Are stay-at-home submissives a problem?

Are stay-at-home submissives a problem? (Full Version)

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SusanofO -> Are stay-at-home submissives a problem? (8/21/2006 11:19:10 AM)
This thread was inspired by a couple of threads I've read here the past few days. What is the opinion of Doms (and Dommes) re: Stay-at-home submissives? Personally, I would be able to contribute financially to any household I'd become a member of in the future, so if I chose to stay at home (if in a LTR of course), or if my Dominant wanted me to stay at home, I don't see why it should be a problem - But - even if I wasn't able to - do some Doms equate this with being a "parasite"? My husband and I didn't see eye-to-eye on many things, but he never cared if I worked outside the home or not. Maybe he'd have felt differently if we'd needed the income, but I don't know. So, how do Dominants males (and Dommes) feel about their submissives staying at home and simply taking care of the home and them? - Susan

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Are stay-at-home submissives a problem? (8/21/2006 11:24:59 AM)
As always with me, the practical issues come first. If all of those are taken care of, I have no problems with anyone/everyone staying at home as long as the practical stuff is taken care of. To me submission/domination isn't about an ACT- which includes where you work/what you do. It's about the motivation. As long as the household is moving along happily and securely, it doesn't matter to me what any particular person happens to be doing.

DoctorDubious -> RE: Are stay-at-home submissives a problem? (8/21/2006 11:26:27 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DoctorDubious ...... exploring the submissive/surrendered energy in the home. That's a good enough place, and natural in a way. But really, it could happen anywhere. My sense of that is.... that your man/dom/leader/owner/lover/yang should be a wise and thoughtful steward of his resources, and should use his surrendered woman/sub/possession/lover/yin in the most useful and fulfilling roles for him, the relationship, and the world. And that could be the home, or a profession, or a hospital, or a stage, or a recording studio, or a dungeon, or a beach, or anywhere... DD, a repetitive old goat...

SusanofO -> RE: Are stay-at-home submissives a problem? (8/21/2006 11:26:39 AM)
Thnaks for the reply, LA. I agree. And Doctor, D - thanks for repeating yourself, he! - Susan

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Are stay-at-home submissives a problem? (8/21/2006 11:30:12 AM)
Heh, though it does remind me of a recent "Wife Swap" episode (I love that show) in which one of the wives went on about how real men do hard labor outside the house. I sadly pointed out to my older partner than he could no longer do computer systems or project management, and that my younger partner could no longer do research in labs or teach college courses because they wouldn't be doing "real men's work." Ahhhh the boxes we build.

SusanofO -> RE: Are stay-at-home submissives a problem? (8/21/2006 11:32:27 AM)
I love that show. Last week was so funny, when the woman shopaholic, who wore $1,000 clothes, was forced to feed and home-school a family of eight kids on an income of about $45 a week, or something like that. What a riot! The husband just hit the roof when she tried to dress up his seven year old daughter like she was dressed, claiming she was making his daughter look like a "Harlot". And on it went like that, all week. I do know people whose names I'd like to submit to that show, though - really. It would be too much fun to see them on there, having to deal with a polar-opposite spouse for a week. - Susan

Slipstreme -> RE: Are stay-at-home submissives a problem? (8/21/2006 11:32:54 AM)
As long as the house's income can subsist on the Master's income I don't see anything wrong with it. However, in this day and age there is such thing as just merely surviving and living comfortably, and usually the last one requires two incomes.

darkinshadows -> RE: Are stay-at-home submissives a problem? (8/21/2006 11:36:51 AM)
Well, I kinda shouldn't (hows that for good english[;)]?) be responding as I am not a dominant. I am with Em. If being at home does not interfere with praticalities then people should be free to practise what they wish without feeling guilt, or being judged as a parasite. If the person staying at home is contributing in a positive manner and not wasting their - or others time or resources - and it fulfils them, I say go for it. Feeling loved and secure within the relationship is the postivie result - how people achieve that is personal and up to them. Peace and Rapture

FirmhandKY -> RE: Are stay-at-home submissives a problem? (8/21/2006 11:37:16 AM)
My viewpoint hasn't really changed on this subject in years (well, decades, actually), but it has become more textured and nuanced. [:D] Personally, I've always preferred my other to be a "stay at home". However (and here is the nuance), I do not see requiring it. The fact is that some people need the outside contact and context, and aren't truly satisfied otherwise. While I was married, that was always the arrangement I had - she could work if she desired to do so, but her "real job" was hearth and home. Generally, she didn't work outside the home, but occasionally she would. My losttreasure currently works in a professional capacity, and as long as she wishes to continue, I'm supportive. If she chose not to in the future - that's fine by me as well. Either way, I guess as a "man", I have never considered it the woman's place to support me, although if that is the arrangement, and both people are happy with it, it's none of my business. FHky

LaTigresse -> RE: Are stay-at-home submissives a problem? (8/21/2006 11:40:48 AM)
If the economic needs of the household are met what difference does it make who works. MY biggest concern is for when the relationship ends! I would expect that the one earning the money would also have been contributing to a fund that would provide the non earning person ample money for, housing, education, if required, health insurance, and ......at some point, retirement. If this has not been done then there is a problem.

SusanofO -> RE: Are stay-at-home submissives a problem? (8/21/2006 11:41:14 AM)
Well, I do appreciate all the replies. I am trying to get to the bottom of why some feel so strongly about this. To me, if there's enough income coming into the household like LA stated, I don't see what the big deal is, and why people can sometimes get so emotional about this topic. But maybe they don't - it's just that I remember reading some threads in the past, where stay-at-home submissives were equated to parasites, etc. I agree with LasTigresse. I happen to live in an area of the country where, if I had to do it, I could support myself on a so-called "dumb" job, which I could probably land in a few days. Fortunately, I won't have to do that. But I could. Though I realize in all areas of the country, the economy is not quite so forgiving. - Susan

popeye1250 -> RE: Are stay-at-home submissives a problem? (8/21/2006 11:49:48 AM)
Susan, I just posted on that other thread but without trying to be repetitive, I think it would be great to have a submissive staying at home and taking care of the home and me! Of course she would always have the option of working outside the home or doing volunteer work etc. Living in a 3 b/r condo it wouldn't be a real "difficult" thing taking care of the place once everything was caught up. I am kind of a slob in that I don't make my bed, I have clean clothes folded and stacked on the floor instead of put away and I use my kitchen table for my "office" with all the bills and paperwork on it and things tacked up to the wall to remind me of things. (I also own another condo which is rented out so I have to maintain seperate accounts and paperwork for that as well.) So my kitchen is kind of cluttered. Three seconds after walking into this place anyone would realise that it's a "Batchelor Pad!" One of my bedrooms is, "the junk room", storage for stuff I don't use but may need at a certain point. Yup, it would be nice having a sub around the house keeping things neat. The thing is she wouldn't be "forced" to do things, she would have to like doing them and for me to like to watch her doing things around the house. In my situation money isn't too much of a problem so she could contribute what she wished say a few hundred per month. I think it would be "pissa" (as they say in Boston) to have a service oriented sub/slave around all the time! Is that what they call "1950's household" or "Victorian Household?" P.S. on Edit, I don't see how anyone could consider a submissive who stays home a "parasite." (They) are contributing just as much to the home and relationship as the other person and probably more in the household.

SusanofO -> RE: Are stay-at-home submissives a problem? (8/21/2006 11:51:42 AM)
Thanks for the reply, popeye. - Susan

juliaoceania -> RE: Are stay-at-home submissives a problem? (8/21/2006 11:53:57 AM)
On one level is takes a huge amount of trust for me to even consider not making money of my own. I have always supported me and mine even if modestly. I am more comfortable with the idea of working outside the home, and in actuality have my own long term career goals. I wouldn't mind being with someone I could work with someday. That headspace really works for me, being a team with him as captain and I think I would get much intrinsic value from it. If he wanted me to stay at home and do the necessary things that would free up his time to make more money (laundry, cooking, errands and the like) I would hope he would at least want me to work part time for my own mental wellbeing. I would not consider this step without certain legal protections like health benefits. Part of me longs to be at home taking care of him, I enjoy it immensely. I enjoy all the little chores and how peaceful he feels when things are in order, how it sets the mood for him. But I realize that I may become a drudge in his eyes if I never did anything else, I know the One I am seeing now enjoys my ability to debate and think about the world, and perhaps he would get bored with me if I didn't involve myself in the outside world?

justheather -> RE: Are stay-at-home submissives a problem? (8/21/2006 11:54:05 AM)
Susan, I can think of at least one unattached submissive who used to post here who was interested in being what she termed a "pleasure submissive". She wanted to serve her dom in a very specific manner that did not involve being expected to work outside the home OR take care of the daily duties of maintaining a home. She preferred that he be financially able and willing to hire people to do the service-type stuff (housekeeping) while she was basically a stay-at-home wife who was submissive in the bedroom and served him with backrubs and footrubs and other pleasure-inducing acts. Im sure there are dominant men out there looking for a woman like that, but most people are not in a position to support a household and hire outside workers to do the housekeeping, cooking, etc. Maybe this is the sort of arrangement that strikes a nerve with the people you are encountering who are complaining about stay-at-home subs. Anyone who has ever maintained a household (well) knows that it is a full-time, at times physically taxing, job that requires its own set of skills. Kind of like the bumper sticker that says "All mothers are working mothers"...housewives/stay at home subs and slaves who really do maintain a household for their doms do work.

PlayfulOne -> RE: Are stay-at-home submissives a problem? (8/21/2006 11:54:30 AM)
Susuan, It just depends on the situation and thoughts of those involved in the relationship. Staying home and running the house does not make one a parasite and can be a valuable contribution. Now on the other hand, we get mail from "slaves" who go on about how they wish to come and serve us. Many of them come from the midwest and when you look at their profiles it leaves you scratching you head wondering why they ever thought they should write. Oh yeah, they had some vague idea that they could move in, do the naked in chain things all day, maybe a little house work, be used, and live 15 minutes from the beach. That's a parasite. K

SusanofO -> RE: Are stay-at-home submissives a problem? (8/21/2006 11:57:47 AM)
justheather: I agree - I never had kids, so my work at home wasn't as taxing as it could have been, but - anyone who thinks being "just a housewife" is always easy has apparently never been in charge of maintaining a 13 room house...my gosh, the yardwork alone would be enough to keep me busy almost full-time. And I do hire someone else to maintain the yard. My house has four bedrooms, and three bathrooms. I am getting it fixed up to sell sometime. Hopefully, my next place will be smaller, and easier to maintain. I am liking the idea of a condo, where somebody else is in charge of things like yardwork and snow removal. Heck, right now, just carpet cleaning costs close to $1,000 a year, and I've got a substantial amount of hardwood floors, too. It's not worth the hassle. I like taking care of houses, just not over-sized houses. And it seems like a waste of space, with just me here now (although the doggies still seem to like it). I think it's the other person I like taking care of the most. Although, taking care of the house can be fulfilling for me. I like cooking more than cleaning. I like running errands for them, too. - Susan

SusanofO -> RE: Are stay-at-home submissives a problem? (8/21/2006 12:01:05 PM)
PlayfulOne: Yes, I have to wonder where some people's heads are at. I mean, if you're applying to be someone's partner, don't you think you'd be expected to do something besides "play", ever? I think I'd start to feel useless if I did nothing at all around the house. I think some folks are just looking for room-mates they can have bdsm "play" and sex with. - Susan

sleazybutterfly -> RE: Are stay-at-home submissives a problem? (8/21/2006 12:32:01 PM)
I have a built-in stipulation if I am required or preferred not to work outside of the home. I ask to volunteer someplace a few times a month. I feel this gives me a sense of helping others and also allows me to have some social time. I don't mind staying in the home, taking care of a household, kids, and a Sir.. means plenty to keep one busy. ~Andrea

CreativeDominant -> RE: Are stay-at-home submissives a problem? (8/21/2006 12:32:24 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SusanofO This thread was inspired by a couple of threads I've read here the past few days. What is the opinion of Doms (and Dommes) re: Stay-at-home submissives? Personally, I would be able to contribute financially to any household I'd become a member of in the future, so if I chose to stay at home (if in a LTR of course), or if my Dominant wanted me to stay at home, I don't see why it should be a problem - But - even if I wasn't able to - do some Doms equate this with being a "parasite"? My husband and I didn't see eye-to-eye on many things, but he never cared if I worked outside the home or not. Maybe he'd have felt differently if we'd needed the income, but I don't know. So, how do Dominants males (and Dommes) feel about their submissives staying at home and simply taking care of the home and them? - Susan I think a lot of it depends on the situation that the two people wish to find themselves in. If the submissive is happier working outside the home, then I have no problem with that. If the submissive wanted to stay home and could understand that living off one income is entirely different than living off two, I could probably deal with that although I have always had better relationships with women who worked outside the home and who had their own connections and relationships in the outside world such that they brought home things to share from an entirely different world than the one I deal in. I would have a problem with someone who came to me and expected me to support them and then proceeded to take care of the house and me at their pace and in their way and not mine or with someone who wanted to live like a two-income couple while maintaining a one-income arrangement. I would also have a problem with the so-called pleasure slaves...I've worked hard for what I have and continue to do so. The idea of having someone around who wanted me to not only work but hire someone to do 'their' work and was there only for pleasure...in all honesty and with an attempt to state this as non-crudely as possible...she would have to be a spectacular, untiring, all-accepting example of lovemaking/BDSM/D/s ecstasy enhancement and fantasy fulfillment.

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