

That's a beautiful post.

It captures, I think,
much of the essence of the
yin/receptive/dark/fertile/service/femme-energy/submissive/surrendered .....


>>My submission makes me all I can be because of him

Yes!
If and when this type of submission
allows you an authentic expression of who you really are,
then an authentic life can flow out of the dance of energies
you share and exchange with yang/active/light/seeking/leading/male-energy/dom/owner....

>>The light that I am

Yes, the energy(light) that you are is indeed  .dark. in this way of seeing.

Yeah... people sometimes talk about power exchange,
which is a reasonable enough term, but perhaps a little innacurate for me.
I think of it as energy exchange,
a dance of two beautiful complementary energies....

No yin, no yang.
No yang, no yin.

I don't think they are absolute opposites,
but rather energies that are called into being
when two humans love and learn and play
and explore the more outer edges of these two primal forces of creation.

***********
Now, a part of your original post spoke
of you exploring the submissive/surrendered energy in the home.
That's a good enough place, and natural in a way.

But really, it could happen anywhere.

My sense of that is....
that your man/dom/leader/owner/lover/yang
should be a wise and thoughtful steward of his resources,
and should use his surrendered woman/sub/possession/lover/yin
in the most useful and fulfilling roles for him, the relationship, and the world.

And that could be the home,
or a profession, or a hospital, or a stage,
or a recording studio, or a dungeon, or a beach,
or anywhere...

Thanks  .dark.
It's reading stuff like this thread
(your OP, and the smart stuff of the others)
that gives me the kind of flash of understanding
that makes wading thru most of the more ordinary shit here
really feel like I'm not just a wanker wasting my time with a buncha dots on a screen.

Appreciatively

DD

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RE: When submission creates the desire to serve. - 8/21/2006 11:13:32 AM   
darkinshadows


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quote:

One must always be careful not to equate service to submissive.  In every type of healthy relationship I know, the people involved all serve eachother, all serve towards the relationship and all find great fulfillment in providing for the others. 

I think that is a key point.  You do not have to submit to serve.  I serve, my children, I serve the community.  Even by participating on the boards we are serving - whatever orientation we are.  Service isn't orientation based either.  Dominants serve - and people shouldn't be either embarressed or confused of their orientation because they have an ache to serve. 
 
quote:

I thought your post was a great personal essay on your feelings towards service and submissive, but will highlight that it could have been written by anyone, on any side of a slash, or any type of positive relationship.
Thanks Em - coming from you that means alot.  I also agree that it could have been written by any orientation.  Its something that had been ticking over in my brain for a while, and after reading Akashas thread, it felt like that was the final 'hint' I really ought to get it off my chest.
 
Peace and Rapture


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.dark.



...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

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RE: When submission creates the desire to serve. - 8/21/2006 11:20:08 AM   
darkinshadows


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From: UK
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quote:

But, as always, it's a matter of priorities.  I don't think someone is less submissive because they truly have a fulfilling career and find it to be as integral to their lives and fulfillment as being owned by another (not that you were implying that, I just felt it a point to be made explicit).

Nope, I know you didn't think that I was implying different Em - and again... an excellent point.  If people have a fulfilling career and are submissive - and thats a large section of people who practise BDSM related relationships - thats wonderful and doesnt make their relationship any less important.  My artwork is incredibly important to me... I just know that if I ever had to give it up because it would enhance his career or prospects, that I would do so.  Some people call that selfless devotion.  I would disagree.  There is nothing selfless about it in reality, because my selfishness is in his happiness and in how content he is.
 
If that makes sense.
 
Peace and Rapture


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.dark.



...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

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RE: When submission creates the desire to serve. - 8/21/2006 11:27:00 AM   
popeye1250


Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline 		My former sub wasn't much into "service."
She'd do some cooking once in a while and clean the kitchen but that was about it.
She kept her apartment but pretty much lived at my place with her unmentionable.
I did most of the cooking, cleaning, cleaned the bathrooms, laundry, took care of the grounds outside (3 acres of lawn to cut!) bills, maintainance and repair.
She was on SS disability so she didn't work either.She was kind of lazy I guess.
Hopefully, the next sub I find will enjoy "service".
And hopefully she'll enjoy wearing a sexy maid's outfit while she does it.
I'm not lazy by any stretch, I do all the things around here that need doing otherwise they don't get done as I live alone.
Being a batchelor this condo isn't the neatest place and it sure is in need of a woman's touch!
It'd be nice to find a sub who actually likes doing things around the house and who likes having me watch her go about her duties in her maid's outfit. I think just wearing a maid's outfit in itself would remind her of her submissiveness and I find that very sexy.
Nothing like being served coffee in the morning by a sexy maid! MMMMM!
And if she wanted to work outside the home that would be entirely open to her as well.
But yes, I find "service" very sexy.

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RE: When submission creates the desire to serve. - 8/21/2006 11:40:19 AM   
darkinshadows


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quote:

Nothing like being served coffee in the morning by a sexy maid! MMMMM!

Is the outfit mandatory?  Or does just stockings, or maybe just in your shirt count as well?
Peace and Rapture


_____________________________
.dark.



...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

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RE: When submission creates the desire to serve. - 8/21/2006 12:06:14 PM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
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Status: offline 		dark I find what you wrote very beautiful. It's beauty is in its ideal. As I stated in Susan's thread I think it is entirely a matter of personal preference for those involved.
My BIGGEST concern is this. From a dominant point of view I feel a responsibility for those that submit to me. For me to take that submission, put that person in my home, allowing them to serve me, take care of the home, all of the wonderful things you mention, is a beautiful image. On the flip side I am also a realist. I have seen the negative potential of this situation too many times.
My mother is the prime example. She married at age 21, gave birth to 6 children. No education beyond high school. Never worked while she was married, always "serving" her husband and children. Halfway thru the process a divorce. She was somewhat fortunate in that she got the dump of a house. BUT, she had no income choice other than a pittance of child support and welfare. Why........she had no employable job skills beyond working as a cashier at the grocery store for minimum wage. My father never thought to save money in case he wanted to leave. It was his money after all. Now my mom is 65 and living in subsidized government housing, she gets almost nothing from social security because she really never worked. She has NEVER had health insurance and always relied on bad, free medical care. She still "dates" men for favours....a 65 year old woman!

In my opinion if a dominant wants their submissive/slave to not work then they should also be able and responsible enough to think beyond the moment. To provide for the sub/slaves future. For that "what if" in 5, 10, 20 years, when things are not so romantic and rosey. If they cannot or will not do this, then in my eyes, they are doing a grave disservice to the one that is trusting in them to care for them.


_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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RE: When submission creates the desire to serve. - 8/21/2006 12:06:45 PM   
darkinshadows


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From: UK
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Thank you for Your response DD.  I always enjoy your posts and they make me think!
 
quote:

But really, it could happen anywhere.

I do agree that the dynamic isn't submissive personality defined, but is able to be in any dynamic, orientation or work position.
 
Peace and Rapture


_____________________________
.dark.



...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

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RE: When submission creates the desire to serve. - 8/21/2006 12:09:08 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		I've laways wanted to "just" take care of whomever I would serve. If there is something wrong with that, then maybe I am in the wrong place...

- Susan

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

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RE: When submission creates the desire to serve. - 8/21/2006 12:15:39 PM   
darkinshadows


Posts: 4145
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From: UK
Status: offline
Lady Tigresse
 
I completely understand and echo your concerns.  I believe you make a valuable point that submissive persons should consider.  In my way, I respond to your concerns in that whilst I willing serve and submit to him but upholding his household, it would be negligent of me to ignore improving myself.  For improving myself is not just an act for me, but a act of submission to him.  Improving my skills, insuring that I gain new skills and enhance the ones I have is an integral part of raising his profile.  What I do - who I am - and the skills that I have are not only positive and important to my growth and my future - but they make him proud as well and enhancing his profile.  What I am in attributed to him.  He makes it possible.  He is the strength and support and training.  I am what I am, because of him.
(Hoping that makes sense)
 
Peace and Rapture


_____________________________
.dark.



...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

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RE: When submission creates the desire to serve. - 8/21/2006 12:23:24 PM   
LaTigresse


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Status: offline 		dark, it makes absolute sense. I am just kind of like that awful cold wet blanket of reality. I hate seeing dreams shattered but I  know that it happens all too often. Coaching and helping women to be financially independent is important to me, dominant or submissive matters little in this regard. I just hope to lessen the number of women in my mothers position.


_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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RE: When submission creates the desire to serve. - 8/21/2006 12:28:40 PM   
popeye1250


Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline 		Susan, nothing wrong with that!
Nothing wrong with that at all!
That's a good thing!

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RE: When submission creates the desire to serve. - 8/21/2006 12:33:36 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		popeye: Well, that's good to hear. I know people appreciate the attention of a good submissive.

But - I've seen posts on here (At CM) from Dominants before, who seem to expect a submissive to be bringing home a professional-level income, and work a fifty-sixty hour work week, and then come home and be all over them. I have to wonder if they ask themselves how demanding a request that is, and perhaps slightly unrealisitc.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 8/21/2006 12:36:34 PM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to popeye1250)
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