RE: Eluding of questions

RE: Eluding of questions (Full Version)

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juliaoceania -> RE: Eluding of questions (8/22/2006 3:46:22 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Florid Thank you all for your guidance,opinions,direction and knowledge. I often ask these question like: stating a value of mine and then asking their take on it, or i would state in conversation that this is me...things that i like or dislike and then ask their feelings on them.....never nothing personal have i asked about their home life or work,unless they have brought it up first. I would truly understand then if they said "in time" . I beleive what i am hearing from all of you is that their might not be any compatibility,and be patient,and it is not the normal to be able and have generally related questions answered. Also to present my questions in an appropriate way. Thank you for giving me your time Florid It is possible that some of these doms share very different values than you so they are reluctant to share their feelings. I have had people (both vanilla and lifestyle) that misrepresented their beliefs to be similar to mine and misunderstand the fact that I could not settle for someone that was too different from myself. It always came out in the end, and I ended up not seeing them anymore. Instead of sharing your values, encourage them to share theirs, and listen to them carefully... just my thoughts

sharainks -> RE: Eluding of questions (8/22/2006 3:58:22 PM)
Florid, There is nothing wrong with what you are asking. You just want to get to know something about them as a person. To me this is a weeding out thing. If the "dom" can't manage to discuss something other than your bra size, your sexual proclivities, and what bdsm activities you like there probably isn't going to be much there for you (or me). I'm not seeking a casual play partner. I want, at a minimum, someone I can be good friends with, share a laugh with, have some good intelligent discussions with outside the realm of play.

Tamerofwild1s -> RE: Eluding of questions (8/22/2006 4:04:11 PM)
Evasion or eluding the question is just a way of not telling you what you need to know . it has nothing to do with D/s .... as af recent I was also asked about ommissions .. well thats the same thing . something that is pertinent for you to know and not offered in the beginning ...

porcelaine -> RE: Eluding of questions (8/22/2006 5:04:45 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Florid Is this a common practice in D/s' intitial contact? How should i preceive these eludements? In my experience it would depend on the nature of the questions and when they are posed. I have frequently encountered people posing questions that are definitely out of place when we've barely said hello. Those that are centered around relationships and physical intimacy are viewed the same. We simply have not reached that place to begin having these discussions. But this may be my own personal bias. I will admit that dialogues particularly focused around the lifestyle are just as annoying. I like to speak to people that have a grasp of a variety of subjects and are able to expound upon them. At times I wonder if people have forgotten that individuals do exist under the pretty labels assigned. porcelaine

windchymes -> RE: Eluding of questions (8/22/2006 5:36:14 PM)
My suspicion would be that they want to dispense with the "small talk" and get right to the wanking. If a potential dom isn't as interested in getting to know me as I am in getting to know him, then I'm no longer interested.

Lashra -> RE: Eluding of questions (8/22/2006 6:31:46 PM)
No your looking for the dance forum where you can dodge and slide to your hearts content.[;)] ~Lashra

amayos -> RE: Eluding of questions (8/22/2006 6:38:50 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Florid Master/Sirs/Dom/Dommes: I am a newbie and i am finding it quite frustrating when first talking to a possible Dom. What seems to be so routine is the fact that many elude...or pick and choice questions that i have asked to be answered by them. Most of the questions that i ask are just routine get to know one another..../values/ beliefs/morals/expections.. etc. I have asked some why they elude my questions and in general terms all have said it is part of a D/s relationship. I do understand that context of what they are saying,but what i don't understand is that there is no committed D/s relationship yet. Is this a common practice in D/s' intitial contact? How should i preceive these eludements? Florid I refuse to hand out answers to questions asked in essay form—even more so when they come to resemble a laundry list. Some questions are inappropriate to ask during a first conversation or exchange of emails, and sometimes I simply prefer my mystery for the time being. Sometimes it's not what is being asked, but HOW it's being asked. But above all things, keep in mind that refusing to answer is not a sign of falsity, nor is answering every question a sign of truth.

marieToo -> RE: Eluding of questions (8/22/2006 8:42:05 PM)
Reply to OP: Unless the questions were inappriately personal for a brand new correspondence that has just begun, I would probably become suspect. I cant imagine any reason why a potential dominant or submissive for that matter would hesitate to share some general information about their desires, goals, beliefs etc. I mean, I wouldnt ask someones name and address right away or anything like that, or interoggate someone. But they should be willing and able to share enough info so that you can each begin the process of determining if you have enough in common to continue. And I think this goes both ways. If they are shady about their home life, what kind of work they do ( I dont mean naming the exact company), whether or not theyve ever been married, have children, if they want poly or exclusive etc. If they're holding back on this type of info, Id drop it like a hot potato. I mean, if the two people arent going to talk about themselves, what are you supposed to do? Talk about the weather?

DiurnalVampire -> RE: Eluding of questions (8/22/2006 8:47:28 PM)
There are certain topics that I will not answer questions on until someone has gotten to know me better. It has nothing to do with being elusive, but more being a private person. I do not open everything about myself up to someone right away, thats just not how I am. As we get to know one another better, you will learn more about me. asking certain things off the bat of someone you dont yet know is perfectly normal. Likes, dislikes, and things of that nature. But getting deeper into someones personality can often take a bit more time. I wouldnt worry about them eluding questions, depending on what those questions might be. My 2 cents DV

TemptingNviceSub -> RE: Eluding of questions (8/22/2006 9:10:34 PM)
It seems to me that generally when you are first starting to know someone you start with the siple questions and see hwre the conversation goes..You need not know it all in one single conversation but as the contact becomes more frequest so too does the exchage of info become more involved..With that being said..you do have to look out for more and more frequent evasions..or simply conversation only applying to the D/s or the BDSM aspects..if that is the only context that they can communicate then you must think ..."is this all I want in this relationship?"..without getting to know someone in all aspects of their personality would leave me feeling cautious,mistrustful and generally wary with no possibility of any closeness or trust developed....Tempting

juliaoceania -> RE: Eluding of questions (8/22/2006 10:05:15 PM)
To the people that do not like to be asked questions right away, it is an unpleasant fact that dominants contact us and try to establish a connection even after reading we want a Chrisian, or a Liberal, or that we do not date sadists, or switches. Some email us when they desire poly even though we have it listed on our profile as a hard limit to save everyone time. If they are establishing contact you cannot take it as a given that they A) read your profile or B) respected its contents. I do not think some laundry lists are uncalled for if they are deal breakers as long as you do not interrogate the individual, or give away too much personal information. But that is just me, and my experience maybe jaded as several conservatives have more or less lied to me about their views thinking they could change me. That tends to make one wary.

MzMinx -> RE: Eluding of questions (8/22/2006 11:52:58 PM)
the same happens to dominants smiles ... many submissives are not any more open or truthful .... some bend there truths to appear more compatable .. some dont share what they think will not be acceptable ... etc

Wolfie648 -> RE: Eluding of questions (8/23/2006 2:45:27 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Florid Master/Sirs/Dom/Dommes: I am a newbie and i am finding it quite frustrating when first talking to a possible Dom. What seems to be so routine is the fact that many elude...or pick and choice questions that i have asked to be answered by them. Most of the questions that i ask are just routine get to know one another..../values/ beliefs/morals/expections.. etc. I have asked some why they elude my questions and in general terms all have said it is part of a D/s relationship. I do understand that context of what they are saying,but what i don't understand is that there is no committed D/s relationship yet. Is this a common practice in D/s' intitial contact? How should i preceive these eludements? Florid Great question. Personally when I 'elude' a question it is because I have already answered it; probably more than three times. One may not recognise that I have answered it but then one should spend some time in reflection about the things I have said/written etc. I am not saying that this is what everyone does. I am not saying this is what the majority of people do. It works for me. As someone who is new you are also fighting against 'what everyone else knows'. You're the new kid in gr 11 when everyone else has been hanging out for 4 years. There's going to be some rough knocks. Keep yourself safe and stay the course. It's worth it. D (owner of j).

Florid -> RE: Eluding of questions (8/23/2006 4:24:57 AM)
Thank you all for responding to my question. I have learned a great deal from you All. Florid

juliaoceania -> RE: Eluding of questions (8/23/2006 9:11:09 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MzMinx the same happens to dominants smiles ... many submissives are not any more open or truthful .... some bend there truths to appear more compatable .. some dont share what they think will not be acceptable ... etc Very true...

KnightofMists -> RE: Eluding of questions (8/23/2006 9:17:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Florid Is this a common practice in D/s' intitial contact? How should i preceive these eludements? Florid NO... and Percieve them as HUGE red flags!!!

SexyRed -> RE: Eluding of questions (8/23/2006 9:30:38 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: porcelaine [ In my experience it would depend on the nature of the questions and when they are posed. I have frequently encountered people posing questions that are definitely out of place when we've barely said hello. Those that are centered around relationships and physical intimacy are viewed the same. We simply have not reached that place to begin having these discussions. But this may be my own personal bias. I will admit that dialogues particularly focused around the lifestyle are just as annoying. I like to speak to people that have a grasp of a variety of subjects and are able to expound upon them. At times I wonder if people have forgotten that individuals do exist under the pretty labels assigned. porcelaine I do so agree with this. There are so many inappropriate questions that people ask too soon, instead of letting things go naturally. I feel there is a way to ascertain things about a prospective partner without asking blunt, intrusive questions. The best and easiest way to get to know someone and see how honest they are, is consistency.

sharainks -> RE: Eluding of questions (8/24/2006 3:07:14 AM)
For myself I usually state a few simple things about myself and then say something to the effect of wanting to know anything about them that they are comfortable sharing at that point in time.

KatyLied -> RE: Eluding of questions (8/24/2006 3:48:52 AM)
I would be suspicious of someone who wouldn't answer questions. But first I would look at how I was asking them. It's not good to present a person with a list of questions, like you are checking off areas of compatibility. It's better to get to know them as a person first. That way you share, in conversation many things. He does some inquiring, you do some inquiring, you answer, it leads to other questions, and things unfold in a reasonable manner.

ownedgirlie -> RE: Eluding of questions (8/24/2006 9:43:25 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: amayos quote: ORIGINAL: Florid Master/Sirs/Dom/Dommes: I am a newbie and i am finding it quite frustrating when first talking to a possible Dom. What seems to be so routine is the fact that many elude...or pick and choice questions that i have asked to be answered by them. Most of the questions that i ask are just routine get to know one another..../values/ beliefs/morals/expections.. etc. I have asked some why they elude my questions and in general terms all have said it is part of a D/s relationship. I do understand that context of what they are saying,but what i don't understand is that there is no committed D/s relationship yet. Is this a common practice in D/s' intitial contact? How should i preceive these eludements? Florid I refuse to hand out answers to questions asked in essay form—even more so when they come to resemble a laundry list. Some questions are inappropriate to ask during a first conversation or exchange of emails, and sometimes I simply prefer my mystery for the time being. Sometimes it's not what is being asked, but HOW it's being asked. But above all things, keep in mind that refusing to answer is not a sign of falsity, nor is answering every question a sign of truth. I retract Item 24.b on page 16, Section 12. [;)]

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